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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh boy. I did not expect a twist like that.
I love it :3
This relevation at the end of this chapter has given me a big grin.
Would say more, but too much squee...
Nice worldbuilding with the Gators. They seem young as a society, young enough to be quite a bit stupid.
Oh, and, shipping intensifies.
Good lord, so many comments at once!
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Unexpected, but pleasant is exactly the reaction I was hoping for, so I'm glad you like it.
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Perhaps a bit short-sighted of Laveau, but from her perspective having Alloy around was be too valuable to pass up. And due to the fact that I love Majora's Mask so much, I have to concur with your analysis, hehe.
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Thank you, I'm glad you liked it! I make no promises on humor, those are the sort of opportunities that just crop up in the moment.
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Ah man, you have no idea how much of a relief it is to see reactions like this. I have simultaneously been anxious and excited about this reveal for weeks now, and I'm glad to know it went over well.
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Thank you! Indeed, they are a young society, you're right on the nose there. Maybe about 200 years old to be precise, hehe.
It just occurred to me that you also have your chapter titles themed after business jargon. That's a pleasant note to start on!
Let's see what you've got here :3
Yo I made it to chapter two and this story is p-good!
First person narration kinda weirds me out in some instances, but I got used to Alloy's voice pretty quickly. Very light on the nonsense and tangents, much like the mare herself. I appreciate narrators that don't ramble on about dumb and irrelevant shit! I also appreciate protagonists that don't feel they are THE CHOSEN ONE. Her scope of the world is limited and localized, but it works very well for her, and I'm legit curious to see where her story goes.
In short; great stuff, thumbed up and faved, you've got yourself a fan.
God damn it ham, I was up all night reading these and you leave me hanging on a twist like that? Suppose its for the best I mean if I read another chapter I'd be late for work because of you, I don't think "you don't understand sir! Alloy Shaper in the last chapter was held captive by talking radigators! and Grit is a changling!" would be a good excuse.
anyway supurb stuff man, easily one of the best fics I've ever read, excited to see more from you!
I can't wait to read the next chapter
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Sorry this is so belated! Ham only just showed me this comment, but thank you, thank you, thank you for the corrections on the French! I'm the translator as well as one of the editors for WEcon, but as a non-native speaker trying to write natural-sounding colloquial Cajun French dialogue, it's a bit of an uphill battle. :)
This one actually is a standard vs. Cajun French dialect difference--according to the sources I found, in most variants of Cajun French "il" is replaced by "y" unless it's followed by a vowel. (Same for "elle" and "é," though that's apparently much more variable than il/y. But when in doubt, I went with whatever was the most distinctly Cajun.) Replacing "te" with "t' " was just my attempt to make it all seem very slurred and slangy, since that's the sort of French Cajun French was originally based on, and that historical basis is still visible in the language today. I don't know if that works, though!
And the "attendes" is just a complete brain malfunction on my part. Thank you for pointing that out!
*Cringes* Yeah, I really wasn't sure about using "eux" there, and the second sentence is definitely awkward as is. Will tell Ham to fix this posthaste. The "dites," though, I used because Ham told me Leveau was addressing all the gators there, not just one. Is there some other reason why that should be "dis"?
If this is a more natural-sounding/correct alternative, I'll take it! Will also be passing this along to Ham for fixing.
I'm definitely flying blind here, so please pardon the mess, and merci beaucoup pour ton aide! :)
Ah, Smithing. My favorite fantasy game skill. Too bad there's so little demand for it these days. Everything's factory-made.
Up through chapter 3 now. You've got a new reader.
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Thank you! And part of me was actually worried people wouldn't like the French bits, or that it never had a basis in the show, until I was reminded of the Fancy-speak, hehe.
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It really is fun to be a craftsperson. I hope you enjoy (as I also respond to your other comments, hehe)
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Thing is, mostly she was feeling battered by having so many ponies pay attention to, and be interested in, her work, but none of them actually wanting or being able to buy anything. She's also starting to feel homesick already, and a little more emotional than usual as a result. At least that was the intent, which I didn't quite deliver on, it seems. Sorry about that.
And it's funny you bring up her S.P.E.C.I.A.L., since she actually has a complete stat sheet. Alloy began life as a PnP character, but I always cared more about who she was than what the numbers said she could or couldn't do.
