Deadpool appears in Ponyville and brings chaos! After that, the forth wall lets every kind of hell loose!
The fourth wall separating Marvel from MLP comes down and guess who does it? Everyone's favorite merc with a mouth, Deadpool! Now, a new series of wacky adventures between the MLP universe and all others begins. What kind of crazy goes down in this town? Read to find out!
Our story takes place in Manhattan of the Marvel universe. We can see two of Marvel’s superheroes, Iron Man and Dr. Strange having a heated discussion in the middle of a street.
"Magic is a bunch garbage!" Says Iron Man. "Everything in this world, and any other world, can be explained with science!"
"Magic holds the answers that science has never even come close to revealing!" Dr. Strange responded. "Plus, magic looks pretty.
"You're a doctor, a doctor for god’s sake!" Iron Man yells. "You should be able to tell that science is more reliable and, frankly, badass as all fuck!"
As the two continue arguing, Deadpool is watching from a nearby alley. He is sitting in a lawn chair, eating popcorn.
"Good thing we decided to watch this instead of going to the movies." Said Deadpool's crazy voice. "It’s free and not total shit."
"Plus it will probably spur some flame wars in the comments and forums." Said Deadpool's calmer voice.
"Alright, that’s it. Bring it magic boy!" Says Iron Man as he charges his unibeam.
"Fine by me tin man." Says Dr. Strange.
Dr. Strange begins to cast a spell. Just before they unleash their attacks, Deadpool sneezes. The two are both caught off guard and direct their attacks just behind Deadpool. The unified attack creates a wormhole, which begins pulling Deadpool towards it.
"Hey, breaking the fourth wall is my thiiiiiiiiing!" Deadpool screamed as he was sucked into the wormhole.
Meanwhile, the citizens of Ponyville are going about their day without a care in the world. Twilight Sparkle and her friends are gathered at Sugar Cube Corner, enjoying the day together. However, their day is interrupted when a wormhole opens at the center of town. A few nearby ponies gather near the portal with inquisitive minds. Then, Deadpool tumbles out of the wormhole, which immediately disappears. Deadpool is dazed for a few moments, then looks around, with a sense of wonder. The ponies are looking at Deadpool with confused and surprised looks on their faces.
"Woah!" Says Deadpool, shocked.
"An entire world made of diverse technicolor equine species...da fuk?"
"Da fuk is right! Look at this place! It’s so colorful and happy. It makes me feel at one with my emotions...or maybe I’m just hungry for chimichangas."
"Chimichangas."
"Definitely chimichangas, maybe tacos from Samantha’s."
"Man, my video game kicked major ass!"
While Deadpool looks around, the Mayor of Ponyville walks up to Deadpool.
"Hello, strange visitor!" She says cheerfully. "Welcome to Ponyvil..."
"Holy shit! A talking horse!" Deadpool shrieks. Kill it!Kill it!
Without hesitation, Deadpool whips out his sword and chops the top of the Mayor’s head. All the other ponies scream and run in panic. Deadpool starts shooting ponies left and right, occasionally saying 'Bang Bang' as he fires. Twilight and her friends, who have been watching from a far, make their way towards the outskirts of the city, leading as many of the ponies as they can to safety. Deadpool takes aim at the fleeing ponies, until a pony falls out of the sky, Derpy Hooves.
"Gosh, I’m sorry if I scarr... wow!" Says the innocent Derpy Hooves. "You look cool, mister! My names Derpy Hooves. Do you want to be friends?"
Deadpool stares at Derpy, gun still pointed at her. Then, he imagines him riding Derpy, dressed in matching Deadpool costumes, raining bullets on the people below. He imagines a new line of comic books of him and Derpy titled: 'The Adventures of Deadpool and Derpy aka Team Double D!' Finally, a team-up that sounds both awesome, clever, and boob related! Deadpool immediately lowers his gun.
"Yes. Yes I do!" He says. "My names Deadpool. Can I ride you?"
"Sure thing!" Derpy replies.
Now, Deadpool rides on Derpy and the new duo begin raining bullets and causing havoc all through Ponyville.
All surviving ponies have taken refuge in a cave on the outskirts of the city. Twilight is trying to calm everyone down, but Fluttershy is making it difficult.
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear..." Fluttershy repeats over and over.
"Fluttershy, calm down!" Twilight says to Fluttershy. "You need to calm down. Everything is going to be okay."
"What part of this is going to be alright?" Rainbow Dash interjects. "Everypony is either freaking out or dead!"
"Lay off of her Rainbow Dash!" Applejack says. "She's trying her best!"
While they bicker and argue as to how to deal with the problem, a pencil appears and draws me. I have brown hair, a five o'clock shadow, pale skin, dark jeans, and a black shirt that says 'Meh.'
"Thanks Barry!" I say to Barry, the off screen animator.
All eyes are on me. Everypony is either curious or scared. Twilight walks up to me with trepidation.
"Who are you?" She asks. "How did you get here?"
"My name is not important." I say. "As for the means of my being here, it is simple, when Deadpool is present, fuck the fourth wall!"
For a moment, life pauses and words appear saying 'Looney Toones animating skit bitches!' After a few seconds, life resumes.
"All you need to know is that I’m here to help get Deadpool out of here!" I say reassuringly. "He is way too cool to be in a place like...this."
Rainbow Dash flies over to me and gets in my face.
"What do you mean by ‘a place like this’?!" She asks angrily.
"What do you think I mean?!" I reply. "He is an immortal mercenary in a world full of multi-colored ponies!"
"Well, what kind of world does he belong in?" Asks Rarity, who seems insulted by my words.
"How about the world he came from!" I reply angrily. "The one with literally dozens of superheroes that can either tolerate or defeat him!"
In the middle of their argument, thunder booms outside. Twilight, her friends and I look outside and see skeletons rising from the ground. The skeletons walk to Deadpool and kneel before him. In the sky, there is a visage of a female figure with a skull for a face.
"Thanks Death, you sexy ass beast!" Deadpool says to the woman in the sky.
I’ma sex you up proper one of these days!
Indeed.
"See you next time you die, my love." She says.
While the ponies are distracted by the sight, I break the silence.
"Shit!" I say. "Death gave him a fucking army!"
"Death?!" Twilight exclaimed. "That was Death?"
"Yup." I responded. "Deadpool died a while back and the two of them got...close. But his wounds heal quickly and he was cursed with immortality so he can’t really stay dead."
"What do you mean by ‘close’?" Fluttershy asks.
I whisper in to Fluttershy’s ear. Her face turns red. The ponies begin to squabble again until I break the silence.
"Well, there is only one way to help you guys now." I say. "Barry, Code A-2012!"
The eraser side of a pencil shows up and erases the six main ponies. Then, the pointy side of the pencil draws them again as the pony version of the Avengers. Twilight becomes Iron Man, Applejack is Black Widow, Rainbow Dash is Thor, Pinkie Pie is Cpt. America, Rarity is Hawkeye, Fluttershy is the Hulk. The ponies around them marvel at their new forms. The mock-Avengers inspect their new forms.
"There, you are now the Pony Avengers!" I say triumphantly. "You now have the tools and powers to beat Deadpool and his army. Now, go forth and..."
Vinyl Scratch shows up and interrupts my speech.
"Hold on a minute!" She says. "I want some cool powers and stuff!"
"Wait, why do you want to fight?" Twilight asks.
"Because the internet loves me" She says with a smug grin.
"You don't have to tell me twice." I say.
I think about her request and try to come up with an idea. Then, it hit me.
"Barry, Code WM-2010!"
The pencil appears again and changes Vinyl Scratch into War Machine.
"Wait, something isn't right." I say, looking up at Barry. "Don’t you think?"
The pencil then erases the mini gun and replaces it with a mini Bass Cannon.
"Now that is bitchin' as all fuck!" I say proudly. "Now, get out there and kick some ass!"
The Pony Avengers cheer and leave the cave to fight. As I stand there in a triumphant pose, the pencil creeps up on me attempting to erase me and do some wacky shit to me. But before the pencil gets too close, I pull a gun on the pencil.
"You really wanna play this game, bitch?!" I say threateningly.
Skeletons patrol the devastated remains of Ponyville, killing anything that moves. Deadpool and Derpy have taken a break and are eating muffins until the Pony Avengers show up. When Deadpool sees them, he is dumbstruck.
"Okay...didn't see this coming." He says. He whistles. "Get ‘em boys!"
The skeletons all begin to converge on the Pony Avengers. Twilight takes flight and begins to crush the skeletons with a mix of repulsar blasts and close combat. Rainbow Dash zooms past each skeleton with a bolt of lightning crashing down on each skeleton she passes. Pinkie pie begins hopping up and down, with her shield on her hoofs, landing on each skeleton. Applejack starts fighting alongside Rarity using mixed martial arts, while Rarity fires a multitude of trick arrows at the skeletons. While the other Pony Avengers focus on the skeletons, Fluttershy as the Hulk lands at Deadpools feet.
