Nothingness

by Firestar

Nothingness

Nothingness

Scootaloo was riding home, to her “home” as she called it. The sun was going down as a day of crusading was coming to an end. No cutie mark was earned. And just as the sun goes down every day, her hopes of finding a special talent do as well.

She arrived “home” at the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ Clubhouse. Scootaloo sat down on a beanbag and did what she loathed most: nothing. She thought how it always seemed to follow her like angel…or a devil. It never left her, this nothingness; it seemed to be part of her life. This type of thinking put Scootaloo to a state of mind in which she was moving as fast as she could through zap-apple jam. It was a racing slowness that confused her. She tried not to think like this, but sometimes this nothingness would infect her like a disease.

After eating her dinner she crawled into her sandwich of blankets. She couldn’t fall asleep. She thought how usually her “nothing thoughts”, as she came to call them, wouldn’t bug her this much. She had to think of something happy to contradict the feeling swarming through her. She thought of the only thing that has ever made her happy, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo thought of the talking, the crusading, the living. She wished to always be near them, to always feel warm and fuzzy the way the does when they’re around. Unfortunately, she’s just an orphan pony, never to be truly understood.

Seeing how making herself feel happy was an uphill battle, she gave up and decided to try to go to bed again. She saw the Cutie Mark Crusader cloth on the wall, she heard the crickets, she smelled the crisp wood of the house, she felt the serenity, and she could taste that funny taste she always tasted in her mouth before she fell asleep. These sensations were short-lived, for soon she fell asleep.

“Scootaloo. I hear your plea. I have come to help.”

Scootaloo opened her eyes and looked around. She was surrounded by darkness. She could feel the dark pulsating around her, squeezing her, as if it was trying to keep her there forever.

“Where am I?” She asked.

“You aren’t anywhere. There is nothing here to be except you.”

“What do you want?” Scootaloo said, now frightened.

The voice talking to her was a male voice, but it was soothing and had an “all-knowing” tone to it. “I am here to help you. You see, I am your angel.”

“I don’t need help with anything!” Scootaloo said, mirroring her idol.

“Do you not want to be closer to your friends, Scootaloo?”

“Well…It does get lonely around the house sometimes…”

“Ah, yes…your “house” as you call it. Is it a house without somepony else to live in it with you?”

“Yes…of course it is…” The confidence in her voice fading.

“I know you want more time with your friends, Scootaloo. I can help, but I will need something from you first.”

“What is it?”

“Your eyes. I crave them.” The statement almost made Scootaloo jump out of her skin.

“Are you CRAZY?” She screamed.

“I only wanted to help.” Said the voice. “You would be spending a lot more time with your friends though, and I know that’s what you would like. It is your dearest wish, is it not?”

“I do get lonely sometimes…” Scootaloo said to herself. "It IS just a dream..." Her curiosity piqued, she said, “I’ll do it!”

Scootaloo broke from the dream, the words “do it” echoing through her head. Usually nightmares scare her, but she didn’t even open her eyes or scream from this one. She could tell it was morning from the sound of the birds chirping. She knew she had to get up. She stumbled up and rubbed her eyes. They wouldn’t open. Scootaloo screamed. She realized that wasn’t a dream. But what was it?

Stumbling to the door, she opened it and ran outside. She forgot about the path leading down from the clubhouse and fell. She wished she traded her feelings instead of her sight. After getting back up, she searched for her scooter. She couldn’t find it, no matter how hard she tried. She eventually gave up. She was hungry and decided to go back into the clubhouse. Taking each step carefully she found her way back into her house.

Remembering where she kept the best grass, she ate some and settled down back in her bed. She really didn’t understand. She wanted to fall back asleep to ask the being for her vision back. Seeing black all the time would not bring her any closer to her friends.

She was corrected as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle came in.

“Scootaloo! Wake up!” Screamed Apple Bloom.

“I’m already awake.” Replied Scootaloo.

“We were supposed tah do crusadin’ today.”

“Yeah.” Added Sweetie Belle. “We’re going to try darts and archery today. Aren’t you excited?”

Scootaloo just continued to lie down. After a few seconds she said, “Can you guys keep a secret?”

“Well sure, Scoots!” Exclaimed Apple Bloom.

“Well, I have this…problem, and I don’t want you to mention it to anypony else for a few days…”

“What is it?” Asked Sweetie Belle, her ears perked.

“I can’t see.” Both Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom shouted “WHAT!?”

