How The Sorcerer Destroyed, Obliterated and Outright Rekt Hearth's Warming Eve

By

Sorcerer M Crainius

And

The Cynical Brony

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Once upon a time, a long time ago

There was a village completely covered in snow

Now this isn't actually the subject. FOOLED YOU.

It was about a town in present time with ponies there too

Everypony down in Ponyville liked Hearth's Warming Eve a lot.

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! Welcome back, my friends, to Applejackuary! Yes, I'm aware that episode 16 got deleted or didn't upload properly or something, but the reviews are more important than the editorials. Anyway, Hearts and Hooves Day! Oh God, it's a Valentine's day special, isn't it? Prepare yourselves for annoying romances that probably won't work out! Then again, there's a higher chance of a romance working out than an episode of my show

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! It's been ANOTHER while, hasn't it? Well, fuck waiting a year for an episode, you get one four months later! So, leaks. Some people like them. Some people hate them. Some people ask why we can't drone someone in the middle of London for leaking things. Regardless of your thoughts on them, they're a thing that happen, and I use them. Why? Because I be the dread pirate Cynic.

(Quick note here, please let me know if you find any spelling errors.)

Like the title? It's something new I'm experimenting with for short reviews. Also, holy shit, Cynical's actually publishing another review, it must be the end times. This will have spoilers below the break.

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to!
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. . .
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Yeah... I won't go into it, but a lot of shit happened that put me out of my reviewing groove. However, all that's now behind me, so let's begin again with Dragonquest! Why? Because I want to make Skyrim jokes while Skyrim Remastered is still relevant.

*pan into Cynical's office, a clock reading 5 AM*

Cynical: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey, guys! My glass is *hic* empty again, so bring out the guns! I'm robbin the bar!
Raging Seas: Um, no. Mistah Cynical, you're very, VERY drunk. More so than usual. C'mon, follow me.
Cynical: Nooooooooooo... what was I saying? Anyways, I'm *hic* still getting some booze, and nobody, not even you Mr. Lorax, can stop me!

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! I really don't want to do this, but for you guys, I will. You demanded it, waited for it to come, and now it's here. I'm finally reviewing Cupcakes. So, I went out and bought a big box of Hostess brand Cupcakes, so, let's get to reviewing it!

A Non-Tim Burton Picture

The Cynical Brony Presents

SORCERERJUICE

The Monsters

(A lighter illuminates the darkness)

???: We unleashed something terrible on October 31st, 2015: A demon

(The light grows brighter, revealing Earth)

???: The demon took hold of one Sorcerer M. Crainus, an old friend and rival of mine.

(Light grows so large that it engulfs the miniature Earth)

???: Through three trials, I would work to remove those demons. These are…

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to!
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... It's been a while, hasn't it? Anyways, today I'm going to be reviewing one of the most controversial episodes of the entire show. Not for its story, or its message, mind you. It's controversial for one single scene... let's review The Last Roundup.
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[Note: The blue lines are Dash's.]

Ah, back again! Hey Derpy, where are you? Derpy? Huh. Well, she'll be back. In any case, I managed to get Dash. It's surprising how easy pegasi are to knock out. Hey, Dash!
...huh? How'd I get here...?
The defense has spoken! She has nothing to say, and so we can proceed to sentencing!

2016's been a bit of a downer year. My grandfather died after a truck slammed into him on a bike, a dog named Taco that I raised from birth also got hit by a truck, and lastly, one of my other dogs, Greta, had to be put down because of organ failure. Plus countless celebrities died, what is quite possibly the most toxic presidential election in history happened, and in general, a lot of bullshit happened this year. But despite me just making a paragraph saying why the year wasn't good,