Upheaval: Reckoning
Chapter 53: Legion-forged
Since the first time he faced down a pack of wolven, Vanguard had come to expect certain sensations to accompany the rush of enemies: fierce snarls and growls, the angry grind of claws against metal, the crunch of bodies colliding, pained yelps of the injured and the weak howls of the dying. For all their blood-lust and persistence, the wolven were familiar and familiarity always brought some comfort. He knew that the ponies from the Western and Southern Legions must expect similar things.
His previous fight, however, had been against silent, pony-shaped monstrosities of flesh and bone: the monstrous creations of an alicorn identified as Caro Artifex. Once more, Vanguard found himself charging against monstrous and mostly silent creations, this time from Smart Cookie. The smaller, dark-green metal constructs whirred and clicked into the fray. No two looked the same, but they were all bizarre, gaudy, jagged things with far too many cutting implements. Despite their awkward appearances, they moved with surprising agility. They scuttled, slithered, and even rolled through the rough sloping terrain with ease. It was hard to tell if these things had eyes or any other senses even if some of them had something vaguely resembling a head.
The constructs emerged from the Old Kingdom like a disturbed colony of ants, swarming out to destroy anything that dared to be nearby. Their sheer numbers were intimidating enough and the wicked ways by which they were equipped for battle gave even some of the legionnaires pause. Enormous beetle-like pincers clicked menacingly, powerful crab-like claws waved about and spinning saw-blades attached to spidery legs promised a gruesome end for the careless. They came not just in various shapes but sizes as well. The smallest ones were roughly the same size as ponies. There were larger ones, some merely two or three times the size of a pony to enormous behemoths the size of siege towers.
To combat this sudden threat from the filthy darkness that Equestria eventually emerged from, representatives from all three legions had gathered around the Old Kingdom. Earth ponies steeled themselves for the inevitable crash, pegasi took flight and unicorns intoned their first spells. It was unclear as to who had the advantage in numbers. The enemy horde looked manageable for the time being, but more were still pouring out of the Old Kingdom. Terrain, however, favored the Legion. The Old Kingdom lay at the bottom of a lake and its freakish creations had to move up a slope to engage.
A hail of bolts and arrows crashed into the first wave of constructs. The Northern Legion’s pegasi were armed with light crossbows, which let them retain their mobility and reload quickly for suppressing fire while maintaining sufficient power to hurt the mobile and lightly armored wolven. From their aerial vantage point, they picked out and concentrated their bolts on the faster constructs. Steel-headed shafts pierced thin armor plating and jammed into the moving parts inside, hampering and even stopping the enemy. The pegasi flew in small formations, dodging and weaving when the constructs fired back with high-speed darts and spinning blades.
The Western Legion’s bolts came from the ground. To pierce ursan heavy armor and musculature, earth ponies wielded enormous heavy crossbows, much too big to use effectively in flight. Their bolts shattered the smaller constructs and pushed back even the bigger, thicker-armored ones. If that wasn't enough stopping power, the Western Legion had also brought along some of its notorious “bear-skewers”: essentially small, metal-prowed ballistae mounted on the backs of earth ponies. A second pony accompanied the weapon-carrier, holding the ammunition, aiming, and keeping the weapon steady. The size and power of a bear-skewer was almost grotesque in its exaggeration, but it was necessary when encountering the rare ursan titans. When a smaller construct was struck, the javelin-sized bolt tore through it as if it were made of paper, raining debris down on the ones behind it. Even the larger, armored ones did not fare much better. One crab-like construct collapsed when a bear-skewer bolt sheared off four of its legs. It collapsed on its side and slid slowly down the slope while others skittered over it.
The Southern Legion had fewer missiles to contribute. Concentrated missile fire was not a favored tactic in the thick jungle-fighting skirmishes that made up many of the encounters between Equestria and Ophidus. Armed with long bows for more versatility, pegasus archers picked their targets individually, trying to home in on the more dangerous looking ones and sniping them from various angles. They flew low, just out of reach of the larger constructs. In the jungle, they would still be under the canopy thus avoiding being clear targets for vipren snipers.
Physical missiles were not the only things punishing the horde of constructs for coming at the Legion from a lower ground. The northern unicorn magi had assembled their spell-fire lines, unleashing a steady stream of fire, lightning, and force, against the enemy front lines. They fired in turns, with one row casting while the other recovered and intoned to ensure a constant barrage of spells.
At the very rear of the Legion, the western unicorn magi had formed their evocation arrays long before the fight started. Against the magic-resistant ursans, unicorn magi in the west rarely worked alone. The smallest array, comprising three participants and a director, was called a ritual. The participants channeled their magical energy into a single blast of raw force which the director aimed and fired for great distances. A ceremony was an array of two rituals led by a coordinator. Four rituals, three in a participatory role and a lead one at the center, made up the largest evocation array known as an assembly. It took more than just putting together every available unicorn mage to create these arrays. Teams had to practice together for long periods before risking actual combat. There were also stories of attempts to form even bigger arrays. None of them ended well. For this fight, the Western Legion had mustered only a single assembly, a dozen or so ceremonies, and even more rituals. Great blasts of telekinetic force arced across the sky and pounded the rear lines of the construct horde, sending shards of metal raining back into the Old Kingdom. Great care was put into aiming the arrays lest any strike the Old Kingdom itself and risk harming the princesses.
The southern unicorn magi spent more time moving among the ranks than firing spells at the enemy. Balls of fire or bolts of lightning were seldom good ideas in cramped fighting conditions surrounded by combustible materials. While it was still reasonable to overcome cobrahn magic, the Southern Legion had to deal with coatl overlords, the most magical of Equestria’s enemies, easily capable of crushing entire platoons of unicorns. Southern magic was more subtle: enhancements to speed and power, temporary shields to help with the first impact, protections against potential toxins and most importantly, harmful blasts of energy.
Vanguard watched the unified ranged assault with a sense of satisfaction and concern. Their attacks proved effective enough. The smaller constructs crumbled under the wave of bolts, arrows, and spells. More enemies continued to emerge from the Old Kingdom and the horde was single-minded in its assault. Even the most bloodthirsty and stubborn wolven commander would have hesitated at the amount of casualties its troops were taking before they even got to the melee. Not so these things. They did not flinch or slow when their fellow constructs fell all around them.
Then, there was the big one. Special Operations already knew of the existence of the Coldsteel Construct, but there was too little information at hoof to formulate a plan of attack should they encounter it. It was shaped like a giant earth pony. Vanguard watched with great concern as it took a blast from the Western Legion’s assembly. White surges of magical energy flowed across its armor plates briefly, but it continued its ponderous advance without taking so much as a scratch.
After a slow but persistent surge, the constructs finally approached the Legion’s front lines.
The reaction was instantaneous. Once the constructs reached a certain distance, the front line legionnaires charged. Earth ponies from the north occupied the front lines, Vanguard Clash among them. They were the most heavily-armored, well suited for slamming into wolven lines and breaking them apart. At a downward gallop, they crashed into the enemy, trampling those that got underhoof into flattened fragments and pushing back even the larger ones. Vanguard himself slammed into a six-foot tall bipedal thing with enormous grasping arms. Its knees snapped from the impact, leaving the rest of it to be trampled to pieces by his hooves.
