The Elements were quite put out over Gabby Gums' articles. Shepherd though was rather unimpressed.

Rarity: "How can you be so blase over this-this atrocity of a column!"

Shepherd: *shrugs* "Do remember I've had much worse, Rarity. I mean, the kingdom's tabloids routinely say I'm some sort of hedonistic monkey who plows every mare and stallion in Equestria."

Rarity: "Yes, yes, but that's all untrue! Just sensationalism! Gabby Gums is publishing real secrets about us!"

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Consider this a rough draft...
- - -
So, our lovely mares and Shepherd had to go and try and get a dragon to leave the area around Ponyville. His 'nap' might last for a century, and the smoke he emitted would make it unlivable. However... Fluttershy was terrified of the prospect of confronting a dragon.

Frankly, so was Shepherd.

Fluttershy: "Um... I mean... Maybe we could just... Just move the town?"

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Shepherd wakes up to Chewie growling. Shepherd grabs his pistol from under his pillow and sits up. He looks out the window.

Chewie is standing there, a terrified photographer pony in his teeth.

Shepherd: "Chewie... I do appreciate you guarding me, but you need sleep too!"

Chewie releases the Reporter from his jaws, but holds him in his claws.

Chewie: "Rawr!"

Shepherd: "Yes I know you're mainly nocturnal... Well as long as you're getting enough rest, thank you."

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Starlight: "Listen, Shepherd... I know we've had a lot of animosity between us, and I understand why. So... I've been working with Twilight and Cadence on a solution."

Shepherd: "And that is?"

Starlight: "Well... Cathartic punishment to help reinforce proper perspectives on good and evil."

Shepherd: "Which consists of...?"

Starlight: "... Spanking me."

Shepherd: "... SERIOUSLY CADENCE?!"

Cadence: "What? It worked with Twilight!"

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Luna gets a T-shirt with OPPAI on it, and tight shorts-Which do nothing for teenaged Shepherd's hormones. Celestia remains in naked apron mode, though she put on some racy panties. Clearly, both princesses-er, principals-are still massive trolls no matter what universe.

Celestia: "How is your omelet, Shepherd?"

Shepherd: "It's fine..."

Luna: glare "I got the mushrooms especially for you."

Shepherd: "Uh... Thank you?"

Luna: "Hmph."

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Shepherd is taking in the sights of Manehattan, looking around the park. He buys a hotdogs, tries it... And then begins choking as his face turns red..

Shepherd: "HRUKK! HACK! HARGLE!"

He bursts out of the bushes in front of some well to do mares, trying to ask for help.

Shepherd: "HRRRAAAGGHKKK!!!"

Mares: "EEEEEK!"

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Twilight and Shepherd descended into a little explored part of the archives, below the main vaults.

Twilight: "This is essentially a large warehouse where the Princess and other mages cast stasis spells on whatever we found. Honestly, there's so much junk from your world here!"

Shepherd: "Hey, it's not just my world. A lot of those things had to have been from alternate Earths. Don't blame just my world!"

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Shepherd helps Doohickey out with an upgrade for Music Box.

Shepherd: "And I do it like this?"

Doohickey: "Carefully! Just tuck it in... You all right, sweetie?"

Music Box: "I'm okay Grandpa!"

Shepherd: "Annnd... How is that?"

Doohickey: "Hm... Not bad."

Doohickey holds up a mirror to Music Box's face. The new addition makes her face look... Normal. Save for the seam around her left eye and cheek, she looks like any other filly. She looks up, tears in one eye.

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Starlight Glimmer and Shepherd go to try and make peace with the Changelings...

Shepherd: "Hello Queen Bug-Pony! I am here with Starlight Glimmer to try and make peace."

Chrysalis: "Oh, are you? I find that interesting-"

Shepherd opens his coat, revealing a strange device strapped to his chest.

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So our hero eventually goes to visit the Equestria Girls universe-So called because the world is Equestria but with humans. Alas, it is not his Earth, which sucks. And to make matters worse...

Shepherd: "I'M A TEENAGER AGAIN?! SERIOUSLY?!"

Twilight: "What? What's wrong with being a teenager again?"

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Luna visited Shepherd in his dreams, as she often did.

