MLP meets ___!

by EpicStory

Chapter 5: The Internet

Another victory, another party, another cupcake overdose. Only this time, my head hurts half as much and I've managed to remember more of the party. I swear Barry has been drawing roofies into my cupcakes.

There's one thing different from the first time though. When I try to get out of bed, I can't because some pony's hoof is draped over me. I freak out a little, but not so much that it's insulting. I turn my head to make sure it's who I think it is. It's Luna, still sleeping and looking absolutely peaceful. I'm trying to remember if we did 'something' last night. She slowly starts to wake up.

"Mmmmm...morning." She says as she nuzzles up to me.

"Heeeeeey!" I say nervously. "Uh...not to sound weird or anything but, did we do anything...you know..."

"Hmm?" She says. "No, we just slept."

"Oh, ok." I say calmly. I didn't want to say something stupid like 'Oh thank God!'

"Of course, that doesn't mean I didn't try." She says with a sultry smile on her face.

"Oh!" I say with little idea of how to respond.

"In fact, I may just want to try and convince you again." She says while holding me tight.

"Uhhhhh..." I mutter while I think of what I really want to say. I don't want to just say no, but I'm still human at heart and this looks kind of weird in my head. I just don't know what to say, 'Yes', 'No', 'Yes and slap my ass 'till it's black and blue.'

"Hmmm...maybe I have to decide for y..." She tarts to say before she starts to glitch out. I mean she actually starts to have pixels swarm around her and stuff.

"Luna! What's wrong?!" I ask frantically.

It stops after a couple of seconds. But when it stops, she begins to look around the room, dazed and confused. Then she looks at me, looks at us in the same bed, then back to me, she screams. But not the feminine scream I was expecting, but a MANLY scream, followed by: "What the shit is happening here?"

"Whoa, who the fuck are you?" I ask this impostor.

"No fucker, who the fuck are you, where the fuck am I, and why do you look like an MLP character?" The impostor asks.

"What do you mea...wait...your voice...are you...are you Matt?" I ask the impostor.

"Uhhh...yea." He says.

"Matt from 'Two Best Friends Play with Matt and Pat'?" I ask.

"Yea, what about it?" He asks.

Without hesitation, I rush out of bed and head for the window. When I look outside, all hell has broken loose. A giant, somewhat demonic Discord is fighting a giant version of Rainbow Dash, a pink ball of fluff is stalking Queen Chrysallis, Derpy is back, she is mad, firing lasers from her eyes and I can see at least a dozen copies of the mane 6.

"Oh my god, Equestria has fused with the Internet!" I say.

"My god...this looks badass!" Matt says behind me.

"You may be right, but I have to fix this. Time to TP to Canterlot!" I say just before using a teleportation spell. When I arrive in Canterlot, I run as quick as I can to Celestia's throne room. Then, I get a grabled note from Barry. The message makes me run faster. When I reach the door, I can hear muffled screams. I ram the door down.

"Princess Celestia!" I yell as I rush through the door.

She is sitting on her throne, but something is off about her. Her mane is a different color and she's giving me a weird look.

She giggles. "Not exactly." She says in a sultry voice.

"Aw shit, you're Princess Molestia." I say bluntly. As I try to leave, I crash against another pony and fall backwards onto the floor. When I look up to see who it is, I see Luna.

"Oh, Luna, it's you." I say with a sound of relief in my voice.

She giggles the same way Molestia did. "Wrong again." Luna says.

"...And you're Lusty Luna...balls." I say.

Behind me, I can hear more muffled screams behind Celestia's throne. I can see two Princess Celestia's, Twilight and a Princess Luna tied up and ball gagged.

"Luna?!" I yell.

The Luna tied up nods her head frantically. I teleport past LL and Molestia and undue Luna's gag.

"Epic!" She gasps. "Thank the stars you're here!"

"Hey, the hero always saves the princess." I say with a smug grin. She grins back.