The constructs fought viciously. One legionnaire lost both his forelegs to the spinning blades of a scorpion-like monstrosity. As the legionnaire fell, the thing lifted all five of its drill-tipped tails and plunged them into him. Yet, this unfeeling relentlessness their foes exhibited also proved to be an advantage. Gaps quickly emerged within the enemy’s front lines. The Old Kingdom’s constructs showed no concern for each other and preferred to charge in deep to kill as many ponies as possible over maintaining any sort of formation.
The legionnaires from the west were quick to seize this flaw. The heaviest barding did little to protect a pony from the claw swipes of a massive ursan so the Western Legion outfitted its infantry with lighter ones for mobility. For weapons, they preferred long barbed spears or great jagged blades. In either case, they were trained to outmaneuver their bigger, slower foes, and to leave behind horrific wounds until they bled to death. For this fight, they pushed past the front lines and towards the lightly armored constructs that fired darts and blades at the pegasi. They cleaved through their foes with ease and then leaped out of the fray when the heavier constructs gave chase.
In addition to its earth ponies, the Western Legion also had a few lancer flights brought into the Heartland. They were the oddities among the Legion's pegasi, the most heavily barded and the least maneuverable among all of them. Lancers were picked according to their strength and endurance, rather than flying ability and long-range accuracy. They were armed with their signature broad-tipped spears. Each one was nearly ten feet in length, a quarter of which was metal. They dive-bombed large armored targets with finely-honed precision, using special harnesses to release their weapons if they broke or got too embedded. They were also armed with heavy, curved blades for swooping strikes.
The southern legionnaires proved the most out of place in such a massive battle. Just as its long-range units did not favor large formations and mass concentration of fire, the Southern Legion’s melee units were not prone to holding lines or breaking them. Heavy metal barding rusted quickly in the humid air of the south and was a great liability in the marshier areas, but protection was a must against the poisoned arrows and darts. A southern legionnaire was clad in medium barding, made from very thick leather reinforced with chitin plates from the jungle wildlife. A recent influx of dead dragons also provided many of the higher-ranking legionnaires with dragon scale barding: light, tough, and waterproof. Weaponry was a matter of balance: short bows for elusive viprens and cobrahns, wide-bladed swords for close encounters with constrictors or very stubborn undergrowth. For this fight, they provided stop-gap reinforcements, helping the northern legionnaires hold the line and providing support for the western legionnaires pushing ahead or falling back.
“Eeyahoo!” Scarlet Rabbit yelled.
As brutal as the melee was on the ground, the pegasi were not any better in the air. Blood rained on the ground units with feathers slowly following after. A pegasus was seldom struck just once when hit and a single still moment, either from hesitation or pain, was all it took to be peppered by a dozen or so flying blades and darts. When bodies fell from the air, they were never in one piece.
Though the Old Kingdom’s constructs fought silently, the Legion made up for it with fierce neighs and fiercer oaths. The bang and grind of metal was constant and everywhere. When the constructs brought down a pony, the screams that followed was enough to set Vanguard’s teeth on edge. He had seen the wolven tear a pony apart and drag away chunks for food, but these things drilled, sliced and tore with ferocity that he could only call fanaticism.
“Vanguard!” Nightcanter being so close left Vanguard confused. He was by the very front lines, slashing and stomping on every construct that tried to force its way to their more vulnerable units. The precautions taken in moving Legion troops into the Heartland meant that their numbers for this fight could have been more. Every legionnaire was needed to push back the enemy, including every Special Operations agent available.
“Nightcanter!” Vanguard had to yell to be heard even though Nightcanter was a mere foot away. She stood by his left side, unleashing a barrage of force missiles at their foes. If Nightcanter’s presence wasn't enough of a surprise, the directness of her methods certainly were. “I thought you’d be by a spellfire line!”
“I figured that somepony better keep a close watch on you!” Nightcanter yelled back. She ducked as a dart whistled past her. “Our dear Elements of Harmony won’t take it well if they come out of that hole, and find your corpse, unless two of them have some really bizarre tastes!”
Vanguard grunted, and swung his two-bladed sword so hard that it cut through the wolf-like jaws of a construct, tearing through its beetle torso and splitting its snake-tail in two. A moment later and that sudden burst of fury was followed by pangs of embarrassment. It wasn't like him to lose control like that. “I’m not going to fall back and hide like some self-important noble, Nightcanter!” he snarled.
“Of course you’re not!” Nightcanter smiled and blasted another construct with raw telekinesis. For some strange reason, the bigger constructs advancing on them just a few minutes ago had disappeared. This part of the line was actually doing so well that it continued to push forward. “I’m not asking you to get out of here, Vanguard Clash! I’m just taking it upon myself to help your chances in making it out alive!” Vanguard snorted and was about to push forward with the rest of the legionnaires when Nightcanter held him by the shoulder. The others pushed on and the din of battle lessened a bit. “I like our new chosen friends and I want them to have a little happy ending after their trip to the Old Kingdom!" She gestured towards another part of the battlefield close to them. “He probably thinks so too.”
Vanguard only needed to follow Nightcanter’s hoof briefly. About a few dozen feet away from them, a bright blue beam cut through the constructs, severing limbs as if the metal was butter. The beam had come from a shining orb, no bigger than a melon, hovering near the right shoulder of Blue Moon. A second orb hovered by his other shoulder and was firing a beam at a different location. Around him, constructs lay in pieces. No wonder those bigger constructs were gone. Their cut up remains still glowed with heat.
Blue Moon himself walked through the wreckage while shielding passing legionnaires. The two orbs occasionally adjusted as they fired, sometimes focusing on a particularly large target or individually going for smaller ones. Whether the orbs were able to determine their own targets and attack without prompting or Blue Moon could somehow focus on two different targets while aiding his allies was unclear. In either case, he would be impressive. Vanguard was in no mood to be impressed, however, even as Blue Moon walked closer and enveloped him in a layer of protective spells. “Be careful, Vanguard Clash,” Blue Moon said. “You are needed for more than just your sword skills.”
Vanguard didn’t answer. The front lines were pushing the constructs farther back and he still had his part to do. The advantage was clearly for the Legion for now, but the Coldsteel Construct was still making its way into the fray and reinforcements were still coming out of the Old Kingdom. It wasn't long until he was at the thick of things again. Shards of metal flew around him with each swing and crunched under his tramplers with each step forward. ‘More than just my sword skills, huh?’ he thought. It was no secret that Blue Moon involved himself in the well-being of the Elements of Harmony.
