The Cynical Brony: Episode 17: "The Last Roundup Review" · 8:56pm Feb 22nd, 2015

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to!
...
...
...
... It's been a while, hasn't it? Anyways, today I'm going to be reviewing one of the most controversial episodes of the entire show. Not for its story, or its message, mind you. It's controversial for one single scene... let's review The Last Roundup.
***

So, the episode begins with a rather intimidating Applejack running towards the camera. Apparently, she's practicing for a rodeo or something cowboy-ish. Then we see Applebloom trying to make me think she's adorable, but it's not working. Also, am I the only one who that AB looks a bit like Carl from The Walking Dead when she wears the Stetson? Oh wait, I'm sorry. I mispronounced it. Hey Rick, how do you say it again?

Thanks!
Apparently, she's Thor, seeing as how she managed to fling a haystack literally miles with barely any effort.
"Applejack, you're sure to knock everypony's head off at the Equestria Rodeo Competition!"
(Reporter): We are here live at the site of the Equestria Rodeo Competition, where just hours ago a mad-mare went armed with a machete, and beheaded several of the contestants. We just got a report that the pony behind this vicious crime was none other than famed athlete Applejack, owner of Sweet Apple Acers. She apparently lost her mind after being insulted by an unnamed stallion, though eye-witnesses say that he was red, with a blond mane and tail, wearing a neo-cowboy costume. Some have even claimed that he was an alicorn!
Wow, my skits are kind of long and drawn out. Promise me you'll never let me draw out my obnoxious jokes again? Thanks. No, turns out it's not a plan to murder her opponents, but just words of encouragement.
"Hope so? I know so!"
"Ah never told you, big sis, but Ah'm one of dem fancy physics! Ah know exactly when and how yer gonna die!"
"Why, you've got more blue ribbons than anypony else in Ponyville... EVER!"
Considering the fact that there are only 5 ribbons, I can assume that Ponyville just sucks at sports. Also, who the Hell keeps their expensive ribbons ON THE OUTSIDE OF A BARN DOOR?!?!?!?! Maybe it's just me, but I keep the awards I earn in a display case, inside my house! Who keeps such precious items in the worst possible place for them?! And theme.

***

And here we are, my friends! The start of the greatest war in Brony history! The one that caused the great civil war between Bronies, other Bronies, and Hasbro! Behold, the censorship of Derpy!
I MAY HAVE GOTTEN CENSORED, BUT AT LEAST I'M STILL MORE POPULAR THAN APPLEJACK.
Quick note here: I'm watching the Netflix version, which of course features the censorship. However, if you turn on subtitles while watching this episode, it does actually show the original line. Just a neat fact. So, we see Rainbow Dash and Derpy fixing up Town Hall, where apparently Derpy accidentally blew up the building!

Thud!

Huh?! Oh my god, Derpy! What happened?! Are you okay? Why are you fading?!
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG...
Derpy! No!

Derpy... oh God, I'm so sorry...
Who are you talking about?
What the Hell do you mean?! Derpy just died!
Um... sorry, but who was Derpy?
How could you?! Your friend and co-worker just died horribly, and you start pretending you never knew her?!
What are you talking about? I've never worked with someone named Derpy, never even heard of her.
Wow. Just... wow. You've done some pretty horrible things, but I never thought you'd stoop this low, Dash. Until further notice, you're fired. Get out!
Okay... sorry for whoever you think died.
I'm so sorry, Derpy... I didn't mean for this to happen...

***

Okay... I've recovered. I think Derpy would want me to continue the review, so let's continue after a moment of silence.

"Nice work, Rainbow Dash!"
You wouldn't be saying that if you saw how quickly she got over your death. Then Derpy slams into a pillar, and when Rainbow tries to stop it, it crushes her to death.

No, it apparently just annoys Rainbow Dash.
"You okay, Rainbow Dash?"

Huh. My humor's a lot darker than I thought. After some more slapstick from... another moment, please!

