Have I become my OC!?

by TheEmoUnicorn15

Chapter 2: An Alicorn's school day

The four fillies eventually got to Fluttershy's cottage. "Hey Fluttershy! We found your animals" Sweetie Belle said. "Oh thank goodness, I was so worried about them" Fluttershy said as she was opening the door.

"Also Fluttershy, we found an Alicorn in the forest!" Applebloom added. "Wha....WHAT!? YOU FOUND AN ALICORN IN THE
FOREST!?" Fluttershy shouted, ripping the door wide open, nearly off it's hinges.

Fluttershy stared at Bright Spark, "Urgh...hi, Ms. Fluttershy" Bright said. "Wh....why where you in the forest?" Fluttershy asked, still staring. "I just, spontaneously woke up there...I don't know how I got there" Bright replied.

"We just found 'im in a massive clearin' while searchin' for your animals" Applebloom said. "That can't be good...can't be good at all, I've got to take him over to Twilight's house, she'll know what to do with him" Fluttershy said, having calmed down.

"Girls, bring the animals into the backyard and get home, I'll take..umm...what's your name?" Fluttershy asked. "It's Bright Spark." He replied. "Okay then, Bright Spark, I'll take you over to my friend Twilight Sparkle's house, she'll know what to do" Fluttershy said, starting to trot away, she glanced over to Bright Spark, gesturing for him to follow her. Bright trotted over to her side.

"So..um...are you sure you don't know what you where doing in the forest?" Asked Fluttershy. "I'm completely sure I don't know" Bright replied. "Hm..that's weird, well I'm taking you to my friend Twilight Sparkle, she's the prized pupil of Princess Celestia, I'm sure you know who she is" Fluttershy said, Bright Spark shook his head.

Fluttershy stared in shock "You seriously don't know?". Bright shook his head again. "That's odd, everpony knows Princess Celestia, especially Alicorns, but their are only three in existence...well...four now".

Fluttershy said, as they arrived at Twilight's house. Fluttershy lightly knocked on the door "Hello, Twilight, are you there?" Fluttershy asked.

Spike opened the door "Oh, hello Fluttershy" Spike said "Why are you here at this hour?" Spike asked. "Well..um..Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo found an...err...Alicorn, in the Everfree forest and, since Twilight is the closest to Princess Celestia, I decided to bring him here" Fluttershy explained.

"Wait, WHAT? The Cutie Mark Crusaders found an...Alicorn?" Spike asked, not sure if it was a joke. Bright Spark trotted into Spike's view "Hi..." Bright said. Spike slightly jumped back. "Spike! Who is it!" Twilight shouted from upstairs. "It's Fluttershy! And..an...urgh...Alicorn!" Spike shouted back. "A WHAT!?" Twilight shouted down. Twilight teleported downstairs and ran over to the front door, looking straight at Bright Spark.

"Fluttershy how did you find an Alicorn filly!? I'm about 90.87% sure that none exist in all of Equestria!" Twilight said. "Well, umm, it wasn't me that found it, it was the Cutie Mark Crusaders, they said they found him in the middle of the Everfree forest while searching for some of my missing animals" Fluttershy replied.

"That's incredible..." Twilight said, trailing off. Twilight snapped back to reality "So why did you bring him to my house, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked. "Well, since you're closer to Princess Celestia than almost everypony in Ponyville, I though you could maybe bring him to her, or keep him over-night, if that's okay with you..." Fluttershy said with a slight quiver in her voice.

"I'll keep him in my house for a few days, it's okay" Twilight said, smiling. "Oh thank goodness, I've got to hurry back to my cottage to make sure the girls haven't lost anymore animals, goodbye Twilight!" Fluttershy said, running off in the distance.

"So, do you want to come in, urgh.." Twilight asked. "My name's Bright Spark" he replied. "Okay, Bright Spark, do you want to stay over at my house for a few? I'll be heading to Canterlot on Friday, so you might aswell come along" Twilight said. "Okay, I'll stay over, thanks Ms. Sparkle" Bright replied, walking into her house.

Spike shut the door behind Bright while Twilight went to find a spare bed or sleeping bag for Bright Spark. After about ten minutes she had set up a make-shift bed and called Bright up, asking him some basic questions like why he was in the forest, but he simply gave the same answer he gave the Crusaders and Fluttershy.

