(Written before S3 E13)
Scootaloo is the last one of her friends to remain a blankflank, and that's obviously not the position you want to be in. But what's the price for finding out your cutiemark?
Also, give me any advice or tips you have/want to give me, this was my first fanfic written ever, and i would appreciate some feedback, even bad feedback is good feedback, if that makes sense. Hope you enjoy ^^
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Alright, I'm not the best person to go to for grammar, but I can see a couple of things that would turn readers off immediately. First off, and this could just be my opinion, but to me, the CMC are speaking a bit to sophisticated. The're only like maybe 10 yrs old.
For example:
Maybe you should change it to: I really hope she gets her cutie mark soon.
You don't need to add the extra words, but again this point is only my opinion.
and
maybe just, "What happened to her?"
It's also unfortunate that you aren't using the Apple's accents. A lot of people, me included, like to read the characters like they would normally sound. It might seem hard, but it's actually pretty simple. I= ah, my=ma, use words like reckon, I'm+ ah'm
stuff like this just gives the story more character
Another thing I saw was that your spacing with some of the quotes is wrong.
You don't need to end the quotes, and then start them up again.
If you really feel the need to space up what the character is saying, do the one quote then go to the next line to start the next quote:
I would suggest that you only break it up like that if you have a lot more lines, but for your story maybe try this:
Again I'm not the best with grammar, but maybe try an editor you can find a lot of them on this site.
If you ever need any last minute readings to just check up on stuff or some slight proofreading, you could always PM me, I'll help you in anyway that I can
I hope this helped a little.
That... that was a bit darker than I had expected.
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That didn't only help a little. wow, just, wow.
Okay, so i'll try to get the Apple's accents, but when i wrote this that dind't occur to me, but i'll surely fix that for upcoming stories, and maybe edit this one a bit. Also i thought the sophisticated Sweetie Belle would fit a little, but now that you mention it, it really doesn't. I will think about that aswell.
When it comes to the quotes, i have never really understood how to use them, and my sister briefly explained them, i'll look into that aswell before i write more.
And i will make sure to PM you if i write in the future, thanks alot :3
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Do you think i should add the Dark tag? I wasn't sure :l
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No problem, I'm always willing to help in any way that I can. Don't be discouraged, my first fic was pretty terrible in the grammar department. I learned from it and I think that I have improved, so just keep writing!
Somewhere on this site is a helpful writing guide I can exactly remember where it is but if I find it I'll tell you.
Owww... My stomach now hurts I didn't think that the tragedy thingy didn't fit into what the description read but I'll listen from now on...
Wow I needed that other ending...
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Heh, that's why it's there ^^
Hope you enjoyed :3
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I did thank you for this!
YES! FINALLY! CELESTIA FINALLY,FINALLY DID SOMETHING EVIL!!! :D
even though it was an accidentAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH MY FEELZ,THEY ARE BROKEN!!!!!!
this ending sucks......the death one was more existing.
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It's for the readers that wants to feel a bit better after reading the first one i suppose, i personally prefer the first one as well ^^