My story has gotten some positive reviews despite being utter shite and its confusing me. I took a bunch of elements that don't go together, stitched them onto a semi story form, and Frankensteined it to life. I was expecting the looks of horror at my monster, and hoping for the occasional observant reader to recognize some of the parts and appreciate the stitching. I didn't expect some people to look at my creation and its awkward advances and go, " Egh, I've seen uglier. Sure, lets bang." The overly sweet reviews are giving me diabetes, but who am I to question what is beauty, just be sure to wear protection. I think I will go kick some kittens to burn off some of this enjoyment and sunshine.

3562441

Has that ever happened?

Once, which resulted in a disqualification.

3561966
The main purpose of the N/A column is to clear a vote if you accidentally place one.

I am pleased to announce that I have made great strides in my efforts to quell the vexing emotions that prevent me from giving low ratings to stories.

Today, one of my four-year-old students tugged on my sleeve and gave me a half-complete paper crane. She's always giving me random things.

So I took it

Now to finish these fics...

Gaaah, every time I turn around this week, a different server at work (metaphorically) catches fire. Plus Dropbox is having problems, so I'm scrambling to get my reviews collected into a single place. Only 10 reviews to go though.

3562373
I'm now at 10,800 words, which means that not only am I over 9000, but also simultaneously 20% cooler.

3563994

Yes. Yeeeeeeessssss. Soon your training will be complete.

3564128

I use Google Drive. Easy to make an account and auto saves changes to the cloud so you can access it anywhere that has internet and not have to worry about crashes losing data.

3563393
Oh come on, it isn't that bad.

3564199 Same. Google drive is amazing. I only use one computer, and I still use google drive for the ease at which I can show my documents to others.

3563393
3564363
Yeah, can't be worse than mine if you go purely by reviews.

I really wanted to get to more fics, but everytime I tries to sit down and read, something else came up – and tomorrow also isn't looking good. Have the first 10 odd numbered fics in case I end up stopping here.

1-) Falling apples: This fic is very cute, sometimes even beautiful, but for the most part it had nothing to do with the theme. Not only in that it is only brought up at the last moment, but in that I doubt that they would fight over that phrase, given their previous interactions here. This kinda defeats the point of those being Last Words. Also, it has an annoying tendency to use run on sentences.

3-) Love thine enemy: I have no idea what this has to do with the prompt, but then, I went through the story twice and didn't get why the changeling was outed. While the characterization for Cadance was strange, I liked the overall character work, very effective for such a short fic. I think I liked the idea more than the execution, and would rate it higher in another context.

5-) You Had to Say It: This was a pretty funny short fic, with great pacing and good comedic rhythm. It would be a lot better if longer, or as an intro to a longer one. It is certainly cliché and predictable, but it has a certain writing rhythm that makes up for it.

7-) Pinkie Pie Makes Brownies: Hated it. The writing was very repetitive, the story was 100% predictable, and it was terminally unfunny. Ponies Do Drugs at its worst, no doubt about that. It doesn’t go far enough to make it into troll territory, but makes no effort to make sense either, such as justifying why Pinkie would add that stuff to the baked goods or their effects.

9-) Rain: This is a fic that uses the premise pretty well, building up the whole situation not exactly around the words, but around why they are important. However, this suffers from way too much expository dialogue, with Luna essentially talking in exposition. That took me out of the story quite a bit, and essentially ruined the overall effect.

11-) Moving Heaven and Earth: Interesting interpretation of the prompt, and an interesting scene in its own right. I don’t see anything being done terribly right here, but also nothing terribly wrong.

13-) Half-Moon: Nice premise and execution in the confrontation, but reads more like the prelude to a longer story, specially in how it interprets the prompt. The last scene is very interesting and evocative. Some fairly corny sentences are spread around.

15-) Disconsolate: Interesting one, I like the in-media-res resolution, and the slow realization, as well as the small touches of world building and the usage of the prompt. Twilight states out loud what she is thinking a little too much, but it managed to stay fairly low key and still pretty interesting. However, that might not have been the best fit for a fic centered around a funeral and possible murder.

17-) It’s Liquid Pride: Nice turn on a show phrase, and how it would affect someone on a 24 hours news cycle world. I kept wondering all the time how the hell can Shining Armor stub a toe? Love the last phrase, and while it could use some polish, it made me laugh, and used characters, the prompt, and even some interesting themes properly. Fairly clever overall.

19-) The Shortest Possible Distance: Predictable but cute. I like the idea of the test, but not only it feels unfair, but the way it is presented was too convoluted. Also, the Prompt name drop was a bit too much.

3565679
Despite how harshly-worded some of my reviews were, I don't think any story in this contest was without merit or irredeemable. You may not have done as well as you hoped, but that's half the fun of writing! Find a good editor, learn from your mistakes, and do awesome next time. It's all about improving yourself.

3565910

I would erase that comment, Bachiavellian... It narrows it down waaay too much.

3566334

Well don't keep it to yourself, what did he write? I bet it was the scootaloo rumors one, and he better explain the damn ending cause I'ma freak when I'm right and it was the mirror pool after all.

3566345 It's one thing to guess who wrote what based on their writing style and knowledge of their other works, but guessing based on self-incriminating comments in the thread seems a little different to me...

3566334
I honestly don't think anyone would be able to figure it out. Its more of a matter of my own personal feelings about the story than anything else. On the other hand, I certainly see what you mean. That last bit has been struck out, and you might want to do the same in your reply comment.

3562533

It is too bad there is no happy Fluttershy emote.

Um, what do you call "yay"?

3566807
I call it... not next to the other Fluttershy emotes for no good reason.

Reviews! Reviews. As I was finishing these up today, I thought for some reason the voting deadline was today at two, as opposed to tomorrow? So I was all "you have brought dishonor on our family." And then I realized.

I included numerical scores because most of these are one or two lines at most, and I felt like numbers would help convey what I meant my tone to be. My "average" score is a 7. And yes, some of these I gave half scores. I rounded up or down depending on the story for the actual vote.

EDIT: While the scores denoted below remain the same, I've altered my actual vote on the site in accordance with 3567115's suggestions. Thanks for correcting my stupidity.

The distribution (site vote-wise):
01|X
02|
03|
04|XX
05|XXXXXXX
06|XXXXXXXXXX
07|XXXX
08|XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
09|XXXXXXX
10|XXXX

Falling Apples: Cute. Could use a couple more commas than there were, but mostly alright. I didn't see the prompt connection at first, and then I got it and laughed. 7/10

The Last Words of Star Swirl the Bearded: I laughed. :D (Though I was a bit confused as to why all the theories were so certain his last words were so important.) 7/10

Love Thine Enemy: I saw it early on, though I liked the way it was played. A good use of the word count allotted, too. Well-paced. 7.5/10

25 Famous Last Words: It was clever, I'll give it that. Though some of the lines fit better than others. The grammar could use a once-over. 6/10

You Had to Say It: I liked it. Twilight and Pinkie were good, but Discord's voice was a bit off. Though I enjoyed his asking if anyone got the plate of whatever hit him. A couple minor grammatical issues, but they really were few. 7/10

The Worst It Could Possibly Be: A bit too childishly "random," even for a story that's supposed to be childishly random. Though I liked the drool line. 6/10

Pinkie Pie Makes Brownies: A bit too low-brow for me. I just wasn't feeling it. 4.5/10

Those Awful Rumors 'Round Town: A properly vicious gossip circle, which I liked, and an ending that I cannot comprehend and is filling me with existential dread. Altogether enjoyable. 8/10

Rain: The wording was a bit awkward at times, but it was an interesting peek at a bigger picture. I liked the descriptions of how Swirl changed Blueblood. 7/10

Listen: This made me smile. I liked it through and through, from the melodramatic premise to the perfect hyperbole of it all. Also, baby Cadence is so cute :D 8/10

Moving Heaven and Earth: An entertaining, well-written, and believable package! Excellent! Though I'm sort of wondering why only Luna was speaking in Olde Englishe. 8/10

The Last Line: Ooh! Another entertaining, well-written, and believable package! Even more excellent! I liked Twilight's advice to Spike; I thought it was very sweet. And the character's voices really came through, which is especially impressive for such a small story. I also enjoyed the touches of meta. 9/10

Half-Moon: I found the beginning a bit weak, but once NMM got going things got pretty good. That last line was a sucker punch, too. 7/10

Laugh, Laugh: I'm a sucker for well-written Pinkie Pie, and this was well-written Pinkie Pie. REALLY well-written Pinkie Pie. Good in-character musings. 8/10

Disconsolate: The pacing of this was weird. The introduction felt really rushed, and I never quite got into it, so the ending was a bit lost on me. 6.5/10

The Bearded Geezer: Cute SoL. I liked being able to see the whispers of the Trixie we all know, and it was altogether enjoyable. 8/10

It's Liquid Pride: Grrroooaaaannn. :) Enjoyable dark humor. 8/10

Eponalepsis: Hmmmm. Some of the hyphenated names got a bit out of hand, but aside from that the tone was achieved and kept, which worked well. I liked the hints of what happened, and I liked the idea as a whole. This resonated with me. 8/10

The Shortest Possible Distance: A fun snippet. Twilight had a good voice, and I could see this appearing in canon. 8/10

The Pony and the Phoenix: I liked it, but I felt like it was missing something. Sort of came and went without anything changing in between. 7/10

Brother of Mine: An intriguing and well-done snippet of world-building. I liked the descriptions! 7/10

A Moment of Clarity: I had to re-read this to put it together--or, well, I read the first half and then started over. But I liked it. A poignant scene. 8/10

Generations: This was sort of mind-bending, and the transition messed with me. Cute once I got it, though! 7.5/10

The Darkfire Phoenix: Curious. Well-told, though the traps set for the phoenix were ridiculous enough to pull me out of the story a bit. Also, what somebody else said about the narrator not even getting paid :) 7/10

Race the Sun: It didn’t seem bad, but I never quite understood how “racing the sun” worked. Nor why that was her goal. And I appreciated the “technical” talk, but the worded grated a couple times. 6.5/10

Once More With Feeling: I’m going to throw in with everybody else who’s been saying “but Eaking already did that!” 6.5/10

Lessons of the Heart: Ohhhhhhh, ohhh ohhhhhhhhh! I love it! I was confused at first, but then it all made sense and it was cute and now I want this AU! 8/10

Epitaphs: oh god what--Okay but yeah that ending was a rollercoaster. I spent the whole story like “this isn’t BAD, but the whole Alicorn Twilight thing has kind of been DONE” and then for like half a sentence it was Celestia and I was like “oh that’s cool and different” and then it was Discord and my head went sideways and then Luna and world-saving and now I want to read the whole story??? … Okay I just re-read it, and I’m REALLY liking that the narrator is Discord. Fluttershy’s last words mean a lot more and hit a lot harder. Also, I enjoyed the idea that Pinkie would be better called “hope…” It really does seem to fit better. 9/10

Regrets: Ha! Cute and well-written. I really liked it. 8/10

Humming Brew: I uh. What? I...think I liked it? But I’m admittedly a touch sad that we didn’t do the thing that we were doing at the beginning, that seemed like an interesting thing. Ah, well. 7/10

