The Cynical Brony/Sorcerer's Fan Fic Theater 400 Crossover! · 12:03am Apr 15th, 2015

Joke Theme Song:

In the not to distant future, in XXXX A.D

There was a guy named Cynical,

Rather different than you or me!

He worked for a bunch of Mafias,

But no-one really cared because

He did a good job f*cking up the place

but no-one really liked him so they shot him into space!

(You bastards!)

Luna: We send him crappy fan fics-

Celestia: The worst we can find! Lalala!

He'll have to sit and read them all

as we monitor his mind!

Now keep in mind, Cynical cant control

where the fics begins or ends...

'Cause he used those special parts,

to kidnap him some friends!

Reviewer Recall:

Cambot! (No-one cares!)

Trixie! (How the Hell is TGAPT here?!)

Rainbow Dash! (Screw you, Cynical!)

Derpy Whooves!

If your wondering how they eat and breath, and other science facts...

Remind yourself it's just a show, and you should really just relax!

Mystery Cynical Theater 6000!
(Not canon to anything, just a cute little theme I cam up with while writing this crossover)

***

(Doors close)

Sorcerer: Nighty...what's wrong?

Nighty: What's wrong? He asks what's wrong. He's almost here! That's what's wrong!

Sorcerer: Who?! Who is here!?

Nighty: I guess it's time I told you. The real reason I've been making you do this. Many years ago, a great being named Galactus attempted to destroy Equestria. We suffered. Our suffering seemed like enjoyment to Galactus and so he spared us. More recently, he returned. Fortunately, two scientists made a way to limit the suffering to one pony. And two robots to be precise. Galactus loved it and he spared us once more. Eventually the project was cancelled. The only ponies left to suffer were some critics. But even then...we won't be able to stop him. This time.

Viridi: And you tell us this...NOW!?

Nighty: Yes.

Sorcerer: Relax. What if we get another critic to suffer at the exact same time?

Nighty: That's so crazy...it just might work...

Sorcerer: And I know just the pony...

....

Cynical: Ah, the beauty of space in my ship. I'm so glad that I ~~stole~~ bought one.

Rainbow: Wait, how the Hell was that song earlier about being banished connected to you buying a spaceship?! In fact, the only other person on this ship I've seen is YOU!

Cynical: Oh, that? I was tearing a hole in reality open searching for Derpy, and found a universe where I got banished. It even had its own theme song!

RD: ...

Cynical: Wait a minute! I recognize that ship ahead! It belongs to those assholes who trashed my story! LET'S GO BLOW THEM UP!

RD: How 'bout no, you homicidal dumbass! Erg, the ship's sending a message.

Cynical: Bring it up.

*Many years ago, a great being named Galactus attempted to destroy Equestria. We suffered. Our suffering seemed like enjoyment to Galactus and so he spared us. More recently, he returned. Fortunately, two scientists made a way to limit the suffering to one pony. And two robots to be precise. Galactus loved it and he spared us once more. Eventually the project was cancelled. The only ponies left to suffer were some critics. But even then...we won't be able to stop him. This time.
Relax. What if we get another critic to suffer at the exact same time?*

Cynical: Oh, are you friggin' kidding me?! I go through the trouble of getting a spaceship, launching into space to find my friend that the universe forgot existed, and sat in this bulky captain's chair for days on end, and now I have to deal with a world eater?! Erg, fine. But only because I still have a few friends on Equestria.

RD: You have friends?

***

Nighty: They have responded.

Sorcerer: Excellent! Time to kidnap them...I MEAN beam them aboard!

Viridi: Are you positive this will work?

Sorcerer: If Phoenix Wright and two other guys can beat him, we can!

Viridi: At least Phoenix Wright had guts...

Sorcerer: I heard that...

Cynical: You can't beam aboard someone whose already teleported on!

RD: Why the Hell did Celestia decide to torture me with you?!

Cynical: Because you were her least favorite pony. Anyways, how exactly are we going to stop the most powerful Marvel supervillain?

Nighty: That was quick.

Sorcerer: Good! Now what was the fic again?

Nighty: Half-Life: Full Life Consequences!

(Everyone but Nighty hugs each other in fear)

Sorcerer: H-Have mercy! That's not even a MLP fic! Fine...I'll just get the MLP adaption.

All except Nighty: NOOOOOO!!!

Galactus: I am Galactus and my power is absolute.

Sorcerer: We don't even need a Fanfic Sign for this one. Gentlemen. Let's riff!

Cynical: Hold it! This is Mystery Cynical Theater 6000. We need one more person. Just a moment...

*Cynical preforms a summoning spell*

Twilight Sparkle: Huh? Where am I?

