Status: Eep · 12:44am May 15th, 2019
There's good news and bad news. Mostly bad news, I'm afraid.
The doctor who had been treating me left his position at the hospital this week, and the doctor who is now in charge of my care is not interested in keeping me sane with ketamine. She's only interested in the research protocol, not in providing the only treatment which has worked for me, so I'm being kicked out of the program entirely.
A sliver of good news is that it's Summer, so I can focus on my mental health because I don't work Summers (though I'm not sure I'd be able to work even if I did). Also, where I live medical marijuana is now a thing, and while depression is about to be approved for treatment, the myofascial pain I have is already approved for treatment, and the same drug helps for both things. So as soon as I find out what the remaining ketamine treatments will be like (doctor promised repeatedly she'd ramp me down when she gave me the news, but I strongly suspect she'll go back on her word), I'll try to grab two birds with one hoof.
Unfortunately, I'm no longer optimistic about my future. I am worried about being a burden on my family. If things get as bad as they were in January, I won't be able to return to work. We'll need to get health insurance elsewhere. We have money, but that and my lack of income (maybe I could get disability) would present an obstacle to Jewel's startup he's been working on for over a year now. Plus, I love working, and I hate being suicidal (but that's just me being selfish).
I don't think the marijuana will work for either of my conditions but of course I'm going to try it—I'm desperate and I'll try anything that has a chance of helping with either crippling malady. Other options include finding ketamine at another clinic, or... um... actually I can't think of anything else, because there's literally nothing I haven't tried. I would try to go off of the narcotics completely (they're a huge chunk of the depression), but the pain is very difficult to manage without them. I might be forced to try, though. Physical pain is not as bad as mental pain, generally speaking.
Needless to say, I'm stressed beyond belief. I hope I can move past this soon so I can write again, but at the moment I'm in crisis. I appreciate all your support and love. 
Uh uh. Fuck no. That's not you being selfish, that's you wanting the basics.
Yikes. I really wish there were something tangible I could do for you. Here's hoping the marijuana works better than you expect.
For what it's worth you have my well wishes and hopes that things improve somehow.
I hope your situation can improve. Things look bad but it doesn't mean something positive won't happen. Best wishes and good luck.
I hope you feel better soon and just remember that your friends are here for you
Damn, Trick!! That's really sorry of them to treat you that way. One would think a doctor would listen to a patient and the current doctor about which treatment plan works for that person. I feel terrible for you and hope that you're able to work something out and get the treatments you need.
Just remember, you've got friends here that will help and support you any way we can!
Stay positive and stay strong. We're here for you!
I'm sorry to hear of this, Trick. But fwiw, we're all rooting for you and sending every good thought we can fit through the internet. :)
Sending hugs
Oh, dear; I really hope you manage to work this out somehow, without too much difficulty. Good luck.
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I know. I wrote that partly tongue-in-cheek, but it's true that the largest stress is thinking about how this might affect those closest to me, not what I'll have to endure personally.
I have heard that smoking marijuana has helped some people with depression. I hope it works for you.
I hope you're in for a better summer than you currently expect.
Sending hugs. Imagine my warm thoughts flowing towards you
Well, fuck. I don't know what to say. How much power single dick doctor (and I don't mean urologist here) may rightfully have?
One of it's optical isomers was "recommended for approval" recently --- maybe FDA will move it's fat posterior soon and access will be easier. And there also are... less legal options (don't ever do it, of course, but some research suggests that having an option may be beneficial even if one doesn't actually end up taking it)
*wince*
*wing?*
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It's not known how effective it is relative to the racemic mixture version, it's only approved for limited duration use, and the dosage is very small compared to my current treatment level. I don't think it's likely to help, but insurance would cover it at least. I may apply to try it out when it comes around. I'm not sure what's on the horizon, though.
Fuck sake onther retatred doctor ugh
Spravato is esketamine. It isn't racemic ketamine, but you might be able to find someone who will prescribe it to you if the ketamine has been working for you, as it is approved for the treatment of depression.
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Yep, I mentioned that a couple of comments below yours.