“I…I can’t see…I’m…blind…” The word “blind” seemed to stab her like a sharp dagger aimed at her heart.

“We need to tell somepony because…“ This was enough to get Scootaloo out of her bed.

“NO! You can’t, Apple Bloom! I don’t want anypony to know yet.”

“…Okay, Scootaloo.” The worry prominent in Sweetie Belle’s voice. “Tomorrow we tell somepony.”

Scootaloo agreed. Neither of the other two ponies wanted to leave Scootaloo alone, so they stayed and instead of a day full of crusading, the three fillies talked the day away. Scootaloo, somewhere along the huge conversation the three were talking about, realized she was spending time with her friends after all. Way more time to talk, and enjoy each other’s company. That’s all she ever wanted.

All good times must come to an end though and as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle left for the night, Scootaloo went to bed feeling better than ever. Although the CMC cloth was gone forever, she still heard the crickets, she smelled the crisp wood of the house, she felt the serenity, and she could taste that funny taste she always tasted in her mouth before she fell asleep.

The voice appeared again in her dreams.

“Well? More time with friends right?”

“Yup!” Said Scootaloo happily. “I’ve never been happier!”

“Would you like more time with your friends?”

“Would I!” Shouted Scootaloo.

“Then I require another trade. How about your feelings?”

“I’m not sure…”

“You will be bumbling about now and no doubt will be falling. No feeling, no pain, and more time with your friends.”

“Okay.”

“It is done. You cannot feel.”

Scootaloo woke up. Her eyes didn’t open, but she knew that. Was it true that she couldn’t feel now? She tried to clap, and although the sound was made, no hoof was felt. Scootaloo tried to stand up, but she was unsure if she was standing in the first place. She couldn’t feel her hooves on the floor and couldn’t even feel the change in gravity from being on her side. She could only hear her hooves stamping along the cold floor of the clubhouse. She realized the mistake she made immediately and began to cry.

The other two crusaders arrived about ten minutes after Scootaloo began her sobbing. Wondering what the problem was, Apple Bloom said:

“Scootaloo, why are ya’ sobbin’?”

“I…I can’t tell you…” Scootaloo wondered if she could even explain herself.

“What is happening to you?” Asked a very upset Sweetie Belle.

“I talked to…” Scootaloo reconsidered. “I…talked to a doctor! Yeah! She said she didn’t know.”

“Well ah made you an appointment with nurse Lovejoy, and I want you tah come. Sweetie and I will help you.”

Scootaloo, also wanting an actual explanation as her own was unsuitable, agreed to go. The trip was long and tedious. On the way, she heard other ponies questioning why she needed help walking, or why her eyes were closed. One pony actually stopped and asked personally what the problem was. Apple Bloom said none of them knew, and that they were on their way to the doctor to see if they could find out. On the way, the three met Twilight, and being too cautious pony she is, fired a cannon of questions at Scootaloo and the others. The orange pegasus told Twilight that she has been having weird dreams, and that they were going to the doctor. Twilight asked if there was anything else she needed to know, but Scootaloo lied and said no.

After arriving, the nurse showed the crusaders to their room, the room was filled with posters of good advice and smiles, but to Scootaloo, it was a room which was made of darkness and no feeling. She sat on the table, or at least she thought she did.
“So what’s the problem?” Said Lovejoy.

“Well,” said Scootaloo, “I can’t see.”

“I’m going to run a few simple tests.” The nurse checked her heartbeat. “Wow, you didn’t shiver. Most people are sensitive to the stethoscope’s temperature.”

“Heh heh... well I guess I’m different.”

“Tell me if this hurts.” Said Lovejoy as she began to press on Scootaloo’s sides and neck, searching for anything unusual.

“No…no…nope…” Said Scootaloo. She thought how she was kind of lying, because there might be bruises there from falling all the time, but it was true that she didn’t feel anything.

“And now I will test your reflexes.” Scootaloo knew what was coming and she knew she couldn’t escape it so she waited. She heard her hair rustle. She heard it again.

“Hmmm…” Said Nurse Lovejoy. “That’s weird. Scootaloo, can you feel anything?”

“No…” Said Scootaloo, solemnly.

“WHAT!?” Exclaimed the other three ponies.

“Why didn’t ch’ya tell us before?” Asked Apple Bloom.

“I…I don’t know. I just make one mistake after another.” Her head now pointing toward the floor.

“Nurse Lovejoy, whatta we gonna do?”

“Well Apple Bloom, we need to keep her here to figure out what is wrong.”