Sunset Rising: I liked it. The execution was good, but I did think that the passage from the book was a bit too obvious. 7.5/10

Why Pony Pants Were Invented: I was tempted to just copypasta my review for Humming Brew for this one. It was funny, I’ll give it that. 7/10

Final Witness: I really liked it up until the last paragraph, which just dampened things ever so slightly. I wasn’t really ready for the comedy thing after all the sad and serious things. But I still liked it. 8/10

Caped Crusaders: Solid through and through. Also, I adore the visual image of the mane six dropping cover and assembling, so thank you so much for that. 9/10

Spring Cleaning: Another really solid entry. The beginning was the mundane made interesting, and when that happens you know you’re in for a treat. I understand now what all the discussion is about, and I’m not QUITE sure how I feel about the last couple lines, but I know I like them. 8.5/10

The steed of Theseus: ...eh. I liked the idea, but the execution was muddled and there were too many technical errors for it to truly shine. 6.5/10

And a Smile Means Friendship to Everyone: I didn’t get that part of the joke, but I still really liked Fleur De Lis as Walt Disney for some reason. 8/10

Quotes: “‘I’m sorry.’ —Princess Celestia of Equestria, 0000 N.D.” I’m nearing the end of re-reading Eternal. I really liked this...could you call it an anthology? I’m not sure. In any case, it was well-done. Only an error or two, and the quotes “chosen” were good representations of the flowing storyline of a nation and a world. History! 8/10

Daring Do and the Curse of Ahuizotl: 1) doesn’t get it 2) starting to see 3) GETS IT OH GOD I GET IT AND IT’S HORRIBLE 8.5/10

The Next Viral Ad: Enjoyable, though could use some editing. My only reaction is question marks and bulging eyes. 6.5/10

One Day in the Crystal Library: A good scene. Filly Cadence was cute and well-written, as was Sombra. (Well, not cute…) 7.5/10

Alawst King Do(ne): Good musings. I like musings. All very good. 8.5/10

Next Step: The first half was good, but general grammar issues (and the tense totally changed at one point) in the second half really tore this down. 6.5/10

...but whose?: The descriptions of The Eater were really well-done, conveying the immensity and wretchedness of the thing. I also love that Rainbow Dash doesn’t seem to care a lick. The mood was well-set, and the bit of story that was conveyed was perfectly selected from what could’ve been done. 8.5/10

Some Things You Just Shouldn’t Say: Middle of the road. Felt like it was shooting for something that it didn’t quite reach; there were some errors, which detracted, and the character voices were a bit off. 6.5/10

Fall: Ooh, dark. I really love Sombra here. And Fiocco is a good character, well-built in only a few paragraphs. There were a couple very minor errors, but mostly I was caught up in all the cool world-builidng. 8.5/10

Forging Harmony: Aaaaaahh, Knight Celestia! Yes please! Thank you! One of those stories I’m now sitting here like “darn it there isn’t more of this why is there not more.” Serene was cool and asked piercing questions, and Celestia was a good rebel. I like rebel!Celestia. And madam!Celestia and knight!Celestia. 9/10

There Once Lived a Princess…: Oh yeah, the Hearts and Hooves day princess. I liked this scene, only now every time I watch that episode I’m going to think of this and be sad because the princess was executed. But this was still good! 8/10

The Dying Words of Starswirl the Bearded: It really is The Last Words again. Only more actively told, which I think works better. Though I felt like the actual reveal moment went by too quickly; I would’ve liked more buildup in the casting of the spell. Definitely fun, though! 8/10

Final Resting Place: This was nice. I’m having a hard time deciding which of the Daring Do fics was my favorite; they were all so good… This might win? I’m not sure. Very well put-together. It used its words smartly. 8.5/10

Once Upon a Time in Appleloosa: Oof, nice. Good ending. I’m really glad this is the last story in line. The beginning was alright, but it all paid off in the end. Great mood and description! 8.5/10

3566985

as been pointed out, best to go back and spread out your scores, because if you voted how you scored here then your vote for winner will have very little impact on determining the winner.

3567078
At the very least, he can have the desired fidelity of half votes by simply utilising the entire range. Currently he's using the range 4.5–9. Stretching the scores by doubling them would give a range of 9–18, which maps to the 0–10 range by subtracting 8 or 9.

One Day in the Crystal Library seems too well-written for the writer to have made the newbie mistake of jumping into comedy in the last two lines that most people think he/she did.

Maybe it's serious, tragic rather than comical. Tho it's really hard in fandom to read "And then he exploded" and not interpret that as an attempt at comedy. We know nothing, absolutely nothing, about Sombra from canon--I don't think he even speaks--so an attempt to use him as a tragic figure, without showing anything of what he's like in the end, can't work.

Just 18 1/2 hrs till I get first, second, third, last and most controversial.

Part 2 of hopefully 3... deadline looms, gotta review fast!

It's Liquid Pride - I really quite like the first scene. The build-up and tension but with the tongue-in-cheek nature of what exactly he’s afraid of. And then the punchline hits and I just sort of stared at it? Like, I objectively recognize it as funny, but my brain is still going “wat.” If for nothing else, you get points for leaving me speechless in a good way.

Eponalepsis - Took a quick google to figure out what the pun was about; I had no idea there was a word for that. The new character honorifics are a bit bizarre, and yet they evoke a nice sort of otherworldy, empyreal feel. The repetition of “Celestia said:” paragraphs ought to be grating, yet for some reason, stylistically it works here. Hmm, for me, stories like this are more frustrating than tantalizing. Nothing about the Destroyer is explained here, or about what this new pantheon’s deal is, so we the reader are just left to invent our own explanation. YMMV but this always gives me a vibe of “that sounds like a neat story. Maybe you should write it. ” Yet at the same time, this is juxtaposed with me enjoying the story in a vacuum for what it is.

The Shortest Possible Distance - “Slow on the uptake” generally refers to mental comprehension. Twilight immediately understood shortest path, but it seems more that her reaction time was slow, if I understand the scene correctly. Anyway, the fic’s based on a fun bit of wordplay. Or, well, a geeky bit of wordplay, but the fact that I called it “fun” is enlightening. And of course, it’s totally in Twilight’s wheelhouse as well. “There is no spoon” and all that. My biggest quibble would be that the action translates a bit roughly into text. The crux of the action, effectively, is a race* through a maze* that is only drawn* on the floor. Three different facets that each independently are much better suited for a visual medium rather than text. As a result, it’s difficult to empathize with the tension, or to really visualize the action. It’d be a lot clearer if the teacher’s challenge was something easier for you the author to express in text.

The Pony and the Phoenix - “The phoenix jumped back in her cage as the pony growled, his horn sparking with blue light, only to fade away a moment later, the pony’s shoulders slumping as he leaned against the table, breathing raggedly.” There’s a lot of these many-phrase sentences throughout the fic. In small doses they can be good to shake up the flow of the prose, but too many back-to-back becomes mentally taxing on the reader. Don’t be scared to use more periods. As for the story itself, the setup of a sudden eureka moment of his life’s work wasted, mere minutes before expiring, feels a bit contrived. The last line curiously subverts expectations, since between the phoenix’s presence and Star Swirl’s fate-tempting last words, the reader expects something, and nothing occurs. Sobering, though as a result there doesn’t feel like there’s a “message” in the story; he just dies.

Brother of Mine - I find myself interested by the concept, yet conflicted in that realization, because the Scorpan/Tirek relation is so relatively new. A fic of this nature, except about Celestia/Nightmare Moon would get panned for being “overly done”, whereas this fic in question seems interesting and leaves me wanting more. And to a point, that’s a double-edged sword. While this is a nice scene, Scorpan is right: I sort of want to see more, and without an arbitrary word count limit, I’d insist upon it. So it leaves me questioning how to evaluate the words you did right… if that makes any sense.

A Moment of Clarity - On the plus side, it’s a really sweet scene. That last line to AB, plus the little tag at the end, just filled me with the warm fuzzies. Buuut. You’re toying around inside the mind of a senile person, and this starts to invite all sorts of “did they or didn’t they do their research” questions. The very sharp burst of lucidity in Granny’s “No, wait. I understand,” speech makes me a bit skeptical. You’re basically at risk of ruining suspension of disbelief for anyone who knows more than you about mentally degenerative diseases, so while it’s an annoying amount of legwork just for a feelgood story, you might need to run off and do some more research to make sure you’re portraying things correctly.

Generations - Al Extra Bucks. This pun is causing me physical pain. And I love puns. It’s a sense of betrayal akin to when an adorable kitten pours acid on your face. Though, we’re definitely not going for a proper expy, with that attitude. And that is NOT how Double Jeopardy works, are you serious? Rachel and Ashley… oh. Ohhhh, okay. Okay then. Though it gets confusing if Lauren is supposed to be that Lauren, and/or if Megan is supposed to be that Megan, since I’m not getting any matches for the other three names. Well, it’s a cute enough scene, but if there’s a message it’s sort of getting muddied. Is this an analogue of Lauren’s pony-filled childhood, in the next generation? But then… she has a son and a daughter? Dunno, I’m just getting tripped up on the minutiae here.

The Darkfire Phoenix - I’m reading this shortly after having watched Kill La Kill which was probably a Bad Idea. Only three dozen fire arrows shot from cannons? Hmm, perhaps I needed a palette cleanser. Still though, throwing fire at it immediately after dowsing it in water is still a bad plan under any context. Hmm… *chinrub* I suspect that this suffers due to wordcap. The fight scene is kinda ludicrous if the KLK comparison wasn’t hint enough, the Spitfire fight scene is too short by comparison, the connection of the “sentence” is a bit too ambiguous for my tastes. Yet all said, I love love love the last two paragraphs. A bit more meat just might help this one out of its jam.

Race the Sun - What we have here is a pretty solid foundation, but the issue I take with this fic is pretty damning: I didn’t really feel the tension. The first scene does plenty of build-up, yes. It exposes the risk, predisposes us to doubt RD’s success. And in the second scene, she flies faster and faster… and then she wins, and it just feels… flat. I compared the last fic to anime, so let’s do the same here. What would the anime version of your fic look like? RD screaming through the sky, in pain, nearly knocked out of her vortex yet hanging tough, monologuing with intense levels of hotbloodedness, with that cocky grin at the end once she succeeds. You needn’t go full-anime with this if that’s not to your liking; my point was moreso that all of this body-language, this empathy with the character, and this mounting tension in the climactic scene, just isn’t present in the current version.

Once More With Feeling - Look, I haven’t read Hard Reset yet, but it’s on my Kindle, okay?! I’m gonna read it soon… Anyway, if the other commenters are any indication, the fact that I don’t understand this at all is due to requiring prior knowledge, so… okay.

Lessons of the Heart - Well we’re already off to a daww start. “A sniffle and a nod of the head was Twilight’s only response.” Errr, this agrees that Twilight suspects Celestia doubts her; this shoulda been a shake of the head. Mmm though… the whole build-up of the fic is nice, but the tie-in is to S1 opener? Or is this a visit to Ponyville before S1? “Filly” seems to imply the latter, but regardless, the message, while super sweet, seems to predispose her to the idea that “there’s more to life than studies.” Whether this scene takes place before S1 or during S1 opening, she still retrogrades and forgets the moral, in canon, since S1E2 is where she starts to relearn it. Though, I suppose if this takes place years in the past, that’s enough time for her to unremember a lesson or two. But these kind of dangers happen when dealing with interweaving with canon.

