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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I... did not expect Alloy to do that.
Also, you monster.
Also, loved this chapter.
I feel like that was sort of pointless; I mean, she could've lied and said he was dead.
Dunno if I'm reading right though, it's hard to concentrate in a room that's 90 degrees :P
Whaaa... The tenth chapter is really great, one of my favourite (if it's not my favourite) in the whole story. With a lot of action, the exploration of a strange stable, lot of morals problems for the heroine and a great end.
But I have a question, how can ghouls be in a stable ? Aren't the stables radiationproof ?
The end of this chapter is great for the story (at least I hope so) but I think that if I had been at Alloy's place I would take Copper's cutie martk off and give it to Malice as an evidence of Cooper's death and let him go. There is a quest in Fallout 3 where we can do that, with a piece of an intelligent android. Does anyone want to tell what would you do at Alloy's place ?
Thank you a lot for wrote it.
I hope my English wasn't so bad (I trie to learn it but I'm not very good).
That is so... Fallout. Copper finds strangers coming to rescue him, only those strangers are actually here to capture him.
Did not expect that ending. At all.
Theory: This area was hit by a Zebra Megaspell that was water-based, and is what turned the area into a massive bog.
....Ooooor it could just be a natural rainstorm. Boy, the survey team did NOT do their job here.
A mercy kill.
Ya know... I think that was the right decision.
Surprising how chapter ten turned out.
All that work, and while it wasn't the best choice Alloy made, it was still better then giving Copper over to the Malice if a raiders track record is any indication.
New Appleloosa? Hope Copper wasn't actually Alloy's unknown little brother or something. That would make it even more tragic.
What the hell ass balls just happened?!
Dude. Not cool.
I don't want to be "that douchebag" who pretends to know your characters better than you know them, but all the pointers I've picked up from Alloy all this time are that she's all about logic, bordering on sociopathic. If she's come to a conclusion that giving Copper back to Malice is not an option, the way I see it is she has 2 left: either make up some wacky plan to spring Copper after he's been handed back...or just let him go free.
The only benefit killing him has is the possibility of spinning "he was dead when we found him, honest guv" back to Malice, and hoping that pacifies her into not rasing the joint. Which, given what she does to her own people just for boring her, given that her freaking name is Malice, doesn't seem all that probable.
I'm not on board with Alloy's reasoning, is what I'm trying to say. Still an awesome chapter, though.
Oh shit, wasn't expecting that at all. I thought she was just going to let him go. I can't help but feel that Alloy made a terrible mistake, though. Not just because she murdered someone, but because Malice will most likely enslave her and Grit now that she can't have her precious Copper, or somehow find out that Alloy just did that. I don't think she's very trustworthy, being a raider/slaver.
Anyway, I loved this chapter, probably one of my favorites right up there with chapter three. Stable 36 was interesting, both the flooding and the segregation of the pony races. I also liked how the ghouls had some variety to them rather than just being normal, ordinary zombie ponies. Especially the unicorn ghouls. And the bloated, moss covered ones were very fitting for the swamp setting, I feel.
Eyyyyyyyyy, ya did it Alloy. I'm so proud.
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3 weeks, try 17... I hate fimfic when it forgets to send me notifications, and it is first now that I am curious and looking at something to download to read on my vacation that I see this comment -___-"
Ohh well, expect some more feedback in the near future!
Holy shit this chapter caused a bit of a stir. Given its content, though, I'd be disappointed if there wasn't. And for everyone who was disappointed or angry with how it ended, I'll say right now that there will be time taken at the start of 11 for this. There is a partial disconnect here that I probably could have addressed better, but ultimately this was not supposed to be an easy or good choice on her part, or even the best choice, but it's the one she made.
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It really is one thing for her to say "I've just gotta do this one thing and go home" and entirely another to be staring the pony in the face. The mantra of justifying the means with the ends can fall apart at that critical moment.
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I am a monster in bacon form. But I'm glad you loved the chapter. Hard at work on Chapter 11 already!
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That was a valid option, yea. It might have even been a better one.
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Thank you for your kind words. I'm actually particularly proud of this chapter, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. And why yes, the Stables are radiation-proof! I'm not going to answer what happened in Stable 36 until I'm sure it'll never come up in the story again (which I'm not).
Cutting off Copper's cutie mark would have also been a valid choice, but I actually completely forgot about the Android quest options in Fallout 3. It's been ages since I played 3, since NV is my preference of the two modern games. I also need to get back to Wasteland 2, but that's another story.
And your English was perfectly fine, and thank you again for the comment!
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Sometimes, the Wasteland is just cruel.
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I like your theories a lot, hehe.
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This is one point I don't mind addressing, as it'll never come up. Copper's destination of New Appleloosa was just because it was far from Malice, and that's all. And the reactions to the chapter surprised me just as much!
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Stuff! Adventure! Romance! Bartering! None of these things. Well, maybe a little bit of adventure.