"Hey Barry!" Deadpool shouts at the sky. "I’ll give you Sandra Bullock’s number if you take care of this one!"
"Finally, being associated with Ryan Reynolds pays off!"
The pencil changes the Hulk pony back into Fluttershy. She then shrieks and runs off. Just as Deadpool is about to take on the Pony Avengers, Vinyl Scratch shows up. Deadpool recognizes the armor, but doesn't recognize the new shoulder weapon.
"What the hell is that?" He says pointing at the cannon.
"Oh, nothing much...just my Uni-wub!" She shouts.
Vinyl fires a ‘Uni-wub’ at Deadpool and Derpy. The duo get out of the way, but a new wormhole pops up where the ‘Uni-wub’ hits. Deadpool moves toward the wormhole, but Derpy hesitates.
Damn, that is some wicked dub step!
True, but lets enjoy the wonders of bass in our own universe, shall we?
"Come on, Derpy!" Deadpool shouts.
"I don’t know..." Derpy says with an unsure voice.
Deadpool tries to think of a way to convince her to follow. He then comes up with an idea.
"There are muffins where we’re going!" He says.
"Muffins!" Derpy yells.
Derpy races towards Deadpool, tackling him through the wormhole, which disappears immediately. With Deadpool gone, the ponies burst into joyous celebration and cheer for the Pony Avengers. Then, Vinyl interrupts the cheering.
"So...do we get to keep this stuff?" She asks. "‘Cuz this suit would be killer for washing the dishes!"
"...I hate my life...so much." Octavia says in the background.
I walk over to give a speech, but now I look like a pony (pony, colt, whatever term applies to adult male horse in MLP). I'm a dark grey colored unicorn with a jet black mane and tail with red highlights and light grey eyes. Before the others can ask why I look like that, I do my speech.
"Well, it seems like life in Ponyville has returned to normal, and with no casualties!" I say.
Applejack nudges my shoulder and points at the corpses and broken houses.
"Oh yeah, that’s a thing. Hey Barry, we need a mass corpse reversal!" I yell at the sky. "And throw in some repairs while your at it."
An eraser erases the corpses and a pencil draws them back to life. Then, the pencil starts repairing the damaged houses. The Mayor, now revived, looks around at the destruction with a wondering look.
"Did I miss something?" Says the Mayor.
"Besides the massive butt kicking? Not much." I say.
"Uh, dude...why do you look like…?" Spike says while standing next to Twilight.
"Oh...that." I say while looking at my new form. "Well, Barry and me got in a sort of fight, he drew me as this and told me I needed to 'experience the power of friendship on a concentrated level'. In other words, I’m gonna be stuck here for a while."
"For how long?" Twilight asks.
"That depends on how much hype this gets on the forums." I say.
"...What?" Asks everyone.
Then, Applebloom, Sweety Bell, and Scootaloo show up and bring something about my new form to their attention.
"Hey, you don’t have a cutie mark!" Applebloom says. "Wanna join the Cutie mark Crusaders?"
All I can do is sigh.
"Oh, by the way, since you're gonna be here a while," Twilight starts to ask, "what is your name?"
Back in Manhattan, Iron Man and Dr. Strange are still arguing as to who should be credited for the wormhole.
"It was my Uni-beam that opened the wormhole!" Iron Man yells.
"Bullshit! It was my spell you fucking nerd!" Dr. Strange yells back.
"You couldn't make a rabbit come out of a hat, you fuck stick!" Iron Man says, ready to throw a punch.
Before they do combat, they stop their argument when they see a wormhole opening up in front of them. After a few moments, Deadpool and Derpy tumble out of the wormhole and land at Iron Man’s and Dr. Strange’s feet. Just as surprised to see that Deadpool survived, they are even more surprised at the blond and grey Pegasus next to him.
"What the hell happened?" Iron Man asks.
"There is no way they will believe what happened."
"We need to say something inspired and cunning to avoid getting our ass handed to us."
"Basically, a talking horse made a replica of your armor, fired a mock Uni-beam at us and opened the wormhole." Deadpool says outright.
"Ha! I told you, you half-assed magician!" Iron Man shouts triumphantly.
"Okay, truth works."
"Just keep poking the armored and magical bears and we might get out of this."
"Well, technically it was using the War Machine suits cannon thingy." Deadpool syas.
"In your face, you failed wrench jockey!" Dr, Strange says mockingly.
"It’s still my suit bitch!" Iron Man responds.
Dr. Strange and Iron Man continue arguing as Deadpool and Derpy make their escape.
"Like a boss! Now, who wants muffins and pancakes?" Deadpool asks.
Our story continues in Canterlot. Twilight and her friends have brought Epic Story, the visitor from another world, to meet Princess Celestia. As they walk into Celestia's chambers, Princess Luna walks past them.
"Princess Celestia is waiting for you" Luna says.
"Thank you" I say, trying to be respectful.
We walk into the room and see Princess Celestia on her throne.
"Welcome everyone!" Princess Celestia says in a greeting manner. "And a very special welcome to our guest, Mr...."
"Epic Story, ma'am." I respond.
"Well Epic, I hope you enjoy your stay in Equestria." She says. "Also, I'd like to thank you and your 'friend in the sky' for saving Ponyville from that Deadpool character."
"It was no problem." I say. "Now, since I'm going to be here for an unknown period of time, I was wondering something. Is there by any chance a blacksmith in Ponyville?"
"Actually, there hasn't been a blacksmith in Ponyville for a couple years." Applejack says.
"Great!" I say. "I've been wanting to see what that profession was like for a personal project of mine."
"Well, what do you know about being a blacksmith?" Rarity asks.
"Not a d-d-d-darn thing." I say. "Wait...what the h-h-h-heck?"
"What's wrong?" Twilight asks.
"I don't know. I'll check on that later." I say. "For now, I'll work on my blacksmith knowledge. Hey, Barry, give a knowledge infusing thought bubble, journeyman level blacksmith."
Immediately, a pencil draws a thought bubble above my head. It fills my mind with knowledge of blacksmith tools, forges, techniques and all sorts of things. It takes a few moments to full download, but after it is finished, the bubble disappears.
"Well, that takes care of that." I say as I crack my neck as if I did actual work. "Now, to address that other issue. F-f-f-freak!...S-s-s-shoot!...D-d-d-dock......WHY CAN'T I SWEAR!"
After I yelled, a pencil drew a note in front of my face.
“What does it say?” Spike asks.
"'The show is G-Rated. No more swearing. Trol-lol-lol!'" I read aloud. "That doesn't make any sense! Everypony here heard me swea...what did I just say?"
"You said, 'The show is G-Rated. No more swearing. Trol-lol-lol!'" Pinkie Pie repeated.
"Not that!" I yelled. "Why did I just say 'everypony' when I meant everyb-b-b-pony...WHHHHHY?!"
Once more, a note is drawn in my face.
"'When I turned you into a pony,'" I read aloud. "'I adjusted your grammar. Enjoy the pony-speak. Semicolon P.'"
"What is..." Twilight begins to ask.
For a brief moment, an eraser removes my face and writes in the emoticon ;P on my face, erases it, and draws my face again.
"I am slowly beginning to hate life." I say. "If I have to deal with speaking like this the whole time, I'm gonna..."
I'm interrupted by a massive thunder blast. All of us rush to the nearest window to see what has happened. While there is no one on the ground, in the sky, something that doesn't belong has appeared. For a moment, we are all speechless until Pinkie Pie asks...
"Why is there a letter 'H' in the sky?"
A grin slowly grows across my face.
“Life is starting to get good again!” I said happily.
Moments before on Pandora, in Opportunity, Handsome Jack is watching a live video feed of the Vault Hunters leaving the Southern Shelf.
“Oh man, I can’t wait for these idiots to meet Wilhelm.” He says eagerly. “It is the biggest troll move I've ever come up wi…”
His monologue is interrupted by a thundering boom.
“What the hell was that?!” He yells. “Angel, where are we hit?!”
“We weren't hit!” Angel responds. “I've detected a wormhole near the Hyperion moon-base.”
“A fucking wormhole?! What kind of shit is this?” He asks frantically. “Who opened it? Was it those fucking Vault Hunters?”
“It seems to be a random occurrence.” She reports. “But my sensors are picking up an intense energy from the other side.”
“‘Intense energy’,” Says Jack. “How intense?”
“Enough to make a Sirens powers look like crap.” She says.
“Well...that sounds like something I should have.” He says with a smirk on his face. “Angel, fire up the teleporter and let the moon-base know that as soon as I’m on board, we’re going through the portal.”
“What?!” She asks with genuine shock. “You can’t be serious?”
