Dresses

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That_one_guy

That_one_guy #1 · Feb 14th, 2012 · 1 · 2 ·

Once again, a "grimdark" fic with absolutely no plot, character development or exposition. To be honest, the only reaction you got out of me was quiet disdain, because this is basically every Cupcakes fic ever. Which is, to say, boring torture porn. If you replace Rarity and Fluttershy with any other character, the reaction is the same: I don't give a shit, simple as that.

You didn't develop either character at all, if I look at this as someone unfamiliar with the characters I feel no emotional response. Rarity is a vanilla sociopath and Fluttershy is a weak, sniveling bystander. You didn't make me care about either character: You didn't provide any sort of background justifying Rarity's behavior, and you didn't paint Fluttershy as remotely sympathetic past the point that she's innocent. You know, maybe if you went back into Rarity's past and explained why she's a sociopath flaying her best friend, and perhaps give Fluttershy more time to show us that yes, she is a character worth giving two shits about, maybe then you'd be getting somewhere.

Nobody likes pointless violence, to your surprise and mine. If all you do is torture your characters and paint them as one-dimensional talking heads, no one is going to give a shit about your story. And it's a shame, too, because you're obviously a good writer. Your grammar is good and you wrote the violence beautifully, at least. You do yourself an injustice writing such a garbage fic and passing it off as "grimdark". You want real grimdark? Read Backwards Through The Mirror, Silent Ponyille, Windigo, and Fallout:Equestria, among others. Those are fucking grimdark.

tl;dr: 1/5, your writing is good but your story sucks.

a gamer

a gamer #2 · Feb 14th, 2012 · · 2 ·

I'm sorry, but this just completely follows the plot of "Cupcakes" and takes away from the story, all you basically did was change the characters, a small part of the plot, and put it into your own words
It's well written, except the plot brought it down.
1/5, sorry

Lamms

Lamms #3 · Feb 14th, 2012 · · 2 ·

what the fuck did i just read

Azlan

Azlan #4 · Feb 14th, 2012 · · 2 ·

I must agree with the previous readers who have commented. There is a lack of originality here with just mindless violence, gore, and torture.

What I must disagree with my fellow posters on is the point that this is well written on a technical level. This is true at the most basic level, but it certainly feels that it lacks something major.

0.5/5 and I am not sorry.

jmlop0

jmlop0 #5 · Feb 14th, 2012 · · 2 ·

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That_one_guy

That_one_guy #6 · Feb 14th, 2012 · · 2 ·

219177

I didn't want to be too negative. It's clear that he knows how to write, but his imagination is that of a brick. If one is to write a good critique, they have to throw the writer SOMETHING, even if their work is ass.

Fetch