Epitaphs - Aaahh that typo in the last sentence >_< A very poor time for a mistake, that. I do give props to this one for subverting the main character. At first, you’re naturally predisposed to assume Twilight, and when her grave is revealed, then I guess Celestia is the next choice? So when it turned out to be Discord, that caught me by surprise. That’s a double-edged sword, though. This fic did have hints pointing to Discord, a few, but on the other hand certain aspects were just… well, generic. Certain lines and emotions could have just as easily fit Twi or Tia. Discord is a less common character in these immortality-sucks fics; make more of that. Worse still, you end with Luna having a dual cutie mark… whoa, wait, what?! That’s really cool and interesting! I want to see more of that, not the familiar turf. But you don’t show me that part. :|

Regrets - The complete lack of remorse on Dash’s part is a little off-putting; I feel like she’d at least have an inkling that she went too far. But the revenge is just too glorious. Annnd… I see why you needed a lack of remorse, so that Scoots’s punchline works. Fine fine, you win this time :P I’m a little torn. On the one hand, the many scenes—each just a few sentences long—is a bit disorienting and off-putting. At the same time… the joke is simple and effective. Padding it out would just hurt the joke and make it outstay its welcome. So in a way, just boiling down the fic to its bare essentials (as in this version) does help it, but it’s playing with fire.

Humming Brew - I’m staring at the author right now. My face is about four inches away from yours. You can hear my breathing, and even see a few beads of sweat bead up on my forehead. I’m not blinking. My breathing quickens, eventually whipping itself into a proper furor. My muscles tense, and then—

Sunset Rising - An interesting concept but it just didn’t “click” for me. Sunset had her change of heart because of a quote in a book she was reading, which was something between a wake-up call and a spiritual reminder. But… where her arc left off in EQG, it was really about her reforming to good through friends. Fluttershy does start the plot (why was RD there? Moral support I suppose since FS wouldn’t ask on her own… but she was digging through her closet?), but then they leave and the plot resolves without them. And Sunset plugs the animal shelter, but it’s not that which she really cares about. She cares about being a friend to FS… who does arguably appreciate Sunset’s action when she reads the paper eventually, but… Not having FS involved in the resolution weakens the pathos a bit.

Why Pony Pants Were Invented - You immediately have my attention with the title, because not even Fancy Pants wears pants. Ha! Spike, I’m liking that swagger. Hang in there, little man. Ehhhhh. Okay, this might be more British, and I’m aware that tit-wank is an insult, further emphasized by being paired with try-hard. But titty-wanking is a sexual activity. This isn’t being used in a sexual context so it probably gets a pass, but I’d strongly reconsider that name for a teen-rated ponyfic. Eh, dunno. The “shit your pants” thing gets a chuckle at the social commentary, but just a chuckle. And Rarity’s tag at the end falls completely flat for me. “Attention horse” would’ve at least been a pun. Sorry, but I’m not feeling it.

3567545

The Pony and the Phoenix

As for the story itself, the setup of a sudden eureka moment of his life’s work wasted, mere minutes before expiring, feels a bit contrived.

This made me think of this:

3566807
As TD points out, it's not with the other Fluttershy emotes. It's a changeling emote. Changelings represent!

… is what I would say if I were a changeling. But I'm not.

Anyway: My reviews are done! I'll post them in my blog and link here shortly. In the meantime, I just cast all my votes:

10 X
9 XX
8 XXXXXXXX
7 XXXXXX
6 XXXXXXXXXX
5 XXXXXXX
4 XXXXXX
3 XXXX
2 XXX
1 XXXX
0 X

The bunching at the top (and "8" breaking the bell curve) is because, even though there were a lot of stories in contention for 9s and 10s, I wanted to make certain my very top picks got unique scores. I ended up pushing my median down by 1 so that I could keep my highest scores standing alone.

Well, after reading, reviewing, and voting in all of the entries, here are my reviews.

First some explanations (AKA the part everyone will skip):

- Why no spoiler tags? Well, anyone reaching this point in the thread has already read every entry that he or she will read.

- Why post this only now? RL issues, I had no time for anything pony related — including reading the entries and writing the reviews — this whole week Plus, I had to write a bunch of fake reviews

- Why not wait until after the reveal, to post the reviews without having to prepare fake ones? I would fail at the fear saving throw otherwise I’m still intimidated by the quality of the authors that take part, so it’s far easier for me to write the reviews while I’m not sure which story is from which author.

Now, without further ado, the reviews. All 5k+ words of them

Falling Apples

A bit of CheeriMac; not my cup of tea. Also, it’s first person Big Mac, which I consider challenging to pull off, and I do feel the fic stumbled a bit on this; it had Big Mac speak longer phrases, and the way those were handled felt somewhat out of character (or, at least, out of tone) to me. Perhaps having Cheerilee interrupt and complete Big Mac’s sentences once or twice would have made it sound better.

Besides, I get the impression that Cheerilee was pregnant, and aware of that; I really can’t picture a pregnant wife forcing her husband to say she was fat and getting angry at that. It might be lack of life experience, but while the idea was amusing, it didn’t really do much for me.

The Last Words of Star Swirl the Bearded

A nice twist on the prompt; last words that are famous for not being known.

It’s pure telling, setting a single joke that will be delivered with the last line. But, for me, it mostly works; the narrative still manages to be amusing despite that. I’m a sucker for this kind of Pratchett-style narrative, though; someone with less tolerance for telly prose might dislike the story on those grounds.

What didn’t work, for me, is Star Swirl being a troll. Too fierce a headcanon clash; while I did laugh at the ending, and the execution was good, it left a sour taste.

Love Thine Enemy

I can’t see a strong connection with the prompt.

The story itself is interesting, if unoriginal; changelings hiding among ponies after Chrysalis was defeated is so common it might even deserve a tag. This is not necessarily a flaw, though it does make it harder for the story to stand out.

The execution is good, without any glaring flaws, and it was an interesting read.

25 Famous Last Words

The idea in itself is interesting; the breaking of the fourth wall through temporary insanity, with Pinkie Pie shown to be able to do the same in her usual (though, admittedly, not exactly normal) state.

But it seems the author bit more than he or she could chew, and more than could be done in 750 words. The end result feels crammed, rushed, confusing, and there seems to be leftover bits of other ideas.

You had to say it

It’s basically a single joke about tempting fate, aping Feeling Pinkie Keen but with Discord instead of Twilight. While the personalities and voice seem to fit, It does have a characterization issue with Discord falling for the accidents so easily; perhaps if why he didn’t demonstrate his powers was explained — say, if he was still recovering from the Tatzlwurm fever, though past the point where it was contagious — it could have worked better.

The Worst It Could Possibly Be

Speaking of Tatzlwurm fever… Not exactly bad, but really wild, random. While the idea that Spike might have a dream so strange Discord himself would find it chaotic was amusing, I’m not sure the first person point of view worked with Spike, he didn’t sound like himself. Also, for some reason having Spike tell the dream to Discord like that didn’t work with me; I guess I needed at least a reason for Spike to do so. A few words establishing why he did that might have done the trick for me.

Pinkie Pie Makes Brownies

This one seems to be from a novice writer; there is unnecessary repetition (like two sentences starting with “Walking towards the” end to end), some mechanical issues, and what appears to be some extreme anti-LUS. It’s the kind of issue that can only be fixed by writing more, though reading aloud the story might help catch those issues. I can’t really opine on the idea, though, because I’m about as fond of gallows humor as of shipping — which is to say, not at all.

Those Awful Rumors ‘Round Town

The ages old question, “Where are Scootaloo’s parents?”

Reasonably well done, but the last scene became excessively confusing, with too much happening at once; this seems to be one instance where more telling, and less showing, might have fit the bill better. I also fail to see the connection to the prompt. Finally, it does go in one direction my headcanon can’t really accept, but this last one is not the author’s fault.

Rain

Blueblood’s funeral, attended by Celestia and Luna.

Evocative, though I can’t help but think that the order was wrong. The story seems to build sympathy towards Blueblood after it has already attempted to bring in the feelings, which wastes the impact; contrary to, say, the Mane 6, Blueblood tends to be disliked, so to evoke sentiments by having bad things happen to him, it’s necessary to build some sympathy first. Making a joke at the end deepens the issue, further hindering any sentimental impact.

Listen

It’s a very different take on the idea of last words, very well done; makes me feel like I’m reading a prologue to the Cadence of Cloudsdale series. The characters really feel alive, though their extreme devotion, sanctifying everything about Cadance, does throw me off somewhat; it makes the story feel somehow over the top, while the tone is serious, reverential even.

Moving Heaven and Earth

Well done; the unicorn was dripping with arrogance, which did fit the story very well. But it might have been better to either make the unicorn more likable — perhaps by giving a reasonable reason for his insistence on not recognizing Celestia — or to make Celestia and Luna not feel so perfect, so right; the way it was, there was no tension because the result was pre-ordained, and there was no conflict in the reader because he wanted the most likely result from the start and the characters didn’t give any reason not to. In a way, it felt a bit like a Mary Sue fic.

The Last Line

A different, and very interesting, take on the prompt, with Spike finding for himself one of the hallmark endings for books nowadays. The characterization of the characters is the high point, it really feels like Twilight speaking with Spike, and having Spike doing things for himself in a believable way is always entertaining.

Half-Moon

While this plot has been done to death, the story was not bad. Nightmare Moon doesn’t feel completely in character to me, but that was a minor thing.

On the other hand, I do get the impression that the author left the part that would make this story fit the prompt merely implied; if Luna doesn’t fall, then the story does not fit the prompt at all, which makes getting the ending depend on knowing the prompt, which is not something I can really get behind.

Laugh, Laugh

While it ties directly to the Pinkie Pie comic, it is done in a way that does not require having read it, which is always a good thing. It’s also a very obvious reference to Robin Williams’ death; while it’s not bad, this tie in does remove most of the impact this could have on me as a story, due to the onslaught of references and homages that have already been made. I would have enjoyed the story far better without that link.

Disconsolate

The beginning has some strange choices that threw me off a bit (Twilight describing how she felt compelled to attend all funerals, but this being her first), though nothing serious.

What does sink this story for me is that it attempts to deal with a mystery, but it has the fault of not only withholding from the reader the information needed to even glimpse the answer (or even notice that there is a mystery afoot), it also reveals the missing piece of information with a complete lack of subtlety, with nothing left to the imagination. To make things worse, the point at which it ends makes the story feel incomplete, even though the result seems to be preordained from that point.

The Bearded Geezer

Seems to be a spoof of Indiana Jones, starring Trixie, using humble (ha!) pony in place of penitent man, and tying it to how Trixie got her hat, cape, and cutie mark. Not a bad idea, and the execution is good, though the last words seem to be shoehorned and Celestia was more than a bit out of the blue.

