I doubt anyone will ever get this message. Even if someone does, I seriously doubt anyone will actually be able to do anything about it. For the most part, I'm just venting here. I would love to be proven wrong, though.

My name is Mike Hassenfeld. Some time ago, I was an unexceptional man living an unexceptional life whose only worry was forcing myself out of bed in time to make it to work. One day, however, I opened the front door of my apartment and found myself in another universe.

I quickly discovered that I and my apartment had fallen through a crack in reality and have been thrust into a whole bunch of alternate versions of Equestria from My Little Pony.

Now, I bet I know what you're thinking. "Mike, what are you complaining about? That's like the majority of the stories on this site! What, are you going to meet the Mane 6 and discover the magic of friendship?"

I'm still holding out hope that that scenario will happen to me one day. Instead, I've been attacked by deranged killers, imprisoned by mad sorcerers, and been stranded in hostile wastelands. I've been attacked by Changelings, xenophobic ponies who want to forcibly turn me into one of them, comic-book supervillains, and insane cannibals. About the only thing keeping me from going insane (if I haven't already) is an alien amoeba who is serving as my roommate. Again, I'm not a hundred percent sure I'm not insane and living in a lunatic asylum.

It hasn't been all bad, though. I like to think I've done some good along the way. I know I've saved more than a few ponies' lives in my journeys, overthrown some tyrants, maybe even saved a couple worlds.

And I can't remember the last time I've had to sit through a car insurance commercial. That's got to count for something, right?