We see a crowd cheering for Applejack. Clearly, this is the only time you'll ever see people excited for Applejack! We get a scene with nothing but exposition, with the only new thing being that Applejack will donate her prize money if she wins. NEXT SCENE!
Wow... Mayor Mare's a bitch. She just punched Granny Smith in the face! So, Applejack leaves, with the Mayor still begging for money. Of course, this is typical of a liberal politician. Hey-ooh!
We cut to the Mane 6 setting up a surprise party for Applejack.
"I hope Applejack is surprised by the surprise party."
Hello Fluttershy, I'm an agent of the Department of Redundancy Department.
What is it with Pinkie Pie physically and mentally abusing Fluttershy?! Leave the poor girl alone, she's terrified! After some... truly bizarre comedy from Pinkie, they throw the surprise party!
... For the wrong pony. Yeah, turns out it's the mailman. A mailman who looks strangely like Weird Al Yancovic. Also, why the Hell does everyone abuse the mailmen and women in this show? They're always getting doors slammed in their faces! Oh well, at least Pinkie left him a slice of cake. Oh, and apparently Applejack abandoned Ponyville because of her pride. Ha! To think people say she should have been the element of loyalty!
"An' she loves her family!"
Sorry Applebloom, but if she really loved you, she would have come back. If anyone is offended, I'm truly sorry, it was not my intention to strike a nerve. Question: Why do they need to take a train? Two of them can fly, and three of them can teleport. In fact, why does it have to be all of them? Couldn't they just send Twilight out, maybe Dash to join her? This seems needlessly over complicated. We get a montage of them looking for Applejack, and asking around, and something incredibly stupid happens. How is it, in a big rodeo competition, with hundreds of attendees, and dozens of riders, ONLY ONE PONY SAW HER?!?! Apparently, she went out to the west. Sadly, I can't make any jokes about

On the train, we get a joke about Pinkie needing to go to the bathroom. Personally, I found the joke to be piss poor. Apparently, Applejack is in some dump called Dodge Junction, which I'm only familiar with because I think Littlepip made it her house in FOE.
"I found her, I found her, I found her!"
We heard you the first time, you meth addict! Because she's a jerk, Applejack keeps trying to get away from her friends and loved ones. It's not like they came out to the middle of Equestria to find you and make sure you were okay-oh wait, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THEY DID! You suck, Applejack! Then, we meet Cherry Jubilee, the owner of this ranch. Originally, I was going to put the song "Cherry Bomb" here, but then I realized I'd be giving Friendship is Witchcraft a positive reference. So, Applejack continues to be an asshole for a bit, including lying to her friends. Element of honesty, ladies and gentlemen. So, as a f*ck you to Applejack, they decide to get job at the cherry farm in the style of "I Love Lucy":

After that reference, the gang decides they need to try tough love. Enter the living weapon; Pinkemena Diane Pie. It basically amounts to them agreeing to talk about it at breakfast the next morning. The next day they go to confront Applejack. Here's where Applejack makes a fatal mistake, a misstep that no-one in their right minds would do, somethings they don't do if they want to live to see the sunrise, something they should NEVER do if they even slightly value their continued existence: Break a Pinkie promise. Applejack makes the wonderful decision to get the HELL out of Dodge Junction, resulting in a car- erm, wagon chase. Also, apparently Pinkie Pie is Satan. Huh, good to see that Taxi drivers are as much assholes in Equestria as they are in real life. So, Applejack gets out of the Pinkie Promise via convenient loopholes. Then Pinkie decides to commit suicide by jumping off of the wagon at full speed, accidentally killing Rarity in the process! Rest in Pieces, Pinkie Pie, Rarity... Derpy...

It ends when Applejack very nearly gets hit by a train, and her Taxi drivers leave her stranded. What Applejack didn't plan on was the fact that it's a carriage being pulled by two powerful pegasi, with the strongest unicorn ever born riding it, all of whom are Hell bent on catching her. Apparently, she did all this just because she didn't come in first. What a bitch.
"Applejack, you're not a failure!"
Debatable. And so the episode ends with Pinkie Pie being annoying. So, final thoughts? This is an okay episode. I think it could have benefited more if it was just a bit more memorable, which aside from Derpy, it wasn't. Overall, just an okay episode that you forget about after you read it. I would put something fitting as the end credits music... but I searched around my collection, and I couldn't find anything all that fitting sadly.

Credits:
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is owned by Lauren Faust and Hasbro Inc.
"The Last Roundup" written by Amy Keating Rogers
Phuong Melody- Green Pastures
"Hymn To The Sea" by James Horner
"Redemption Blues" by Miracle of Sound
"The Choice" by Gustavo Santaolalla
Clips:
The Walking Dead
"Ding!"
Ponies the Anthology III
MLP
I Love Lucy