It’s Liquid Pride

This is just an extended joke — and, for once, I felt like it was too long; with the title spoiling the punchline, and how long it goes, all the hints thrown at the reader, it led me to figure out the punchline well ahead of time, draining it of impact. It did attempt to set up in such a way that the reader might think it was using one interpretation of the prompt while using another, which was a quite good idea, but figuring the prompt early disarms this too.

Oh, and Cadance hissed? She seemed to be supporting Shining at the time, and this word choice sends conflicting signals.

Eponalepsis

This one feels like it belongs in an alternate universe. The reader gets too many things to wrap his head around at once, too many things different from canon, in too short a piece and without explanation; this, plus the generic god congregation setting, makes the fic feel like a generic fic with names swapped to make it sound pony. Also, human imagery in a pony fic (rending of garments, beating of breasts); that threw me off somewhat, especially the beating of breasts, which evokes imagery for which horse anatomy is not proper.

The story itself is not bad, though not exactly the kind of story I usually enjoy.

The Shortest Possible Distance

This is funny and charming, feeling almost like a crossover between Harry Potter and My Little Pony; Twilight feels like an amalgam of Hermione and Harry Potter, the setting feels like one of the practical classes in Hogwarts, the teacher is a slightly gentler version of Snape, and the opponent feels like Draco. It does work, at least for me — I guess Harry Potter has shaped how I see magic learning.

On the other hand, the prompt feels really shoehorned, like this was a fic already drafted that had a piece of dialogue added to fit the prompt.

The Pony and the Phoenix

A bitter Star Swirl and a phoenix (Philomena?), using the phoenix’s point of view no narrate Star Swirl’s last moments.

It’s an interesting idea, but in the execution it crashes something fiercely with my headcanon about Star Swirl; this, plus how he feels like an obsessed jerk, makes it hard to care about the character, and without caring for him all the impact of the ending is gone. Also, the phoenix point of view uses some changed vocabulary to convey it, but doesn’t go far enough; the result falls directly into the uncanny valley. It would be better to either not use the vocabulary gimmick at all, or to go full blast with it.

Brother of Mine

Scorpan watches as Tirek is imprisoned for the first time.

It’s well written, and the one character with a canon characterization, Tirek, feels spot on. I’m not sure if it was a good idea to use the specific interpretation of the prompt used, though, because of the setup in the far past; since the reader already knows what happens in the far future, it steals the impact of the ending.

A Moment of Clarity

The Apple family visits a dwindling Granny Smith.

Definitely not my cup of tea; as in, I would rather read a folder full of shipping fics than an extended fic with this premise, and I don’t like shipping. On the technical aspect I didn’t see any flaws, and the message was alright, but it was impossible for me to like this fic from the start, sorry.

Generations

Megan and (human) friends.

So, let’s see if I got this straight: we have Megan and her brother, plus two of her friends, playing a MLP version of Jeopardy, while they play with hasbro toys (MLP G1 and G4 ponies, G.I. Joe) and pretend to be those toys?

The idea was quite interesting, but I felt execution lacking, being too confusing, too crammed. It also depends somewhat on being familiar with the show Jeopardy in order for the text to flow better, which is not my case; I kept going back to try to pierce what was exactly happening, which hurt my enjoyment a great deal.

The Darkfire Phoenix

The fic in two words: Heroic Sacrifice.

Entirely told as a single piece of dialog, but the author managed to make it work in a gripping way, and fits the prompt really well. It also manages to paint a fair picture of the changed, future Equestria, and the protagonist, through small details in the dialogue, making it feel like so much more than a mere 750 words should be able to convey.

Race the Sun

This one is, IMHO, too telly; while it’s possible to make telly fics that are enjoyable, here it doesn’t work well, making the story feel dry, more like a report than a piece of fiction. It also ends before the tie to the prompt could make sense — fitting the prompt would imply one ending, but the piece suggests a different one.

Once More With Feeling

This is basically a time loop from Hard Reset, or the end of one. And one of the darker ones to boot, which means fully appreciating it might not be for everyone. Atop that, I’m not sure it fits the prompt; those are first words (well, first words in a time loop anyway), not last ones.

The writing itself is good, though. Telly, but in an engaging way. As long as the reader has Hard Reset in mind, it should work.

Lessons of the Heart

The idea is not bad, but I feel like this conflicts something fiercely with the canon; Twilight was originally supposed to stay just a day in Ponyville, and studying friendship wasn’t in Twilight’s duties at the start (she was supposed to make friends, studying the magic of friendship came after Nightmare Moon was defeated). Thus, as a scene between Twilight receiving the letter telling her to go to Ponyville, and her departure, it makes little sense. It also can’t fit the moment when Twilight was ordered to stay in Ponyville, since at that moment Twilight herself wanted that.

I also feel like Twilight’s personality is a bit off, she seems more independent in canon, though she does panic at the thought of displeasing the princess.

I don’t see any fault in the writing itself, though; if not for the fact I react badly to things that contradict the canon without proper warning, I would have enjoyed it.

Epitaphs

Another one about last words of show characters, this one focusing on the mane 6. It attempted to cram too much into too small a space, though; with six characters to deal with the last words of, the space for each character didn’t feel like it was enough. Trying to do some world building by painting a bit of a post-apocalyptic scenario, with Pinkie assuming a name that imply there was need for hope, would have been a nice touch if it wasn’t abandoned just after that and only mentioned again at the very end.

There were some nice touches in how Discord was characterized, with some of his traits surfacing as hints to figure who the narrator was; I enjoyed his inner voice quite a bit.

Regrets

Not sure how I feel about the title; while it does have a reason, thinking about it after reading still makes me cringe. Sounds like false advertisement to me.

The basic idea — revenge for a prank that went far out of control — is cool, but the way both main characters acted kept making me cringe. I can’t wrap my head around the way Rainbow Dash did the prank — specifically, the fact she apparently targeted the books intentionally — and the disregard she showed for Twilight’s distress; at the same time I can’t really accept Twilight doing that to Rainbow Dash, it’s the kind of cool calculated cruelty that I’m not sure she is capable of.

Apart from that, it was enjoyable enough.

Humming Brew

Another one that seems to have some mechanical issues (word repetition creating strange echo effects, tense shifts), together with grammatical errors (such as “the very thing she trying to protect”) and strange word choices (the verb ‘to take’ used to indicate a tone of voice, for example); my gut feeling is that the author is not a native English speaker and still lacks full command of the English language. The good news, of course, is that this kind of issue will likely fix itself with practice if the author is aware of his or her flaws, so don’t give up. I would recommend that the author read aloud what he wrote; it helps catching odd sounding constructions, including sentences that are mechanically unsound and grammatical errors.

As for the story, it’s not bad, though there is one heck of a headscratcher moment right at the climax. Instead of laughing at the absurd situation, the reader is left with a (apparently unintentionally) confusing situation, asking why the very air would catch fire and why in the hay would Spike even think of sending the drop of blood to the princess.

You did have a good start at fixing the first one by never mentioning an open fire, though I don’t think that is enough; maybe you should have been explicit in mentioning one or more ways in which Twilight attempted to prevent an unintentional fire from igniting whatever it was. You didn’t even have to tell why she was doing that; showing glowing crystals where candles would usually be, or that she was using either some magical item or her own magic to heat the cauldron instead of a common fire (or both) could have done the trick without outright giving away what would happen. Aim to make the reader think “how could I not see this,” instead of making him or her think “how was I supposed to even know that.”

For the second issue I think something similar was called. Mention, or hint at, the risk of dropping the blood, and how the princess would be better able to deal with it than Twilight. For example, perhaps Twilight could have mentioned that she wished she could have performed the experiment in her old quarters in the castle, since some of the defense enchantments there would make it safe (or at least safer).

You also missed one big opportunity in dealing with what happened with the drop of blood. The reader’s full attention was on it; anything you did with the drop of blood would have its effect amplified.

All of that being said, Twilight and Spike do seem to have their canon personalities,which is always a good start.

Sunset Rising

An interesting tale. I can’t get behind Rainbow Dash’s comment as she left — something about it makes me cringe — and the tone of the whole piece is perhaps a bit too sedate, but apart from that the girls feel like themselves and the idea was a good one. Sunset Shimmer finding a way to help without bending head over heels felt especially good.

Why Pony Pants Were Invented

There is some canon clash here; we see ponies in a full body jumpsuit already in the first season premiere (the Shadowbolts), Fluttershy wear pants in Green Isn’t Your Color, Rarity herself wear pants in Simple Ways, we are shown that ponies wear pants for at least a thousand years in Testing Testing 1, 2, 3 , and I’m sure I missed a few. It might sound nitpicky, but disregarding details of the show like this, even if small, breaks my immersion.

Atop that, this is the kind of joke that I can’t really enjoy.

Final Witness

Touching enough, though Granny Smith do feel somewhat cold. Also, if — as it appears to be — Applejack’s mom was already dead, then mentioning that Applejack also had a sister would have been a nice touch.

The twist in the end was funny, though the way it was handled did make how uncaring Granny Smith felt stand out.

Caped Crusaders

I get the feeling that the CMC were added just as fodder for a joke that didn’t involve them; might not have been a good idea, at least in the way it was executed. Falls into informed attribute territory, too; the reader is told that the CMC are adults now, but their talk, and actions, conform more to their filly ways than to what grown ups would do. It might have been a good idea to pay more attention to the CMC and make the story more about them.

Spring Cleaning

Too many tense shifts, they are distracting; almost feels like the author changed which tense the story was going to be midway and didn’t have the time to fix it.

I also think that the story failed at showing what the letters meant to Derpy, it’s hard to tell what happened — or even the actual emotions involved — and without that, much of the potential impact of the story is dulled.

Apart from that, I liked it. Good trick with the short sentences to show Derpy’s hesitation, it’s a pacing trick that, for me at least, did wonders in getting me immersed in the story.

The Steed of Theseus

Mechanical issues abound; speakers sharing a paragraph, lack of space between paragraphs, following speech by one character with the actions of another, and incorrect punctuation inside quotation marks being the ones I found more glaring. Whoever wrote this might want to read FIMFiction’s writing guide, found under “FAQ” in the upper menu, paying close attention to the sections on paragraphs and speech; the mechanical issues make this story far more tiresome to read than it should have been.

Most of the issues here seem easy to fix, though; if the author wants to avoid having those issues crop in future stories, fixing them in this one might be a good exercise.

The idea itself is good, though. It needs some polish, but does show promise.

And a Smile Means Friendship to Everyone

In the headscratcher department: animatronic? This one word so drove me out of immersion…

About the joke, the author really should have mentioned Fleur Dis Lee’s whole name somewhere in the first part; it would have made the joke way easier to get, and removed any need for the note in the first place. The name, BTW, seems to be the official one, used everywhere she was officially named.

The end effect, though… I guess there was too little emphasis on the theme park, which left a kind of “wait, that’s it?” taste in my mouth. Not exactly bad, but underwhelming.

Comparing this with Caped Crusaders is interesting given the similar setup, and what I feel are opposite ways in which they failed. Caped Crusaders focused too much on the joke, to the exclusion of the characters delivering it; And a Smile Means Friendship to Everyone focused too much on the characters, making the joke feel shallower than it could.