“If what’s on the other side of that wormhole is strong enough to wipe those bandits off the face of Pandora,” He says. “Then I’m very serious. See you when I get back, pumpkin.”
“That’s the moon-base,” I answer. “Owned and operated by Handsome Jack of the Hyperion Corporation. But that thing should be orbiting the planet Pandora.”
“How did that terrifying thing get here?” Fluttershy asks.
“Do you want the long version, the short version, or the mind exploding meta version?” I ask in response.
“Uhh……” Everypony says in unison.
“Ok, here is all three.” I say. “Long version: the first couple of wormholes destabilized the dimensional barriers surrounding this universe, allowing for random wormholes to link other universes with this one. Short version: Deadpool is so awesome, that when he went through the wormhole with the equally awesome Derpy Hooves, he broke the universe. Meta version: plot device.”
The moment I said ‘plot device’, only Pinkie Pie’s head exploded and before Barry could draw it back on, her head popped out of her body.
“Sorry, I spaced out for a moment.” Pinkie Pie said. “What was that last version?”
“Never mind.” I say. “Now, lets think, why would Handsome Jack be here?”
“Well, what did he want in his own universe?” Princess Celestia asks.
I take a moment to ponder on that thought. Handsome Jack wanted power and lots of it. Power……it hits me like lightning.
“He’s looking for the Elements of Harmony!” I yell. “He is gonna take them, return to his universe and take it over!”
“Then we have to stop him.” Twilight says.
“And his army of kill bots.” I correct her.
“Army?” Spike says in a worried voice.
“Bots?” Rainbow Dash says in an eager voice.
“Kill?” Fluttershy says in a scared voice.
“Of?!!!” Pinkie Pie exclaims.
“Epic, was there anyone who could defend against this army?” Princess Celestia asks.
“Yup.” I respond.
“How many were there?” Rarity asks. “A hundred? Two? Three?”
“About eight or so.” I say.
“Over eight hundred?!” Applejack yells.
“Actually, just eight.” I corrected. “I added the ‘or so’ to include me, Barry, and whoever else that wanted to help.”
“How can eight ponies stand up to an entire army?” Spike asks.
“They aren't just ponies.” I say. “They’re Vault Hunters. Individuals driven by riches and glory. They each had a special talent that made each of them formidable alone. And when they worked together, they were virtually unstoppable.”
“Oh!” Pinkie Pie shrieks. “Are you gonna give us powers like you did when we fought Deadpools army of skeletons? When we were all like ‘Pew, Pow, Whap, Bap, Bam, Boom, Ka-Pow, Ker-Splat’?”
“Yup.” I say.
“But, there are only six of us.” Twilight says. “Seven if you include Spike this time.”
Spike gets an eager look on his face.
“While I do plan to include Spike in this fight,” I say giving Spike a confirming nod. “Excluding me, we need a total of ten ponies. Spike will be the eleventh in our crew. Princess Celestia, would you and your sister care to join us this time?”
“I would be proud to fight alongside you all,” She said while bowing her head. “And I’m sure Princess Luna will join as well.”
Princess Celestia’s confirmation made the others excited.
“Well, that makes nine.” I say. “We need two more. Yo, Barry! Can we get some internet favorites here? And get Princess Luna while you're at it!”
A pencil draws Vinyl Scratch, Octavia, and Luna in the middle of the room.
“Woah!” Vinyl says angrily. “I was in the middle of a gig man!”
“And I was in a practice session at the concert hall!” Octavia adds.
“What is the meaning of this?” Luna asks.
“Not important right now!” I say as I point to the moon-base.
While Octavia and Luna are stunned, Vinyl smirks.
“Round two?” She asks.
“Round two.” I repeat.
“Targets?”
“Army of death dealing robots.”
“Sweet! New duds?”
“And new toys.”
“Bass version for me?”
“Yup.”
“Deal.”
“Wicked!” I say approvingly. “Barry, Code BL2-2012v.5/14/2013 with mods! And give Vinyl Gaige with Bass lasers on Deathtrap!”
With lightning speed, a pencil adds on the features of Borderlands characters. Celestia becomes Lilith, Luna becomes Maya, Rarity becomes Roland, Pinkie Pie becomes Krieg, Twilight becomes Mordecai, Rainbow Dash becomes Axton, Fluttershy becomes Zer0, Applejack becomes Brick, Octavia becomes Salvador, and finally, Vinyl becomes Gaige. While everypony is admiring their new looks, Spike waits eagerly to so who he gets turned into. I take a moment to decide what to give him and in the end, the choice is clear.
“Barry, give Spike the CL4P-TP look.” I say.
“Am I gonna be a robot?!” Spike asks energetically.
“Something like that…”
It takes a moment before a pencil changes Spike into Claptrap with a purple and green color palette.
“Wow.” Spike says in a robot like voice. “This is cool...what are my powers?!”
“You can open doors and make bad dubstep.” I say.
“There is no such thing as bad…” Vinyl starts.
Then Spike bursts into a dubstep loop by going ‘wub wub wub’ over and over.
“Never mind...uh, bro, we have a problem.” Vinyl says.
“What is i…” I start until I see the problem.
The floor is littered with guns. No pony has fingers or hands to hold their guns, much less fire them.
“Barry, Futurama based robot hands, please.” I say.
A pencil immediately adds robot hands hanging around every ponies neck. For a moment, they are inactive. Then, the robot hands grab the guns and field strip them.
“Ok, that takes care of that.” I say. “Now, what for me...?”
I take a long moment to think about what I’d want to use to fight with. After a few more moments, with few other ideas, I settle on one.
A few miles outside of Ponyville, Handsome Jack is gathering his army of Loaders and Engineers to invade Ponyville.
“Alright guys, here’s the deal,” Handsome Jack says. “My readings tell me that on in this universe, there are six powerful energy signatures in one place. Problem is, we don’t know how well they’re defended. Our first step, is to go into this town, torture everyone in it, get the location, get the source of the energy signatures. Then, we leave, kick bandit ass, rule the world, and be awesome! Anyone who doesn't understand that, shoot yourself in the face.”
About five or six loaders proceed to shoot themselves in the face.
“Good job!” He responds. “Now, based on how ‘pretty’ this place looks, we should face very little resistan...what the hell is that?”
Standing on the edge of town are the Pony Vault Hunters. I move forward to give a speech to moralize our rag tag team of gunslingers. What I planned to say was grand, eloquent, and guaranteed to put us all in a courageous mood to defeat our foes! What comes out is just as good.
“Heyooooooooooooo!” I yell while raising an rpg in the air.
And, in that single, inspiring ‘Heyooooooooooooo’, the Pony Vault Hunters charge towards Handsome Jack and his forces.
“I don’t know what surprises me more,” Handsome Jack says to himself. “The dozen or so ponies coming this way, the fact that they look like the Vault Hunters, or the idea that Butt Stallion might have been born here. In any case, get ‘em boys!”
On his order, the Hyperion forces charge towards the Pony Vault Hunters while Handsome Jack himself stays behind.. Immediately, Twilight and Vinyl unleash Bloodwing and Deathtrap. While Bloodwing divebombs multiple enemies at once, Deathtrap fires a Bass laser from his eye, which causes the Loaders to breakdance before exploding. Celestia and Luna unleash their new Siren powers, causing the Engineers to disintegrate and spontaneously combust. Pinkie Pie and Applejack run around, beating everyone to a bloody pulp. While Fluttershy distracts enemies with her hologram clone, she starts slicing them in half. Rarity and Rainbow Dash deploy their turrets and Octavia gunzereks to keep the stragglers at bay. While I blow up loaders with my RPG, Spike offers...moral supporting dubstep. The battle rages for thirty minutes before the piles of dead bodies and broken Loaders distresses Jack.
“Ok, this doesn't seem worth the number of lackeys I've thrown at them.” He says to himself again. “Tactical retreat boys!...Boys?”
It takes Handsome Jack a moment to look around the pile of corpses to realize that he is all alone, except for the Pony Vault Hunters, who all have guns pointed at him. Then, suddenly, a new wormhole opens near the moon-base. Jack looks at the wormhole, then back at the ponies.
“Heyo.” I say in a deep, threatening voice.
“‘Nuff said.” Jack replies as he hits a button on his wrist and is teleported away.
Moments after Jack leaves, the moon-base moves into the new wormhole.
With Handsome Jack gone, Barry erases the Vault Hunter details from the ponies, who are now celebrating their victory.
“Well done everypony.” Celestia says to the other ponies. “It looks like we won’t be seeing him anytime soon.”
“Yes,” I say. “But he won’t be the last visitor we meet. But we’ll be ready when they do.”
“Hey, now that we don’t have to worry about an attack for now,” Twilight says. “I was wondering, where is Epic going to stay while he’s here?”