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Under normal circumstances, Alloy is definitely more logical and rational than she was here, but she was at an emotional breaking point. Some of this will be addressed in Chapter 11, as much as I hate to use that excuse. As a result, I'm also working on getting 11 online faster.
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I love coming up with crazy monstrosities, and PromptAnon also deserves a lot of credit for helping me with the Stable in particular.
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At least there's no cheese?
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The fact that you're proud makes me worried.
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Yea, I have a tendency to reply to comments while sitting on the story's hub page, and not the individual chapters, but FiMFic only notifies if you reply on the same chapter as the comment, and I forget (or end up replying in a bundle) until after. Doh. Either way, I'm really glad to see you back here!
6236730 "Emotional breaking point"
Yeah, that's fair. And don't get me wrong, it was handled really well, it's been really fun watching her get stepped on at every possible turn.
Excited for the next one, but don't rush it.
Well, this story was a nice surprise. I hadn't heard about it until recently, when I saw several people mentioning it with high praise. I think it was well deserved, too! Alloy's got a very different approach to solving her problem than most protagonists, and it's a nice change.
Then the end of that last chapter... damn. It kind of makes sense, but damn... It seems like there weren't any good choices for her to make. Bring him back, dead or alive, or spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder and possibly never being able to really settle down and resume her life. I kind of doubt letting him go and telling Malice he was dead would work. She seems like the type who wouldn't just take her word on it.
"Quest failed" indeed. That end-of-chapter note is probably one of the most effective I've seen. Ouch.
As I've just recently started watching Game of Thrones (had a bit of a marathon) this outcome didn't end up as shocking to me as it might have otherwise. Though I still didn't expect it here. Admirable writing all around. :O
Separating out these replies to a different post because of the wonkiness of FiMFiction's reply notifications.
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Thank you for your kind words. Y'know, for how much I enjoy writing combat scenes, it's funny to me that I ended up writing Alloy's story. Chock it up to how she stuck in my mind. And as for the ending of Chapter 10, yea. In the end, she had no good choices. The chapter note wasn't even initially planned, it was just an idea I had a while back, and I'm glad it had the appropriate effect. Initially I put in the Quest Tracker because I always had trouble telling how much time had passed in stories, so I wanted to be upfront and make that easy to follow. Around chapter 5 or so, that idea hit me, and I just liked it enough to use it.
Also, sorry for the delay on new content. Chapter 11 should be coming soon, the draft has taken me longer than pretty much any chapter I've done before. I'll probably be making a blog post about it shortly, too.
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Oh man, I can imagine. But hell, that's Game of Thrones for you, the master of twists and sharp turns. Still, thank you!
A different Fallout Equestria story updated and I got all excited for a moment thinking that it was this one, but alas!
Well I'm sorry but I hated the ending. I thought Alloy would grow as a character, run north, knock him out and cut off his cutie mark to turn in saying he was dead, turn in some tail hairs and a skull say this is all we could find, get help cleaning out he raiders, something. Hell even turning him in then attempting a rescue would have been better. Hell turning him in for a reward and then rescuing him would be way more business like than just whacking him.
Jesus Christ Ham, that ending is almost as dark as the shit I write. Fucking bravo man.
I feel like I should have expected that twist, having gotten a pretty good feel for Alloy by now. But I still wish she would have tried to find a more amiable solution. Guess that's just the wasteland for you though, every character can't be a Lightbringer.
Cool story bro.Cant wait for the next chapter *woof*
That makes sense, from Alloy's perspective. Doesn't mean I don't want to strangle her while smashing her head against the ground. If the end result is an 80% chance Malice will kill her for failing to bring Copper back alive, why kill him instead of letting him go?
So now Alloy will go back to town after her meeting with Malice, which she has a tiny chance of surviving. Back to the town that threw her out when she became inconvenient. Back to the town that Grit lives at. The same Grit that will probably never speak to her again, but will serve as an everyday reminder of exactly what she did. Just so she could go back to her smithy, in the town she doesn't care about, surrounded by ponies that don't care about her.
Excellent braining, Alloy. I like this story a lot, and her actions are totally understandable, but sheesh. Run a cost/benefits analysis on your actions Miss businesspony.
I got a major "Of Mice and Men" feel to the ending of this chapter. Keep up the amazing work.
I think she finally lost her sanity.
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More like she finally gained it.
Damn, I read your story over two days non-stop... but this is the point where I had to take a break.
Powerful writing, this chapter.
Ho. Ly. Shit. Just found this story the other day thanks to Equestria Daily. And this chapter... wow. I can't remember the last time, if ever, a non-published work of fiction made my eyes teary. Bravo!
Holy motherfucking hell of a damn WTF !!!!!
I didn't see that ending coming. I thought Alloy would talk to him, try to settle things, find a plan. But she couldn't endure anymore and took the easy way. Remove the problem so that things didn't depend on her anymore.
