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Long Lost Pony?

Can Glitter Spectrum find the answers to her questions in regard to Twilight Sparkle and their possible relationship?

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 2 )

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Prane

Prane #1 · Aug 10th, 2013 · · · Chapter 2 ·

So far so good. Well done on starting the story with some action, not pointless chunks of telling about your OC to the bone - we know something about her, but not everything, which is nice.

It's an intriguing concept overall (I'm counting on learning something totally unexpected soon), although I feel Chapter 2 to be a little rushed due to scenery jumping - in a matter of paragraphs we visited the train station, library, Fluttershy's place and the town square. I guess that this was necessary for some plot-building, but could be avoided by describing the places a little bit more and making us feel that the action happens there. That would also lead to lenghtier chapters, which I'd love to see!

Also, it seems there are genre tags missing - it feels to be a Slice of Life-type story, but perhaps there will be a touch of Adventure or Sadness? Adding those will help the readers get the general feel prior to reading. And I think you should switch Angel tag for OC tag - with the limit of five, OC seems more relevant than him.

pagangirl86

pagangirl86 #2 · Aug 10th, 2013 · 1 · · Chapter 2 ·

3021384 Wow.. uh... That's the longest comment I've ever gotten for anything I've ever written. Usually it's "Good! Write more"...

I'll keep in mind your suggestions. I wasn't really happy with Ch. 2 either, but I wanted to get all the characters together, so.. I'll probably re-write it.