“Good question,” I respond. “Barry, can you make me a house in Ponyville? It’ll need a starter forge but, if you can, leave a solid amount of space in the back so I can build a better one myself.”
“Wait, if he can build you a whole house,” Rainbow Dash says. “Why not have him make your forge too?”
“Some things,” I say. “You just have to do with your own h-h-h-hooves…*sigh*...just make my house, Barry.”
_____ proceeds to draw Epic's house in an empty space in Ponyville, also leaving a spot for him to build his forge.
“Thanks bro!” I yell.
“No more talk!” Pinkie Pie demands. “Let’s Party!”
The day ends with everypony partying at Sugarcube Corner.
The party after our fight with Handsome Jack lasted well into the night. I had a great time. Awesome tunes from Vinyl Scratch, good food, and I actually had a solid conversation with Princess Luna about the equality and balance of the internal darkness and light in us all. I guess she didn't peg me for the ‘philosophical’ type.
Slowly, I woke myself up and trot, groggily, to my kitchen. I'm glad that Barry was nice enough to give a fridge full of Mtn Dew Pitch Black. I’m useless without my morning Dew.
After I shotgun my soda, I finally explore my new home. It is made of a dark cobblestone with a crimson red roof. There is a large fireplace in the living room. Included are some very well stocked bookshelves. On the shelves are some oddly titled books. ‘Cherins’ Heart’, ‘Twin Secrets’, ‘Horrors of Castle Xyr’, and many more. My bedroom is fairly large, kitchen is well stocked, and all throughout the house, weapons are mounted on the walls.
Outside, I find a solid amount of space for a potential forge. In it’s place, is a meager anvil, a barrel of water, and a pit of coals. Most of the basic tools, hammer, bellows, tongs, hang overhead. But what catches my eye is a small table next to a large test and workbench. It’s not the fact that they are out of place that bothers me. It’s the fact that I am certain I have seen them before. Before I can investigate further, Twilight and Spike run over.
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask.
“‘What’s up?’ It’s snowing in the middle of summer!” Spike says.
It takes me a moment to notice the fairly thick layer of snow blanketing the ground.
“Snowing...workbench...’Twin Secrets’...I have to check something.”
I immediately rush inside my house with Twilight and Spike right behind me. I check the bookcase once more, scrolling through the names on their bindings. ‘Song of the Alchemists’, ‘Sithis’, ‘The Black Arrow’, ‘Oghma Infinium’, ‘Incident At Necrom’, ‘Surfeit Of Thieves’. Then, I freeze, snapping back to the ‘Oghma Infinium’, a book native to one place.
“Well...this is very interesting.” I say.
“What?” Twilight asks.
“It seems that this world has adopted the characteristics of another.”
“What world is that?”
“The world of the Elder Scrolls, more specifically, Skyrim.”
“Is that bad?” Spike asks.
“It’s half and half.” I respond. “The good part is, I might be able to master my blacksmithing rather easily. The bad half, we might have a severe dragon outbreak soon.”
Spike gulps.
“Why is that bad?” He asks.
“Well, among those dragons is Alduin, who is basically the incarnation of the apocalypse.” I answer.
“Okay...what are our solutions?” Twilight asks
“Our only solution is to find the Dragonborn, teach him or her ‘Dragonrend’, and kill Alduin.” I say.
“Dragonborn?” They say in unison.
“Yup. Now Spike, say ‘Fus’.” I say, not expecting that merely saying the word ‘Fus’ caused me to launch Twilight and Spike backwards. “Okay...sorry about that. So, that’s what we have to look for...ponies that can use the Voice. First, lets round up Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie Pie.”
“Why them first?” Twilight asks.
“Because you ponies are the main characters,” I say. “And the main characters typically get the special powers.”
“Wait...what?”
“Just say that word I said.”
“...’Fus’.”
The moment she said it, her booming voice made me tumble backwards into the kitchen, which causes a ruckus of pots and pans falling.
“I’m ok!” I yell from the kitchen. “Just get the others! I’ll meet you in the town square. I just have to check on something.”
About an hour later, Twilight and friends are gathered in the square, waiting on me. Before they start to look for me, I magically spawn right in front of them, which makes them shriek.
“What the...what did you just do?” Twilight asks.
“Quick travel mechanic.” I respond.
They all stare at me with blank faces.
“Look, ‘Skyrim’ is a video game. In that game, there is a quick travel mechanic where you can teleport from one location to another place you've been. Also, there is a ‘wait’ mechanic where you can make hours pass by in seconds for you.”
“Uh...what?” Rainbow Dash asks.
“Think the word ‘Tab’ really hard.” I say.
Rainbow Dash shrugs and starts thinking about the word ‘Tab’ and a ‘Skyrim’ menu shows up in front of her face.
“Woah.” She says bluntly.
“Now, let me run over the basics.” I say as I begin telling them what the plot of Skyrim is.
“Nope.” I say bluntly. “Since this all handles like a video game, we’ll treat it like a speed run and glitch our way to the end. But first, I need to check the difficulty.”
I pull up the menu and check what the difficulty setting is at. My eyes go wide.
“Well...that sucks.” I say.
“What is it?” Twilight asks.
“Well, I was hoping that the difficulty was low enough so we could grind for levels.” I respond. “But apparently, the universe is a jerk and made a new difficulty that's harder than the maximum.”
“Come on.” Rainbow Dash says. “It can’t be that bad.”
“It says ‘Death for Days’ in blood red letters.” I say.
They stare at me blankly.
“So, I’m afraid we’re gonna have to cheat a little.” I say to them.
“But...isn't that what we usually do?” Fluttershy says sheepishly.
“Well, yea.” I say. “I just don’t like cheating on Skyrim. So here is what we’ll do. Barry, bring up a list of popular builds.”
In seconds, a command prompt shows up above our heads.
“Hey!” I yell. “I didn't know you were computer savvy!”
Barry types, “It’s a hobby” in the command prompt, then deletes it. Than, he uses a command to put IGN’s community build list in front of our faces.
“Now, each of us will pick a build we like from this list and Barry will make us into that.” I say. “Also, just so we can actually use our weapons, Barry, any chance you can make us whatever race our builds use?”
He types “Sure” in the command prompt.
“Okay, I call dibs on the Battlemage!” I yell. “Also, can you give me all the materials I need to make my new forge and our gear. I might as well use that ‘Hearthfire’ dlc while we got it.”
Everyone else starts scrolling down the list of builds, looking for one that suits them.
“Hmm...I like the Warlock.” Twilight says. “As a seasoned magic user, I’ll be very useful.”
“I’ll take the Cleric.” Says Rarity. “I’ll make sure everyone is healthy and fabulous!”
“I call the Berserker!” Yells Rainbow Dash. “I will be an unstoppable and awesome force!”
“Uh...the Monk looks nice.” Fluttershy mutters. “If we see any animals, I’ll calm them down so we don’t have to fight them.”
“I’ll rock the Paladin.” Applejack says. “I’ll make sure we’re all safe.”
“I’ll be the Assassin! Stabity stabity stab!” Pinkie says.
“Oh...kay.” I say cautiously. “Spike, message Princess Celestia and Luna. Ask if either of them is willing to help.”
“Can do!” Spike says.
“Good.” Then I turn towards Vinyl Scratch’s house. “Hey Vinyl!”
Vinyl Scratch’s head bursts through the upstairs window.
“What up?” She yells.
“The world’s gone RPG!” I yell back. “Wanna save the world like a boss?”
“You know it!” She responds.
“God, I love how she understands all this.” I say.
Overhead, Princess Luna arrives.
“I came as soon as I could.” Luna says. “Princess Celestia is staying in Canterlot to try and maintain order. We've seen strange new creatures appearing. Giant rats and spiders, trolls and giants with mammoths, it’s just chaotic. What is the plan?”
“Same as always,” I say. “Barry gives us powers, we save the day.”
As if on cue, Vinyl walks over.
“And our new powers and duds?” She asks.
Barry gives Luna and Vinyl the build list.
“Take your pick.” I say. “The Battlemage, Warlock, Cleric, Berserker, Monk, Paladin and Assassin are taken.”
They take a moment to scan the list of builds.
“I’m liking the Spellsword.” Vinyl says. “But can I get a…”
“I already have a ‘dub-step’ based spell list ready for you.” I interrupt.
“Sweet!” Vinyl says.
“The Death Knight looks quite formidable.” Luna says. “There is always strength in numbers...even if they are somewhat demon-y.”
“Okay, now here is the plan in detail.” I say. “We need to find the equivalent of the Thalmor Embassy and steal some documents, then we need to find Esbern in whatever is equivalent to Riften, talk to Delphine, locate Alduins wall, locate the Elder Scroll, find this world's version of the Throat of the World, learn Dragonrend, fight Alduin and use the Elder Scroll to send him back to Skyrim. Hopefully, the world will return to normal.”