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A combat strategist, she is not. And you aren't imagining things, she dropped her sword when she fought the bloodsprites in Chapter 1.
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I guess I should apologize for that. There was probably a better way to handle that scene, but rest assured that I do have plans.
Maybe.
6200613 To clarify, I wasn't being sarcastic about the "GENIUS!" comment. Honestly found that quite clever.
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Oh phew. Sorry for the misunderstanding then, and I'm glad you liked it!
There are a few story points that to this day I'm still nervous about, even long after they've been up, hah.
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Yea, that part wasn't easy to write either, that's for sure. Alloy got dealt a bad hand.
But speaking of story points I'm nervous about, that isn't one of them, hehe. I was really looking forward to that moment for a while.
Always three of them.
And there's a third community she won't be able to return to, and all in a few weeks. From an economical perspective that's a lot of lost customers. Especially when the fourth community doesn't have enough caps to be worth visiting. Alloy's Traveling Smithy either needs to just set up in that Zebra village, or leave the bog entirely. Which might not be a bad idea considering it would also mean getting away from Malice.
...Well.
Say, crazy idea time. What do you think the chances are that Grit and Copper are the same pony?
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What can I say, I just like the word "trio."
And Alloy has had a bit of a run of bad luck the last few days. But hey, at least she has a solid (?) lead and Grit with her. Speaking of which, that is an intriguing idea.
And because I didn't say it before, thank you so much for the comments. Chapter 10 is in final editing, and should go live in the next couple days.
I have to say, I love that Alloy has some emotional baggage when it comes to imprisonment. It's one more tic that gives this character dimensions.
Nice chapter--I've enjoyed the story so far.
I'm not much of a writer, but I've been an electronics tech for ...several decades, and I'll give kudos on your description of the defective radio. While wires don't wear out, technically speaking, some of the older kinds of insulation on wires can gradually harden and become brittle over time. Should the insulation crumble and fall off, the bare wires might touch. The resulting short circuit could easily draw enough current to cause a power supply (spark battery) failure.
So, just so you know, you've described a plausible problem.
I knew there was something odd when the potion went zap instead of bubble and didn't affect Grit as advertised, but THAT I was not expecting. Well played.
And yet I STILL keep thinking of him as Calamity...
(Of course, knowing this, he could in fact look like Calamity if he wanted to.)
Definitely not a dream, he's a changling I'm guessing?
What? This! What?! Did he replace the real Grit? Does the real Grit's family know? Oh god, I've been shipping them this whole time!
And Grit is a changeling…
That’s actually an awesome twist! Good work!
Now that I think about it, Grit being a changeling should have been obvious when we met ponies named Meadow and Spark at his Stable
But.... That... Grit... Changeling
THIS STORY JUST GOT 20% COOLER!
Funky cold Medina yes!
I could freaking FEEL the twist coming!!
REVIEW TIME!
So a thing that I experience with stories that I like is that the further into a story I come the less do I have to say to each chapter. Now don't mistake this for me loosing interest, but there are really no need to mentioning once more how many things that you are doing just right, how you are ensnaring my brain and its full attention, and how I often lift the corner of my mouth into a smirky smile. I know that I sound a bit like a boob, but I do not think that people should be praised multiple times for doing the same thing right over and over again, you get praise for going up and beyond, you do not get praise for keeping the lovely high bar for quality that you have sat infront of yourself.
Now... I am going to be mighty disappointed if we ain't gonna get a croc in the crew before this story is over! I want to know what the fudge there are up with them, learn more about their religion, and why they talk French of all things! Beside could they use a bit more muscle, and with a croc that get equal share would they be able to transport so much ware from place to place! For the love of good please see how big a boon this would be! For the love of Celestia Alloy, please realise the boon it would be for your business!... Yes I know that things with them didn't go as planned, but they clearly have a high love for books and religious symbols, find a book about the two sisters, make a pair of statues and you can buy yourself a harem of crocs!
And that plottwist at the end... F you! I was planning to head to bed, and now I have to read the next chapter as well! Damn you and your ham sandwich!
Nitpick, notice singular, even here are you making improvements!
“Even if it’s broken, the battery might be still good.” Should it not be the other way around? Might still be good?
Holy....I didn't see that coming....I honestly didn't.
Holy crap that was good!