Every pony in this battle had loved ones to go back to: family, friends, lovers. Why should he be any different? The pragmatic answer was infuriating. Elements of Harmony. That made him different. As always, the crude arithmetic of war demanded that values be put when they shouldn't be. The mental state of the Elements of Harmony was more important than some family in the Barrier Lands. Vanguard slashed again, this time so hard that the grip rattled in his mouth. The blade cut through metal plating and the wires underneath with such force that he flung them dozens of feet away. Even Nightcanter stared wide-eyed at him for a moment. He stepped past the corpses of several legionnaires and into a breach within the line. With another sweep of his blades, he broke through several constructs at once. The two-bladed sword vibrated from the impact and his jaw and neck muscles started to burn.
As the battle went on, the piles of junk and dead bodies began to slow the Legion advance. The already damp slope turned into a slippery mess. More than a few of the heavier legionnaires took a wrong step and started a dangerous slide into the waiting blades of their foes. Vanguard crashed blade-first into another construct, nearly gouging one of its snake-heads off from the base of the neck. The other two snapped at him, but his tramplers took out their front knees. A tangled mess of plates and wires clattered to the ground. A mass of wriggling, spiked tentacle-chains advanced on him. He swung again, cleaving through most of them and striking the squid-shaped construct underneath.
The right blade of Vanguard’s weapon snapped.
Vanguard struggled to right himself. He reversed his grip on what was left of his weapon, aimed for the center of the writhing, broken mass of chains, and stabbed deep. The construct ground and whined, shuddering violently before falling still. Vanguard dragged his blade out only to have the tip break off.
“Vanguard, fall back!” Nightcanter shouted. She struggled to keep up. The constructs didn't respond too much to illusionary trickery. Their vital spots were also few, difficult to find, and still required a great deal of force to break. The rest of her squad only fared slightly better. Vanguard was inclined to do as she asked. His two-bladed sword was ruined, his neck and shoulders hurt, and he doubted that even Blue Moon’s enchantments would last the entirety of this fight.
Still, something else kept pushing Vanguard into the fray. His legs moved on instinct: breaking past metal limbs, smashing armor plates, trampling the fallen. An explosion rocked the battlefield ahead of him. For a moment, he was back in the north again, caught in a wolven ambush during an escort and desperately fighting his way out with his old squad. Yes, this was more his place. He didn't belong anywhere near the Elements of Harmony. Circumstances merely brought them together for a short while. They didn't need him, they shouldn't need him. The thought that he had secured some place of safety, some form of protection, because of the bonds he had formed left a vile pit in his stomach. He had let himself get too carried away by sentimentality and Twilight’s insistence. Being out here with the rank-and-file offered a renewed perspective. Nightcanter shouted again, but the din had risen to the point that he could hardly make her voice out, let alone what she was yelling. Blue Moon’s enchantments sparked as another blow veered away from him.
‘Stop.’
The cold, pragmatic thought slipped past Vanguard’s teeth-grinding fury. He had to stop. Whether it was to take a breather, to find another weapon, or to simply regroup, he had to stop. He strained to get his legs to follow and to let somepony else go into the breach. He recognized the sensation now, it had slipped through while he was distracted by Nightcanter and Blue Moon’s words. Wolven bloodlust. He cursed at himself. How could he have let things get this bad? He had never let the bloodlust taken over this far. Not since he was a colt.
“It’s all feelings, Vanguard, the moonrage, the bloodlust...even the regular lust. Feelings come and go. They’re not you until you own them. Will and duty, that’s what you should always follow. They tend to stay around.”
Sharpfangs’s words had held true all Vanguard’s life. It was advice born of dealing with a far harsher form of the wolven blood and a far more unforgiving scrutiny by the Legion. Sharpfangs had eked out a place for himself in the Legion through unfeeling consideration, giving up his dream of fighting in the front lines to make sure that the thrill of battle did not inflame the blood.
Once more it was that advice that Vanguard relied on. Perhaps it shouldn't be just him. If he was the chink in the Elements of Harmony’s armor, it was time for that chink to disappear. ‘All feelings,’ Vanguard thought. ‘Calm down.’ Sixth squad eventually reached him. With the mindless rage settling, more immediate things came to the fore. The ground was shaking. He didn't even need to look to know what that meant.
The Coldsteel Construct’s shadow was already upon the Legion. The ground rumbled with each step. The ominous grind of the behemoth’s body parts moving were punctuated with strange and powerful hisses of gas escaping, as if the thing was breathing. The inescapable smell of blood and decay was tinged with a hint of ozone.
“Good thing you got whatever that was out of your system,” Nightcanter said in-between pants. “Let’s fall back before that thing steps on us.”
“Captaaaaain!”
Scarlet half-landed and half-crashed just a few feet away from Vanguard. He was up before they could even try to assist him, gulping down air as if he had just escaped being strangled. The right side of Scarlet’s chain barding had been nearly torn off. His champron was gone as well. Cuts, both deep and shallow, covered most of his torso. “What’s wrong, Scarlet?” Vanguard asked.
“Something’s going on with that giant metal pony,” Scarlet said. Despite his wounds and the bad landing, he was still hopping in place. “A bunch of us flew in to see if we can find some spot to shoot at when we all dropped like flies. I nearly snapped my neck too!”
“What did it hit you with?” Nightcanter asked.
“That’s the weird part!” Scarlet said. “It’s doing something to the air around it! No matter how hard I flapped my wings, the stuff just flows through! I couldn't get any lift going!”
Several squads of pegasi circled the Coldsteel Construct from a distance. When a few tried to move in even just a bit, they plunged and could only regain altitude if they fell farther away from the giant. “That’s probably why it’s constantly expelling that gas,” Vanguard said. “A defense against flying enemies.”
“Smart Cookie had pegasi and unicorns covered,” Nightcanter said. “The evocation arrays have been pounding that thing once it got in range and nothing’s denting its magic resistance!”
The Coldsteel Construct had no visible weapons nor did it need them. Nopony was crazy enough to be anywhere near it at ground level. Its hooves were big enough to flatten an entire platoon without pausing and it was tall enough to have peeked through the walls of Fangbreaker Fortress without rearing up. All it needed to do was keep moving forward. Already, the line of troops in its direct path was forced to fall back. The rest of the line also had to do the same or risk being separated and surrounded. They were fortunate that the smaller constructs were too concentrated on mindless slaughter to take advantage of the Coldsteel Construct’s advance, but that didn't mean the fight would not be lost anyway.
Vanguard shook his head. They couldn't lose. If they retreated now, these things would swarm the Heartland. Next to him, Nightcanter ordered the rest of her squad to retreat. The rumbling grew louder and the shaking was enough to rattle the broken remains around them. They had to go. But where would they fall back eventually? If the front lines receded too far, the rear units would have to abandon their evocation arrays, costing them a great deal of magical firepower. There had to be a way to hurt the Coldsteel Construct. Despite the resources put into making it, no matter what kind of genius was behind its design, it was still made by a flawed pony. There had to be some weakness.
Vanguard wasn't the only one whose immediate concern was to fall back, however. Two more glowing spheres materialized before Blue Moon. They formed a diamond pattern in front and above him and began to spin, gathering arcs of magical energy into them as they did so.
The more surprising thing didn't come from Blue Moon. From afar, five ponies galloped as group towards the Coldsteel Construct even as the rest of the legionnaires were falling back. They had the barding of the Western Legion along with a certain detail that marked them as part of another group.