Quotes

And we get one non-story. I can’t help but think that it would have been so much more entertaining if the quotes were tied into a narrative, akin to an epistolary; the part set in the time of the Hearth’s Warming Eve seemed to pick up on this, but afterwards any narrative focus seemed to slip.

Also, Star Swirl alive a mere 200 years before Twilight? That is a serious headcanon clash, and can only be made to fit the canon if Star Swirl has lived many centuries, given that he was alive before Equestria was founded.

Going to skip this when judging.

Daring Do and the Curse of Ahuizotl

And so we get a mix of Nietzsche, Star Wars, the common theme of the curse that goes from deceased to killer, and MLP. We get the father and son (daughter here) relationship between Anakin and Luke Skywalker, even with the part where father lies helpless before offspring, but ending with death instead of redemption; reinforced by having the shape of Ahuizotl be the result of a curse from the objects he hunts, completing the transformation of the monster hunter into the monster.

The author also did his or her homework on Aztec deities, picking the one that receives the souls of those who die to the Ahuizotl. A nice bonus for those that either knew it beforehand or thought to search.

It might have been a bit too subtle; I’m not sure most readers will get what happened. But it was good. Heck, even though I tend to intensely dislike tragedies, this was still a good story.

The Next Viral Ad

I’m not sure what to make of this. Bizarre plot, and the scenery intentionally breaks with MLP aesthetics in a few places. Seems to be low grade torture porn, which means that, from the start, there was no chance at all that I would like it.

One Day in the Crystal Library

The shift in perspective, peering into Cadance’s thoughts when the scene started from Sombra’s point of view, is jarring. And there is not much of a story here; it’s just a scene that ties into what else was present in the show. But it was okay, fit for the purpose it set out to fulfill.

Alawst King Do(ne)

Amusing, and the twist in the end is done quite well. It didn’t resonate well with me, though, likely due to the downer feeling it impairs, which gets stronger as the story reaches the end; given that I can’t think of a way to turn this story into something I would enjoy, but I can’t see anything objectively wrong with it, I guess this story was just not for me.

Next Step

Amusing idea, and the dialogue is nice, but the narrative is not as good; it’s telly enough to feel almost like a report, rather than a story, and there are some errors — like a tense shift close to the end — in there. For a moment I also thought it was going for a joke about a Yo-Yo going High and Low.

… but whose?

Another one that I don’t know what to make of. Well written, but I have an issue with horror and terror; my brain tends to autonomously turn off my ability to be immersed whenever reading one of those.

The narrator (Twilight?) didn’t really feel like one of the mane 6 to me, unless she was already under the spell from the start — which the beginning seems to imply is not the case. Rainbow Dash, though, felt like her true self.

Some Things You Just Shouldn’t Say

Another straight take on the ‘what can go wrong’ joke; this one seems to have the characters reasonably well portrayed, but falls into being telly in a not amusing way — and reading like a news report is the last thing you want when doing a single joke story like this.

Also, the last sentence felt a bit illogical; it would have been better if there was some provocation that prompted Twilight to answer with that.

Fall

Interesting, with strange implications. Not sure if I would believe Sombra’s words, though, given that he is portrayed as a manipulator and liar, and the lie did fit his purpose at that time.

Sombra’s portrayal was very good, as well as the uncertainty of the king. It brought this piece to life.

Forging Harmony

Interesting imagery, and while it feels like an alternate universe, the differentiation was strong and early enough to prepare the reader. Though I do think it failed in that the story kept building tension for an upcoming fight, with Celestia and Serene repeatedly counting the guards, and then never delivered; frustrated expectations have a way of making a piece that would otherwise be fine feel underwhelming.

There is some point of view confusion in there too; the point of view character is Serene, but the story occasionally shares Celestia’s thoughts.

Celestia’s last sentence also felt out of place, as if she knew of something, but didn’t reveal it to the reader. If that was intentional, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to leave the reader hanging like this.

Good job on making a dialogue almost without speech tags not feel like talking heads (to me, at least); nearly every line was clearly, and effortlessly, attributable to one of the mares. While I do think a couple lines would be better served with speech (or, perhaps better, action) tags, the dialog was distinct enough for this to work.

There Once Lived a Princess…

Norse mythology, I like it.

But wasn’t Blue Dream the prince, and Golden Dream the princess? And wasn’t the prince blue with silvery-blue mane, and the princess cream with golden mane? Or is the fact this story uses the name of a G2 prince (and the name fans gave to the prince that neglected his duties due to love poison in the story told during Hearts and Hooves Day) as the princess’s name mere coincidence?

Anyway, didn’t do much for me. Nothing there to make me feel sympathy for the character, so while the writing wasn’t bad per see, it didn’t manage to hook me. It might have been better if the princess was shown to be the same one from that story, perhaps by making the princess aware of the effects of the love poison but still willing to accept the punishment.

The Dying Words of Starswirl the Bearded

Nitpick 1: the name has a space. Star Swirl. Though, given the word count, this might have been done to allow the story to pass through without any cutting.
Nitpick 2: the one that uses “right” as a sarcastic remark is Twilight, not Spike. Since it happened in a line of dialog without attribution tags it triggered my ‘wait, what?’ response.

A fine tale, very similar in nature to The Last Words of Star Swirl the Bearded; even the titles are nearly identical. The main difference is that this one is shown, rather than told; and that Star Swirl in this one is not a troll.

Spike and Twilight feel very much like themselves, my earlier nitpick aside, and the whole thing almost reads like a mini-episode (or the cold start of one).

Final Resting Place

Very obvious, though still pleasant even if the surprise can be seen from nearly the start. Not pretentious, but does very well what it sets out to do.

Once Upon a Time in Appleloosa

Given the way Over a Barrel played out, and the fact that portable guns were never shown (even cannons, to the best of my knowledge, were only shown in their party variant), guns in Equestria still make me feel somewhat queasy about the story. Plus, this one could have been done with humans by just changing a few words, and might actually work better as a generic western mini-fic; there’s nothing intrinsically pony (or Braeburn) in the tale.

Apart from that, nothing really against it; competently written, at the very least.

And here are mine:

>> 14,000 words of reviews <<

Yes, that's fourteen ing thousand. My reactions to the stories cover similar ground to the other reviewers', but I've focused more intently on ways to address writing faults and improve the story. Often, this means I go off on tangents about writing principles and deconstruction of common problems. In those 14,000 words, I talk about the Rule of Three; scenes vs. stories in minific; making every word count; what crossovers require; the alienness of Equestria, and far more. My hope is that it's worth reading through it just for that. Or, I guess, you can skip to the end to find out who wins my $5.00 prize.

A quick request, c&p'ed from my post:

Going into this level of detail and deconstruction took me way too much time. If you learned something from a review, or it will help you edit and improve your story — whether the helpful bit was in your story's review or not — please leave a comment (on the linked blog post) saying so. If my work didn't tell you anything that the other reviewers didn't already say, please be honest and tell me. If the solid week I spent on this project isn't actually useful to others, I need to refocus.

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I had assumed the double meaning of famous last words was intentional there, as they were both literally the last words of a famous pony and famous last words in the ironic sense, as Philomena later went on to befriend a pony who did, in fact, live forever.

The writer might have done better for mentioning her name or alluding more clearly to the phoenix being Philomena to make this clearer to the audience.

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There Once Lived a Princess: There's another strong hint, though the author bungled it a bit; Prince Blue Dream and Princess Golden Dream are the fan-given names of the two ponies from that story in Hearts and Hooves Day.

(Not that I knew that beforehand, mind you, but I tend to do a quick google search for "MLP <insert character name here>" if I see any name in a fic that I'm not sure is official or not.)

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Well, I vote by ordering all the stories according to technical quality and how much I liked them, pushing down stories that fail at the prompt or are not pony enough, and then using a linear distribution to pick scores
(And, let me tell you, ordering nearly 50 stories wasn't easy...)

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As soon as I finish reading (I am going to read every review, not just the ones for my own stories) and the authors are revealed, sure. I want to turn some of my stories into something worthy of being submitted here, and your review is likely to be useful (though I'm not sure if all are salvageable).

For those who didn't get it, "The steed of Theseus" refers not to the legend of Theseus, but to the legend about the ship of Theseus, which is a different story.

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Well, I'd more classify the Ship of Theseus as a thought problem than a story. It is a fun one, though.

For those of you who aren't aware:

"The ship wherein Theseus and the youth of Athens returned from Crete had thirty oars, and was preserved by the Athenians down even to the time of Demetrius Phalereus, for they took away the old planks as they decayed, putting in new and stronger timber in their place, in so much that this ship became a standing example among the philosophers, for the logical question of things that grow; one side holding that the ship remained the same, and the other contending that it was not the same."

For the record, I did not catch the allusion, though I was already familiar with the paradox. Shame on me.

Anybody catch that if you read The Steed of Theseus before Caped Crusaders, it suddenly has a darker meaning. lol

3568153 What has a darker meaning, & why?

The Steed of Theseus

“Actually, I have one last question: the leader of the...revolution; what were his last words?”
Celestia gulped. She'd hoped she wouldn't have to answer that, and she hadn't volunteered them because...well, Honesty had always been her sister's domain anyway.
“I surrender.”

Caped Crusaders

His frantic eyes darted back to the hall he had cracked open, settling on the terrifying visage of Princess Twilight; few beings in all of Equestria could keep their calm when faced with an angry allicorn, mane aflame, eyes and horn glowing like shooting stars. Swallowing hard, he did the only sensible thing.

“Uh, can I surrender?”

I'll be traveling tomorrow and won't get home until well after the results are announced, so I'll post my reviews whenever I can. I know you're all just waiting to see them!

Here's my vote distribution:
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Here we are! Managed to keep it down to a respectable 6k worth of reviews. Feast ye eyes, or whatever. I'm constantly impressed that, even with seeing plenty of new blood in the comment section, and taking a look at whichever I consider the worst of the fics, then taking a competition from a year or two ago and looking at its worst... amazing improvement. My naive assumption then is that the new blood, thus the community at large, is improving and getting stronger, in crafting their narratives and sharing their stories. Fills me with the warm fuzzies, it does!

Final Witness - Aww, this is sweet/heartbreaking. I can identify with how AJ feels on a much much smaller scale, so I can only imagine how much this is killing AJ right now. But it’s a very sweet and heartwarming family moment. Pffft, and the last bit is a fun bit of comedic subversion. I like it! Unfortunately I don’t have much to say about this… It just really worked for me!

Caped Crusaders - While the banter is fun in this, the pacing moves fine for a normal-sized oneshot but a weeeee bit slow for a minific. It’s a careful balance and all, but the fic sorta got wrapped up in a whirlwind since so much was spent on the interview. But more importantly, I’m highly confuzzled. The fic’s titled Caped Crusaders. The CMC are being interviewed. Interviewed about being superheros. (Not 100% positive if this implies we’re in the Power Ponies universe, but signs point to “no.”) A supervillain shows up. And to the rescue come… the Mane Six? Huh? Doesn’t that completely undermine them, both from a narrative standpoint, as well as in-universe? :/

Spring Cleaning - I… ow. Ow. Hardly the first fic I’ve read about single-mom!Derpy. But the whole buildup of letting go of the past, simply because it is the past and no longer relevant to the present. Analogies to unread magazines. And then tying that to (apparantly) a one-night stand with that line. “She didn’t deserve those, she noted with a smile, but she had earned the book.” Beautiful. Gushing praise, not much criticism unfortunately, but this is one of my faves of the contest.