“But, wouldn't that cause problems in Skyrim?” Luna asks.
“Yes, but that gets taken care of anyway.” I respond. “Now, is everybody ready?”
Everypony cheers in unison.
“Great. Barry, set us up!” I yell.
With great speed, Barry writes command prompts, surrounding all of us with pixels. Slowly, our bodies take on more humanoid characteristics. Eventually, were are all assorted races of humans and a few khajiit, while still retaining our respective color pallets. At the moment, we are all naked, with only scraps of leather covering our private areas. It takes a few moments before everyone takes notice of this and they all blush and cross their arms and legs.
“Yea...I forgot to mention that would happen.” I said while smiling. I catch myself admiring Princess Luna’s new form before a prompt showed up saying ‘Carrying too much to run.’
“Alright, time for me to make our gear.” I say as I slowly walk over to the carpenters bench.
I use the available materials I received from Barry’s command codes to make a replicated ‘Skyforge’ level forge, an enchanting table, an alchemy bench, a workbench, a grinder, a smelter, a tanning rack and an assortment of containers, tools, and other amenities that created the ambiance of a true forge. With the building finished, I began crafting the armor and weapons. Some of the armor was pre built, such as robes and event based pieces. The rest, I had to build myself. I had Barry bring up the build list and specs so I could be as accurate as possible. It takes me a few moments to craft the armor and weapons, double check that they are right, and upgrade them at the grinder and workbench. Then, I take all of the armor and weapons to the enchanting table and give them their respective enchantments. When I finished, I walked over to everypony and dropped their individual gear at their feet. Then, we all accessed our equipment menu’s and donned our class specific duds. In moments, we stand together, clad in some of the most intimidating armor sets in Skyrim.
“Alright, everypony geared up?” I ask the group.
As if thinking with one mind, they all respond with a ‘Ah-oo!’ from ‘300’ while they raise their weapons in the air..
“Great! Everypony got their spells?” I ask again.
Vinyl gives off a dubstep version of Fus-Ro-Dah.
“Perfect, now, the map says that the Thalmor Embassy is a few miles to the south-west of here. We’ll have to walk from here...unless you’re all okay with riding horses.”
They all stare at me with blank faces.
“Walking it is.”
With everything said and done, we head off towards the location of the ‘Thalmor Embassy’. We encounter some random creatures along the way. Fluttershy uses some of her Calming spells to deter the wolves, spiders, and sabercats. But the trolls, giants, and spriggans we find aren’t affected. However, Rainbow Dashes berserker tactics handle them with ease. Within a few hours in game time (a few minutes in reality), we reach the Thalmor Embassy. To my surprise, it looked exactly like in Skyrim. We grouped up on a ridge a couple of yards out of site of the guards, a couple of Thalmor spell swords and mages.
“Ok, for all of this to work right, we just need to swipe some papers in a chest inside the Embassy.” I say quietly to the group. “The best way to do this is for someone with good Sneak to go in there. And that leaves...Pinkie Pie.”
We all stare at Pinkie Pie, who is busy playing with her new Khajiit tail. It takes her a few minutes to notice us.
“Huh?” She says confused.
“Pinkie, I need you to pay attention.” I say with a serious tone. “You need to sneak into that building, go into the interrogation chamber and get a dossier on a guy named Esbern. Do you understand?”
“Yup!” She says cheerfully.
“Alright, then get going.”
She walks off in her usual, bubbly manner, jumping up and down.
“...Well...this can only go well…” I say with little enthusiasm.
We have been sitting on the ridge for an hour or two of game time. Then, all of a sudden, we hear a loud commotion coming from the Embassy. We peek over the ridge and see Pinkie Pie walking towards us, still jumping up and down without care, but with 3 dozen Thalmor goons on her tail.
“Well...anyone up for some honor combat?” I ask the group.
Everyone grins.
“Thought so.”
We rush over the ridge, with Luna, Vinyl, Twilight, and I slinging destruction spells and Daedra summons at the crowd, while everyone else starts hacking and slashing in every direction. The fight lasts for no more than a few seconds. The area outside the Embassy is now littered with Thalmor corpses.
“Okay, Pinkie, did you get the papers?” I ask.
“Yup, yuppiety yup, yup!” She says. Seconds later, a message appears showing that this part of the questline has been completed.
“Alright, papers are in hand, Goldir has been avenged for Squiiddish, next is to take care of the rest. Now, in order to finish this off efficiently, we’ll have to split up tasks into two groups. One will handle all of the main questline details, while the other takes care of the Elder Scroll. Luna and I will get the Scroll while the rest of you finish the main questline. Barry, can you hook us up with a sort of ‘team-chat’?”
Barry types up a command and just like that, we are linked to each other.
“Great, I’ll keep you guys up to speed on what you have to do to progress. Right now, you have to go to Riften and find Esbern in the sewers.”
“The sewers?!” Rarity shrieks. “ I will not go in any sewer!”
“Relax Rarity,” Twilight says. “You can stay topside and keep watch. Is that ok, Epic?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.” I say. “Riften looks like it’s about a couple hours to the east. The sooner we finish this, the sooner things will get to normal. Now, lets head out.”
We spend the next couple of hours (actual, real time hours) on finishing the quest line to where we need fight Alduin. At this moment, the others were almost done with the Alduin’s Wall quest. As for Luna and I, we had managed to get past the Falmer infested Alfland Dwemer Ruins and have finally gotten inside the Alfland Cathedral. About halfway in, Luna accidentally triggers a spike trap. Before it can do some serious damage, I tackle her out of the way. If I was a second too late, she could have been seriously injured. And now, here we are, with me on top of her, both of us staring deep into each others eyes. My heart is racing, my mind is blanking. Before I do something rash, I get off of her and help her up.
“Uh...are you alright Princess?” I ask awkwardly.
“Y...Yes, I’m fine...thank you.” She responds. “Let’s...let’s just move on.”
We continue onward, with lots of awkward silence. We manage to get past all the other traps and kill off all the dwemer constructs we find and finally, we reach the dwarven mechanism housing the Elder Scroll. We put the Lexicon we took from Septimus in the control panel and mess with the buttons until the lights line up and the Elder Scroll lowers down. I fire up our team chat to check with the others.
“This is Epic,” I say. “We've got the Elder Scroll. How’s it going on your end?”
“We just finished with that Alduin’s Wall mission,” Twilight responds. “and it’s telling us the next mission is ‘Alduin’s Bane’. What do we do now?”
“We’ll meet each other in Ivarstead. It should be several hours to the east of your location.”
“Okay, we’ll meet you there.” The connection cuts off after that.
“Alright, Ivarstead is about an hour or so from here.” I say to Luna as I turn towards her. “We should be able to get there long before…” I’m stopped mid sentence when Luna catches me off guard with a kiss. My mind goes blank. I can’t form a coherent thought. Almost a whole minute goes by before she releases me.
“Not...a word...to anyone.” She says sternly, but with care. Still stunned, all I can do is nod. She turns her gaze upward. “Same goes to you Barry.” He types ‘Yes ma’am.’ “Okay, now...where are we going again?”
“Uh...uh...Ivarstead! We’re going to Ivarstead.” I say frantically.
“Have you two been waiting long?” Twilight asks us.
“Only an hour or two. Any troubles along the way?” I ask.
“Only that we had to pry Rarity away from that one jewlery stand in Riften.” She responds.
Rarity stands in the back admiring the mass quantity of rings, necklaces and tiaras in her inventory.
“Alright, this is it.” I say to the group. “All we have to do now is climb this mountain, meet Paarthurnax, learn Dragonrend and fight Alduin. Once we've softened him up enough, all of you spam Dragonrend on him, one after the other. If you aren't using Dragonrend, you’re attacking him in your own way. While you all are doing that, I’ll use the Elder Scroll to blast him back to Skyrim. Any questions?”
Nobody says a word.
“Alright then, let’s get to it.”
The climb up the mountain is simple enough. A couple of wolves and bears that Fluttershy sends away. The handful of trolls that we blast off the mountain. It isn't long until we reach High Hrothgar, home of the Greybeards. I use the ‘plate clip’ glitch to reach the other side, go inside through the back door, open the front door to let the others in, and begin the dialogue with the Greybeards. Eventually, they lead us outside, teach us Clear Skies, and point us towards the path to Paarthurnax. The trip is a minor inconvenience. When we reach the top, Paarthurnax descends from above. Rainbow Dash almost rushed him before I stopped her. I had forgotten to tell them that Paarthurnax was a dragon. After some more dialogue, we get to the part where we watch the fight between Alduin and the three Nord warriors that created Dragonrend. After it was finished, Alduin himself showed up. Without hesitation, I used Dragonrend on him, sending him crashing down. Then, as I begin chanting the same spell that was just shown to me, the others begin barging Alduin with attacks, mixed with Dragonrend. A fight that would have taken at least a few minutes, is over in less than one. I finish the spell, and Alduin leaves this world, the same way he was banished from Skyrim. Moments after he was gone, the world began to revert back to it’s former style. We all regained our equine forms and lost all of our armor, weapons and spells. Rarity was especially sad when her new jewelry disappeared. We rejoiced in our success and made our way back to Ponyville.