But Scootaloo knew very well what the problem was. She made a deal with something crazy and evil; more evil than Nightmare Moon.

“Well I’m not EVER leaving you alone!” Said Apple Bloom.

“Neither am I!” Screamed Sweetie Belle.

“Wow!” Said the Nurse. “What great friends you have, Scootaloo! Not everypony can have friends like you.”

“Thanks everypony.” Said Scootaloo. She couldn’t feel it, but she knew she smiled. Nurse Lovejoy was right. If it means that her friends will always be here, then it’s not as bad as she previously thought. They stayed by her side. One might leave the room to get something to eat or use the restroom, but the other would always stay there. They made sure somepony was always with Scootaloo.

Once again the three talked about everything and anything. Mostly it was Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. They asked Scootaloo to talk, but having next to no stories about her life outside those of the CMC, she didn’t have any stories to tell. She couldn’t even remember how she lost her parents. She just wanted to hear the other two talk. They had much more interesting things to talk about.

Later that night, when everypony was beginning to go to bed, Scootaloo’s room was quiet. Both the other ponies were asleep. Scootaloo was a little afraid to go to bed, but then she thought that she couldn’t have the dream three nights in a row…could she? She was scared now but the sound of the crickets and the smell of the clean sheets of the hospital bed lulled her to sleep.

“Back again, I see.” Said the voice.

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore!” Scootaloo quickly countered.

“Now, now…Is that a way to talk to your angel?”

“You just go away. You can’t be an angel! I’m satisfied now and if you were my angel you would know that and stop trying to take me away!”

“But the more I take, the more you receive.”

“NO!” Said Scootaloo, clearly infuriated now.

“Okay, alright, settle down. I’ll leave you with your friends.”

“Good! I don’t ever want to see you again! You hear me?” She felt proud that she sounded like her favorite pony in Equestria.

Scootaloo came to, and the first thing she thought of was to call for her friends.

“Sweetie Belle? Apple Bloom?” There was no answer. “Hello?”

The voice that replied wasn’t the one she hoped to hear.

“Good to see you’re awake. Now, I would like to perform some tests, none of which will be painful. I’m thinking we should start with a CAT scan, and then move onto a-“

“Umm, Nurse Lovejoy?” Said Scootaloo. “Where are Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom?”

“Dear, it’s Monday, your friends had to go to school.”

“Oh…” Said Scootaloo. She felt let down. What happened to, “Well I’m not EVER leaving you alone!”
she thought.

The whole day was test after test after test. All Scootaloo could think about were her friends. “They couldn’t miss one day of school for me? Do they really care?” Scootaloo thought. She also heard the Nurse’s frustration. She could hear her every now and then saying, “Negative…Negative…What’s wrong? Why are these all coming up negative?”

The tests dragged on forever, and only occupied by her thoughts, Scootaloo became very bored. The Nurse eventually said after what seemed like hours:

“How about we take a break while I consult with the M.D.?”

Scootaloo sat and waited. She could hear the air flowing through the room and she wished she could feel it against her hair again. She began to grow tired. She really didn’t want to fall asleep right now, but she didn’t have a choice, for she began to drift in and out of consciousness until she fell asleep.

Once again, she was surrounded by nothing. She wished she could have a normal dream.

“Have you changed your mind?” Asked the voice.

“No, I have not.” Still trying to retain her Rainbow Dash attitude.

“Don’t you see though? If you had given me something, your friends wouldn’t have abandoned you.”

“They didn’t abandon me! They just…had to go to school.”

“What about tomorrow? They will be at school then too. And the next day as well. Sure they might visit once in a while, but eventually they will forget you. You will break apart from them, and they will find other friends, while you wither up all by yourself! You might never have a friend ever again! Do you want to go back to that life?” There was no response. “Do you!?”

Scootaloo began to cry. She had never cried this hard in her life, not even when she figured out her parents left her. She knew that this was not an angel. She knew that she had no choice but to give something up. And she knew that if she didn’t, she could lose her only friends forever.

“…sniff…fine…”

“Good! Then we are in business. I’ll have…” His voice sounded like one surrounded by hundreds of objects, but only being able to choose one. “Your voice.”

“Scootaloo! We’re back from school!” Said Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo realized that she was awake, and probably without a voice. She tried to talk, and just as she suspected, nothing.

“Oh no! Not yer voice too?” Asked a concerned Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo nodded her head and began to cry, although she wasn’t sure for she could not feel a tear running down her face.

