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Rotten Wood

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MelancholicMemory

MelancholicMemory #1 · Aug 16th, 2013 · · ·

Overall a pretty good gross-out grimdark. I'm a bit biased because Moony is in it though

I felt like it came off more as pure gore for no reason than a legit story. t came off as being a lot like Cupcakes. I think it would have been better if you played it as tragedy rather than horror. For example, you could show Rocky and Moony as friends first and have Rocky's sanity slowly slip until she mistakes Moony for a marble or something and carves her into something. Speaking of which, it felt a bit rushed. You need to have the proper set up for all of this horror, but you cut straight to the gore. There's also some awkward dialogue like "Do you forgive me? Oh, wait, I can’t ask you because you’re dead...” I felt the fic was lacking for a while, but it got better after Moony died. I think I could help you deal with Moony's character better as well. She wouldn't quiet up or puke the right way just because Rocky said to. She'd continue to panic. She's easily scared. The story was good for a gross-out, but lacked substance. You need to flesh out characters more. There were also some grammatical errors. Overall, it was written fairly well. I give it a 6.7/10. Not bad.