“Celestia drill my backside!” Nightcanter said. “What are those true earth ponies doing? Are they trying to die?”
Vanguard doubted that. At least, he doubted that getting themselves killed was the only thing those true earth ponies were trying. They all wore masks that marked them as capable users of that bizarre magic that their faction practiced. The true earth ponies were not above a good deal of fanaticism as well. Perhaps the sight of the Old Kingdom’s relics, the very ponies that actually oppressed their ancestors, stirred them into a frenzy of their own.
The Coldsteel Construct had come close enough to be at the farthest range of a bear skewer. Its individual metal plates were visible as was he sparkle of hundreds of disruptor crystals. The hiss of gas escaping was deafening.
The smaller constructs had surrounded Blue Moon, who had stayed despite the other legionnaires telling him to go with them. The magic he was channeling was drawing their attention. Despite also being past the front lines, Vanguard, Scarlet, and Nightcanter, were not being targeted. The arcs of blue-white magical energy gathering around those orbs had grown as huge as lightning flashes. Several constructs jumped Blue Moon and promptly burst into flaming fragments when they touched the invisible barrier around him.
The Coldsteel Construct took one more step before Blue Moon finally unleashed his magic. The blue-white orbs stopped spinning and flashed. A great beam of energy erupted from between them and struck the Coldsteel Construct's chest plates. Unlike the bolts hurled by the assembly, this beam did not simply fizzle. Vanguard watched it intently, looking for the first signs of damage, hoping that this would be the turning point against the Coldsteel Construct.
“Oh, to have lived during that time...” Nightcanter said softly. Almost reverently.
“It’s more powerful than an assembly blast,” Vanguard said. “But I don’t think the solution to this is ‘more power’.”
“That’s no simple beam of evocation magic, Vanguard,” Nightcanter said. “That’s a blast of disjunctive abjuration, the strongest sort of dispelling magic there is. It should be our best bet against the level of anti-magic that thing has.”
“That’s sounds all well and good on paper, Nightcanter, but is it working?”
Nightcanter squinted at the chest plate. “I can’t tell,” she said. “Too much of a light show going on there. It had better because we’re running out of options.”
It did seem to be working. The beam of light halted the Coldsteel Construct in its tracks. The rest of the Legion had noticed. They stopped withdrawing for a while and fought back. It wasn't just the Legion that noticed as well. The smaller constructs attacked Blue Moon in a frenzy, throwing themselves into his barrier with abandon until their smoldering fragments piled up. “We have to help Blue Moon!” Vanguard said. “He can’t keep that attack up if his barrier’s eating up his magic!”
Nightcanter nodded. Despite his injuries, Scarlet was also game. They galloped hard to reach Blue Moon, smashing and blasting through a throng of constructs that were all but ignoring them. By the time they made it, Blue Moon was perspiring heavily and panting. The beam was still as strong as ever, but his barrier was now simply deflecting attacks. Vanguard slammed his tramplers --his only remaining weapons-- against the closest constructs and planted himself between Blue Moon and a wall of bladed limbs. Nightcanter took the opposite side while Scarlet hovered above them. That the constructs were so blindly focused was more of a boon now. Vanguard’s limbs felt like chunks of lead wrapped in nightsteel. Each time he lifted a foreleg, his shoulders strained as if they were about to rip. A large group of pegasi was flying from the front lines toward them. Even at the distance, it was impossible to miss the enormous spears. “We’ve got a lancer flight incoming!” he yelled over the din. Between the hiss of the Coldsteel’s “breathing”, the clang and clatter of their enemies and the steady hum of Blue Moon’s spell, even yelling didn't seem enough.
There were pegasi from the Northern Legion as well. Blue Moon’s highly conspicuous spell would have caught a lot of attention in the Legion and some had come to provide backup and extraction. Vanguard crushed another construct under his hooves and glanced at Blue Moon. Despite the great strain, the unicorn remained calm. He was shaking however. To Vanguard’s dismay, the beam was starting to shrink.
“Come on!” Scarlet shouted. Vanguard could understand the rage in the pegasus’s voice. The Coldsteel Construct was starting to move again. Its chest plates crackled with the blue-white energies of Blue Moon’s spell, but there didn't seem to be any lasting damage.
“How tough can you build something?” Nightcanter asked loudly. She paused and looked to the ground before looking at Vanguard. “Anti-flying gas and impervious magic resistance...I’m starting to think Smart Cookie hated unicorns and pegasi as much as the true earth ponies!”
Vanguard paused as well. True earth ponies...he searched the battlefield frantically. “True earth ponies, of course!”
The beam finally faded into nothing. Blue Moon fell to his knees. “I’m sorry,” he mouthed between pants.
“We’re not done yet!” Vanguard shouted. With the great beam of abjuration magic gone, the smaller constructs started to refocus. Fortunately, the pegasi back up had come close enough. A hail of bolts struck the nearby smaller constructs. As the bigger ones advanced, the lancers crashed in. Most of their enormous, steel-tipped spears snapped from the sheer impact, but that was only after burying themselves nearly halfway into their targets. The lancers released the catches on their harnesses and landed nearby, pulling out blades and coming over to help.
“Vanguard!”
Vanguard recognized that harsh call. Of all the ponies to come after him, it had to be Flight Captain Tailwind. He didn't know if he should be embarrassed or thankful. Tailwind landed next to him, crushing a construct under her hooves as she did so. “Come on!” she said. “We’re pulling you lot out of here!”
“Hold on!” Vanguard said.
“We can’t hold on! If that thing comes any closer then nopony’s flying anywhere!” Tailwind fired her crossbow at a construct behind Vanguard. Nearby, the lancers formed a defensive ring around Blue Moon.
Before Vanguard could reply, a burst of colorful light, like a pillar of rainbows, erupted ahead of them and struck the same chest plate that Blue Moon had been attacking. The swirl of colors coalesced with the remaining crackles of Blue Moon’s disjunctive beam, exploding into a blast of energy. A loud cheer erupted from the Legion’s lines as an enormous section of the Coldsteel Construct’s chest plating fell from the blast. Vanguard and the ponies near him braced themselves for the loud impact.
The shockwave sent even some of the smaller constructs flying. Despite the weight of his armor, Vanguard had to hunker down. The others held on to each other to anchor themselves. The roar from the Legion’s lines grew louder and legionnaires hurled themselves anew into the fight.
True enough, a large section of the Coldsteel Construct’s chestplate had fallen off, revealing a mass of cables, like the striations of muscle, exposed. Many of the cables had been torn apart, exposing the inner workings of the monstrous creation. More importantly, there was something glowing past the cables, its light just peeking past all the metal and pulsing like a giant heart.
“Hey, Captain!” Scarlet yelled. “I think we should hit that thing! As in really hard!”
The Legion had thought the same. Several arcing blasts of magic flew from the evocation arrays, clearly aimed for the gaping hole. Several shots from the rituals and ceremonies were wide, striking the Coldsteel Construct’s still protected shoulders and face. The assembly’s shot struck true. Vanguard held his breath. This had to be the shot to end it.
