while in a heated battle with the autobots the combaticons are thrown through space into the enchanted land of equestria. how will they cope with being cutoff from their decepticon allies, and what are they going to do about all these darn ponies and all their happiness.
(their is currently no guarantee on which ponies will be in the story so i will update the character list as i introduce them.)
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I said YOU CAN COMMENT!!!
I mean... if you feel like it
I am sorry man.
But I couldn't hold back to flinch at every grammatical mistake in this story.
Although I love Transformers and the Combaticons are one of my favorite subgroups, this doesn't have my interest anymore.
Through my non grammar Nazi eyes the only thing I saw was capitalization errors.
It had a great opening though.
I like what you have so far, bar some spelling and grammar issues, the only major thing is your lack of proper descriptions of characters, not all your readers will be familiar with the characters' appearances, plus its a bad writting habit to get into, even with pony only stories where everyone knows what the characters look like. Even long time bot fans will likely need to do some googleing if all you give is a bots name before they know who you're talking about. A description along with a name can go a long way to jogging one's memory especially for those bots who have been in different series with different appearances, like Prime or Soundwave. Though this really applies tmore o more obscure characters.
2747380 if anyone wants im looking for someone to proof read my stories.
2751375thanks for the imput, i sometimes forget that some people dont know who the combaticons are.
2753820 I would love to, but school still isn't burnt down.
2756122is that a yes?
2757560 no, sorry
I'l help you if you'll have me that is
2762584 thanks
Tell me what i need to do, and i'll do it
2771099
Forgot about that button, sorry, what you need help with?
2771218 i'm working on the 2nd chapter. i'll let you take a look at it once i'm done.
okie doki loki
I need that link
2777016 link?
2782560
yah you have to send me the link to the chapter, or i can't access it
Okay, first off: You need to be more detailed, I can't really see what place they are in. Two: Fix the little grammar mistakes, they are in there, trust me. Three: you need to make the content a bit longer, it wasn't very appealing how short the chapter was. Four: you must describe each character before even saying who they are, of course we would know the Transformers that are there, but add more detail and describe what each one looks like. Five: This is totally opinion based but: you should have another transformer there that is an old relic and was never found because it hid itself so well, it would have no memories of the war between the autobots and decepticons and will activate when in hear the decepticons are there, in truth it could be very exciting to see how this plays out, but please add a little more content and a mysterious character, it will add to the story, i promise
Thats all i think, but good job so far
Oh and i looked it up and bruticus was made of the constructicons, not the combaticons
2787542 you should have another transformer there that is an old relic and was never found because it hid itself so well, it would have no memories of the war between the autobots and decepticons and will activate when in hear the decepticons are there:was doing that anyways
the constructicons make Devastator.
combaticons make Bruticus.
Oh... Well now i feel awful
You used the pictures as a crutch for your writting in this chapter. If you want to improve you'll need to stop relying on them and try using your words, it can be a daunting task especialy with giant robots like transformers moreso for the ones with complex color palletes but you should at least try and ask for feedback.
Other than that I'm looking forwards to reading what happens next.
oh mah gawd... brawl watches red vs. blue...
yes!
2792856 the problem for me is figuring out where to describe them
Fall of Cybertron era Bruticus would be better, he is truly OP