“So, who’s up for another party to celebrate?” Pinkie Pie asks.
While most of them agree, I shake my head.
“Sorry, but I’m just too tired. Maybe next time.”
They all understood and said their goodbyes as they walked over to Sugar Cube Corner. Princess Luna flew back to Canterlot and I trotted into my own home. I decided to check if my forge was still there. It was, and it was still as glorious as I had left it. With my curiosity satiated, I make my way upstairs and collapsed onto my bed.
I had been asleep for a few hours, until something woke me up.
“Huh...what...who’s there?” I stammer, half asleep.
“It’s me, Luna.” She responds.
Her voice jolts me to full alert.
“Luna?! What are you doing…” She stops me with another kiss.
“I figured the hero always gets a kiss from the princess.”
It has been two weeks since the Skyrim incident. I have been spending the majority of my time honing my craft at the forge. I have been focusing on a specific blade for myself. It’s a samurai sword and I have been folding the steel thousands of times, over and over again. Thanks to this unicorn magic, I can hammer away at it so fast, years of work are crammed into days. The rest of my time has been split between helping Twilight and her friends with day to day tasks and spending time with Princess Luna.
Since the night that Luna appeared in my room and kissed me, we have spent more and more time together. She tried to keep it covert, coming by to ask for my ‘crafting abilities’. It didn't take long for Princess Celestia to figure out what was happening. But what surprised both Luna and I, is that not only did Celestia approve of it, she encouraged it. Ever since the Nightmare Moon incident, Celestia felt that Luna needed something or somepony to distract her from what she had done. With my arrival and the random universe merging, that shouldn't be a problem.
Today, Luna and I are walking over to Twilight’s to show off my finished sword. While we walk over, she asks me questions about my world.
“So, in real life, you don’t work a forge, but are a simple student?” Luna asks.
“Yes.” I respond. “I was trying to get into being a writer; books, scripts, plots for video games, that sort of thing. I've been told I have a rather intense imagination.”
“And your profession?”
“I work at a store, selling electronics.”
“Fascinating...and what of your social life?”
“Well...I didn't have much of one. I have friends, but we don’t see each other as often as I would like to. I mostly try to focus on work and my studies.”
“I see...and was there...a special somepony in your life?”
I chuckle. “Two weeks we've been together and you ask that now?” She gives me a look, waiting for my answer. “The answer is no. I didn't have much skill or luck in that department.”
Back in Equestria, we're all having fun throwing stuff at me and watching me slice whatever they throw into pieces. Twilight even chucked a huge boulder at my head and in one swipe, I cleave it in two.
"Wow Epic, you're good!" Twilight said.
“Thanks.” I respond. Then, a vortex rips open and thunders cracks the sky. Without skipping a beat, “Now it’s time to really test it.” Then I see the two saiyan ships come out of the vortex. “Oh...well...guess I’ll use the sword another time. For now, Barry! It’s time for level 10 fisticuffs!”
Without even being told what to do, Barry erases and draws Twilight, her friends, Luna, and myself as DBZ-esque fighters. Before we set off for the saiyans, I remembered.
“Barry, fire up the ‘Wub signal’!” I say.
Barry draws a mock ‘Bat signal’ with ‘Wub’ on the spotlight instead of a bat. It shines in the sky and moments later, Vinyl shows up.
“Alright, sup now?” She asks.
“We’re dealing with aliens that like to punch stuff, yell loudly, grow shiny yellow hair in fits of rage and turn into giant monkeys.” I say. “Barry, make Vinyl a ‘wub’ based Namekian.”
Barry draws a note saying, “Wut?”
“Imagine ‘Special Beam Cannon’ but with wubs.” I explain.
Without hesitation, he draws Vinyl as a Namekian.
“Ok, lets get moving...these guys are ridiculously tough and don’t mess around.” I warn the others before we fly off.
“This...this place...is really...really….I want to blow it up so badly.” Vegeta groans.
In seconds, the Saiyans spot me flying towards them.
“Well...it looks like I get to blow something up after all.”
I land a couple yards away from the saiyans with the others a few miles behind me.
"Okay, I'm gonna say this once!" I yell at Vegeta. "Leave now or prepare to get your ass stomped!"
"Ha!" Vegeta laughs. "You? Stomp MY ass? I bet you couldn't even stomp on a blind puppy."
It takes me a minute to notice Vegeta's odd voice, then it hits me.
“Wait...oh my god…” I say before I burst into laughter. “Oh, this is gonna be easy as hell!”
“What are you talking about?” Vegeta asks angrily. “Do you know who I am you low class wretch? I am…”
“Vegeta, prince of all saiyans, prison bitch, Freeza’s pet monkey, and you’re never gonna be a super saiyan.” I say.
Now, he is pissed. He falls into a insane, obscenity spouting rant. While he is going off, I whisper to Barry. He understands and makes the necessary changes before the others arrive. Then, I turn my attention back to Vegeta.
“Ok, last chance, leave or get wrecked.” I say.
Vegeta breaks from his rant at “on a green *bleep* dinosaur!”
“Oh really, Nappa, take care of him.” Vegeta orders.
“Okay, time to play!” Nappa says creepily.
I distract Nappa with a ball of yarn.
“Yaaaaaaay! Yaaaaaarn!” Nappa cheers.
Vegeta face-palms.
“Alright, I warned you.” I say to them. “Now you have to deal with my universes Ginyu force.”
The moment I said that, Vegeta and Nappa turn to me with looks of shattered hope and despair.
“There...there’s a Ginyu Force here?” Vegeta asks fearfully.
“Yup.” I respond. “Oh, and Dodoria, Zarbon and Freeza are coming too.”
Now, their jaws are on the floor and Nappa’s pants slowly turn yellow.
“You...you’re bluffing!” Vegeta says. “There’s no way that they’re in this…”
Behind Vegeta:
“We’reeeeeeee heeeeeeeere……..mates.”
The moment Vegeta and Nappa both turn around to see them, our ‘Equestria’ Force gives their sound off in their new voices.
“Ginyu!” says Twilight.
“Jeice!” says Applejack.
“Burter!” says Rainbow Dash.
“Guldo!” says Fluttershy.
“Recoome!” says Pinkie Pie.
“And together we are…” Twilight says.
And what follows is the “Ginyu Force Sentai” music thing with the team gathered in the exact pose of the Ginyu Force.
“Oh, we done goofed Vegeta.” Nappa says.
“Shut up Nappa!” Vegeta yells. “This doesn’t mean anything! I still don’t see…”
“Don’t see who?” Says Luna behind me in her new voice.
When Vegeta turns back in my direction, he see’s Rarity as Zarbon, Vinyl Scratch as Dodoria, and finally, Princess Luna as Frieza.
“Now we done goofed Vegeta?” Nappa asks.
“Yes Nappa, now we done goofed.” Vegeta responds without hope.
“Now, what is my little monkey going to do?” Luna asks Vegeta with a grin.
Vegeta mumbles under his breath. Luna raises her hand with a finger pointing straight up and a purple speck of energy floating above it.
“What was that?” Luna asks in a creepy voice.
Vegeta grunts. “I’m gonna leave and take care of those Earthlings.” He said while gritting his teeth.
“Good boy, now off you go.” Luna says while giving a ‘shoo’ motion with her hand.
Vegeta gives off a ‘grrrrr’. “Nappa, we’re leaving.” He says.
“Ok...can we get me some new pants first?” Nappa asks.
“Just get in the damn pod!” Vegeta says.
Vegeta and Nappa get back in their pods and fly up, back into the wormhole they came in from.
“......aaaaaaaand, scene!” I say with a sort of bravado.
Barry changes us back into our original forms.
"Wow, Epic, that was smart thinking." Twilight says.
"Indeed, and impressive acting by the way." Luna adds.
"Well, I have done a couple of theater pieces." I say bashfully.
“Awww, I didn't get to wub lazer something.” Vinyl says sadly.
“Maybe next time Vinyl.” I say to her. “Maybe next time. Pinkie?”
Another victory, another party, another cupcake overdose. Only this time, my head hurts half as much and I've managed to remember more of the party. I swear Barry has been drawing roofies into my cupcakes.
There's one thing different from the first time though. When I try to get out of bed, I can't because some pony's hoof is draped over me. I freak out a little, but not so much that it's insulting. I turn my head to make sure it's who I think it is. It's Luna, still sleeping and looking absolutely peaceful. I'm trying to remember if we did 'something' last night. She slowly starts to wake up.
