The Comments Section Toxicity Saving Throw Scale · 2:29pm Nov 25th, 2017
Difficulty Class 0: The story hasn't been published yet.
DC 3: There's a light scattering of downvotes, but no one's taking direct credit for them. Alondro may or may not make a joke which few people recognize as being such.
DC 5: Someone explains exactly why they don't like your story. Some chance of comment downvotes.
DC 10: At least one person who didn't like the story is now in a debate with someone who did. Chance of memes.
DC 13: The argument over the story has now become somewhat personal between those who started it. Light terms of non-endearment are being kicked around. Comment downvotes guaranteed.
DC 15: The story is now being added to groups in the hopes that the author and/or story defenders will find those inclusions offensive. Memes are now guaranteed, with some chance of becoming dank.
DC 16: ...well, that escalated quickly.
DC 18: Known site trolls smell blood in the water and gather in the name of both aggravating wounds and, should things threaten to settle down, tossing in some refresher chum. Arguments are still roughly connected to the story, but have largely stretched out to the realms of What This Really Means. High probability of politics being invoked, both personal and site.
DC 20: Mentions of Death Of The Author have appeared. All established sides have dug in for the long haul, to the point where we no longer have debates so much as a Maginot Line with long stretches of no man's land, where any neutral party who attempts to dash in and evacuate the wounded may be shot.
DC 21: People are no longer coming in to read the story so much as they're showing up for the comments, mostly under the delusion that they won't be shot. All sides begin to recruit reinforcements. New offsite links start to appear in the Referrals section as fresh spectators crowd in.
DC 23: Death Of The Author is now taken as a given. (If the writer is still trying to participate in the discussion, they can stop now: anything they say will be automatically ignored.)
DC 25: Nothing is truly about the story any more. There are personal attacks which may use the presence of the story as an excuse, or there are just personal attacks because there's personal attacks and this is a good place to make them. It's possible to backtrack what the original argument was about, but just barely. Guarantee of politics, with a strong chance of religion, sexuality, nationalism, and sports franchise loyalties.
DC 26: All memes are now dank.
DC 28: Suicide Of The Author. No one notices or cares.
DC 30: The war has stretched beyond the original story and begins to appear in the blog posts of the generals, who use those forums to explain why they and they alone are right, along with rallying extra troops for the final very-offensive. Supplies are flown in. Surrender demands are issued and ignored. Anyone attempting to mediate truce is shot on sight.
DC 32: All comments collect downvotes at the moment they're posted. Writers participating in the war find their stories are also gathering downvotes. Some participants actively begin to block each other in the name of creating unpeople: as the other side has been this in their minds for some time, it's really just making it official.
DC 34: There shall be no peace while Kirk lives. (And still no one has noticed that Kirk offed himself a few DCs back.)
DC 35: Should the deceased author have other stories, the argument moves to those comments sections.
DC 38: We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.
DC 40: Everything lies in ruins. Radiation provides the only light a dead world will ever know. There is no hope. There is no life. There is no future.
DC 50: Any given day on Twitter.
I think I know what that relates to. And if I recall correctly, my comment was first to bring up Death of the Author, thus sending it to DC 20 (when I woke up, it turned out it got worse).
Creating DC40 scenarios to enjoy the peace and quiet and radioactivity seems like it might be unethical of me...
Just to be clear, is the save Will or Fortitude? (At least until the artillery's in place, at which point it becomes Reflex, including the knee-jerk responses.)
Wait, what kind of dice do you even roll to react to these
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d4, you're not making this throw unless you've got incredible skill, but hey you can always use the d4 as caltrops when you inevitably make a run for it.
Christ, I can't even with that comment section and I'm the guy who initiated DC 5.
4734431 It's apparently wandered its way over here, given that your comment now has one lol.
This blog made me realize an important fact, and I am honestly unsure of how I ought to feel about it:
I literally cannot imagine FiMFiction without Alondro.
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Indeed. I wonder what's the DC for a comment section that takes over other parts of fimfic (it'd probably be accurate to call such a comment section "cancerous", since it apparently gives metastases
What does it say me that the primary thing sbout this was "dammit, why I am not as notorious as Alondro yet?"
I mean, you'd have thought the Lawful Evil Lich omnicidal megalomanic with grandure[1] would be more memorable...
