Warehouse 13 in Equestria

by BRD

Making new Friends

Before the Warehouse team and Applejack got to Twilight's house a pink pony jumped out of nowhere and yelled "Hi I'm Pinky Pie and who are you?"

After the team calmed down they introduced themselves to Pinky Pie and explained everything that happen up to this point.

"By the way a friend of yours told me to give you these." said Pinky Pie and handed them their Testellas (a gun that shoots electricity to stun bad guys.)

Before Artie asked who gave the Testellas to her, Pinky Pie was already gone.

"Don't mind her much, She always this strange to everypony." said Applejack.

When they got to Twilight's house Applejack knocked on the door. After Twilight opened the door, she invited them in for a cup of tea.

Then the Warehouse team introduced themselves and explained everything that happen up to this point.

"That shouldn't be to hard to find with my magic" said Twilight and then her horn glowed and a portal showed a mint green unicorn mare with a light green and white mane and a lire/harp for a Cutie Mark picked up the pen and turned in to a human.

"I know who that pony is, that's Lyra Heartstrings." said Applejack

"OK let's go and find her" said Myka

"I think it's a good idea to go find some of my friends first." suggested Twilight and she explained that she and her friends are bearers of the Elements of Harmony. "What are these elements you speck of?" asked Artie. Twilight explained that the elements are the magical gems each represents the traits of friendship: Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Loyalty, and Magic.

So, the Warehouse team, Applejack, and Twilight got out of Twilight's house and whet to find Pinky Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity. After an hour they got to Lyra's house. Pinky Pie knocked on the door and after a few minutes a light green haired women came out and asked "Hi Pinky Pie, what's up?"

Pinky Pie asked Lyra if the Warehouse team can have the pen back.

"No!" said Lyra.

"Why not?" asked Pinky Pie with a sad puppy face.

"Because I always wonted to be a human and you can't do anything about it." Replied Lyra.

Then The Warehouse team shot Lyra with their Testellas and the Main six used the Elements of Harmony to change Lyra back to a pony. After the Warehouse team bagged the pen. Princess Celestia and a brown Alicorn walked up and introduced themselves.

"How did you get here Mrs. F?" asked Pete. Mrs. Frederic (She is the caretaker of Warehouse 13 and She was a brown Alicorn with black mane and a deed as a Cutie Mark.) that she was an old friend of Celestia. Before Celestia send the Warehouse team back home, the Warehouse team said their goodbyes to the Main Six and then they whet home.

The End

Author's Note:

I hoped that you liked this story.

thanks
BRD

P.S. To any Warehouse 13 fan(s) on this site,

Did I spell Testella(s) right?

Let me know in the comments.

Thanks
BRD

Comments

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Well, I'm hesitant to read you story. First off your title is very bland, sure it tells us what the story is about, but not in a truly interesting manner. Next your description is full of grammatical errors and also fails to catch my attention. If anything it turns me away. However, since it is me, I am going to read your story.

Another thing before I read, it's smart to aim for each chapter to be at least a thousand words. Short chapters are turn off to many readers.

Now then having started in on your tale I must say it is blatantly obvious that you are new to writing. You never want to just directly tell your readers what is going on like that. And putting stuff in parenthesis like that? A big no-no. If you pick up a book you'll see that the author gives you detail. In this first paragraph there is so much detail you could put in; why are they taking inventory, how do they feel about this, what else is in this particular aisle, ect.

Also neither barn nor investigate need be capitalized. Only capitalize proper nouns.

A pet peeve of mine, yay! Spell out numbers, 5 should be five.

Also it is spelled ponies, not pones.

Also I'd like to point out the lack of detail I mentioned from paragraph one is continuing throughout. I am not however going to go into detail of what sort of detail you could put, this is your story and at this rate my comment will be longer than your chapters.

Wake up, not woke up.

Again, you shouldn't capitalize words like panicked pegasus. Unless of course you are talking about Pegasus from mythology.

Now then another problem. I know that they deal with crazy stuff all the time working for the IRS however no sane person, especially one as logic oriented as Myka, would look at a horse with wings and ask who it was.

Ok again with the parenthesis. However I'm pointing this out here not for the poor story telling by parenthesis but because of another issue. No one likes hearing a character described outright to them, you have to sprinkle description in over time. And here you not only outright describe one character, but five.

Also I'd like to not that the spelling used in the show spells cutie with an ie at the end, not a ey.

Applejack's dialogue doesn't strike me as very Applejack-y. Maybe instead of

This is call a Cutey Mark.

Try

Why, shoot! This here's mah cutie mark!

Or you know confusion over why they don't know what a cutie mark is.

Again with the outright explaining. This is almost worse than before, you want to know why? The ponies in the show are defined by their cutie mark, yes, but its not that concrete. And the show never blatantly tells us...

Also another note, things like said, replied and ask get very repetitive very quickly. Avoid those words when you can.

Ok. I am going to try to read chapter two just for the heck of it...but I am not going through it like I did chapter one. Also I don't know how you are about criticism, but I'll tell you now I have this comment elsewhere in case you delete it.

Ok, holy Celestia's flank. I know I said I didn't plan on commenting on chapter two, but seriously?

[Lazaro Sol]

That guy's comment critiquing your story was longer than your entire story

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2977496
*gal's
And no, it's longer then the second chapter, not longer then the first.

[Freewing Alchemist P]

Not a bad attempt your probably need to expand on what you got more.
Everything happened too quickly and most everything was in expatiation.
But not bad you got a good idea and frame work here.

That's why I like to say good luck and I wish you the best.

[mur-pony]

i remeber this show
that was better than the entire 4th season