I hear Molestia and LL clearing their throats.

"Those are our princesses. Wait your turn." Molestia says seductively.

"Get lost or I'll use the 'Platonic Relationship' spell I invented." I bluff.

It works, seeing as both Molestia and LL run out of the throne room like bats out of hell. With them gone, I turn and undo the others gags. The first Celestia I untied was the Original Celestia.

"Thank you Epic." She says gratefully. "I don't want to know what that doppelganger would have done to me."

"I do, and you'd either feel awkward or learn to like it." I say bluntly. She stares at me blankly as I undo Twilight's gag.

"Yea, he's right." Twilight confirms before she trots off.

When I undo the other Celestia's gag, she bursts into anger.

"What the fuck is going on, where the fuck am I, why am I a horse, who the fuck are you shitlords and when can I fuck that horse with the glorious ass?" She says with a mans voice.

"Ok, first of all, Pat?" I ask. He nods. "Good. 1. You almost got molested by two sex crazed alicorns. 2. You are in the MLP universe. 3. Your 'Two Best Sisters Play' personas and your real life consciousness' have entered this universe due to a time space rift. 4. I'm Epic Story, I came here via a Loony Toons mechanic, this is Princess Celestia and Luna, the real ones, and the one that just left was the Twilight from Molestia's universe. And 5. Knock yourself out bitch."

"Wait, 'personas'?" He asks. "As in plural?...Matt is here too, isn't he?"

"Yup." I say.

Pat rushes out of the room, screaming:

"Matt's not getting my bitches this time, see ya' later, fuckers!"

The three of us guess that Pat would 'distract' the two long enough for us to escape. As we run through the castle, we hear Molestia and LL in the distance.

"I can't believe we fell for that lie!" Molly says. "Oh, I'm going to punish that unicorn for days under my glorious ass!"

"Don't forget to give me a piece of him before he breaks, sister." Lusty Luna adds.

I gulp and lead us another direction in the castle. We duck and weave through the corridors. Somehow, the two managed to get ahead of us, so we dived into the nearest room we could find. We wait a few moments for them to pass, then realize that the room is occupied. Sitting on two beanbags are none other than Gamer Molly and Gamer Luna, playing Infamous: Second Son on the PS4.

"Luna!" Molestia yells from the other side of the door. "Are there any clones of you and me and a unicorn in there with you?"

We look at Gamer Luna, shaking our heads frantically, hoping she would cover for us.

"No sister!" She replies. "Please, leave me alone, will you?"

Without a word, Molestia and LL trot away.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"Don't mention it." She replies.

The three of us wait a moment and then proceed to sneak out of the castle. We manage to find a moment to relax on the edge of the Everfree Forest.

"Epic," Luna says. "This is getting out of hoof. We need to find a way to fix this."

"You're right." I reply. "There isn't a straight forward way to deal with situation. We'll have to use a convoluted, scientific method of dissolving this conundrum and restoring this plane of existence to a 'stabilized' state."

The two princesses stare at me. While I stare into the distance in deep thought, I see something fading in and out...something blue.

"And I know just the butter loving, pear hating, son of a bitch for the job." I say with a grin as I run toward the object with Celestia and Luna just behind me.

===========================================================================

We are now inside the TARDIS with Dr. Whooves, his assistant, Dittzy Doo, Derpy Hooves and their new addition, Tick Tock. As I explain the situation to the Doctor, he is scanning me with his sonic screwdriver while Dittzy serves Celestia and Luna tea and muffins and Tick Tock tinkers in the corner.

"So, you entered this world in order to help combat a mercenary with mutant abilities and have been here ever since?" Asks Dr. Whooves.

"That's about the sum of it." I reply.

"And now, creations of those that view this world from beyond this universe have begun running wild and, unlike the others that have come here, you don't have a conventional method of removing them from this world?" He asks again.