The magical bolt fizzled and rained sparks on the constructs below.
“Foal of a nag!” Tailwind shouted. "What's it going to take?”
“More true earth pony magic!” Vanguard said. The others looked to him briefly. He pushed back more constructs and edged closer to the protective ring. “It makes sense! Smart Cookie built that thing before Rock Maven’s rebellion! She couldn't have built a defense for their brand of magic!”
“Great!” Scarlet said. “We just need to get more true earth ponies then!”
Nightcanter looked towards the spot where the piece of chest plating had fallen. That spot was very close to where the true earth ponies had fired the attack. It was a miracle that they even made it to that spot, but expecting them to survive after that impact and being swarmed by constructs was unreasonable. “Easier said than done, Scarlet!” Nightcanter said. “The Legion wasn't exactly thrilled with letting a lot of true earth ponies into the Heartland and most of them were reportedly wiped out in some ambush!”
Confusion spread across Scarlet’s face. “So...we don’t have anything to throw at it?”
“I may have something for that.” Blue Moon raised his head and cast another spell. An enormous straight sword, well over three inches wide and as long as a pony was tall, unsheathed itself from thin air. It struck the ground point-first and buried itself on the spot. Strange symbols glowed red, like molten cracks, along the dark gray blade. Amazingly, the thing was crafted, hilt to tip, from a single piece of stone. “This sword belonged to my friend and comrade. A true earth pony can unleash great power from it, but any earth pony can make use of its basic properties. Vanguard Clash, I have just enough strength to teleport you close to that heart-like object. Use this sword to destroy it.”
Vanguard nodded and approached the sword, but Tailwind stepped in front of him. “That thing’s liable to fall apart if destroyed from the inside!” she said. “Pegasi can’t approach it so who’s going to provide extraction?”
Blue Moon looked to the ground and shook his head. “Remote teleportation at that distance is impossible for me, even at full strength,” he said. “There is no extraction.”
“Then I’ll do it!” Tailwind snapped. She reached out to bite into the hilt. Her face was still half a foot away when a surge of colors arced out of the weapon and struck her. With a cry, she fell back and rubbed her face in agony.
“Did you think that the true earth ponies would craft their artifacts to allow pegasi and unicorns to wield them?” Blue Moon asked. “Frenzy Heart used a great deal of personal power just to allow us Thorns to carry it. It must be an earth pony.”
“And I’m the only earth pony around,” Vanguard said. He glanced at the defensive ring. Their back up was already hard-pressed. “No time to argue, Flight Captain, I’ll take care of this. Fly Blue Moon and the others to safety once I’m in.”
“No!” Tailwind shouted. “There has to be something else! This is a suicide mission!”
“Flight Captain...”
“Don’t do this to me again, Vanguard! I am not outliving you!”
“Mother...” Vanguard held Tailwind by the shoulders and stared at her until she focused on him. “I am a soldier of Equestria,” he said. “So are you. We both know what will happen next.”
Tailwind grabbed a hold of Vanguard’s neck and pulled him to a tight embrace. Her chest heaved and she let out a loud, stifled sob. A moment passed and she let go. She wiped furiously at her face, and then looked to the others. “We’re flying out of here!” she barked. “Everypony get ready!”
Vanguard grasped the hilt with his mouth and pulled it out of the ground. The blade’s weight nearly dragged him down.
“The sword weighs less to a true earth pony channeler,” Blue Moon said. He fiddled with his coat’s pockets and pulled out a small glowing sphere, no bigger than a pea. “You’ll have to make do, Vanguard Clash.”
“I can’t carry this and wear my barding at the same time,” Vanguard said. He let the sword go and undid the straps of his champron. As he unbuckled the other pieces of nightsteel plate, Scarlet Rabbit flew over and helped undo the others.
“I’ll keep them for you until you get back!” Scarlet said cheerily.
“Thank you,” Vanguard said. He didn't bother telling the pegasus otherwise.
“Vanguard!” Nightcanter said. “I’ll always regret not getting you.”
Vanguard nodded and grasped the sword’s hilt again. The tiny sphere in Blue Moon’s hooves turned from turquoise to dull gray. A flash of blue-white magic seared away his vision...
By the time he drew his next breath, Vanguard was standing on something uneven and metallic. The ground quickly heaved, forcing him to make a grab for anything. His forelegs touched a thick metal cable. That was enough of a clue to tell him where he was. When his vision finally cleared, he saw that he was standing on a tangled mess of cables, holding on for dear life as it turned out. Behind him was the gaping hole that Blue Moon and the true earth ponies’ combined attack had left. He righted himself and quickly ran in before the evocation arrays tried another barrage.
The dry heat inside the construct was intense, almost suffocating. Sweat soaked Vanguard's mane and ran down the sides of his neck. The cables proved treacherous to navigate, especially given the darkness. He was never on an even footing and the only light to guide him pulsed from a distance. To make things worse, the Coldsteel Construct lurched with each step, causing the floor to come alive. The hiss of gas escaping completed the torment. If it was loud before, it was excruciating now.
‘Focus,’ Vanguard thought. The mission was clear and simple enough. He pressed on, shoving aside cables that got in his way. Even those were lined with disruptor crystals. The thoroughness of Smart Cookie’s precautions and the magnitude of this project was enough to draw grudging respect, even from him. It also showed that whatever powered this thing did not behave as normal magic would. He raised Frenzy Heart’s sword and brought its blade down on the cables still blocking his path. The ease was surprising. The stone blade was heavy and unwieldy, but it cut through metal as if it were thin undergrowth.
The heart was several feet away from the opening, a short walk. Just making it to that spot, however, felt like hours of hard labor. Vanguard was panting by the time he was close enough to the thing. His vision blurred and his legs wobbled. If this thing survived his first swing, the mission was likely a failure. He lifted the stone blade and steadied himself as best he could. His legs tensed for a leaping strike...what could be the last leaping strike he would ever make.
All of a sudden, the sword felt too heavy. The angle was wrong, the lighting was too dim around him and too bright around the target. The constant movement made it impossible to put any strength into the strike. This was a poorly conceived plan. If he turned back now, he could make his way down the cables. With some luck he could climb down the Coldsteel Construct and escape.
The floor heaved again. The Coldsteel Construct was moving forward. Vanguard grit his teeth so hard, his jaw strained against the stone hilt. ‘Soldier of Equestria...’ he thought. ‘You know your place. You know what happens next.” Against every instinct telling him to abandon the plan, he took a step forward. The sword wasn't too heavy. It wasn't too dark around and too bright by the target. They were all just feelings. He knew he could make one more strike. He waited for the rumble of the Coldsteel Construct’s next step and leapt.
The stone blade struck true, piercing whatever material that the painful glow hid until its blade sank halfway through. Vanguard let go after the strike and collapsed on his side, his legs finally giving way. The light abruptly disappeared, like a candle blown out. The movement and the hissing stop. For a moment, Vanguard was in perfectly still darkness.
