Short Hand: Equestrian Differences 1 · 1:16am Aug 16th, 2021
Shepherd hums a bit as he gets up from bed. He walks into the bathroom, and examines his face. He then pulls out a toothbrush, some toothpaste and begins to brush his teeth.
Shepherd: "Hrr hrr... Hrrr..."
It feels... Strangely tingly. He leans in to look at his teeth... And sees tiny, mite-like creatures skittering all over his pearly whites.
Outside...
Shepherd: "GYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
A short time later, at Twilight's castle... Shepherd barges in, holding the toothpaste in a steel box and holding a gun on it. He storms up to Twilight in the kitchen, where she is eating her breakfast with Spike.
Twilight: "Shepherd! What are you-?"
Shepherd slams the box down in front of her.
Shepherd: "I found... Weird little mite things in my toothpaste! They-They were crawling all over my freaking teeth!"
Twilight: "Eh?" She opens the box and examines the toothpaste "Oh! That's perfectly natural, Shepherd!"
Shepherd: "HOW?!"
Twilight: "This is Earth pony toothpaste. They have Dent-mites in them. Tiny little mites they made with alchemy to improve their dental hygiene!"
Shepherd: "Wha-But why-?"
Spike: "Because it's hard to floss when you're an Earth pony! Duh!"
Twilight: "Or many other kinds of pony. Dent-mites are becoming more popular because of their ease of use!"
Shepherd: "Okay, but... I mean... What happens to them?"
Twilight: "Oh, they have short lifespans and will die off. You uh... You will poop their corpses out."
Spike: "Makes it smell minty."
Shepherd: slowly nods "Right, well... I'm uh... I'm just... Going to process that-How does Fluttershy feel about this, anyway?"
Twilight: "The Dent-Mites have a natural life cycle, and they need to eat plaque to continue it. And we provide them with a means of laying their eggs."
Shepherd: "In... My poop."
Twilight: "Er... Yes?"
Shepherd: "Excuse me, I'm going to go be violently ill for a while." He runs off
Twilight: "What's his problem?"
Spike: shrug "Humans."
Talk about a shitty circle of life for ponies to have clean teeth.
Funny thing is, there's plenty of tiny critters that call us home. By cell count, you're actually more microbe than human.
But if they survive by eating plaque, and they lay their eggs in your digestive tract and are pooped out, then something would have to eat the poop to continue the cycle... not especially great for dental hygiene.
Well now, that's...uh...yeah, I got nothin'.
So, I assume you swallow this toothpaste rather than rinse?
So self-flossing toothpaste?
Eh, I can deal with it for that kind of dental hygiene convenience.
hehe...this is your 420th post
congrats
Well, that was...weird.
Reminds me of a scene from Farscape…
Okay, so... I get why Shepherd's revolted - I'd be too at first - but I have to be honest... this seems like a really clever and useful innovation. And if it existed as a safe and affordable possibility in our world and I had a bit of time to get used to the idea... and I wasn't so sensitive I can't even use an electric toothbrush without feeling like my teeth are shaking out of my skull, I'd probably use Dent-mite toothpaste.
That's probably just me, though. Most wouldn't and I really can't blame them.
Wait, wait...so that's the first time he BRUSHED HIS TEETH?!
This TOTALLY reminds me of this scene from the old Syfy Channel (back when it was Sci-Fi Channel lol) original series “Farscape” where our human lead learns how the aliens clean their teeth:
I can just picture him making his own toothpaste after that.
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With that particular kind of toothpaste. He'd been using more conventional toothpaste before this.
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Farscape was a big inspiration for this story.
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I have to assume that Unicorns with high field dexterity harvest the eggs to put it into the toothpaste.
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That's a really crappy job right there.
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Presumably it could work like tapeworm infestations. The poop containing the eggs fertilizes the plants which then get eggs on them and are eaten, continuing the cycle.