"You've hit the nail on the head, doctor." I say.

"But if your friend Barry can take things in and out, why doesn't he?" Asks Dittzy.

In response, I show her the note from Barry that he gave me as I looked for Luna and Celestia, saying:

Tablet is on the fritz. You're on your own for a week.

"Oh...never mind." Derpy says and turns back to eat her muffins.

"But if all the other duplicates are metaphysical manifestations of fan-made media, why and how are we here?" The Doctor says.

"It could be possible that you three are real...visiting a parallel universe! Wouldn't be the first time, would it?" I theorize. "That explains the 'how'. As for 'why', I'm pretty sure the TARDIS sends you to places in time to save the day. Ever notice how you almost always show up in time to interfere with trouble?"

"Hmmm...I'm gonna have to have a talk with the TARDIS after this." He says.

"So, Doctor, we need a way to end this before somepony gets..." I start to say before the Doctors laughing cuts me off. I respond with a quick 'conk' to his head.

"Ow! What was that..."

"Focus Doctor! The fate of this universe is in our hooves!" I say.

He starts to laugh again, so I hit him again.

"Stop hitting me!" He says.

"Stop laughing at the grammar I have no control over!" I say back to him. "Look, if you take this seriously, when Barry's tablet starts working again, I'll have him make you ginger."

"Ginger?! You're on! Come along Ditzy, Tick Tock, Avante!" The Doctor shouts triumphantly.

"Why he cares so much about being ginger, I'll never know." Derpy says.

"Oh, that reminds me, Doctor?" I say.

"Hm, yes?"

"Why pears?" I ask.

"Moving on..." He responds in a serious voice as we make our way out of the TARDIS. Luna and Celestia begin to follow us, but I get in their way.

"Luna, Celestia, I need you to stay in the TARDIS." I say.

"We will do no such thing!" Celestia says with a royal tone. "Our subjects are in danger and we must..."

"Survive." I cut her off. "I can't guarantee your safety until Barry's tablet is fixed. Until then, you two need to be guarded and there is no safer place than the TARDIS." I turn to Luna. "I don't want to lose you."

Luna and I hold a deep stare into each others eyes for a moment.

"Sister," Luna says. "We're staying here."

Celestia gives Luna and I each a stern look, but eventually...

"Very well." She says as she turns back.

As I turn to face Luna again, she blindsides me with another kiss.

"If you don't come back..." She says while her hoof strokes my face.

I place my hoof on hers. "I will." Then, we make our way out of the TARDIS.

===========================================================================

As the four of us exit the TARDIS, we stop dead in our tracks. Now, we see dozens of TARDIS' scattered in the field and coming out of everyone is a different Doctor...except one that clearly belongs to Discord Hooves. The Doctor and Derpy with me stand with their jaws wide open. Tick Tock's mouth is closed, but his eyes are as wide as all of ours. After a few seconds, I break the silence...

"Well...at least there aren't any Daleks or Cyber-ponies!"

And just like that, a hole rips open in the sky, and pouring out are the trademark ships of both Daleks and Cyber-ponies. All three of my guests look at me with a disappointed look on their faces. My response is simple:

"...Balls...back in the TARDIS...NOW!"

The four of us rush back in the TARDIS and slam the door behind us.

"Ok, I'm out of ideas...anypony else?" Says the Doctor.

"If I may interject and possibly bring about a solution to this metaphysical conundrum." Says Tick Tock.

"By all means my gingercorn frie..." The Doctor says before he is cut off when we notice what Tick Tock is holding in is hoof.

It is a slim, square shaped device. The back is made of a lightweight material while the front is a glass-like surface.

"...That's a tablet...You made a tablet?" I ask stupefied.

"If that is what it's supposed to be." He replies. "I made it a few months ago, wondering what the result would be if I used some of the TARDIS's spare parts inside a slim container with a touch enabled screen."

While every pony in the room was occupied getting their jaws off the floor, I was laughing my plot off.

