Whispy Flowers was always a pony that loved the quaint town life. However, when she finds a problem within her best friend, Dandie Drift, the two ponie's lives will be thrown for a loop, and their friendship will be pushed to its limits... and beyond.
I'm still writing it, I'm only on the first chapter. The story will be continued as the chapters become written.
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Get these walls out of the way!
I can't read the--
Oh.
Now, rating. First off, AHH, WALLS!! Walls of text really put me off when reading a story, and they also make me lose my place quite easily. My suggestion: separate the descriptive text and the talking/thoughts with a double space, like so.
Twilight walked into her library.
"This place is a mess! Where's Spike?"
See?
No?
Alright.
There were very few errors that I could see... Actually, I only found 1 error where the punctuation for Whispy talking was out of the quotation marks near the end of the chapter. The text is descriptive, the story is good, and the ending leaves me wanting more story.
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From me...
...
... Whoa, deja vu.
There we go, I hope this is what you meant! Thank you for the suggestion!
Like it so far, yet this just sets the character up. There's not a real promise of more... in this chapter. I'll follow and see where this goes.
A.G.
It has been brought to my attention by my friends that I should put a hold on this story and write one that introduces Whispy to Ponyville, and would better introduce Dandie... As it would better develop the ponies and give a bit of background to the two friends. any opinions?