• Member Since 27th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Andrew Joshua Talon


Just a fellow traveler...

More Blog Posts441

  • Today
    Short Hand: Perilous

    Starlight: "Listen, Shepherd... I know we've had a lot of animosity between us, and I understand why. So... I've been working with Twilight and Cadence on a solution."

    Shepherd: "And that is?"

    Starlight: "Well... Cathartic punishment to help reinforce proper perspectives on good and evil."

    Shepherd: "Which consists of...?"

    Starlight: "... Spanking me."

    Read More

    3 comments · 81 views
  • Today
    I'm Not a Goddamned High School Harem Protagonist! 2

    Luna gets a T-shirt with OPPAI on it, and tight shorts-Which do nothing for teenaged Shepherd's hormones. Celestia remains in naked apron mode, though she put on some racy panties. Clearly, both princesses-er, principals-are still massive trolls no matter what universe.

    Celestia: "How is your omelet, Shepherd?"

    Shepherd: "It's fine..."

    Read More

    6 comments · 160 views
  • Thursday
    Short Hand: The Pound

    Shepherd is taking in the sights of Manehattan, looking around the park. He buys a hotdogs, tries it... And then begins choking as his face turns red..

    Shepherd: "HRUKK! HACK! HARGLE!"

    He bursts out of the bushes in front of some well to do mares, trying to ask for help.

    Shepherd: "HRRRAAAGGHKKK!!!"

    Mares: "EEEEEK!"

    Read More

    11 comments · 298 views
  • Wednesday
    Short Hand: Metal Elephants

    Twilight and Shepherd descended into a little explored part of the archives, below the main vaults.

    Twilight: "This is essentially a large warehouse where the Princess and other mages cast stasis spells on whatever we found. Honestly, there's so much junk from your world here!"

    Read More

    15 comments · 295 views
  • Tuesday
    Doohickey and Music Box

    Shepherd helps Doohickey out with an upgrade for Music Box.

    Shepherd: "And I do it like this?"

    Doohickey: "Carefully! Just tuck it in... You all right, sweetie?"

    Music Box: "I'm okay Grandpa!"

    Shepherd: "Annnd... How is that?"

    Doohickey: "Hm... Not bad."

    Read More

    8 comments · 273 views
Oct
4th
2021

Short Hand: A New Generation 2 · 5:06pm October 4th

Old Man Shepherd had taken Sunny and her friends to an ancient cavern, far from Maretime Bay.


Hitch: "Uh huh... There a reason we're out here?"


Izzy: "Is it a good reason? Like a secret candy stash? Ugh, two thousand year old candy! Gross!"


Shepherd: "Hang on... I know it was around here somewhere... Aha." He hits a control and a secret passageway slowly opens "There we go."


Sunny: "Oh wow! A secret door?!"


Hitch: "What makes you think anything will have survived for two thousand years?"


Shepherd: "Don't know. Cross your fingers."


Hitch: "My what?"


Shepherd: "It's a human phrase. Means 'shut up so I can think.'"


Hitch: "You don't have to be so rude!"


Izzy: "Maybe he does! Maybe it's human to be rude!"


Sunny: "Guys, come on. Let's not get offended by my... Distant ancestor?"


Shepherd: "Just call me Grampa. We don't have time to go back through your entire family tree."


Izzy: "Okay Grampa DILF!"


Hitch: "DILF? What does that mean?"


Izzy: "Dad I'd Like to Fu-"


Sunny: "IZZY!"


Later, when Sprout has convened his mecha and war machines, he sees Old Man Shepherd approaching.


Sprout: "Hahaha! What's this? The old geezer ape is here with the troublemakers? What can you possibly do to stop me?"


Shepherd: Produces a bazooka, and fires it.


KABOOM!


Sprout's mecha is disabled. He scowls at Shepherd.


Sprout: "You just used up your only weapon!"


Shepherd: "Wrong again, punk."


A gigantic tank covered in faded pink paint rumbles up from behind him. It fires multiple cannon blasts, disabling the rest of Sprout's army.


Sunny: "Good shooting, Hitch!"


Hitch: At the controls, grinning "... I have an erection right now."


Izzy: brightly "I'm aware!"


Hitch: "GAH!"


Outside...


Shepherd: "Now..." He walks up to Sprout, and picks him up by his chest fur "Would you like to continue your racist bullshit, or would you like to sit down and talk like civilized ponies? Ten seconds. Choose one."


Sprout: "SIT DOWN AND TALK! SIT DOWN AND TALK!"


Shepherd: "Huh. Too bad."

Comments ( 12 )

The Pies build to last. Especially when Pinkie gets a twitch that tells her the party tank will be needed in a few generations/centuries/millennia. (Circle whichever is appropriate.)

Also, definitely an interesting take on Izzy. Not sure how I feel about that one, but I suppose "Watch us shake our unicorn butts" serves as setup for this.

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 good job on this
I literally lost it with the erection part.

Hitch: At the controls, grinning "... I have an erection right now."

Yeah, firing the main gun of a tank can have that effect.

Shepherd still got it even in the future mares still what to bang him despite how old he is

5591580
Market it as a treatment for ED?

Shepherd: "Why doesn't anyone decide to continue? Aren't I allowed to have any fun?!?"

I love the idea of Izzy as the horny one of the group.

Fkn Izzy, man.:rainbowlaugh:

5591781
She is literally the horny one... also a unicorn.

Thinking about Sprout, it looks like he invented lies purely for the adoration and attention of his community. I feel like Pipp could just take him under her wing and teach him to be an influencer instead.

5592021
Yes, but he can recover after he's neutralized as a threat and knows the consequences for trying anything...

I wonder how he would handle Phyllis.

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