A great victorious roar came from the opening: the fierce cry of hundreds of ponies noticing that the biggest threat in the battlefield had been stopped. Following that elating sound was the ominous whine of metal scraping. The floor was moving again. The cables shifted and collapsed as the Coldsteel Construct started to fall...
“Vanguaaaaard!”
The distant cry was enough for Vanguard to realize that he had woken up. That meant a few things. First, he was alive. Second, a lot of time had probably passed and all the fighting was over. He opened his eyes, but all he could still see was darkness. He tried to move around and quickly regretted the attempt. His hind legs refused to budge. They seemed to be pinned by something, but the pain from the effort meant that they were broken. Indeed, his entire lower half was unmovable. He tried his left foreleg and found it also in the same pain and predicament. That left his right foreleg. He raised it and found that a large section of metal had fallen above him. He was lucky that it hadn't fallen through and smashed him flat. Or unlucky. He could be stuck here until he died of his injuries or starvation.
“Vanguaaaaard!”
Vanguard tried to shout back, to alert whoever was calling out to him as to where he was. His throat felt so dry. His jaw ached when he opened his mouth and all that came out was a weak groan. He tried striking the metal to make sounds, but he was so weak that nopony could possibly hear his feeble tapping. He let out a snort. He had hoped for a quick clean death if it had come down to it. Being entombed alive was the final ordeal as it turned out. ‘Not so bad,’ he thought. ‘I've done what I could with what I had.
With only silence and darkness around him, Vanguard tried to think of other things to take his mind off the pain in his limbs. He remembered the question he asked when his father first gave him that bit of advice.
“Father, why did you marry mother?”
“Now, what’s brought this about?”
“You said that feelings weren't as important as will and duty. It must have caused a lot of trouble for a lot of ponies for the two of you to be married.”
“A lot of trouble is right. For me, your mother, her family, even the Legion. You could say that it was a decision with a lot of bad effects.”
“Then why did you do it? Shouldn't you have just ignored your feelings?”
“Well, boy, sometimes a pony has to think about his own happiness. Even if it’s just once. I knew that mine involved your mother so I risked it. It doesn't always feel like I made the right choice, but I've always chosen not to regret it.”
“That’s really confusing, father.”
“Just keep it in your thoughts, boy, maybe it’ll make sense someday.”
‘My own happiness, huh?’ Vanguard thought. Fresher memories came to mind: Twilight Sparkle leaning against him along the halls of the Royal Palace, sitting next to Applejack in that forest clearing with the moon above them bright and the campfire warm. He hadn't chosen, thought that he shouldn't for everypony’s sake. He might have been wrong. Maybe that was going to be one more regret before he died in this hole.
An hour passed. Or was it a quarter of an hour? The metal plate above him shifted.
“I've found him! He’s under here!”
That was Blue Moon’s voice. It was easy to assume that a location spell had something to do with his accurate searching. The metal plate groaned and shifted some more before slowly floating away...
The stream of light hurt Vanguard’s eyes even as the first whiff of cool, fresh air invigorated him. He put his one working limb up to shield his eyes. Despite the discomfort, he smiled wryly. “Haven’t I done enough?” he whispered. He wasn’t sure who he was talking to. It didn’t really matter. Perhaps he hadn’t. Once more, he was going to be given a chance to do something about it.
“Vanguard!”
Tailwind was the first to get to him, cradling his head gently and try to clear the nearby rubble. He felt something wet drop on his face followed by another stifled sob. “You rotten boy...” Tailwind said between sniffs. “You’re going to kill me with your stunts.” She shifted slightly. “What are you waiting for? Get some medics here and help me get him out!”
A quick shuffle of movement followed those orders. Vanguard’s vision finally cleared enough for him to see. It was a sunset’s last few rays that had hurt his eyes. Around him, Tailwind, Blue Moon, and Scarlet, were all smiling. Tailwind wiped more tears from her eyes. “Rest easy, son,” she said. “You’ve done your part.”
“Not all of it, mother,” Vanguard said, his voice barely a whisper. “Not yet.”
An Upheaval update, and it's not the weekend? Madness!
I'm loving the look we're getting at the combat styles of the three different legions. Especially the Western Legion's pony-mounted heavy ballistae. *awesome*
Blue Moon ain't too shabby either.
Shesh, rather sounds like they need an alicorn to help out with the Construct, I'm not sure mortal ponies are going to be anything but easily squishable targets.
Speaking of targets, that sounds like something to aim at. And now Vanguard even has a Big Ass Sword to hit it with, fantastic.
Here's hoping that sword survived, V needs a replacement for his double bladed one.
So. Much. Awesome!!!
Vanguard taking down the Cold Steel Construct like a boss. Wonder if he will get to keep the sword?
3412995>>3412993 Well, I don't think that'd be a good idea. Remember that he had to take off his barding to wield it? Even if he could wield it together with his barding when he is well rested, he'd tire much faster, so it'd be a bad idea to fight against the wolven hordes, or any enemy that can last for a little while, with it.
Delicious words. Lovely chapter as always.
I know she was nowhere near here but I was kind of hoping that Pinkie could use that sword. Oh well maybe next time.
3413085 Just need to train him up in True Earth Pony magic, though admittedly that's a huge long shot to imagine happening.
*wipes off drool*...all that world building on the Legion...*drools some more*
We also finally have Vanguard's thoughts about all that's happening and he's just as duty centered as before...or not
This sentence is just plain confusing, what were you even trying to say here Visiden?
Vanguard's gotten Frenzy Heart's stone blade, why do I have bad feelings about this especially given Warsinger and Octavia...
So judging by the last bit Vanguard will either go and try and help the Mane6 in the Old Kingdom or the AJ-Vanguard-Twi love triangle can finally begin in earnest now that Vanguard understands that romance is important, hopefully both.
EDIT:
Extra t here
While I'm a major fan of the Twilight/Vanguard pairing I think that Vanguard is going to make a point to not chose either of them...in which case we all lose.
But asides that I have to say I enjoyed this chapter. It was an awesome battle, and I enjoyed seeing Blue Moon in action. Not to mention Vanguard's little jaunt through the giant mech.
Yeah Pinkie's totally gonna be swinging that sword in book three.
Single highhandedly my favorite chapter in this entire series to date. Getting to not just learn about, but see in action all the different skills and techniques practiced by the various branches of the Legion was beyond elating.
I'm hard pressed to pick a favorite branch of the Legion, but I'll be damned if the author didn't make the Western Legion sound kick ass! I mean between the evocation arrays, bear-skewers, and heavy pegasus lancers it's tough to not be impressed.
Seriously with the gripping atmosphere of an intense clash between armies, mixed with the struggles of our favorite Legionaries. That combination is a recipe for a damn good chapter.
Still waiting on that chapter
Saw you on the front page! Congrats! I love Upheaval and personal think they should be perma-featured.
I think I may have said this before, but this is one of my favorite pieces of fiction - not only in the realm of MLP fanfiction, but in all the fiction I've read. There's some damn fine stuff out there, and you've entertained me more than some published authors have.