Cynical: Twilight! I'm forcing you out of riffing retirement, so get your ass into that theater! WE'VE GOT FAN FIC SIGN!

*all enter the theater*

Twilight Sparkle who was Shining Armors brother

Cynical: Huh, I didn't know Twilight got a sex-transfer surgery. The story goes onto explain that-

Sorcerer: Whoa whoa whoa. If we're going to have maximum suffering, we shall have to do it my way.

Cynical: WHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!

was one day an office writing on a letter.

Cynical: Can I kill myself? I don't think I can stand this fic.

RD and Twilight: Yes, kindly die.

Nighty: Insert Death Note reference here.

She got a letter from her brother that said that ALIENS and MONSTERS were attacking his place!

Sorcerer: WITH THE POWER OF CAPS LOCK!!!!

Cynical: I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT! LOUD NOISES!

Twilight: ENGAGE THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE!

RD: You're killing my ears!

And axed her for healp!

Sorcerer: Well, Twilight got axed. End story.

Cynical: Yay, now I can kill you all!

Nighty: Oh no. It ain't over yet!

Cynical: DAMN IT!

So she went. Twilight Sparkle put her letter away and went on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where she left her motrcycle and normal pony close because she was in her office lab coat.

Sorcerer: Twilight doesn't have a lab coat...

Viridi: She does in the human world.

Sorcerer: Is this an "Anthro" story then?

Cynical: She's a scientist, of course she does. I'm more concerned about the fact that a creature with no hands is about to drive a motorbike!

Sorcerer: See! Anthro fic! I called it!

Cynical: That still doesn't explain how she can drive!

Twilight Sparkel got on her motercycle

Viridi: So what should we address first? The misspelling of Twilight's name or the misspelling of motorcycle?

Cynical: Option three: THE FACT THAT A PONY IS DRIVING A GOD DAMN MOTORCYCLE!

Nighty: Intriguing proposal. Alright, let's first address that ITS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE! EVEN IF IT IS AN ADAPTION!

and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences!"

Sorcerer: EHH! SHE SAID IT! SHE SAID IT

(Insert Peter Griffin clip here)

Cynical: She'd avenge them, but sadly, everyone else in her family has become "zombie goasts"!

So she had to go. Twilight Sparkle ramped of the building and did a backflip and landed.

Cynical: 1. That line is funny and quotable as Hell. 2. For some reason, all I can think about is the Ponies Anthology 3 skit that parodied the original, but with John Dash.

She kept driving down the road and made shure there was no zombies around because she didn't have wepon.

Sorcerer: Wepon. We simply can't live without it, can we?

The countreyside were nice and the plants were singing.

Viridi: Little Shop Of Horrors?

Nighty: I'M JUST A MEAN GREEN MOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE!!!

Cynical: BEING A DENTIST! I HAVE A TALENT FOR CAUSING THINGS PAIN!

and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky.

Sorcerer: Majora's Mask 2: Daddy's Back.

The mood was set for Twilight Sparkles quest to help her brother where he was. Twilight Sparkle looked around the countryside and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother defeat the enemys!"

Cynical: ... I don't even.

Twilight Sparkle was late so she had to drive REALLY fast!

Nighty: She wasn't driving "really" fast, she was driving "REALLY" fast!

cop car was hiden nearby so when Twilight Sparkle came by the cops came and wanted to give her a ticket. Here Twilight Sparkle saw the first monster because the cop was possesed and had headcrabs. "i can't give you my licence officer :(" Twilight Sparkle said. "Why not" said the headcrab officer back to Twilight Sparkle. "BECAUSE YOU ARE A HEADCRAB ZOMBIE!"

Cynical: For some reason, I don't think that excuse will work on a real cop.

So Twilight Sparkle shot the officer in the head

Sorcerer: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

Viridi: How long is he going to be like this?

Sorcerer: WHOA! W-

Nighty: Until the next riff....if we're lucky.

Sorcerer: -OA! WHOA!

Cynical: Oh come on, shooting people in the head isn't nearly as horrific the 2nd, third, and fourth times.

Twilight: You've shot four people in the head?!

Cynical: Relax, I'm kidding! I've only shot three people in the head.

Twilight: Wait, what the Hell-?!

Cynical: Kidding! But really, I have shot two.

Nighty: I think we should take a break for now...

Sorcerer: WHOA! WHOA!

(All exit the theater)

Galactus: You are allowed 2 minutes. Make use of them.

(A dark woman appears)

Nighty: Who the heck are you?

Ultimecia: You...

Nighty: Do I know you?

Ultemecia: You are stealing my shtick.

Nighty: Oh you're that girl from Final Fantasy 8...

Meanwhile...

