Pebble: you both act like hot plot-nuggets.

(Hidden Rose frowns, turns away, and rolls her eyes)

Ambrosia: a’ight, sometimes we do, but that’s different. Afore, Sumac wasn’t hurt and now he is. We’re not gonna act like butt-dumplings when he’s like this.

Pebble: I don’t believe you. (Gestures at Meg and narrows eyes at Apple sisters) If I were you, I wouldn’t do anything to upset Megara.

(Apple sisters both gulp)

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SO.

It's been a long day-- nothing insurmountable, and nothing a fancy beer and some exploding things in Star Fox can't fix. But with that done, I find myself sitting in front of my computer, with the vague desire to write ... uh, something. But I'm still a bit brain-fried from my day job (plus, I've already gotten a little bit of original writing for the day) so, uh ... ponies, right?

Or, perhaps more pretentious, writing about writing about ponies. Ponies being funny.

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How To Write Clop for People Who Can’t Write Clop Too Good
Part 1 - Characterisation

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

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At the risk of of perhaps revealing too much, I've decided to pull back the curtain and show how my work progresses into what it is. It starts simple, I approach it almost as a screenplay, and then, after a few rewrites, it gets constructed into something greater. This is the secret to how I write.

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"You are the best at ponies! But how do you write about ponies who are friends when you probably don't have any of your own (because you are best at ponies)?"

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

Step 1:

Drink drinks. Of your choice. Personally, I prefer fancy beer, which I can sing a song song about but won't because I don't want to get sidetracked.

Step 2:

Watch this:

Step 3:

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"Hey yeah this is totally a gimmicky way to provide content but tell us, please, how should we write Spike the Dragon? Because he's the most prominent male character in an otherwise female-leaning children's cartoon so obviously we need to project way too many things onto him to an uncomfortable degree so seriously how can we put him into stories."

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

Step 1:

Drink drinks. Dragon drinks. Which, uh ... I'm not QUITE sure that might be--

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"Please, good sir, tell us. Given the fact that you, sir, are BEST AT PONIES, and also the science fact that Rarity is BEST PONY, surely these things are related? So tell us, please, how do you write Rarity? As surely you have been sitting on this secret for various inscrutable reasons and not because you have been lazy."

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

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Truth surrounds us constantly. We can hear it as easily from the unlettered man in poverty as from the educated man of academia (in fact, sometimes I feel like you're more likely to find truth in the simple than in the learned). The trick is to listen for truth at all times and to treasure it deeply when it is found.

Today's truth was shared with me by a man who is not a writer and has never displayed to me any desire to be a storyteller in any respect:

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Hello everyone! Welcome to my new and unrequested series on learning about writing. I've blogged about bits of writing before, but here I want to go from the ground up and do something a little bit more comprehensive. I'm not writing a textbook with every aspect of storytelling covered one after another - hell, my own eyes glaze the fuck over when I see guides for newbie writers with headings and subheadings for 'plot' 'characters' 'villains' with a hundred points in alphabetical order, after

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"Welcome back from that vacation adventure! Surely you have more wonderful pony stories in the works, yes? But if there are no updates to be made in the near future, could you at least tell us how to write the pink pony, because you are best at ponies?"

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

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Hey! I'm going to show you how I write!

Step one: I write the main events and dialog. I make the main event the longest out of all the events. You can see the difference clearly.
Step two: I go to the beginning of the chapter, and I keep expanding on what I wrote.
Step three: Repeat step two.
Step four: Repeat step three.

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I mean the story did start off as a lark inspired by the fellows from a hilarious thread in My Little Fetish and my own thoughts, 'I want to write something involving butts' and 'wouldn't it be nice to post a story at some point this week'.

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"You are obviously a dashing and talented gentleman, but please, tell the whole twelve people who actually read The Flash Sentry Papers, how do you write Flash Sentry?"

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

Step 1: Drink drinks. But, like, classy fancy drinks. Or at least cheap drinks masquerading as fancy drinks. Box wine (red, of course), is a good start. As are halfway decent scotches or brandies.

Step 2: Watch this:

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Jinglemas is officially started and god I’m struggling with characterization because I did not watch the MLP Movie (the one with the Storm King not the new one) but this is fine everything is fine

I have competitive blood flowing through my veins and I managed to push this little fic out the gate before it hit twelve.

I'm feeling pretty awesome.

Some thought on Human Husbandry in no order.

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"Given the scientific fact that you are BEST AT PONIES, please, tell us, how do you write a shipfic? I know we asked you once before but honestly shipping is what drives a significant chunk of this website. So tell us MORE ENLIGHTENED SECRETS, on this Hallmark-inspired holiday. Oh and can you make it about Rainbow Dash shipping 'cause she's super popular and therefore the subject of a good 40 percent of the shippings?"

WELL LET ME TELL YOU

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For the last 8 months (I can’t believe how fast this year has gone!) I have barely been reading or writing. A constant tied of other commitments, work, studying and other such distractions has occupied my time. In the moments where I do get a chance to breath and start reading or writing, I often fail to do so. Instead it’s far easier to watch meaningless YouTube or play games. It’s not work, it’s relaxation.

A week ago today I woke up with a desire to change that.

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This is partially to make up for National Not Writing Month, which I participated in by not even writing a single thing last month. November is always waaaaay too busy for me to make much progress (I'm busy doing my part for wildlife conservation), and it turns out the current state of the world did not change a dippy-trippy thing.

But anyway! A.I. writing fanfic!

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Blubbering: Unattractive, loud crying. Characterized by mutters, truncated, erratic breathing, clinched facial expressions and hunched posture.

Hyperventilate-Crying: Forceful crying causing heavy breathing, resulting in the inability to speak or produce sounds even resembling words.

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