I'm not sure if it hasn't been noticed or it's some part of language I've been missing, but... I presume this needs an extra word.
Loved it.
Damn, Blue Moon reminded me of Kael'thas with those orbs of his...
There was also a spelling mistake somewhere but I can't find it again...
3413085
The obvious solution is that Pinkie gets to keep the sword.
Awesome battle scene and chapter, though I follow the philosophy that Heroic Sacrifices should actually involve Sacrificing oneself in order for them to mean anything. Also, the story is starting to actually be Upheaval again instead of just Dark Souls with ponies, so huzzah for that. Unless the spell that Blue Moon was using was Homing Soul Mass, though it seemed more like magical equivalents of Options from Gradius than that spell.
Once the Upheaval series is completed, someone should definitely animate them. I'd love it if Hasbro would approach Visiden and offer to make a movie out of this!
And so I reach the end of the published chapters. Such a glorious ride, so sad to see it end for the moment. I can't wait for the next one!
Vanguard killed... A human?
Or maybe a gorilla?
They didn’t need him, they shouldn’t need him
Liked the chapter; a few thoughts though:
The coldsteel construct was out first of all, and a few chapters back you said the first volly of spells and arrows was at it; but then it's like it was one of the last things out and despite having the longest legs and presumably the fastest construct, didn't get in until late in the piece. I'd have thought it would be the line breaker.
So Blue Moon is way tougher then 17 top spell casters together; nice. I wonder if Blue moon would have known how to lead an assembly, or if the moves would have changed too much by now.
Also occurred to me that if the gas effected pegasi from above, it was probably lighter then air so a pegasi might be able to fly under it OK. Maybe if they kept their distance they could have done something like Luke Skywalker in Star Wars 5 against the AT-ATs.
someone give this chapter a medal
I know people tend to frown upon when someone does this, but I had this song playing while reading this chapter, and it seems to fit the whole battle (and especially Vanguard's scenes at the end) so goddamn well...
Especially if you look at the lyrics:
"Mama, she says 'No way'..."
3425934 Don't you mean 'his' goal?
This is a great chapter. Do you know would would be even better? If you followed up with a spike chapter. Just forget about the tension and cut away to spike eating some chips for 5000 words. But seriously how does Spike fit into all of this? This seemed like a moment where a bunch of dragons would have been helpful.
Hey, I want to preface this by saying I love this story, great stuff.
However, I've noticed a recurring issue with your fight scenes that I thought should be pointed out.
You don't foreshadow your fights properly.
Maybe that sounds harsh, but please hear me out. A good fight should consist of a philosophical conflict between well defined characters where the outcome is at least theoretically in question. Now, part of establishing a character is establishing how well they fight in the universe relative to other entities, and this is where I think you suffer.
Let's take the example of Pyre Valor. You begin the story by establishing her fireballs as more powerful than anything Twilight does, but beyond that, we get very little sense of how powerful she is in this world. She fries a few wolven, but seeing as every other character does their own share, this carries very little impact. At no point are we presented with an enemy that qualifies as being in a league apart from the others for her to test her mettle against. If, instead, they had encountered a berzerker, and the rest of the team deferred to her, it would have given a sense of her being at least one step above the other members of the team, or even worth all three of them put together.
This situation only gets worse when she betrays Fangbreaker Keep. Having fused with Nightmare Moon, she should be apocalyptically more powerful, but we receive no evidence of this. Yes, she blows up the keep doors, but as the doors had never been established as particularly tough, this means next to nothing. If you'd taken a minute to establish the doors as something special, say being made from "magically reinforced nightsteel" and that "a dozen berzerkers couldn't knock it down", then the fact that she blew them apart would have been a thing of pure terror.
Finally, the problem persists into her battle with the elements of harmony. Having no comparative idea of how strong she is, we get no sense of how powerful the elements are in opposing her. We don't even get her slaughtering a few other spellcasters beforehand, or even properly destroying a few soldiers. She just skips straight into a fight with Twilight, who herself has never had her strength established beyond the vague benchmark of "alot." Ultimately, it robs what could be a clash of the titans into a magical pissing contest. (Did I mention I love this story? I really feel like I should re-iterate it again here)
Now, I'm only going to touch briefly on the Gravitas battle here, because I feel it was an excellent example. Here, again, you fail to establish any sort of benchmark for how powerful Gravitas and his soldiers are. They blow up a few changlings, but we've never seen any prior to this, so for all we know, they could be gossamer sugarpuffs. The ambiguity continues into the battle with the alicorns and the elements. We've never seen any common measure of strength between any of the combatants, and worse, we don't even have any concept of how their fighting styles compare. So one soldier has a spear, and the other a hammer. What does this mean for the fight? Aparrently nothing. We never get a feel of tactics for the battle, of selecting certain powers and passing over others to exploit the weaknesses of their fighting styles. We just have these combatants whacking each other until someone pulls out a super move. I like to call this Dragon Ball Z syndrome.
Finally, I hate to go on, but I absolutely adore this last example: the battle with the coldsteel construct. Here, you almost foreshadow the battle engagingly. You establish the three branches of the Equestrian legion, and even establish their fighting styles! Unfortunately, you fail to deliver on this forshadowing. Instead of breaking up into units and performing specific tactical roles, all three branches just sit around being different and then proceed to melee with the boringly indistinct hoards of machines.
I'll be honest, you really missed a golden opportunity here. I can already see how the battle could have fallen out given the differing tactics of the three branches:
First, the northern legion would form the backbone of the military force, being the ones most experienced with massed unit charges, such as the one depicted here. They would set their heavily armored troops in a defensive line, with their medium-range spellfire lines providing covering fire from their backs. The Western legion would then array itself beside the northern, their lighter armored and better armed ponies serving as cavalry to break the machine charge, preventing them from hitting the northern lines at full tilt. Behind it all would be the western legion rituals and arrays, using their superior firepower and range to disrupt the largest densities of approaching machines, as well as tear up the landscape and slow their progress.
Now, the pegasai from all legions would be employed as troubleshooters, their greater speed allowing them to rapidly organize and coordinate. The northern legion pegasai would provide covering fire, thinning out the lighter machines around any larger ones that were making a nuisance of themselves. With ground support distracted and whittled down, the pegasai lancers would move in, and take out the heavier targets that were threatening the defensive line. I forget what southern pegasai do, so we'll gloss over them.
You'll notice that I glossed over the southern legion ground forces. This is because their gurella tactics mean they'd be ill suited to any rigid strategy. Like the pegasai, they would be relegated to troubleshooters around the defensive lines, either supporting western soldiers that were in danger of being trapped, or northern soldiers in danger of being overwhelmed.
I would include the true earth ponies in here, but the story is so back and forth on whether or not they're in the western legion forces or not, that I can't really make heads or tails of what they might do. I certainly think their attack on the coldsteel construct could have been handled much better. Instead of appearing out of nowhere to knock off the plate and immediately die, they should have demonstrated that they could hurt it first. Then, the legion could realize that the TEP were the only thing that could turn the battle around, and you could have a tense suicide mission of trying to fight them close enough to do their stuff, instead of them just... going in and dying.