One question stood out "I'm just wondering if you'd feel like going to Ponyville's school, you know, just so you could have a chance to thank the Crusaders for getting you outta the forest". Bright thought about that for a minute *Imagine that...being able to go to Ponyville's school*.

Bright smiled and agreed, saying he would love to go to the school for a couple days. Twilight and Spike soon went to bed and fell asleep as soon as they hit the pillow, while Bright lay in his bed, just thinking about past events *Ya know...Pony life isn't actually that bad* he stayed awake for a couple more minutes before just crashing to sleep.

Bright dreamt he was back in his normal body, still lying in his bed. He got up looked out his window...still dark, he heard voices from downstairs "Do you see anything worth takin'?" one said. "Nothing..." another said.

"Well then we go upstairs" the first said again. Bright heard footsteps coming up the stairs *Oh god, oh god thieves are coming upstairs*. Phil panicked, looking around for any defensive weapon or anywhere to hide.

He found a hammer that had been left in his room from when he was helping his Dad with some DIY. He rushed over an grabbed it. "Did ya' hear that?" the second voice said. "Someone's here..." the first replied. One set of footsteps ran into the bathroom, another into Phil's, in the time it had taken them he had ducked behind his bed, hammer ready.

The thief started searching inside Phil's bedroom cupboards and drawers. Phil slowly got up from behind his bed. He lifted the hammer, checking to see if the thief had any weapon. The thief seemed to have a pistol and a balaclava. Phil sharply got up and chucked the hammer at the thief as precisely as he could.

The hammer flew at the thief and clipped him on the shoulder, the thief's shoulder flew backwards and crashed into the window, leaving a crack in it. the thief slightly yelped. The thief recovered and un-holstered his pistol, quickly smashing Phil across the face.

"AAAGH" Bright screamed, sweating profusely. "Thank god...just a nightmare..." Bright sighed. He looked around Twilight's house, she and Spike where both out of bed and seemed to be awake. He hoped they hadn't heard him shout.

"Bright Spark! It's breakfast!" Twilight shouted from downstairs. Bright calmed down and trotted down the stairs, nearly tripping on them. He eventually found Twilight and Spike near a table. Breakfast consisted of a sandwich and glass of milk. Spike was able to grab the class of milk using his claws while Twilight used magic to.

Bright had never learnt how to use magic, considering he'd only been a pony for not even a day. He tried to grab it between his two fore-hooves but with no luck. "Um, Bright Spark? Do you know how to use magic?" Twilight asked. Bright Spark blushed slightly.

"N..no...I don't, I never learnt how to..." Bright said. "But aren't all filly Alicorn's taught magic at about your age?" Twilight asked. "I don't know...I can't remember any of my life before waking up in the forest" Bright replied.

"That's mysterious..." Twilight said, glancing up at her clock "I think I could teach you some short-range teleportation and levitation spells before you have to go to school" Twilight said. "That'd be great" Bright replied, smiling.

"Spike could you go find my spell-book, please?" Twilight asked. "No problem! I know exactly where it is!" Spike replied, jumping up and running over to a nearby bookcase. After moving a few books Spike pulled out a spell-book and ran over to Twilight, handing it over to her.

She levitated it in front of her and started flipping through the pages she finds one that has the title 'LEVITATION'. After ten minutes Bright tests out what he learned from the book "Okay now Bright, concentrate on the glass, imagine it lifting up off the table" Twilight calmly instructed.

Bright closed his eyes and concentrated as hard as he could, his horn illuminated a bright, lime green colour, which soon engulfed the glass. Bright started to get a head-ache but continued to concentrate on the glass. Slowly the glass started to levitate upwards. "Now imagine it tilting towards you" Twilight added.

Bright's head-ache started to get progressively more painful, he opened one of his eyes and saw that the glass had tipped slightly towards him. Bright opened his other eye, hoping his concentration wouldn't quiver, thank god it didn't. A huge smile went across Bright Spark's face when he successfully performed the levitation spell "Aha I did it!" Bright said, losing all concentration.

Twilight was prepared in case Bright Spark dropped the glass and caught it before it hit the ground. Bright blushed again "heh...heh....sorry, Ms. Sparkle..." he said. "It's okay Bright, also, just call me Twilight".