Wow........... I love this story more and more.
Ok just shoot the poor dear :(
Alloy is the worst pony.
Right… You don’t owe her a reason why you’re not what you say you are but she definitely owes you a “thank you” everytime you go do your own thing without her even wanting you to do it.
Our hero everypony! Captain Hypocrisy!
But in all seriousness, even if he eventually gives in and tells her that he’s a changeling, he conveniently skips over why changelings are actually feared by ponies and tells her that the reason is because they can look like anyone. I wonder how Alloy would feel about him after knowing that he lied about the real reason why changelings are feared? Kidnaping and imprisoning ponies for food, that is.
And now Alloy has become an idiot. He’s there because you took him on as a payed bodyguard, not just because. Also, he told you his secret because you wouldn’t let it go. He didn’t tell you out of the goodness of his heart. Or did you forget the part where he made you promise not to tell anyone his secret?
What is even going on with this character? It’s almost like everything we’ve read about her has changed for no reason. Unless… No. No, say it’s not true! Tell me she’s not being turned into an idiotic love interest for Grit!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Well, looks like Bourbon wasn’t hiding Copper after all. He was just being an idiot.
But how the hell did Copper get past all those feral ghouls without killing any of them? Or without dieing for that matter?
Yes, when you change your mind about turning in a person to save your own skin; don’t set them free from their captivity, just shoot them in the head. Idiot.
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Where the he'll are you getting these impressions of gritt? Maybe one of the reasons he didn't mention the whole kidnapping thing is because that practice died with the bombs. He probably doesn't even know his history, being mostly raised by ponies. Honestly, I can't see why you dislike the character so much. Do you think that, because you're seeing things from Alloys perspective, that she must be in the right? That to question her actions or hold her accountable is testamount to questioning you personally? May I remind you that gritt is more experienced and capable than alloy. If this was like the other fallout stories, gritt would be the main character, and alloy would be the supporting role. I question whether you would react so negatively to alloy, if that was the case, if the perspective was gritty rather than alloys. I, at least, recognize that I am taking your reaction to gritt personaly. I am thoroughly overreacting as a result. So, sorry about that, I guess.
I'm not surprised, she's been saying it would be easier if he was dead the entire time.
Okay definitely easier ways... Personally I would have had a doctor cut the skin around the cutie-mark off and hand that over.
Quest failed indeed!!
REVIEW TIME part two, return of the reviewing
Once more, F you for screwing with my sleep, thats not nice of you! You are an evil doctor! An evil evil Wasteland doctor! I will even bet that it isn't really ham in that sandwich of yours, but pony flesh instead! Jacques!... I think that I used that right... I heard it in How I Met Your Mother, but I could be typing it wrong... Anyway, back to the scheduled showing!
So back to adventuring, smithy and buggy seeing the world and making all of the profit, selling gear left and... Wait... Were Alloy not trapped last chapter... and now she have a revolver, and looted either a real gun or something gun like from the ruin, were they really allowed to keep their items on their person after they had helped out? I mean if I wanted to hold someone prisoner would I strip them as bare as modesty allowed to make it harder for them to flee. Maybe I missed something, or I stumbled over your first plothole. Its not really important really, Grit could have been allowed to walk away with all of their gear when he went hunting, or some other explanation that I can't think of at the moment. Would just bring it up.
Ahh Stable 36, the separation experiment, would we all behave better if we all were with people of our own kind? If each strength was gathered in their own camp, each group focusing on what they initially was best at, not thinking at how many skills that will go lost over time since specialists could know random facts in other fields that no other knew... Ahh if it just was so peaceful and orderly, one could only wish!
So for a Stable with such a "benign" way of saving ponykind am I pretty surprised that we are greeted with skeletons at the door, I mean beside families of mixed race, which properly wouldn't be put into a Stable like this since this isn't Vault Tec, can I really not see what there would lead to such violence. You had me peeked at racial separation, but you have my full attention with skeleton greeters... Damn... that did not come out as smoothly as I wanted.
Glowing ones... Unicorn ghouls with magic... Why have no one done that before! Go share that monster with reddit and the other groups. I can just see it before my inner eye... A flaming ghoul that leave scourchmarks in its wake, a ghoul radiating necromantic energies, healing itself and others, bones rattling after it in its wake. A ghoul tired down, hidden in the deepest most secret part of a cult, it radiating healing magic since it was one of the original ponies way back then that got brought back to life with the first megaspell!
So I am just now completed the chapter... And I hate you Ham... I hate you as only a fan can hate a creator when they are caught, hook, line and sinker... Damn you magnificent Ham eating pony you!
Nitpicks:
", he turned at started walking the direction the necklace pointed" and
"wiping my sword clean of ghoul guts and trying to stop the pounding in my chest." damn it is a curvy sword if it can stab a ghoul though the mouth, into the brain, and then down into the guts in the stomach