“Sweetie Belle, you stay here while ah try to find Twilight! Don’t leave her alone, okay?”

“Sure, no problem Apple Bloom.”

Scootaloo could hear Apple Bloom run off, but she knew it was in vain. The more she thought about how helpless she was, the more she cried. Sweetie Belle tried to comfort her, but she still cried. Apple Bloom came back surprisingly fast. Twilight gasped at the sight of the poor filly.

“I’m here, Scootaloo.” Said Twilight. “We will fix this. I wish I had known about it sooner. Apple Bloom here just found me at Sugarcube Corner with my friends and told me I needed to come quick. The others are here too.”

Scootaloo could hear everypony’s addition to Twilight’s voice. Mostly agreeing with her that they were there.

“Hey there, kiddo.” Said Rainbow Dash. Hearing her favorite pony talk in a sad voice just made Scootaloo cry even more. She didn’t know how bad one pony could ever feel until now.

“No no no, don’t cry. I’m here for ya’ kiddo.” Now Scootaloo really wished she had her feelings back, for she was sure Rainbow Dash was holding her hoof. “Hang in there, Scoots. We’ll fix this. And then you and me can train together. We’ll be better than the Wonderbolts.” Now Dash had begun to cry, which was a surprise to everypony. “We’ll call ourselves the Perfect Pegasi, okay? And we’ll…we’ll…” Scootaloo heard her fly out of the room, crying. Scootaloo knew it was her fault for all of this. Her fault for ruining her life. Her fault for ruining her friends’ lives. And worst of all, making Rainbow Dash cry. It was all her fault.

She waved a hoof to the door, signaling everypony to leave. They all respected her wish and left the room. She just cried and cried. She realized she had been crying more than she had been sleeping. Compared to this, falling asleep alone five times a week didn’t seem too bad. All she could do was think. Thinking about her memories, thinking how she would never see her parents, thinking about how her two best friends would live the rest of their lives without her.

Then, it hit her like a sonic rainboom. Thinking; that was the answer! She knocked on her bed and the gang came in. Scootaloo wondered how she would do this. She tapped her head with her hoof, wet from the tears, and then brought it down to her mouth and waved it away, as if trying to mimic sound waves. Twilight didn’t seem to understand at first but she got it eventually, and asked, “Oh, I see, do you want me to read your mind?” The orange pegasus nodded excitedly.

“Okay, then here we go…Now, try to think something. What? You want your life back? I’m sorry, Scootaloo, but I don’t know what to do, nor does Princess Celestia. She’s never heard of a creature in somepony’s dreams.” The filly sighed.

“I know!” Said Sweetie Belle. “Twilight, do you have any spells that can transfer one’s senses to another pony?”

“Yes, but it’s a very complicated spell and if I make a mistake, well, you could um…”

“Oh….” Said Sweetie Belle.

“I’ll do it!” Screamed Apple Bloom.

“No you ain’t, Apple Bloom.” Said Applejack. “I don’t wanna lose a sister.”

“I don’t care! I’ll take that chance for Scoots! I love you and the rest of the Apple Family, but I need to try.” Scootaloo was just listening how this was tearing her friends apart.

“You can’t, Apple Bloom! I forbid you!”

“You can’t stop me from doing this!” Scootaloo heard her scramble out of the room.

Twilight spoke up. “Scootaloo is verbally destroying herself right now. Apparently all she wanted was more time with her friends.”

“Oh, Scootaloo…” Said the white filly.

A few hours later, Scootaloo was left in the room with Sweetie Belle and Twilight. All she could hear were the crickets now, and the occasional breeze. Suddenly, Twilights ears perked up.

“Sweetie Belle?” She said. “Scootaloo wants you to leave for a minute.”

“What for?” Asked Sweetie Belle. Twilight gave her a look, and she backed out of the room.

“Okay, Scootaloo, it’s just us, what do you…okay, what do I need to do? WHAT? I can’t do that!” Tears started flowing from her eyes. “Do you realize how crazy that is? I don’t think…NO! I can’t do that.” The poor filly began to cry in her head, and Twilight couldn’t make out what the right thing to do in her head. “I guess I have no choice…If…If it’s what you want…” Twilight picked up a quill and began to write.

Sweetie Belle only had to wait about five minutes before Twilight came out tearing.

“Ohmygosh! Twilight what’s wrong?”

“I…I’m not supposed to tell you.” She sniffed. “Scootaloo knows Apple Bloom will come back here soon looking for me. When you see her, you and her need to go in that room, but Scootaloo insists that you wait until you’re both here.”