The steed of Theseus - The general rule I go by in these timed competitions is that any sort of copy-editing stuff gets a free pass, unless it’s enough to knock me out of story, because immersion is everything. The very inconsistent linebreaks, and goof-ups like “Twilight looked at, her puzzled,”, or issues like multiple speakers in the same paragraph, are really forcing immersion to be an uphill battle. It’s unfortunate because that obscures the message beneath, but like a painter or a swordsman, it’s hard to see the artistry before the basics are mastered. That said, while the Tyrantlestia premise stretches plausibility a bit, I definitely give you kudos for the moral and especially that chilling last line. The whole premise of an immortal slowly evolving over the years is an interesting premise to explore, if you’re not restrained to the wordcount limit. SS&E is a bit heavy reading, being the Element of Purple Prose that he is, but I might suggest you check out Never for another author’s take on the subject of drift (though not Tyrantlestia specifically).

And a Smile Means Friendship to Everyone - Thank you for triggering my Disney World PTSD with that title. Ahh, A/N. Normally, yeah, you’d want the fic to stand on its own, but considering that the joke woulda gone over my head, it’s probably for the best. Well, it’s a crackfic, so there’s not much I can really say here. The pacing and build-up are all good, so it’s really a matter of if the punchline does it for you or not.

Quotes - Mmm… just a collection of quotes really stretches the definition of prose. I suppose I don’t see anything specific in the rules about it (thought it probably wouldn’t fly as a standalone on Fimfic). But it does seem to be shaping up into a rough narrative, so… Ow. “I’m sorry.” Mixed in there with all these quotes about the future and harmony and major historical events. That right there is a quote. Dunno, then the rest of them don’t really do a ton for me, and I guess Twilight’s quote has historical significance but it’s not the strongest capstone, in my mind. Interesting experiment, but it didn’t quite work on me.

Daring Do and the Curse of Ahuizotl - The gore is a bit much for me, not in the “eww not G-rated” sense but more in the “does the fic really benefit for this, or is it just goreporn?” sense. Can Do is an awesome daddy name though. I like this one. It’s got shades of a creepypasta, and it’s nicely self-contained without trying to be overly ambitious for a one-shot. “Effective” is the word that comes to mind.

The Next Viral Ad - Carolina blue? Artichoke green? I have a penis so I don’t know what these colors mean. Heck, the only reason I know lavender is bad fanfic G1 Pokemon. It’s fine if the narrator sacrifices precise accuracy in the name of readability. Anyway, definitely getting some Twilight Zone vibes off this, even if it doesn’t necessarily hold up to fridge logic. Like, in our world, models would be willing to spout any slogan in exchange for a paycheck. So it’s a bit unclear why these models need to be kidnapped, botox’d, and coerced into creating a slogan. (I suppose not needing to pay your sales models does help the bottom line.)

One Day in the Crystal Library - These ponies talkin’ ‘bout Minster vs Minister, and I’m literally sittin’ here eatin’ muenster. An interesting bit of backstory there, having pre-evil Sombra and filly Cadance knowing each other. Adds some extra depth to S3 meeting. I do wish the overly cliche’d “what could possibly go wrong” had been avoided, though. The explosion at the end has a sort of Douglas Adams irreverence to it, which come to mention, there was a bit of that in the early descriptions of Cadance, without becoming overbearing.

Alawst King Do(ne) - As an action verb, “gallops” makes for an odd name for a unit of measurement. They have used feet canonically, though I too also find that a bit uncomfortable. Why not pretend to be British, and fall back onto the metric system? Hmm… I very much like the meat of this. It’s quite a sentimental thing, with a side-order of action-hero-genre-deconstruction. It’s the framing device that I’m not crazy about. 90% of the fic is a monologue, which is fitting since there’s no logical place here to add reactions or body language. But at the same time, it makes the few actions of the judge really stand out as different, Perhaps, similar to a fic like Laugh, Laugh or Epitaths, you could move the entire monologue move into the narration. You could still, in that format, have Daring notice the judge and her stern looks, and react accordingly, which still keeping a consistent feel throughout.

Next Step - A nice bit of bromance friendshipping here. More than business partners, Yo-Yo shows a clear interest in the happiness of his friend, in their last perceivable moments of life (prior to the Fire Dept’s arrival). The name High Low also plays with some interesting symbolism, as the pair of them need to leap off a… skyscraper (fridge logic) in order to save their lives and to take that next step forward. My quibble would be that High Low steals the spotlight. Aside from Yo-Yo being a good friend of High Low’s, and that his personality is a bit optimistic and bubbly, he doesn’t stand as strongly on his own. That’s likely a constraint of the word count, but if this fic is really about the both of them, it woulda been nice to give more insight into Yo-Yo as well.

...but whose? - Been a long, long while since I’ve read an eldritch horror ponyfic. This does a pretty solid job of displaying the mental breakage of witnessing the unknowable, however, it does feel a tiny bit short. I don’t know if it would actually benefit from lengthening, but it just felt like it got out just as quickly as it arrived. The arrival of (presumably?) RD is a colorful burst of light before she gets totally and completely consumed… right? It’s only fridge logic, then, that reminds us that wait, maybe this isn’t actually as one-sided as it appears. I’d normally prefer at least one hint to that in the narrative itself, but for a minific, it’s an interesting enough experiment with the medium, to place that hint solely in the title.

Some Things You Just Shouldn't Say - It’s cutesy enough, but sort of lacks any teeth to speak of. The whole thing is issues around the whole “jinxing it” trope, so we expect a bunch of close calls. In the end, she gets crashed into (which has happened as early as the first episode) and she gets something poured on her (if you count rainwater, also the first episode). And then Spike mistakes her for a zombie, which is… mildly inconvienient. So when she goes to draw a bath, well.. the natural assumption is that everything will go fine. Invoking the “famout last words” bit here doesn’t really work without the foreshadowing.

Fall - Interesting, another early Sombra fic. Also an interesting bit of subversion here with the matriarchy in full effect. Oh wow, wasn’t expecting that twist, and there’s an immediate payoff with the literal pit of despair. That said, I don’t really feel that the last three paragraphs add much; you could just cut them out and end right there, for extra punch.

Forging Harmony - Another of those cases where I’m just trying to work my way through the premise, rather than properly enjoy the topic of discussion and the message. I mean, okay, Cadance was a foalsitter once? But it’s a bit weird to think of Celestia not just serving another, not just being a knight, but openly forming a resistance to overthrow the government, even an unjust one. Granted, we don’t know what early years Celestia was like (or could have been like) but even in the NMM flashback in S4 opener she felt quite recognizable. That said, her words themselves here seem well in-character enough. It’s just, mmm… there’s a difference between pushing for change as a politician versus pushing for change as a knight. I have trouble wrapping my head around Celestia as an aggressor.

There Once Lived a Princess... - As an independent story, nice and touching. There was some interesting sentiment. As a pony story… dunno, maybe I’m just being a curmudgeon as I near the end of the list. But angry mobs screaming for blood just aren’t striking me as “pony enough.” You can get there in a story if you build up to it, it was just a bit too strong for me to “buy it” in a minific.

The Dying Words of Starswirl the Bearded - Pfffffft. This one gewd. Sure, it has its punchline in Starswirl having underwhelming last words, similar to another fic in this collection, but this one is a large collection of humor, with Twilight and (particular) Spike’s banter leading to a lot of laughs. I really get a S1 vibe of this, as they used to be way snarkier back then. Sorta miss them that way, but that’s the joy of fanfiction I guess: that you can always bring it back into vogue.

Final Resting Place - From a narrative structure, this doesn’t have a lot happening—she just gets a mausoleum. But from a character-arc standpoint, I really like vignettes like this. Sort of… a celebratory capstone. This moment in the twilight to recognize that yeah, the end is pretty damn nigh, but y’know? Life was good. Call it the sentiment of old age setting upon me, but there’s something so… sweet about it. Just. Karmic, perhaps.

Once Upon a Time in Appleloosa - Stern deathglare at a criminal + saying “Aaaaaaaaaaaappleoosa” = narm. Not all of the character quirks, even Trixie’s third person, are 100% rules. This is definitely a case where you’d want to make an exception for the sake of the narrative. Yet on the other end of the spectrum, we’ve got a gun shootout in the climax. This is the same town that was at risk of being evicted by a war, and they’d used pies in their defense. For me, the switchover to rifles requires a bit more than a hoofwave. Iunno that you really need to rely on violence to create the same tension. Consider Magic Duel where Twilight still managed to get herself “permanently” exiled from Ponyville after a non-lethal contest.

Fave five fics, in alphabetical order: Disconsolate, Final Witness, Spring Cleaning, The Dying Words of Starswirl the Bearded, The Last Line

3567914 I'm really enjoying your reviews so far, and the HITEC system is certainly extremely novel, though I'm sad you've strictly stuck to multiples of ten.

3568853
As I noted previously, the ending is actually hopeful for two reasons:

1) The title implies uncertainty about whose famous last words the story is about.

2) Rainbow Dash seems to break the mind control over the protagonist, who seems almost certain to be Twilight.

I've actually always found the idea of eldritch monstrosities to not really work for me; they don't really make much sense, and having them be broken because someone did something absurd which showed that they weren't really all that is always a pleasure to see.

3568900
I changed it at the last minute from a 10-point scale to a 100-point scale to get it working with percentages, but I'd already done all the scoring in the 10-point scale, so I search and replaced and added 0's on the end. Future reviews, if I keep up the scale, will be finer grained.

3569045
Are you really going to need to go down to 1% though? Is it that accurate or precise?

Okay, 4am on the day all votes are due, but I finally finished all 50 reviews! (Well, 51, as one secretly doesn't count for self.) I'm apparently a lot more hugboxy than I thought I'd be, but I didn't try to "adjust" scores at all, and still ended up with a relatively normalized distribution just going on my first instincts.

Score distribution
0: ++
1: +
2: +++
3: ++++++
4: +++
5: ++++++++++++
6: ++++++
7: +++++
8: +++++++
9: ++++
10: +

Now that said, on to reviews! Do note that many of these are fairly terse, as I did half of them in the past few hours here, and was limiting myself to about a paragraph to make sure I finished on time. Still have over 4,000 words of review though. Also, stories were read and reviewed in random order (as presented here.) The number before the story title is the number assigned in the contest. Should hopefully make it easier to search through for those looking for their own entry.

13 Half-Moon: The intro is awkward to catch onto. The grammar feels a bit odd, and the "You have to be joking" and "the night would last forever" lines feel forced. While I appreciate the attempt to bring up the past of Nightmare Moon the story is far too short and aimless to really have an impact on me, and I really don't sense the "famous last words" theme.

