Short Hand: Pony Religion 3 · 3:43am Aug 25th, 2020
Shepherd was doing some financial stuff at his kitchen table, when the doorbell rang. He got up and walked up to it, and opened it. There was Pinkie Pie, with... Several gray ponies.
Pinkie: "Hi Shepherd! My family is in town, and they wanted to meet you! This is my dad Igneous Rock Pie, my mom Cloudy Quartz Pie, and my sisters Limestone and Marble Pie!"
She grins happily, while her family remains very stoic.
Shepherd: Huh... I guess she's the... Pink sheep of the family. outloud"Oh! Well, it's an honor, Mister and Mrs. Pie. Won't you come in? Would you like anything?"
Cloudy: "Thank you, Lord Shepherd. You are very gracious and kind."
Shepherd: "Ah... No problem! And there's no need to be so formal. I'm just Shepherd."
The Pie family gathers in his sitting room, and Shepherd hands out some snacks and tea. He sits down in a chair from the kitchen... Though Cloudy stops him.
Cloudy: "We could never have you sit so uncomfortably while we-"
Shepherd: "No no no! You're my guests! I should extend every courtesy, as a good host!"
Igneous: "We are... Deeply humbled, Lord Shepherd."
Shepherd: "Think nothing of it! You're Pinkie's family, and she's one of my best friends. Don't be bothered, just relax!"
Pinkie: beams "See? I told ya he was the bestest!"
Cloudy: "Pinkamenia! You really should be more respectful."
Pinkie: "But I'm technically a Knight of Equestria like him! I'd like to be a Day though! Or a K-Day!"
Shepherd: chuckles "The K is still silent, Pinkie."
Pinkie: "Hmph! That doesn't make any sense!"
Shepherd: "I know, I know. Still irritates me sometimes, too. I like chevalier, that sounds cool."
Pinkie: "Ooh! Prench!"
Igneous: "Ahem... Pinkie?"
Pinkie: "OH! RIGHT! I almost forgot! Shepherd? Mom and Dad came to ask you for some help!"
Shepherd: "Well... I'd be happy to help, if I can. What seems to be the trouble?"
Cloudy: "It isn't trouble, persay... But we would like you to come to our farm."
Shepherd: "I... Certainly can. May I ask why?"
Igneous: "We ask for your blessing, Lord Shepherd."
Shepherd: "Uh... Huh?"
Cloudy: "Long has our family kept to the sacred traditions, offerings given to the Humans of Legend. To have a living human visit our farm would be such a blessing."
Igneous: "We hope that your divine influence will grant us a bountiful harvest next year."
Shepherd: "Uhhh..."
Cloudy: "In return, you may have any of our daughters as your concubine."
Shepherd: "Well, hang on-"
Igneous: "Or indeed, all of them."
Limestone: "What?! Father! You can't make me a concubine!"
Cloudy: "Limestone! He is a divine guardian of Ponykind and you will be respectful!"
Limestone: "Doesn't look very divine to me!"
Pinkie: "Ooh! You should see him playing space explorers with me! We both get into a big cardboard box and-"
Shepherd: "AHEM. Mister and Mrs Pie, there is no need to offer your daughters to me. I am happy to confer whatever blessing I can upon your farm due to your good character and keeping to the old ways. I must stress, however, that I am only a mere mortal."
Igneous: *nods* "Of course, Lord Shepherd. You have come among us in a mortal form so that you will understand our tribulations properly."
Shepherd: "No, that's not what I-"
Cloudy: "And so that you do not interfere in the freewill of Ponies."
Shepherd: "I really am not-"
Marble: "Um, I wouldn't mind being a concubine?"
Shepherd: "... Pinkie? Little help?"
Pinkie: "Sure!" To Marble "Talk to Twilight! She can slot you in!"
Shepherd: "No, help me-Oh for the love of-!"
I prefer Baron, either from the Frankish "barō" or the Old English "beorn."
The silly English knnnnniggits can go sit around with their sissy troubadours spouting about love and chivalry.
I just like this.
Ah, that explains so much. They’re Meganites! :p
Ha
I hope eventually that all the side stories get put in chronological order so when I reread the whole story it makes more sense because most of these are goddamn beautiful
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...
...
So, how long do you think it will be before the Heads of the Religious Order start sending Assassins?
After all, they can't have a live Human around, he could challenge them for control of the Order. ...
5342420
Considering his ability to disable any pony with scritches, I doubt they'll get very far,
Tis a fine side story, but sure it is no harem fic, Ponish.
Ah yes, the Brian school of not being the Messiah despite all hype to the contrary.
And the Kirk school of meeting new places and exploring exotic locals.
5342479
To be fair, he's a) probably seen that movie and b) a practicing Christian who is not at all comfortable with being treated as the second coming of Joshua bar Joseph.
5342420
(Slams fist down on the table, sending several Space Marine figures toppling)
HERESY!!!
5342517
Well, I don't expect a Griffon Inquisition.
5342530
No one does.
5342485
I wanted to make a joke here, but sadly, we never learn Megan's dad's name (or indeed anything about her parents at all).
Someone's gonna be slottin' something in ah tell ya' 'hwat
5342533
Right, bad of me to expect a Monty Python Quote from a 40k fan.
“No one expects the Griffon Inquisition! Our chief weapon is fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to the Pope! Um, I'll come in again...”
5342908
(Scoffs) I will have you know, me bucko, that my funny bone grew strong upon a steady diet of the Flying Circus, and that I regard the fact that the Holy Grail is not required viewing upon entering a college-level British Literature class a travesty!
So I say to you...NI!
NI, I say! NI!!!
(Proceeds to walk away in a manner that is funny)
(Turns around) Stop being so silly!
5342717
(Reads your comment)
...that boy ain't right...
(... Hmm. You know, snippets like these really drive home to me how incredibly lucky Ponykind is that Shepherd is a good and humble man not looking for a hand-out... also, how sexed up ponykind is in general. Seriously, concubines? That's what you jump to first over, y'know, a portion of your harvest? ... Did Megan take concubines, or Danny? Where exactly does that come from actually?)
5494971
Well, I'm working on a blog post to explain that, too. Stand by...
5494986
(Ah, outstanding! I do enjoy world-building! Though Shepherd does have my sympathies.)