“Is it…a surprise?” The white filly asked with a sad type of curiosity. Twilight just burst into tears and ran out the door.

About fifteen minutes later, the hospital door opened, and Apple Bloom snuck in, and when she saw Sweetie Belle, she asked:

“Is Twilight still here?”

Sweetie Belle said, “No, but I was supposed to wait here until you came and then we were supposed to go in the room together. Apple Bloom nodded and they opened the door slowly. What they saw they will never forget. Scootaloo was lying on her bed, on her back; there was a knife through her chest. She was dead. There was a note on the dresser.

“Dear my two best friends, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle
I’m sorry it had to come to this. Unfortunately, it was the only thing I could do. I had Twilight write this letter, and well, here you are. Don’t be sad. It didn’t hurt. I probably just heard the knife cutting through. I want you to know, that you two have been my family for years, and I thank you for that. I don’t think I would’ve made it this far without you two. Thanks for caring, teaching, and loving me like parents should. I know I might have been a lot to handle at some times, but you stuck with me. I couldn’t stand the idea of one of you two possibly dying to save me. You two have way much more to live for. Go out there, and make me proud. I’ll be waiting for you when it’s your time too. But until then I want each of you to take one of my feathers as a reminder of my thanks.
Your friend, Scootaloo

Both fillies stood still for about thirty seconds, just taking it all in. Then Apple Bloom got up and went around the bed and plucked a feather from Scootaloo’s right wing. Sweetie Belle did the same with the left. They each walked out of the hospital with a feather in hoof, and never said a word to one another. They each just went to their homes and went to sleep.

Now all Scootaloo had to do was wait. It would be the easiest thing she ever had to do. She just needed to relax in her new “home.” No, her new…home.

Comments

[falloutzombie]

ouch...i think this is the 10th time i've read scootaloo die and rainbow dash actually care,
oh well...

good story though

[SamFaith]

-Cough- Um... Wow...
Interesting concept, you had me going for a while... but the ending threw me. I bet a lot more would like it if you had some sort of redeeming ending. Like Scootaloo figuring out a way to win against whatever or whomever that was... or even the Mane Six banding together... Even Dash giving herself to save her #1 Fan would've been happier.

[Distrance]

I can't see how someone would take their own eyes and speech for 'more time with their friends' but i suppose i'm not a emotional filly

Although, I cannot grasp the fact that Twilight would cave in so easily into MURDERING a child, even at Scootaloo's own consent. Though, if i had to make a valid conclusion, I would say that when Twilight read her mind, the 'angel' had somewhat infiltrated Twilight's mind, made her think irrationally.

[falloutzombie]

aw man, another suicidal scoots? well at least this one had emotion.

good story by the way.

[falloutzombie]

ouch...i think this is the tenth time ive read scootaloo commit suicide and rainbow dash actually care.
oh well...
nice story by the way

[Firestar]

@SamFaith: The point of the end was to be sad, but with a little light to it. I didn't want it to be happy.
@Distrance: Scootaloo killed herself. Twilight just wrote the letter.

Glad everypony likes it so far!

[Firestar]

Also, does anypony know why "The Creation Of Equine Rule" is, like, attached to my story?

[RaptorCalloftheShadows]

o_o Dammit, you made my eyes leak. ;_; Made 'em leak all over the damned place.

[The weird user]

Wow, I can't tell if I really like this, or really hate this... Screw it I'm giving you the thumbs up anyways.

[Sarkastik Menace]

Honestly... i dont like sad stories at all, but if its reasonable, ill put up with it... all scootaloo really did was stab herself... I mean, twi is an element of harmony.. she wouldve never gave up on poor scoots, and celestia would have an explanation or a theory, or an idea how to fix it... ruling equestria for thousands of years lets you learn this stuff... i highly suggest, if you wanna make it sad, make it so there is no other way... even though i would still not approve the sad ending... the scenario for suicide is still too.. stupid... im sorry but this is my opinion entirely... no offense intended, this is the worst story ive ever read on fimfiction.. mainly because the description and pic looked so great i thought i would read... if your one of those guys who likes sad stories, its a pretty good start if its your first one... but i, personally, wasnt sad at all... just aggrivated at the end... also how sweetie belle and apple bloom did nothing at all, never seeing death in their life... VERY inaccurate

[Mad Maudlin]

That is certainly surreal. Lovely Scootacide story though.

I have this weird love of Scootabuse, so this made me smile.