25 Race the Sun: First off, typically don't like seeing the title in the opening line, as it feels redundant that early. Many phrases feel awkward: "meant much to" and "What if she would die" instead of "was important to" or "what if she died." The PoV also shifts too much, one moment we're in Dash's thoughts, the next a dispasionate account of risk. Now, while I really love highly technical accounts and explanations for "magic" (and pegasi flight), I want details. Instead, there's a lot of big words, and very little explanatory physics. Don't say "Pegasi wings are reactionless drives" without some explanation! We see them generate wind (reaction mass) in the show, so I want details, damnit! :-P All that said, I absolutely love the basic premise. "She was racing the sun, and she was winning." That part is just brilliant!

6 The Worst It Could Possibly Be: Some technical problems, mostly with punctuation. Exposition is very, very telly (rather than showy) and feels a bit crackfic. Then there's the break, and we see it's framed... Meh, it feels like a cop-out to dismiss a poorly executed story as being "I didn't write this, the character did."

34 Caped Crusaders: Technical issues right away with punctuation and capitalization. The interviewer has more of an accent than Apple Bloom does. The rest is a bit disjointed. I never got a clear sense of scene or setting, and there's only a vague inclination that this is somehow a "trap" with Twilight waiting for a villain to attack. No idea if the crusaders are real heroes, or just bait, or what. Too confusing to really enjoy unfortunately.

15 Disconsolate: The tense is a bit jumpy at first. Feels present-tense, but then mid-paragraph switches to past tense. Also, three pink mares in a single paragraph is confusing. I know Roseluck, but the other "Flower sisters" aren't fanon I'm familiar with. I really enjoy the somber nature of the middle portion though. The way Twilight is there, with a vague kind of obligation, but no real knowledge or purpose. Very fitting. The ending throws me a bit though. Implied murder? If the confusion is the point, then the setup missed it's mark. Otherwise, I'd say it needs a stronger ending.

39 Daring Do and the Curse of Ahuizotl: Strong opening paragraphs, backstory mixed with descriptive action. Points for use of actual Aztec god (Tlaloc), and equine anatomical terms like pastern. Very enjoyable complex sentence structures as well. Reads magnificently. Got a very narrow guess of "Usual Suspects" for authors here. My main complaint is that the story hints at far more than it exposes, leaving the ending a bit muddled in interpretation. May be deliberate, but I prefer hard and fast "punchy" endings in stories this short.

9 Rain: Can't help it, but it bothers me to see "deers" as plural, especially when "griffon" is plural as well in the same story. The cadence is a bit awkward in places (em-dashes and commas especially seem misplaced) and there a fair number of technical errors as well. The dialog between Celestia and Luna feels a bit expository and unnatural. The ending... well, it drives home the theme, and I honestly do like the concept and the words said. I can see great potential in the idea, but the story itself only delivers a weaker idea of that possible ideal.

44 ...but whose?: First paragraph impression: These are the things from Julie Czerneda's "Species Imperative" trilogy!? Oh nevermind, we're doing Lovecraft. I certainly enjoy the big and obscure words used, so points for that, even if I'm not really a Lovecraft fan. The ending though... definitely sells me. Ancient god-like creature from untold dimensions who requires Capital Letters for otherwise Benign Terms? So of course Dash is just there taunting it. Awesome! Then add the fridge horror of the contest's prompt, and it's properly Lovecraftian. Definite win for concept, even if early execution is rough.

18 Eponalepsis: Latin title meaning horse-god seizure... or loosely "seizing equestrian godhood." Oh, and a pun on a figure of speech, used in the story. So yeah, narrowing my author guesses to "The Usual Suspects" already. Very, very poetic, so not wrong on my guess of author I think. Loving the legend-esque feel to the words, and the fact that I had to double-check myself on my vague definition of "limned." Unfortunately, "stonily staring" and "saffron semblance" really stood out as atrociously apocryphal alliteration amongst otherwise outstanding oeuvre. The later part really invokes biblical and other myth quite nicely, and the faint hint of betrayal or other mistrust between Twilight and Celestia just adds to that myth. My final, and small, complaint is only that, even with a latin title, the phrase used is "Let there be light" and not "Fiat lux." (But yes, I do understand the connotation would have been different and more single-meaning than the english version.)

22 A Moment of Clarity: I saw where this one was going by the third line. Still a painful ride though. A very touching rendition of senility (Alzheimers?) from inside. I'm reminded (in good ways) of Rainbows End by Vernor Vinge. While the emotional impact was high, I felt the theme was actually a bit weak in this story. Still a good read though.

51 Once Upon a Time in Appleoosa: Opening description is a bit awkward. Not sure how a rifle is slung across a quadruped back, and "ain't" is a present tense word, "weren't" would've been better. Othertechnical problems crop up too, many related to slang terms and phrases, but missing, wrong, and even extra words as well. All signs pointed toward an old west shootout, so I wanted to see that subverted, but it was followed through exactly as expected, with zero surprise or uniqueness. Sadly, can't say I got much out of this tale, despite the wild west setting.

42 Alawst King Do(ne): Weirdly, the writing in this one flowed just normally enough that nothing stood out until I completed the read. To that point, I felt the gist of the story was rather weak. The pontification in the early part led me to expect something grander. The pun in the title made me expect something funnier. The end line from the judge just... is neither. Overall, well written, but lacking any impact.

17 It's Liquid Pride: Decently written, but the pun ending... it just doesn't work for me. Part of that is that it's a cheesy misdirection, but it's also a bad stretch. "At friend's murder" isn't the right headline, he wasn't at the murder, he was a the funeral. So yeah, way too much is stretched to make the pun really work.

11 Moving Heaven and Earth: Excellent pacing, and great in media res intro. Very enjoyable read, and highly emotional ending as well, even if it was a bit telegraphed. The title phrase "Heaven and Earth" seemed shoehorned in however, as that's not exactly her claim, even though it's a popular phrase. Still though, a very moving read for such a short tale.

38 Quotes: Some very interesting "quotes" in this piece, but I feel that, without a coherent story, it's really not in the spirit of the contest, especially as many are certainly not "last" words in any sense.

26 Once More With Feeling: Hmm... suspect a certain author of a certain "Queen Twilight Sparkle" darkfic here, could be wrong though. As with many entries, well written, and I really like the feel of it, but it's unfortunately weak on the theme, and a bit lacking in punch.

1 Falling Apples: The repeatedly skipped/implied "I" feels weird when not in dialog. I like the visceral details—"mane in teeth" and other little physical movements and details. That really shows ponies as non-humans. The payoff/ending is a bit weak however, and overall, the story could use less repetition and a stronger "punch" at the end.

37 And a Smile Means Friendship to Everyone: Most of the story was too predictable, as is common with "pony discovers technology" that we already have in the real world. I was looking for a twist of some kind, but it telegraphed straight to what I expected.

30 Humming Brew: I don't get this one in the slightest. There's a pun-ish title, that never quite works out to something. Then it directly breaks the fourth wall, switches to present tense, and has a non-sequitur ending with a loony-toons wipe. Crackfic, and in a bad way to me.

10 Listen: Well, we're in a Skywriter world, if not necessarily a Skywriter story (Wouldn't put it past a couple of the participants here to try to ape his style just to mess with the rest of us :-) ). Love the word play of a pony named Loquacious taking a vow of silence, and the myth-based reason for it too. Very great world building in such a short piece, but likely only works if one has read the ongoing story/world it's from. I have though, so good job, Skywriter or impostor.

46 Fall: Some interesting headcanon in this one, and crafted nicely. I think the literal pit-of-despair was a bit over the top though, and in stretching the rest of the story to make that wordplay, it lost something. Still, one of the more unique reads.

2 The Last Words of Star Swirl the Bearded: Though I expected the humorous ending, the lead up and execution of it were done perfectly here. The convoluted nature of the problem, with a gryphon nurse that doesn't know the language is a great set up and the theories about it give just enough context that one is almost distracted from the inevitable punch line, which is delivered with just the right timing.

27 Lessons of the Heart: Relatively well written, but unfortunately the final line was entirely too predictable. The other negative that stood out was Twilight seemed to be portrayed too young, as a filly literally being picked up and placed on her bed after "mewling" on the rug. Yet she's a young adult (more or less) when she goes to Ponyville in canon. So, some touching insight, but feels badly connected.

29 Regrets: Both Dash and Twilight seem overly cruel in this. Dash wouldn't be happy about actually damaging stuff, and Twilight acts too vindictive about it as well. That she can't talk is especially dark and a bit of a fridge horror. The quick scene jumps in the middle prevent any natural flow to the story, and most of the action depicted is predictable as well. When Scootaloo reenters at the end, Twilight is far too explanatory as well. That said, the ending line from Scootaloo did make me smile. There's a much more compelling story that could've lead to that I feel, but this one kind of missed the mark.

45 Some Things You Just Shouldn't Say: The phrasing throughout is very formal and repetitive, and while it's not a usual complaint of mine (I like variety in descriptive tags) this one really does suffer from Lavender Unicorn Syndrome as well. The ending does nothing to really connect the final line to the rest of the story. Neither Twilight or Spike's view was really shown as "correct" so it feels very muddled and weak.

47 Forging Harmony: The pronouns in the opening are a bit confusing, but that's a minor trifle. I do like the ancient/unknown setting here, with a young Celestia being a rebel or some such. While I think I feel what the author means to portray with the last line, I just don't feel it bears out that harmony can be eternal. Villains continue to crop up, and hard choices made even once Celestia does take over. Perhaps my own definition for "Famous Last Words" is too narrow though, as this would be "Fittingly Accurate Last Words" in my mind. Still interesting either way.

5 You Had to Say It: There have been a couple of fics so far based on the "bad luck" interpretation of the prompt. This one has Discord, so that's a bonus, but the overall resolution isn't very Discord-ish to me, and is less than satisfying because of it. The rest is just "bad luck" happening.

12 The Last Line: Very meta opening about the process of writing itself here. I like it, and the dialog flows well, echoing very real thoughts about that difficulty of the last line. Twilight's advice is poignant and accurate too, so it hits me on many levels. I've also always loved the trope of ending with some twist on "to be continued" instead of just "fin." Spike's "story for another day" is a bit cliche, but still good. 8/10

16 The Bearded Geezer: One of the few stories that actually intrigued me from the get-go. Well written for that, and with just enough detail to be plausible. The downsides are that the use of the prompt doesn't really feel that strong, and the last paragraph (as a separate scene and PoV) feels like a last ditch effort to tell, rather than show, the end result. Still pretty good though.

50 Final Resting Place: Very sweet and touching. I like the circularity that even a tomb raider eventually ends up in a tomb, and the ironic "last words" gave me a good chuckle as well. There are a few minor technical problems, but overall I really enjoyed this one and felt it did a lot in a short span.

4 25 Famous Last Words: Eh... this one is about on par with "Quotes" for me. Basically a bunch of actually-famous last words ponified and loosely strung together. It doesn't really work on any level for me, beyond the basic game of "I know where that line is from!"

21 Brother of Mine: An interesting look into ancient happenings. I'm not familiar with previous generations of the show, so I don't really know this character, but the basic pondering about the nature of one's self are somewhat appealing. That said, I feel like I'm missing some knowledge or understanding for the final words to have more of an impact. As it sits though, they don't really stand out to me.