"Leave it to the pony that made the can opener before the can to make the tablet before the internet!" I say in approval.

"Ok, now you have a 'tablet'." Luna says. "Will you be able to use that to restore order to Equestria?"

"Not yet..." I say as I think of a solution. "Doctor, I need you to use the TARDIS to upgrade the software in this tablet. While you do that, Celestia, Luna, Tick Tock, and myself, will pour as much magic into it as we can. Hopefully, the combination of science and magic will be potent enough to give this device the ability to send these ponies back to where they came from."

"Oooo, ooo, ooo, what can I do?!" Asks Derpy.

"Just...don't sit on anything. I'm sorry, but you know why." I respond as truthfully as I can.

The Doctor snickers and says under his breath: "Bubble butt."

Derpy gives him a good conk on the head and calls him fat.

"Stop it!" I yell at the two. "Doctor, if you'd please?"

The Doctor walks over to the console, grabs a cable, and plugs it into the tablet.

"Okay, updating software, increasing memory size, calibrating touch interface for hooves and magic," the Doctor mumbles. "Oh, Epic, do you wan't me to set up a Tumbler page for you? I'll make it so you can hear 'asks' like we do in the Zero Room."

"What, sure whatever," I tell him. "Are you almost done?"

"Getting there!" He responds. "Would be faster if this ran off Linux...damn Windows RT..."

"It'll do for now." I say, waiting for the upload to finish. After a few minutes, the Doctor gives me the nod. "Alright, everypony ready?"

While the other three magic users nod, the Doctor snickers. I gesture Derpy and she conks him on the head for me.

"Thanks Derpy," I say with a grin. "Now, on the count of three, pour as much magic energy into it as you can. Doctor, can you monitor the levels and tell me when it hits 100%?"

"Yeah, sure." He says with a scowl as he rubs the bump on his head. He pushes some keys and turns some knobs until a screen drops down with a percent gauge. "All set."

"Okay." The four off us move so we face the tablet from four directions, Luna and Celestia across from each other and me across from Tick Tock. "One...two...three!"

With perfect sync, we direct our magic at the tablet. I use every ounce of concentration I have and the others do the same as the Doctor reads off percentages:

"10%....25%...40%!"

The energy starts to emanate around the tablet. I start to feel a little weak. I can tell that Tick Tock is too. Luna and Celestia look fine, but I can see them sweating.

"58%....72%....90%, keep it up just a little...100%! Kill the power!" The Doctor yells.

We immediately shut down our magic. Tick Tock and I drop to the floor. Celestia is panting but Luna rushes over to me.

"Epic, are you okay?!" She asks as she holds me in her hooves.

"Ugh...yeah...I'm fine..." I say in a drained voice. "*cough*, you know...I think after this is done...I'll take you out on a proper date...and maybe...I'll take you up on your 'proposal'."

She laughs "I think I'd like that. But first things first."

Luna helps me back on my hooves and I pick up the tablet with magic.

"Alright, time to see if this works." I say as I fire up Photoshop. "Ok, clicking on his mane..." As I say it, The Doctor's mane has a dotted out line.

"What the?" The Doctor blurts out.

"Lets start with a 'Weasley' shade, shall we?" I click on the 'custom pallet' and pick out a shade of red for the Doctors mane and, sure enough, his mane turned ginger.

"HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! YES! FINALLY, I'M A GINGER!" He yells at the top of his lungs, dancing around the TARDIS.

"Aaaaannnnnddd...undo." And the Doctors mane changed back to normal.

"Oi! Why did you change it back?" He asked angrily.

"To make sure that any changes I make can be reversed." I respond. He calms down when he sees my logic. "Now, lets see if I'm able to manually take out these 'visitors'."