"Now, to find the teleportation spell..." Twilight said, flicking through the pages, eventually coming to one saying 'TELEPORTATION :SHORT RANGE'. "Now you need to concentrate a lot, imagine that you're moving from where you are now, to say, the other side of the table" Twilight instructed.

Bright concentrated, imagining that he was blinking to the other side of the table *Come on...come on!* he thought to himself...he felt a weird sensation engulf his body, he opened his eyes and noticed he had moved to the other side of the table "I did it!" Bright squealed, hopping up and down.

Bright tried to teleport from where he had stopped jumping to the door, he concentrated again, closing his eyes. After a few seconds of concentrating he felt same sensation. Bright re-opened his eyes to see he had teleported over to the door. "Congratulations Bright Spark!" Twilight said cheerfully.

Twilight glanced back up to the clock. "Bright Spark, it's time for school" Twilight said, opening the door. Bright trotted over to Twilight's side, who had shut the door behind him. Ponyville was still pretty quiet, even at 11:00AM.

After a few minutes they both got to the school gates, no one had paid any attention to Bright Spark yet, or the fact he was an Alicorn. Bright followed Twilight into the school while she searched for Ms. Cheerilee, after a minute she found her preparing for the school day.

Twilight started talking to Cheerilee and after a few minutes Twilight walked over saying that Bright would be able to come to the school for a few days and that he would be in Cheerilee's class. Eventually twilight left the building leaving Bright at the front door.

"I'll come pick you up at the end of the day, Bright, goodbye!" Twilight said, waving. Bright waved back and trotted into Cheerilee's class. As soon as Bright reached the door the school bell rang, signalling everypony to get to class. When fillies where piling into the class Bright Spark noticed that one of them was Applebloom, he was glad one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders where in his class.

After half an hour of talking, maths and writing the bell rings signalling the start of break. Bright Spark tried to find Applebloom through the mob of fillies trying to get outside. The mob of fillies made it impossible to pick one out so Bright had to wait until everypony was outside before he tried to find any of the Crusaders. While searching he heard shouting from behind the school, he ran over to the back of the school.

"Hey stop it guys!" Applebloom shouted. "Aww...you gonna cry blank flank?" Diamond Tiara jeered. "You guys are jerks!" Scootaloo shouted. "Hey, what's the difference between a blank flank and a signpost? A signpost can actually do something useful" Silver Spoon said.

"Haha, good one Silver Spoon" Diamond Tiara giggled. "You guys'll regret it when our friend comes!" Scootaloo shouted at the two bullies. "And who is your 'new friend' another lame blank flank like you three?" Diamond Tiara said. "He's not lame! He's an Alicorn!" Applebloom replied.

"An Alicorn, pfft, probably just trying to convince us they're not lame, Diamond, no Alicorn would hang out with a buncha lame blank flanks like you three" Silver Spoon replied. "Is he even real?" Diamond Tiara added

Bright Spark peered round the corner, noticing the Crusaders and another two fillies, considering he heard shouting he felt he would wait a moment before coming into view. "An Alicorn, pfft, probably just trying to convince us they're not lame, Diamond, no Alicorn would hang out with a buncha lame blank flanks like you three" Said the grey filly.

"Is he even real?" The pink filly added. Bright suspected they where probably bullies from what the grey and pink filly said *Come on brain, I know their names...damn can't remember their names...*.

"He is real and he is our friend!" Applebloom shouted. "Yeah, he's staying at Ms. Sparkle's house!" Sweetie Belle added. "Oh yeah? Then how 'bout you take us to her house after school?" The pink filly replied. Bright had had enough and emerged. "They wont have to take you to Twilight's!" Bright shouted at the bullies.

All the fillies towards where Bright had emerged, the Crusaders all had a massive smile on their faces. "We told ya' he was real!" Applebloom said smugly. "And an Alicorn!" Scootaloo added.

The pink and grey filly stared, open mouthed, Bright walked up to them "Do you think you can just pick on somepony like that?" By then Bright Spark was face to face with the pink filly.

Bright was a couple inches taller than the other fillies. "Huh? Just because you think you're better than everypony else?" Bright continued. "You tell 'em Sparkie!" Applebloom cheered. "Now, how 'bout you just get outta here and STOP BULLYING THEM" Bright had finished shouting at the bullies, who had run off almost directly after he finished shouting.