"Mmmmm...morning." She says as she nuzzles up to me.
"Heeeeeey!" I say nervously. "Uh...not to sound weird or anything but, did we do anything...you know..."
"Hmm?" She says. "No, we just slept."
"Oh, ok." I say calmly. I didn't want to say something stupid like 'Oh thank God!'
"Of course, that doesn't mean I didn't try." She says with a sultry smile on her face.
"Oh!" I say with little idea of how to respond.
"In fact, I may just want to try and convince you again." She says while holding me tight.
"Uhhhhh..." I mutter while I think of what I really want to say. I don't want to just say no, but I'm still human at heart and this looks kind of weird in my head. I just don't know what to say, 'Yes', 'No', 'Yes and slap my ass 'till it's black and blue.'
"Hmmm...maybe I have to decide for y..." She tarts to say before she starts to glitch out. I mean she actually starts to have pixels swarm around her and stuff.
"Luna! What's wrong?!" I ask frantically.
It stops after a couple of seconds. But when it stops, she begins to look around the room, dazed and confused. Then she looks at me, looks at us in the same bed, then back to me, she screams. But not the feminine scream I was expecting, but a MANLY scream, followed by: "What the shit is happening here?"
"Whoa, who the fuck are you?" I ask this impostor.
"No fucker, who the fuck are you, where the fuck am I, and why do you look like an MLP character?" The impostor asks.
"What do you mea...wait...your voice...are you...are you Matt?" I ask the impostor.
"Uhhh...yea." He says.
"Matt from 'Two Best Friends Play with Matt and Pat'?" I ask.
"Yea, what about it?" He asks.
Without hesitation, I rush out of bed and head for the window. When I look outside, all hell has broken loose. A giant, somewhat demonic Discord is fighting a giant version of Rainbow Dash, a pink ball of fluff is stalking Queen Chrysallis, Derpy is back, she is mad, firing lasers from her eyes and I can see at least a dozen copies of the mane 6.
"Oh my god, Equestria has fused with the Internet!" I say.
"My god...this looks badass!" Matt says behind me.
"You may be right, but I have to fix this. Time to TP to Canterlot!" I say just before using a teleportation spell. When I arrive in Canterlot, I run as quick as I can to Celestia's throne room. Then, I get a grabled note from Barry. The message makes me run faster. When I reach the door, I can hear muffled screams. I ram the door down.
"Princess Celestia!" I yell as I rush through the door.
She is sitting on her throne, but something is off about her. Her mane is a different color and she's giving me a weird look.
She giggles. "Not exactly." She says in a sultry voice.
"Aw shit, you're Princess Molestia." I say bluntly. As I try to leave, I crash against another pony and fall backwards onto the floor. When I look up to see who it is, I see Luna.
"Oh, Luna, it's you." I say with a sound of relief in my voice.
She giggles the same way Molestia did. "Wrong again." Luna says.
"...And you're Lusty Luna...balls." I say.
Behind me, I can hear more muffled screams behind Celestia's throne. I can see two Princess Celestia's, Twilight and a Princess Luna tied up and ball gagged.
"Luna?!" I yell.
The Luna tied up nods her head frantically. I teleport past LL and Molestia and undue Luna's gag.
"Epic!" She gasps. "Thank the stars you're here!"
"Hey, the hero always saves the princess." I say with a smug grin. She grins back.
I hear Molestia and LL clearing their throats.
"Those are our princesses. Wait your turn." Molestia says seductively.
"Get lost or I'll use the 'Platonic Relationship' spell I invented." I bluff.
It works, seeing as both Molestia and LL run out of the throne room like bats out of hell. With them gone, I turn and undo the others gags. The first Celestia I untied was the Original Celestia.
"Thank you Epic." She says gratefully. "I don't want to know what that doppelganger would have done to me."
"I do, and you'd either feel awkward or learn to like it." I say bluntly. She stares at me blankly as I undo Twilight's gag.
"Yea, he's right." Twilight confirms before she trots off.
When I undo the other Celestia's gag, she bursts into anger.
"What the fuck is going on, where the fuck am I, why am I a horse, who the fuck are you shitlords and when can I fuck that horse with the glorious ass?" She says with a mans voice.
"Ok, first of all, Pat?" I ask. He nods. "Good. 1. You almost got molested by two sex crazed alicorns. 2. You are in the MLP universe. 3. Your 'Two Best Sisters Play' personas and your real life consciousness' have entered this universe due to a time space rift. 4. I'm Epic Story, I came here via a Loony Toons mechanic, this is Princess Celestia and Luna, the real ones, and the one that just left was the Twilight from Molestia's universe. And 5. Knock yourself out bitch."
"Wait, 'personas'?" He asks. "As in plural?...Matt is here too, isn't he?"
"Yup." I say.
Pat rushes out of the room, screaming:
"Matt's not getting my bitches this time, see ya' later, fuckers!"
The three of us guess that Pat would 'distract' the two long enough for us to escape. As we run through the castle, we hear Molestia and LL in the distance.
"I can't believe we fell for that lie!" Molly says. "Oh, I'm going to punish that unicorn for days under my glorious ass!"
"Don't forget to give me a piece of him before he breaks, sister." Lusty Luna adds.
I gulp and lead us another direction in the castle. We duck and weave through the corridors. Somehow, the two managed to get ahead of us, so we dived into the nearest room we could find. We wait a few moments for them to pass, then realize that the room is occupied. Sitting on two beanbags are none other than Gamer Molly and Gamer Luna, playing Infamous: Second Son on the PS4.
"Luna!" Molestia yells from the other side of the door. "Are there any clones of you and me and a unicorn in there with you?"
We look at Gamer Luna, shaking our heads frantically, hoping she would cover for us.
"No sister!" She replies. "Please, leave me alone, will you?"
Without a word, Molestia and LL trot away.
"Thank you." I whisper.
"Don't mention it." She replies.
The three of us wait a moment and then proceed to sneak out of the castle. We manage to find a moment to relax on the edge of the Everfree Forest.
"Epic," Luna says. "This is getting out of hoof. We need to find a way to fix this."
"You're right." I reply. "There isn't a straight forward way to deal with situation. We'll have to use a convoluted, scientific method of dissolving this conundrum and restoring this plane of existence to a 'stabilized' state."
The two princesses stare at me. While I stare into the distance in deep thought, I see something fading in and out...something blue.
"And I know just the butter loving, pear hating, son of a bitch for the job." I say with a grin as I run toward the object with Celestia and Luna just behind me.
We are now inside the TARDIS with Dr. Whooves, his assistant, Dittzy Doo, Derpy Hooves and their new addition, Tick Tock. As I explain the situation to the Doctor, he is scanning me with his sonic screwdriver while Dittzy serves Celestia and Luna tea and muffins and Tick Tock tinkers in the corner.
"So, you entered this world in order to help combat a mercenary with mutant abilities and have been here ever since?" Asks Dr. Whooves.
"That's about the sum of it." I reply.
"And now, creations of those that view this world from beyond this universe have begun running wild and, unlike the others that have come here, you don't have a conventional method of removing them from this world?" He asks again.
"You've hit the nail on the head, doctor." I say.
"But if your friend Barry can take things in and out, why doesn't he?" Asks Dittzy.
In response, I show her the note from Barry that he gave me as I looked for Luna and Celestia, saying:
Tablet is on the fritz. You're on your own for a week.
"Oh...never mind." Derpy says and turns back to eat her muffins.
"But if all the other duplicates are metaphysical manifestations of fan-made media, why and how are we here?" The Doctor says.
"It could be possible that you three are real...visiting a parallel universe! Wouldn't be the first time, would it?" I theorize. "That explains the 'how'. As for 'why', I'm pretty sure the TARDIS sends you to places in time to save the day. Ever notice how you almost always show up in time to interfere with trouble?"
"Hmmm...I'm gonna have to have a talk with the TARDIS after this." He says.
"So, Doctor, we need a way to end this before somepony gets..." I start to say before the Doctors laughing cuts me off. I respond with a quick 'conk' to his head.
"Ow! What was that..."
"Focus Doctor! The fate of this universe is in our hooves!" I say.
He starts to laugh again, so I hit him again.
"Stop hitting me!" He says.
"Stop laughing at the grammar I have no control over!" I say back to him. "Look, if you take this seriously, when Barry's tablet starts working again, I'll have him make you ginger."
"Ginger?! You're on! Come along Ditzy, Tick Tock, Avante!" The Doctor shouts triumphantly.
"Why he cares so much about being ginger, I'll never know." Derpy says.
"Oh, that reminds me, Doctor?" I say.
"Hm, yes?"
"Why pears?" I ask.