Cynical: Yeah, well f*ck you too, Galactus!

Galactus: Who are you to dare challenge I, the destroyer of worlds?

Cynical: I'm the man who dared to basically take the space/time continuum and beat it up for its lunch money!

Twilight: Oh look, another massive, egotistical, supposedly all-powerful being that I have to take down. Sense Tierek was oh-so much fun to deal with...

Rainbow: ... And people whine about my ego! Ooh, you can blow up planets? So can a third of the population!

Cynical: You know what, if you have all that power, let's make a deal: Shrink yourself down, and let's fight. I'd quite like to add a god's name to the list of people whose asses I have kicked!

Galactus: Your petty insults mean nothing to me. Continue and I shall not give you all quick deaths.

RD: You makin' threats against Twi?! I'll fly right up there and kick you right in your stupid helmet!

Twilight: No Rainbow, if we tempt him, he will destroy Equestria. I refuse to let that happen or for you to get hurt.

RD: ... Fine. You're lucky, you giant prick!

Cynical: Continue to whine Galactus, it pleases me.

RD and Twilight: CYNICAL!

Cynical: Fine, fine! Pushy bastards.

Sorcerer: Ugh..I'm back. What did I miss?

Viridi: I looked up my phone book. Audrey 2, Petey Pihranna and Metal Gear REX are out. There's not much we can do but read the fic.

Sorcerer: Why REX?

Viridi: "Rules Of Na-"

Sorcerer: Yeah...

Cynical: Oy! I think we're missing someone... oh, and I pissed off Galactus.

Sorcerer: Where's Nighty?

Viridi: I dunno. Anyways, we'll have to start without her. We've got fanfic sign.

and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there

Viridi: Pray tell, how long did it take you to figure that out?

and went faster. Twilight sparkle had to go faster like the speed of sound

Sorcerer: ROLLING AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND!

Viridi: GOT PLACES TO GO...

Cynical: ... I don't like Sonic!

got there fast because Shining nedded her where he was.

Viridi....what?

Cynical: Shh... don't question it. Just close your eyes, ignore my gun, and it will all be dreams soon...

Viridi: Sorcerer?

Sorcerer: Yeah?

Viridi: Lock the door in my quarters tonight.

Cynical: You really think you can stop me? I've fought gods.

Twilight Sparkle looked at road signes and saw "RAVENHOLM"

Cynical: Get the crowbar!

with someons writing under it saying "U SUDENT COME HERE".

Sorcerer: Someon must have terrible spelling. He and the author should get along perfectly.

Cynical: A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

So Twilight Sparkle almost turned around and heard screaming like Shining

Sorcerer: So...Twilight can hear screaming just like Shining! I thought everyone could do that...

Cynical: That's offensive to deaf people, you heartless son of a bitch.

Sorcerer: GAH! Nighty! Get rid of that in the e-....oh...she's not here...

Cynical: Yeah, you're paying for this you bastard!

Galactus: I am getting impatient.

Cynical: Piss off, this is our theater.

Sorcerer: EEEK! The editing...Viridi...get the editing.

Viridi: Yes...right away!

Cynical: Oh no, you aren't getting out of it this easily!

so she went faster again. Twilight Sparkle drove and did another flip and jump off her motorbike and the motorbike took off the headcrab zombies in front of Twilight Sparkle.

Cynical: At least they can spell "Sparkle" right!

Viridi: There I made it say "I thought most ponies could do that!"

Sorcerer: Oh...you're a lifesaver!

Viridi: (Maybe I should've told him about the auto correct...)

Twilight Sparkle smiled and walked fast. Twilightt

Sorcerer: Cynical? Do you know of this Twilightt?

Cynical: Oh yeah, she's best friends with WobNiar Hsad! But I'm not going to let you edit away your worries! Own up to it, man!

Sorcerer: Fine...

[note to self...get more time travelling riffers]

Cynical: You rang? I'm a time traveler.

Sorcerer: GAH! That is to say...

[Dang it...he can read my thoughts? Just who is this guy?]

Cynical: A man with nothing but time on his hands and a few spells to learn.

then looked on the ground and found wepon. So she picked it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house.

Viridi: CRY SOME MORE!!

Sorcerer: I also let her play Team Fortress 2!

Twilight Sparkle said "zombie goasts leave this place!" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house :'(

Sorcerer: What!? Why....why is there a sad face there? Why?

Viridi: You do realize you just...

Sorcerer: It's called hypocritical humor. The true satire masters use it all the time.

(Viridi makes a notepad and pen out of thin air and begins writing.)

Cynical: Take notes from the superior comedian, Viridi.

" and Twilight Sparkle felt sorry for them becase of they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts.