"Bright Spark! That was SO COOL!" Scootaloo squealed. "Thanks for standin' up for us, no idea what would'a happened if you hadn't" Applebloom said cheerfully.

Bright Spark blushed slightly "It...it was nothing, don't worry about it". "It means so much to us! Those two have been tormenting us so much over the past years" Sweetie Belle said.

"Hey, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, huddle up" Applebloom instructed. The three fillies huddled together and started whispering *You think we should inaugurate 'im into the Cutie Mark Crusaders?* Applebloom asked.

*Well he doesn't have a Cutie Mark and he DID get Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon off our backs for a while* Sweetie Belle said

"Also he's an Alicorn! Everypony without a Cutie Mark will want to join!" Scootaloo said a bit to loudly.

Bright Spark looked up after what he heard Scootaloo shout, from his knowledge of the show Bright suspected they where talking about letting him into the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"Hey, Sparkie, want to hang out with us after school?" Sweetie Belle asked. "Uhm, okay, I'll ask Twilight if I can, I've still got another three days before I'm going to Canterlot" Bright replied. "Okay, we'll wait for ya' after school!" Applebloom said.

The school bell rang and it was another battle to get into the classroom through the filly mob. Bright Spark saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon scowling at him *Probably still mad at me* Bright thought to himself.

Bright hardly payed any attention to Ms. Cheerilee's lessons. His mind was full of thoughts about the past few days and before he knew it, the school bell rang, signalling the end of the school day.

When Bright got outside he saw Twilight waiting, he ran over to her "Hey, Twilight, would it be okay if I hang out with the Cutie Mark Crusaders for a while?" He asked her. "Well...okay, but you've got to come back to my house in an hour, I'm hoping to teach you some more spells" She replied. "Sounds great Twilight" Bright looked over and saw the Crusaders waiting for him near the school gates "Cya in an hour then!" he waved goodbye to Twilight as she walked off back to her house.

"Hey guys!" Bright said to the three Crusaders. "Hi Sparkie, so Twilight's lettin' ya' come round for a while?" Applebloom asked. "Yeah, just for an hour though..." Bright replied.

"That's surely long enough." Scootaloo said. "Well, let's hurry then" Sweetie Belle said. The four fillies ran off, little did they know that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon where following them.

"We're going to get that Blank Flank back for what he said...Alicorn or not!" Diamond Tiara hissed.

Author's Note:

Remember to give me feedback / any ideas you feel I should add! Thanks everypony!

Comments

[Tachyon Xenophile]

Diamond Tiara. Silver Spoon. OC self-insert alicorn with a crossover human tone. Comedy. CMC. Mane Six.
25.media.tumblr.com/62233bfe35886e4d881bbb1a45e0379d/tumblr_mkvknou8Wc1r0jlbgo1_400.gif

[Dr_D]

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[Tachyon Xenophile]

2832186 929chan.us/kusaba/mlp/src/131887587288.gif

[Spade-Heart]

Self-insert alicorn OC?

noobstore.com/prodimages/tshirt-m-gtfo-Green-art-280.gif

[TheEmoUnicorn15]

2832237
Thanks a bunch for the feedback, I'll try to slow it down and I'll review all the parts you mentioned.

[DreamCatcherThePegasus]

This isn't terrible for your first start though it definitely needs some work. I think putting the main character/your OC as an alicorn kind of made it seem too powerful or unusual, even if it was your OC. A unicorn or a pegasus would have been fine. Their are a lot of mistakes in general, particularly with dialogue and some careless errors such as. . .
"Spike was able to grab the class of milk using his claws while Twilight used magic to." I believe you mean 'glass' here.
" 'Also he's an Alicorn! Everypony without a Cutie Mark will want to join!' Scootaloo said a bit to loudly." Wrong form of 'to'. Too would be the right form.
"After half an hour of talking, maths and writing the bell rings signalling the start of break." First thing, it is 'a' hour not 'an' hour. Secondly, 'maths' should be changed to math. Also, there should be a comma between 'rings' and 'signaling' and signaling only has one 'l' in it.
Those are just a few examples. I think you could make this fic a whole lot better by some simple proofreading (or possibly getting an editor). In addition to that, take time to describe important scenes. I'll favorite just to see what happens with this story.

