The Mayor really hates warm days.
It's the most severe heat wave in the modern history, the four biggest cloud factories are down, the Everfree forest seems to be on fire and she still got two more hot surprises waiting for her.
Chapters (1)
RedCore
Joined 19th Feb, 2012 ·
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Not bad for a first attempt, but it definitely needs some editing. Not sure about the way you've written it, I think it's 3rd person(?) and I don't think it suits the story very well, if it was first person from Mayor Mare's point of view I think it would have flowed a lot better. If you spent some time rewriting this and have someone edit it, you'd have a good one shot here. The structure could also be improved, with some barriers indicating change of scene and proper paragraphing for who's speaking.