"Moving on..." He responds in a serious voice as we make our way out of the TARDIS. Luna and Celestia begin to follow us, but I get in their way.
"Luna, Celestia, I need you to stay in the TARDIS." I say.
"We will do no such thing!" Celestia says with a royal tone. "Our subjects are in danger and we must..."
"Survive." I cut her off. "I can't guarantee your safety until Barry's tablet is fixed. Until then, you two need to be guarded and there is no safer place than the TARDIS." I turn to Luna. "I don't want to lose you."
Luna and I hold a deep stare into each others eyes for a moment.
"Sister," Luna says. "We're staying here."
Celestia gives Luna and I each a stern look, but eventually...
"Very well." She says as she turns back.
As I turn to face Luna again, she blindsides me with another kiss.
"If you don't come back..." She says while her hoof strokes my face.
I place my hoof on hers. "I will." Then, we make our way out of the TARDIS.
As the four of us exit the TARDIS, we stop dead in our tracks. Now, we see dozens of TARDIS' scattered in the field and coming out of everyone is a different Doctor...except one that clearly belongs to Discord Hooves. The Doctor and Derpy with me stand with their jaws wide open. Tick Tock's mouth is closed, but his eyes are as wide as all of ours. After a few seconds, I break the silence...
"Well...at least there aren't any Daleks or Cyber-ponies!"
And just like that, a hole rips open in the sky, and pouring out are the trademark ships of both Daleks and Cyber-ponies. All three of my guests look at me with a disappointed look on their faces. My response is simple:
"...Balls...back in the TARDIS...NOW!"
The four of us rush back in the TARDIS and slam the door behind us.
"Ok, I'm out of ideas...anypony else?" Says the Doctor.
"If I may interject and possibly bring about a solution to this metaphysical conundrum." Says Tick Tock.
"By all means my gingercorn frie..." The Doctor says before he is cut off when we notice what Tick Tock is holding in is hoof.
It is a slim, square shaped device. The back is made of a lightweight material while the front is a glass-like surface.
"...That's a tablet...You made a tablet?" I ask stupefied.
"If that is what it's supposed to be." He replies. "I made it a few months ago, wondering what the result would be if I used some of the TARDIS's spare parts inside a slim container with a touch enabled screen."
While every pony in the room was occupied getting their jaws off the floor, I was laughing my plot off.
"Leave it to the pony that made the can opener before the can to make the tablet before the internet!" I say in approval.
"Ok, now you have a 'tablet'." Luna says. "Will you be able to use that to restore order to Equestria?"
"Not yet..." I say as I think of a solution. "Doctor, I need you to use the TARDIS to upgrade the software in this tablet. While you do that, Celestia, Luna, Tick Tock, and myself, will pour as much magic into it as we can. Hopefully, the combination of science and magic will be potent enough to give this device the ability to send these ponies back to where they came from."
"Oooo, ooo, ooo, what can I do?!" Asks Derpy.
"Just...don't sit on anything. I'm sorry, but you know why." I respond as truthfully as I can.
The Doctor snickers and says under his breath: "Bubble butt."
Derpy gives him a good conk on the head and calls him fat.
"Stop it!" I yell at the two. "Doctor, if you'd please?"
The Doctor walks over to the console, grabs a cable, and plugs it into the tablet.
"Okay, updating software, increasing memory size, calibrating touch interface for hooves and magic," the Doctor mumbles. "Oh, Epic, do you wan't me to set up a Tumbler page for you? I'll make it so you can hear 'asks' like we do in the Zero Room."
"What, sure whatever," I tell him. "Are you almost done?"
"Getting there!" He responds. "Would be faster if this ran off Linux...damn Windows RT..."
"It'll do for now." I say, waiting for the upload to finish. After a few minutes, the Doctor gives me the nod. "Alright, everypony ready?"
While the other three magic users nod, the Doctor snickers. I gesture Derpy and she conks him on the head for me.
"Thanks Derpy," I say with a grin. "Now, on the count of three, pour as much magic energy into it as you can. Doctor, can you monitor the levels and tell me when it hits 100%?"
"Yeah, sure." He says with a scowl as he rubs the bump on his head. He pushes some keys and turns some knobs until a screen drops down with a percent gauge. "All set."
"Okay." The four off us move so we face the tablet from four directions, Luna and Celestia across from each other and me across from Tick Tock. "One...two...three!"
With perfect sync, we direct our magic at the tablet. I use every ounce of concentration I have and the others do the same as the Doctor reads off percentages:
"10%....25%...40%!"
The energy starts to emanate around the tablet. I start to feel a little weak. I can tell that Tick Tock is too. Luna and Celestia look fine, but I can see them sweating.
"58%....72%....90%, keep it up just a little...100%! Kill the power!" The Doctor yells.
We immediately shut down our magic. Tick Tock and I drop to the floor. Celestia is panting but Luna rushes over to me.
"Epic, are you okay?!" She asks as she holds me in her hooves.
"Ugh...yeah...I'm fine..." I say in a drained voice. "*cough*, you know...I think after this is done...I'll take you out on a proper date...and maybe...I'll take you up on your 'proposal'."
She laughs "I think I'd like that. But first things first."
Luna helps me back on my hooves and I pick up the tablet with magic.
"Alright, time to see if this works." I say as I fire up Photoshop. "Ok, clicking on his mane..." As I say it, The Doctor's mane has a dotted out line.
"What the?" The Doctor blurts out.
"Lets start with a 'Weasley' shade, shall we?" I click on the 'custom pallet' and pick out a shade of red for the Doctors mane and, sure enough, his mane turned ginger.
"HA! HAHAHAHAHAHAH! YES! FINALLY, I'M A GINGER!" He yells at the top of his lungs, dancing around the TARDIS.
"Aaaaannnnnddd...undo." And the Doctors mane changed back to normal.
"Oi! Why did you change it back?" He asked angrily.
"To make sure that any changes I make can be reversed." I respond. He calms down when he sees my logic. "Now, lets see if I'm able to manually take out these 'visitors'."
I walk outside and find that it has gotten even more out of control. Now the "Dash Pad" is in Ponyville and Epic Dash is blowing everything up, more specifically, the Dalek and Cyber-Pony ships. It takes her only a minute to finish all of the ships. Then, she jets back to the "Dash Pad".
"Damn," I say in response. "I was really hoping to party with those mares...and that one stallion, maybe. But, I have to test this on something."
I click on the "Dash Pad" displayed on the tablet to try and delete it, but it won't work.
"Balls...then again, I don't want to erase them from existence." With that in mind, I start to think up an alternative. After a minute, I click on the "Dash Pad" again and select 'Create Custom Effects'. In a minute, I program an effect titled 'Return Home'. When I hit 'Execute', the "Dash Pad" and it's in inhabitants slip into a wormhole that appears beneath them. After a few seconds, the wormhole disappear's and the "Dash Pad" is gone. While I admire my work, I check the power levels on the tablet. The power dropped from 100% to 91% in a second.
"Wow, this thing uses up a lot of magic! I better get this done quick."
After spending about a half-hour removing almost all remnants of the Internet from Ponyville, the tablet has only 10% power left. The only ponies left to send back are the Doctor, Derpy, Tick Tock, Matt and Pat.
"Thanks for your help you three." I say to the time-travelling trio.
"No problem," The Doctor says. "Oh, I almost forgot! I put in a feature on your tablet so it will recharge automatically by drawing in the magic around it and will only take 3 hours. The downside is that it won't start recharging until you hit 0%, so use up every last drop once we leave."
"Thanks for the tip!" I say. "I hope we meet again someday...maybe when it's less crazy."
The Doctor and I think about what I just said and we both bust out laughing. Derpy and Tick Tock look at each other in confusion, shrug and get in the TARDIS, dragging the Doctor by his hind legs as he continues laughing. With all three of them in the TARDIS, I send back to their own universe. Then I turn to Matt and Pat.
"Alright you shitlords!" I say, milking my ability to swear again, knowing it will disappear as soon as they go home. "It's time to go home, you scrubs."
"Awwww, but me and the nympho horse we going at it for hours!" Pat whines.
"Oh god, just send us back already!" Matt groans. "I want to get back to my human girlfriend and eat ice-cream sandwiches!"
"Alright fine." I say to them. "Oh, and tell 2Snacks he needs to start animating 'Super Best Princesses Brawl'!
'Wait, what...?" They say together.
"See ya' fuckers!" I yell as I send them back home.
As the final wormhole closes, all the citizens of Ponyville gather around me and start to cheer. Without hesitation, Pinkie Pie shows up and blasts confetti in my face.
"Another day, another apocalyptic disaster averted, another party!" She says cheerfully.
"Actually Pinkie, you can have the party without me." I say as Luna walks up beside me. "I promised a special somepony I'd take her out on a date."