[TheEmoUnicorn15]

2832257
Thanks aswell for the feedback. I will try and find somepony to proof-read the next chapters.

[FicusCat]

Same flaws as every BiE story.

The MC is bland, he have no personnality, no backstory. He don't care about what happen to him, he don't care about losing his past life, his friends and his family. He don't care about a new body or being in a fictionnal world. You can't relate to a character like this.

EDIT : and being a Brony remove every struggles or discovery from the story, the MC know everyone and he's never surprised or amazed, wich is really lame description/interraction wise.

And you have all of the really boring and overused clichés of the brand; Alicorn OC, Human turned Pony, land in Everfree Forest, meet the CMC then Fluttershy, all while not giving a flying feather about anything.

his OC, a blank flank, filly Alicorn pony

You know that a filly is a female right ? Because so far nothing in the descriptions make me think that the MC is anything but a male.

As for the technical part, always ONE speaker per paragraph, never more.

[DreamCatcherThePegasus]

2832264 No problem.

[AnonymousAlias]

Fluttershy is WAY out of character in this chapter. She is usually shy to everypony she meets, human, or not. In fact, she should be even more shy than usual when meeting an alicorn, but you did pretty good with the CMC's personalities. I'm going to say this again because its important, slow down, and focus on detail.

[DoctorSerious]

This is the story of a 13 year old Brony who has become is OC Bright Spark and has been teleported into Equestria into the middle of the Everfree forest. through-out his adventure he will learn magic, stand up for ponies and make a life-changing decision.

And after reading your fanfic, my suspicions have been comfirmed.

Boring to no end. No drive, no soul, no substance. Write something that doesn't include lazy amounts of Brony, Alicorns and acceptance of the new world without a second thought.

[firestripe]

This story is amazing

[Tachyon Xenophile]

2832577 To each their own. This is intriguing, I've never read HiEs. I've heard it's a bad genre, but I'll give it a go.
EDIT: I upvoted as it's cheerful and has effort (and to stop the hate, that is seriously a bad like/dislike ratio) but I don't think I'll read any more.

[La Barata]

Ooh, look! A new story! Let's take a lo-
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[Axel Nyan]

I thought BiE stories had died.

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[firestripe]

2832751
Being 100% honest I didnt even read the story, I just felt bad for the author so I left something positive

[Umachan]

2832257

First thing, it is 'a' hour not 'an' hour.

Sorry, but you're wrong and the author had it right.

You never use "a" if the next word starts with a vowel or if it sounds like it starts with a vowel. Hour is typically pronounced with a silent "h" coming from the French word "heure". As such, it's "an hour" and not "a hour".

[Ianthinarum]

"and make a life-changing decision."

He's going to stay in Equestria. Called it.

[Panzerkampf]

Do not want!

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[DreamCatcherThePegasus]

2833058 Terribly sorry about that. I was just trying to lend a helping hand though I am not some professional editor. Thanks for catching me on that though.

[Mlp_BladeDancer]

well this story got shot down and blew up in a mushroom cloud
here is a helpfull tip. dont be so direct with the person ends up in equestria bit ... alot of people dont like those because #1 un-original idea #2 Waaaay over used idea #3 Equestria Girls movie did not help the humanized fics. Also try to make his being there more of a mystery that he has to solve to get back - add some drama and romance- then the likes might balance the dislikes. 1 more thing (wich im sure is why this is getting dislikes) your OC is an alicorn. that makes him of equal stature to celestia and luna... people no like that lolz

try reading this fic if you have not already seen it
* The Ballad Of Echo The Diamond Dog*
This FanFiction is an example of how to do it right . it even was featured on Equestria Daily
i hope this helps

[Umachan]

2836270

try reading this fic if you have not already seen it

* The Ballad Of Echo The Diamond Dog*

Excellent choice.

2835211
We all make mistakes, but English being the bastard stepchild of a half-dozen different European languages means that it's full of contradictions and exceptions to the rules.

[Berxerxes]

T-this story... Ugh... This story...
The phasing, the characters, the story itself...
EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!!

[Jewbacca]

[HelloMilky]

Alicorn OC

Nope.