In summary, each of the legion units should have had a clear role in the battle, like a well oiled machine. Or even a badly oiled machine if they've never fought together. By giving them all roles, you make each one important. For example, if the western soldiers are breaking charges, then losing them means the northern troops will begin to get overrun, which will force the western arrays and rituals to fall back, leading to defeat. Thus, the western forces become deeply important, and every loss becomes keenly felt and tense.
Anyway, wall of text. I hope you find the time to read this, even if it's to tell me I have my head up my butt. I also think I should take this moment to say that you're *almost* foreshadowing the thorns well. But again, we don't have any objective scales for how tough they are. If I can leave you with one thing, it's that every character should fit on some sort of scale. "How many berzerkers could X fight and kill?" Yes, they all have different fighting styles with different tactical roles, but there should be some sort of baseline. In fact, the most interesting fights are between similar strength foes with different styles, because then it becomes about forcing the enemy to fight on your terms, and that's always good for some cleverly written battles.
3436978
Hi, here's a throwaway line about what I like about your story that's the equivalent of "that's nice" followed by 1309 words of criticism!
I appreciate the critique. Seriously. When I get around to more rewrites I will take your words to heart because you do bring up a serious point.
But don't patronize me with that tidbit of "Love your work! Great stuff!" preface like I'm a kid who needs his pinch of sugar to help the medicine go down. It doesn't help, it just pisses me off. If you made it through over 400k words of story then I'll just assume something kept you around. If you're not really interested in pointing out positives then just get to the negatives. That I can use.
3437130
I consider such sentiments common courtesy and a simple precaution. I've seen stories killed by less, and given that this is our first time speaking, I'd ask you not take it personally.
While we're on the topic of critique, I might as well raise one other point that crossed my mind. You halfway characterize your characters through their equipment. Vanguard Clash has a twin bladed sword, which is unique enough to be part of his character, but we never receive an explanation why. Is it an heirloom from his wolven ancestor, a reminder to never lose control? Did it simply suit his approach to combat better than his tramplers? Was it the only thing left in the armory?
The same thing happens to Twilight's spells. Pyre Valor picks fire because it suits her, but Twilight seems to select spells at random, without any philosophy. Just a single paragraph on how she chooses her spells could really flesh out her character.
3437175
Funny, it seems to have achieved the exact opposite of being courteous.
"Foreshadowing". You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means. Perhaps you mean scaling or a power chart of some sort. It's certainly not foreshadowing.
As for the rest. I'll what I can do.
3437294
I mean foreshadowing in the sense that you establish some baseline of power before you actually commit the character to a meaningful battle.
For an example you actually did use: Twilight using a poor version of Pyre Valor's trademark fireball provides an indication or warning that she is not yet ready to face Pyre in combat, and will be outmatched. When such a battle looms, the audience can look forward to the fight with this in mind. As anticipation of such a fight is half the fun, foreshadowing the balance of power is extremely important.
crap took me 2 weeks to read both storys now I must wait for the next chapter o well it will be worth it
3438955 thanks for acknowledging my points. (didn't stop a goon army from downvoting me without reading past the first sentence.)
Just because she is long lived doesn't mean she learned to be efficient with her powers, there was never a need before. To put it another way, have you ever learned something as basic as learning a one-armed combat style on the off chance someone cuts off one of said limbs? If you had all these years to master both arms surely you could fight with just one.
Combat engineer or no, Celestia has Never been in combat but once (when she was trying to kill her brother and failed), it was Terranto that did all her and Luna's fighting. Celestia didn't even have said power when she was trying to kill her brother. Also, the necromancer would've had to fight Luna and Celestia (so she likely knows/knew how to fight).
Lastly, lasers are not combat efficient. It would take enormous amounts of energy to instantly burn through a non-alicorn biomass. The story started turning sunbutt into a mary sue, and by adding the most anticlimactic battle ever only put a spotlight on this problem.
(Don't worry I care more about phrasing. As long as your words flow smoothly into one another I care not about your grammar.)
3437130 3437294
Not so.
I've read 400k words of shit before. Or, to be more accurate, I've read extremely long stories that started out great, but became shitty after few hundred thousand words.
In addition, I've read stories that are shitty in their entirety, but still enjoyable. Enjoyability and objective technical goodness are barely related at all. So it's perfectly reasonable for someone to read a story and say "Hey, you're story sucks in every way imaginable. I still love it though!"
Try not to get offended when someone tells you that they like your work, especially if they like it in spite of all it's failings. If someone were to say "You write better than God, and I like your story despite them." That's nice, sure, but come on. If you're that good of a writer, then it's almost expected of them to like it. No big deal. On the other hand, if someone were to say "Hey, here are all of your massive problems, but I still like your story." Then that is a truly great compliment, because it means that you've created something that allows them to look past your failings and simply enjoy the story.
tl;dr
Compliments are rarely, if ever, offensive to any sane and rational person. Learn to accept compliments with your criticisms for a healthy and balanced diet.
As things stand, you kind of come across as a whiny child. No offense meant.
3452884
I like compliments. Bring them on, I'll take them. Just make sure that's exactly what they are.
Everything else about Between Lines's comment was useful. I especially appreciate how he gives specific examples that I can look over. It shows his attention to detail and it helps me focus. This line however...
What's this supposed to mean? Maybe you or Between Lines can explain it better. To me it reads "I'd better throw you a bone or you might cry and take down the story." It doesn't read as a compliment. It's certainly not "good manners". It kind of reads as a veiled insult to the author, like a fighter blatantly pulling his punches because he thinks you're a spineless wimp. Sticking to all the negative points would have complimented me better.
All in all. Just be frank. If you're here to discuss the bad parts of the story, then discuss the bad parts of the story or the badness of the story if you hate all of it. If you're here to say you like the story, then say you like the story. If you're here to make a balanced critique, then make it a balanced critique. Don't half-ass and put throwaway lines to "spare my feelings." It's the one thing I don't like. It's easier to take faren455's comment about how the story has turned to shit. At least he's frank about it.
3453382
comon vivy
the guy was being overcautious
he just didn't want to hurt your feels with that huge wall of criticism
although it achieved the exact opposite, i am sure he meant well
Now to wait for the updates. I really like this story but the grammar is slightly painful to see. i can move past this for the great story but good grammar is nice too. Please don't take this comment as an insult because i don't mean it in that way at all, just stating my opinion for the small amount of good it might do. your story has offered me some great ideas on some drawings though so thank you for going so far into the story and not canceling it.
If nothing else on this day, Vanguard Clash defined the very essence of what it means to be a Warrior, knowing that there would be no extradition from this mission, and that he would in almost complete certainty join those who have fallen before, he does what needs to be done. When his time comes, there is an honored place for him reserved at the head table in the Halls of Valhalla.
This is the greatest battle scene since the siege on Bastion City. This is FUCKING EPIC!!
dragonlance regerence? You seem to have good lore reference taste my good sir, and not just coming from that
wow
Just wanted to mention again how much I love Vanguard. I don't think I can say it enough <3