Cynical: Cue the Lonely Man theme from the Incredible Hulk.

So she blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were hapy.

Sorcerer: Well, to be fair, they were already dead.

Cynical: Racist.

Viridi: Yeah...that did sound a little racist.

Sorcerer: Ugh...why am I getting judged by saying things about a fictional race?

Cynical: I'm judging you because ghosts have feelings too!

Sorcerer: If Nighty were here I would get such a whacking...

Cynical: I can give you one right now! With a baseball bat!

Sorcerer: Batter batter...SWING! AHHH!

(Bat successfully hits Sorcerer in the head)

Sorcerer: I deserved that. As usual..

Then Twilight Sparkle herd another screem from her brother so she kept walking really faster to get to where he was.

Sorcerer: I kinda picture Twilight walking like Samus from the original Metroid.

Ravenholdm was nothing NYE countreyside there were no birds singing and the pants were dead

Sorcerer: R.I.P. Levi. He was blue all his life.

Cynical: 1% of the population wears pants! Why does Twilight care?!

Viridi: I know a certain angel who could care less for them.

RD: Can we get this over with?

(Galactus glares at Rainbow Dash)

RD: Yeah? What the Hell do you want?

(Eyes flare)

the dirt was messy and bloddy from headcrabs. When Twilight Sparkle got to where the screaming was started she found her brother Sining Armor fightin the final boss and Shining said "TWILIGHT SPARKLE OVER HERE ;_;".

Sorcerer: How does one speak " ;_;"?

Cynical: Like this! Coma splice, underline, coma splice!

Sorcerer: So...whenever I talk about a Star Wars movie...

"Hey guys! You wanna see Star Wars Colon A New Hope?"

Cynical: Yes.

Viridi: I'd rather be watching anything than this.

Twilight Sparkle went there to where Shining Armor was fighting. Twilight Sparkle fired the buttets from the gun really fast and the bulets went and shot the final boss in the eye and the final boss couldn't see.

Viridi: Gohlma is that you?

Shining Armor said "its time to end this ones and for all ;3!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fel.

Cynical: Is it over?

Twilight Sparkle said "thanks i could help, bro" and Shining Armor said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laffed. The laffed overed quickly though becuase Twilight Sparkle yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky

Sorcerer: IT'S A BIRD!

Viridi: IT'S A PLANE!

Cynical: Is it the end credits?

Shining Armor looked up and said "NO! Twilight Sparkle run out of here as fast as you can!" and Twilight walked REAL fast out!

Sorcerer: Have you ever tried, oh I don't know...RUNNING!?

Twilight loked back and saw Shining get stepped on by the next boss and she was mad and angry! "I'LL GET YOU BACK EVIL BOSS!" Twilight Sparkle yelled at the top of lung!

Sorcerer: But...it was the final boss! You can't just pull a Necron here!

TO BE CONTINUED?

All: No!

Sorcerer: That was the end...

Viridi: Of the first chapter.

Sorcerer: You know what? Forget this! We can handle Galactus all by ourselves!

Sorcerer: Hey Galactus!

Galactus: You have not finished the story.

Sorcerer: I don't need to. Cynical! Now!

Cynical: Let's end this with a bang!

(Brings out 1,000 guns and shoots bullets at Galactus)

Sorcerer: FEEL THE LOVE OF THE HYPER COMBO!

(Sorcerer shoots comets, meteorites and waves at Galactus.)

Sorcerer and Cynical: OBJECTION!!!

(Galactus takes mortal damage!)

Sorcerer: Annnnd he's still alive....what do we do now?!

Nighty: You can't do anything alone, can you?

Sorcerer: Nighty?

Ultemecia: She's not the only one.

(Nighty and Ultemecia finish Galactus off with a FINAL HYPER BEAAAMMMMM!)

Galactus: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(Galactus explodes)

Nighty: Hmph. That wasn't so hard.

Ultemecia: Well, see you around the continuum.

(Ultemecia disappears)

Sorcerer: Well, that was....weird.

Cynical: Damn, all my bullets are gone! Well, at least that story's over.

(Cynical rides away in his ship)

Sorcerer: What a heartless jerk!

Twilight: Wait! You forgot me!

Sorcerer: Nighty?

Nighty: What?

Sorcerer: I think we found our fourth Riffer!

Twilight: Oh dear...

*Cynical actually drove back to retrieve one of his guns*

Cynical: Oh, I'm the heartless jerk?! You forced a woman into joining your riffing squad, attempted to kidnap me to force me in, and made fun of my story, but I'M the heartless jerk?! Screw you, Nighty! You remind me of another person with your name who's just as much of a jackass...

Sorcerer: PRESS THE BUTTON NIGHTY!!!

The End