Clearly I need to up my game or something...
[1]They aren't delusions...
4734470 I think we're going to have to ask our DM on that one. I'm crit failing my rolls lately. Apparently, I should've put more Charisma on my character before using Blunt and Honest Opinion.
I'm surprised to not see Godwin's Law thrown in there somewhere.
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Indeed. I guess the comments section also gets quite confused when it turns out the author and the critic share a large part of the fanbase. People aren't sure who to root for and personal animosities between commenters start to take a large role.
4734476 You ain't foolin'. I kept getting phone email alerts while doing other things, thinking I was getting work or school emails. Instead, that.
Maybe it's the smugling avatar. My dude is handsome, but he's clearly minus 5on my Charisma or something. You'd think with the changeling charm that'd get me a bonus or some mild allure/glamour/hypnosis thingy, but nope! :P
Ok, what story is this about? Because the comments here are making me might curious.
The blog itself is hilarious, though
I looked at the comments, Ray!
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That's why I turned off all the e-mail notifications. I probably check fimfic more often than my e-mail anyway.
As for the avatar, mine makes everything I say sound sexual. Not sure about the glasses (there's a story behind them, actually, though I still use the version without glasses elsewhere).
If you roll a critical fail, knighty just nukes the site from orbit. (It's the only way to be sure)
4734480 the comments invade your brain. Please roll to save.
4734486 hmmm that is an excellent point.
I shall henceforth call your avatar lewd nerdy Dash.
You know its a long lasting feud, when the date stamp of the last previous post doesnt even contain a 2.
Honestly, there must be a drama magnet everyone else has cause I have no clue what actual story this is referring to.
I understand it in general terms, though.
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I think you're looking for:
DC 100: Realize that all this sound and fury is over a fan fiction about pastel colored cartoon horses and that the time you have on this planet is a precious, finite commodity. Are the hours spent being upset by words on a screen, or endeavoring to be as hurtful as you can at the living people on the other side of that screen (as if you're playing some kind of game against a really good AI), really worth it?
Whenever I catch myself hovering over comment sections like a WW2 sonar operator watching for enemy torpedoes, my under-slept cortex aflame with how wrong
they all are and how I must destroy them with my righteous logic and vorpal wit, I push back from my keyboard, take a deep breath, and follow this prescription:
Turn off the computer, get up, go outside, and find someone to have an actual conversation with.
Or if that's more than you can handle find a basement with a good D&D
game going and bounce some dice on the table. 
Does wonders for your Con score, and perhaps might render a bonus to your Int, Wis, and Cha scores too.
groan. this reminded me of...
wait for it...
the flat Earth society.
most vicious trolls ever.
seriously: i started a thread, asked for POLITE discussion of something...
ten entire pages of insults overflowing with profanity!
remember the gang leader in "goodfellas" who literally said the F-word every other word? 299 times in total?
Flat-Earthers are WORSE.
sigh.
since they upset me so much, i will jump straight to the dumbest and craziest thing they ever said to me:
"everything on the internet is faked by The Conspiracy."
yes, that is exactly verbatim. it summarizes how dumb and crazy they are quite effectively, doesn't it?
This is clearly in reference to something but I'm so far out of the loop the loop is on another continent.
DC 28:
Is this about The Point of No Return?
So this is a logarithmic scale then?
Level 28
I'd make a small bet that the author notices & cares at least to the extent of counting it as a blessed relief (Of course, by that point the author counts as "no one", so I suppose it's technically true)
How 'out of it' am I? Apparently there are things living under rocks on the dark side of the moon that know the answer to "Who the * is Alondro?" but I Have No -ING Clue Whatsover
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I am wondering, at what point do actual card carrying Nazis come in, asking not to be associated with this shit.
This is the big true true.
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Oh God they show up on Derpibooru all the time.
Alondro :
What have you been doing lately, that people are beginning to think about you like you were Chatoyance?
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A Perfect Circle (or John Lennon if you prefer the original) comes to mind...
I think I get a DC save bonus against trolls for my uncommonly small eyeballs. I stare into your soul... Obviously.
I love that I could set my watch by the guy coming in at the bottom at page one to start whining about tone.
One Thousand Internets for your greatness!
That's just priceless!
Moments like these remind me how angry I am that I can't upvote blogs. Where did I leave my reddit button?