===========================================================================

I walk outside and find that it has gotten even more out of control. Now the "Dash Pad" is in Ponyville and Epic Dash is blowing everything up, more specifically, the Dalek and Cyber-Pony ships. It takes her only a minute to finish all of the ships. Then, she jets back to the "Dash Pad".

"Damn," I say in response. "I was really hoping to party with those mares...and that one stallion, maybe. But, I have to test this on something."

I click on the "Dash Pad" displayed on the tablet to try and delete it, but it won't work.

"Balls...then again, I don't want to erase them from existence." With that in mind, I start to think up an alternative. After a minute, I click on the "Dash Pad" again and select 'Create Custom Effects'. In a minute, I program an effect titled 'Return Home'. When I hit 'Execute', the "Dash Pad" and it's in inhabitants slip into a wormhole that appears beneath them. After a few seconds, the wormhole disappear's and the "Dash Pad" is gone. While I admire my work, I check the power levels on the tablet. The power dropped from 100% to 91% in a second.

"Wow, this thing uses up a lot of magic! I better get this done quick."

===========================================================================

After spending about a half-hour removing almost all remnants of the Internet from Ponyville, the tablet has only 10% power left. The only ponies left to send back are the Doctor, Derpy, Tick Tock, Matt and Pat.

"Thanks for your help you three." I say to the time-travelling trio.

"No problem," The Doctor says. "Oh, I almost forgot! I put in a feature on your tablet so it will recharge automatically by drawing in the magic around it and will only take 3 hours. The downside is that it won't start recharging until you hit 0%, so use up every last drop once we leave."

"Thanks for the tip!" I say. "I hope we meet again someday...maybe when it's less crazy."

The Doctor and I think about what I just said and we both bust out laughing. Derpy and Tick Tock look at each other in confusion, shrug and get in the TARDIS, dragging the Doctor by his hind legs as he continues laughing. With all three of them in the TARDIS, I send back to their own universe. Then I turn to Matt and Pat.

"Alright you shitlords!" I say, milking my ability to swear again, knowing it will disappear as soon as they go home. "It's time to go home, you scrubs."

"Awwww, but me and the nympho horse we going at it for hours!" Pat whines.

"Oh god, just send us back already!" Matt groans. "I want to get back to my human girlfriend and eat ice-cream sandwiches!"

"Alright fine." I say to them. "Oh, and tell 2Snacks he needs to start animating 'Super Best Princesses Brawl'!

'Wait, what...?" They say together.

"See ya' fuckers!" I yell as I send them back home.

As the final wormhole closes, all the citizens of Ponyville gather around me and start to cheer. Without hesitation, Pinkie Pie shows up and blasts confetti in my face.

"Another day, another apocalyptic disaster averted, another party!" She says cheerfully.

"Actually Pinkie, you can have the party without me." I say as Luna walks up beside me. "I promised a special somepony I'd take her out on a date."

//////////////////END OF CHAPTER/////////////////

Author's Note:

Holy crap, sorry for the horrible delay! School, work, writers block, and procrastination hit me like a truck!. Sorry if this chapter ended up doing a "Duke Nukem Forever".

Anyway, as mentioned in the middle, I plan on doing an 'Ask' blog on Tumbler because REASONS! 'Murica! Plus, maybe it will give me ideas for more crossovers and help with putting image to text.

I want to do it with drawn replies like most of the popular 'Ask' blogs, but I can't draw worth a damn. So, if you know someone that is willing to do it, let me know PLZ!

(This is a work of fandom. I do not claim any of the properties portrayed in this story.)

Specific fan based mediums referenced are:

Doctor ooves and Assistant, Fluffle Puff, .mov series, Ask Princess Molestia (now disbanded), Ask Discord Hooves, Two Best Friends/Sisters Play, Dash Pad, Epic Derp

Comments

[Psycho]

*head explodes from all the awesome*
Cleanup, Aisle 4!

[Americanwastelander]

Da fuk did I just read? Whatever it was DAMN it was funny. Bossness writer. bossness