31 Sunset Rising: Not a huge fan of humanized ponies, mostly because these are different characters. The human Fluttershy isn't the same Fluttershy we know, so to me, this whole story feels like OCs, and thus not very fleshed out. The main moral is good, redemption and all, but it's also very, very anvilicious. I admire the idea, but the execution is a bit middling.

32 Why Pony Pants Were Invented: A pony named "Tit Wank" invented pants, told his apprentice to shit himself in them, and ponies bought them anyway "because all ponies are attention whores." I'm not sure if this story was a misguided attempt at humor, or if the author was actively trying to see just how many zeros they could score or controversy they could stir up in discussion.

19 The Shortest Possible Distance: Quickly set scene at the beginning is nicely visual, though a bit terse. The maze rotates "again" without any previous mention? Bad edit? It's also a little confusing to understand exactly what's physically happening during the main segment of the story, but it is a maze I guess. "Overly-enthusiastic ligonberries" stands out as a weirdly enjoyable non-sequitur, however, having her actually shout "famous last words" is a bit too lampshady for the theme. That said, I do like the twisting of the phrase at the end. Well, that, and Twilight's brief filtration with braggadocio lapsing directly into uncertainty and perfectionism is just adorkable.

40 The Next Viral Ad: This one was just... weird. Subject-verb agreement kept slipping, as did tense, but nothing threw me as much as the "story" itself. Perhaps this is a reference to some movie or book I should know, but as I don't, it just feels like a scattershot of horror tropes thrown at the end of a boring lunch break.

20 The Pony and the Phoenix: Well done slice of life. The bitter Starswirl is nicely portrayed, as are the non-word words from the phoenix. The ending is suitably ambiguous as well, but then again, I am a sucker for the negative-action wordplay. Definitely sticks with me.

7 Pinkie Pie Makes Brownies: Another crackfic... this time almost literally. Does not amuse me in the slightest and feels completely out of character for all involved.

43 Next Step: I like the twist at the start... seems peaceful, but it's a fire. Nice. However, there are a lot of technical problems. Wrong tenses, missing words, subject-verb disagreement... and it's "Billboards" not "build boards." I kind of like the bonding between friends, but... the fact that it's just a convoluted setup for a "YOLO" pun really annoyed me.

23 Generations: The weird zoom-out from imagination to human-reality was an interesting stunt, and relatively well done. Reminds me of the Lego Movie. However, it's also a bit meta for my tastes here. The prompt also feels shoehorned in, rather than being central to the story.

28 Epitaphs: Very touching and sad, though well paced for it. An interesting twist on who the viewpoint is, since one typically expects certain alicorns in these sadfic roles. The sun on Luna's flank is an interesting twist at the end too, leaving me quite curious. Unfortunately, the actual Epitaphs all sound a bit trite, which is the one thing keeping me from scoring this higher.

35 Spring Cleaning: This one kept me curious all the way through. The scene was set very well to start, and paced just right for the tale. I really like the headcanon here for Derpy's past, and the melancholly nature of her musings. The cheerful ending, with her making a choice to keep the good that came with the bad, that really sold me on it. Great read!

48 There Once Lived a Princess: This is another where I feel perhaps I'm missing some backstory or previous-generation knowledge to fully understand. That said, as an independent tale, I think it was a well written scene, but one that is often repeated and unfortunately become rather cliche. The regret and stoic death upon the gallows isn't really anything new or unique.

36 The steed of Theseus: Curiously, this very same concept (The Ship of Theseus) was almost directly mentioned in the new Doctor Who tonight. The idea as it applies to identity of self has always been one of the more fascinating aspects in metaphysics to me, so I was eager to see what this story did with it. I was a little let down to find it was basically a direct approach and simple warning from Celestia to her student for the most part. The "steed" part also feels like there could have been a better pun, because nopony was actually ridden. That aside last line... the actual "last words" completely twist the story, and deliver one of the strongest endings I've come across in the contest. The earlier parts are a little too weak to carry it all the way though.

49 The Dying Words of Starswirl the Bearded: Both Spike and Twilight are excellently voiced here, and the story moves forward quite smoothly. The writing is spot on for the characters, but sadly, everything hinges on the humor at the end, which is the exact same in concept to "The Last Words of Star Swirl the Bearded" Unfortunately, I feel that one had a slightly more interesting set up for the joke. Still a good job though.

33 Final Witness: The accents in this are really well done. The dialog flows naturally despite them, and I can easily hear the voices as they should be. The scene itself is also quite touching, and feel very natural... exactly how I think that sort of conversation would go in the real world. I also like the message, that last words aren't that important, especially in light of the prompt. My only complaint is the final line, about where he buried all the bits. It's humorous note that feels completely out of place and jarring against the emotion already set up.

8 Those Awful Rumors 'Round Town: Was glad to see a CMC story in the bunch, but it did feel out of place for Sweetie to join in with the speculation. It also felt out of place that Sweetie and AB don't know the answer already. Sweetie even opens with "I've been to her house" so how does she not know the weird parents thing? That aside... the weird clone parents thing. That's just weird, and doesn't really get explained, or make sense in context. It just left me scratching my head.

14 Laugh, Laugh: Wow, this one really hit me blindside. First off, excellent first-person Pinkie. Introspective and intelligent, while still sounding like herself. "Kaboodle/cold noodle" was just a perfect Pinkieism as well. Then there's the actual subject... never said, but so wonderfully implied. Suicide. I can't help but think this was inspired by Robin William's recent death. Then the end, the musings and the moral to the story... that all we can do is to keep retelling those stories. That's just... perfect! Definitely got some liquid pride here, and while part of me thinks sad stories are kind of cheating in a contest (it's too easy to hit the reader where it hurts) the rest of me doesn't care, because feelings are what matters. I think this may be my absolute favorite of the bunch.

3 Love Thine Enemy: Well written, and sets the scene for some background action to be assumed, which is good. I like the title and how it applies in the story, but it doesn't really hit the prompt very strongly to me. The ending is also a bit predictable, since we are dealing with changlings.

24 The Darkfire Phoenix: Unique perspective to tell a story from, and a rather unique story to be told as well. I like the final resolution, that her fire was hotter, but it lacks any proper lead up. We know the ways to kill a phoenix, but nothing suggests Spitfire had control of actual fire like that, so the resolution feels a little bit deus ex machina. Still enjoyed the read however, and definitely wonder who the imprisoned narrator is.

41 One Day in the Crystal Library: While all the stories here are obviously quite short, this one really felt like it. The first part is great, and I love a young Cadence asking questions of a still-good Sombra. The very, VERY cliche "What could possibly go wrong?" is where I was jarred out of it. The ending scene has some amusing bits ("oh, legs") but feels hastily tacked on to no real effect.

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That's amazing.

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My word of choice would be scary

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in Alawst King Do(ne): Pinkie Pie actually used both inches and centimeters (and smidgimeters) in Griffon the Brush Off, and while she was in full joke mode Rainbow Dash understood her. I particularly prefer to compare sizes and lengths with known (or presumably known) objects, though in that situation I would likely have gone with speed (fast as a diving pegasus, perhaps) and time measurements instead.

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In There Once Lived a Princess, consensus is that it's the princess that fell victim to love poison, as told in Hearts and Hooves Day.

In The Darkfire Phoenix, I think you got the resolution wrong. Method 25 isn't fire control; it's shoving a fire javelin down the phoenix's throat and detonating it, which obviously a given pony can only attempt once. "She had a hotter fire" isn't a description of the method, but of her passion in avenging her fallen comrades, down to shouting their old motto when doing so.

A small note, now that I can relax, having 28 votes which is more than the minimum:

I have a mediocre story I haven't updated in forever called The Many Adventures of Doctor Whooves and Fleur Dis Lee, so I expected the pun in And a Smile... a mile away.

There were several outstanding stories that worked smoothly from start to finish, but my favorite moment was in a story that I otherwise didn't like at all, "Rain":

Luna joined her sister in the action. “At the cost of his life… The line was faltering and was on the verge of routing but he stood and led the counter charge that routed the enemy…”

“‘I— We don’t want to be food!’”

Luna sniffed. “It could have been more eloquent.”

Blueblood's line may have been meant this to be funny, and it is. But it's also, perhaps accidentally, totally honest in a way that's rare in fiction. A story where Blueblood was a hero might have him say, "We will not be food!" A story where he was a coward might have him accidentally lead a victorious counter charge by running away in the wrong direction.

But that single image of Blueblood, more upset by the threat to his vanity than the threat to his life, finally so terrified that he turns around and does something heroic almost against his will, is the kind of moment I look for in fiction. He's not "reformed", not become any kind of storybook hero, and motivated by ignoble reasons, but still finds in himself the capacity to do something no one imagined he could do. It cuts through all the storybook bullshit about good guys and bad guys and shows an actual flawed heart dealing as best it can with a terrible situation. I realize that may not have been the author's intent. But it's still the single moment I recall most vividly out of all the stories in the contest.

Well, 11th place. I'm quite happy with how Alawst King Do(ne) did. I put about a fourth as much time into the title as you guys did analyzing it. And it sounds like the general consensus is that Generations was cute and mildly clever, but poorly executed. I agree wholeheartedly. Both I consider not bad considering I whipped them up the morning of the deadline. This was fun! I look forward to competing again. Great job everypony! Have a great day!

EDIT: Also, it looks like if not for Skywriter, I would have gotten the "Best New Author Award". CURSE YOU DARING DO SKYWRITER!

Huh. For those who haven't looked yet, I wrote "One Day in the Crystal Library," and I have to say, I've been fascinated by the reactions. Everyone seems to agree that there's a part of the story that doesn't work, but there's very little consensus about what that part is. Different areas were problematic for different people.

I basically made the same mistake here that I did in the Most Dangerous Game contest; in my rush to get something out before I could procrastinate past the deadline, I ended up submitting something that wasn't ready. I actually wrote the last part first, as a guide of where I wanted to end up. Some reviews make me think that I should've dropped it. Others seemed to appreciate the flash forward.

In the end, for all the inconsistent commentary, I have three major lessons to take away from this:
1. Even in a speedwriting contest, it pays to take a moment to step back and make sure the story is the best you can make it.
2. Be consistent with the tone. Not everyone likes comedy in everything like sugar in processed food.
3. Don't start with a misspelled word, or horizon will hate you.

And, of course, congratulations to Solitair, Chris, and TitaniumDragon.

So, people hated my story, "...but whose?" The way I meant it was exactly the way Titanium Dragon read it: An eldritch horror invades Equestria, and it is so powerful and godlike that Twilight is mentally overcome by it, and can do nothing but submit in awe to it. And in this moment, Rainbow Dash's crazy arrogance and overconfidence, which is normally her biggest flaw, is the only thing that can save Equestria. It is about the strange heroism in having pride in yourself and standing up for yourself even when that pride isn't, rationally, justified,

Also, I stole it from an old science fiction story that did it better.

3569858 For what it's worth, I liked it a lot. There's a lot of tragedy in how nice Sombra is here to how evil he becomes, and we, the reader, are left to fill in the blanks.

Yowch, no one likes Equestria Girls, or I just fucked up worse than the reviews made it seem like I did. If y'all don't like something you gotta SAY so...