Shepherd: "Mm? What can I do for you, Your Majesty?"

Luna: "it's a special request, really. I need your help."

Shepherd: "Eh? My help?"

Luna: "Yes. Would you like to help me?"

Shepherd: "It would help to know what I would be helping you with."

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Shepherd: "Twiliiiiight! What the hell-Where did all these bits come from?!"

He gestures to the pile of gold bits on the kitchen table.

Twilight: "Ummmm..." taps her hooves together "I asked for donations from all the research participants... I set fifty bits as the minimum donation and well..."

Shepherd: "... If I didn't know any better, I would swear you were pimping me out."

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Shepherd is invited to a tea party with Fluttershy and Discord.

Shepherd: "Oh hey... Flying s'mores. Nice."

Fluttershy: "Oh, I quite like them!"

Discord: "Do I detect a hint of criticism in your tone, Shepherd?"

Shepherd: "No. It's nice that you're still as food obsessed as a wine aunt on Twitter. Maybe you can put it on Instagram to impress other childless weirdos"

Fluttershy: sigh "Can we please not do this?"

Discord: "What do you mean a wine aunt?!"

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Old Man Shepherd had taken Sunny and her friends to an ancient cavern, far from Maretime Bay.

Hitch: "Uh huh... There a reason we're out here?"

Izzy: "Is it a good reason? Like a secret candy stash? Ugh, two thousand year old candy! Gross!"

Shepherd: "Hang on... I know it was around here somewhere... Aha." He hits a control and a secret passageway slowly opens "There we go."

Sunny: "Oh wow! A secret door?!"

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In the future, Shepherd, now an old but badass looking man, fell asleep... And then woke up in front of an Earth pony with orange fur, purple mane and tail, and a big smile.

Shepherd: "Urgh... My head... What the hell happened...?"

Sunny Starscout: "YES! IT WORKED! THE MAGIC WORKS!"

Shepherd: "I... Who are you?"

Sunny Starscout: "Oh! Uh, hello! I'm Sunny Starscout! I'm trying to reunite Equestria! And you must be The Shepherd!"

Shepherd: "THE Shepherd?"

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After two straight days of his hostess pulling all nighters and exhausting herself, Shepherd finally has enough. He picks Rarity up and carries her to bed, even as she caterwauls and screams about it

Rarity: "Shepherd?! What do you think you're doing?! Put me down this instant!"

Shepherd: "You've been up for two whole days! Sleep time now!"

Rarity: "I have a deadline to meet-!"

Shepherd: "Meet it tomorrow! After sleep and food! In that order!"

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Shepherd: "Honestly Fluttershy, I happen to like older women."

Fluttershy: blushes deeply "O-Oh?"

Luna and Celestia perk up.

Luna: "Oh?"

Celestia: "Oh?"

Shepherd: "Oh dear... I said too much."

In Shepherd's dreams...

Shepherd looks around at the Krusty Krab.

Shepherd: "This is weird... Why Spongebob? Oh well..."

Luna: "Hello Shepherd."

Shepherd: "Oh, hey Princess Luna! How goes it?"

Luna: "It goes well. I heard my sister offered you a... Proposition."

Shepherd: sighs "Yes."

Luna: "To become the mother of your children?"

Shepherd: "Yes."

Luna: "I see... You know, I'd be happy to take that responsibility."

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Shepherd was chilling out with Fluttershy and Treehugger in Fluttershy's cottage.

Treehugger: "Dude... You're a human."

Shepherd: "Uh, yeah. You said that."

Treehugger: "It's like... Cosmic. You're an alien. That's so wicked sweet."

Shepherd: "It... Has its moments."

Fluttershy: "Treehugger is an expert herbalist!"

Shepherd: "Uh huh...?"

Treehugger: "Yeah. I put some herbs in these brownies. Want some?"

Shepherd: "Um... What kind of herbs are we talking here?"

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Shepherd: "So... Twilight, I gotta ask: How exactly can we understand eachother?"

Twilight: "What do you mean?"

Shepherd: "I'm literally from another planet. Maybe another universe Yet you also speak English? I mean I know the multiverse is infinite and all but even so, that seems a little... Unlikely. For a certain set of infinity, I mean."

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