Fic Recs, August 4th! · 8:54pm Aug 4th, 2017
oh god Fimfic is doing that thing again where it tries to over-format my formatting WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN
Illya Leonov has done a reading of KingMoriarty's I Have No Ears and I Must Hear!
WHOOOOAAA guess what just finished, that's right, it's Green! Holy shit! When will I read it? Uhhhhh… *sounds of desperate, hysterical sobbing*
Another month, another round of short fiction! Wendy Nikel's Plain Jane Learns to Knit Wormholes is just too quirky and charming to not mention. Old Christian ladies knit a hole in time and space and try to figure out what to do with it. In That Dark, Sweet Magic by Travis Burnham, our narrator takes his wife's ashes to be scattered at sea, accompanied by the remnants of her magic. The other two stories have really long titles, but suffice to say, this is the odd edition that's worth reading in its entirety. :)
I don't know why I'm just now finding out about this, but did you know Tabitha St. Germain didn't voice Mane-iac? O.o I'd always thought it was her! Turns out, she's Ellen Kennedy, who also voiced the chimera and Ma Hooffield… and G3 Daffidaizey! AKA only one of the best pre-G4 ponies ever! :D
So I finished that big audiobook, and you'll find its (long-ass) review at the end of this blog. Next up, On the Line, which I know nothing about, and which is also considerably shorter overall. Last but not least, if you want to get in on the whole "paid review" thing, please direct your face over here.
H: 0 R: 2 C: 3 V: 1 N: 1
The Wait by xjuggernaughtx
Paid Review for xjuggernaughtx
Genre: Slice of Life
There's nothing harder than waiting for the mail.
This was written for the same didn't-make-it collab that I wrote Persephone for, so it's pretty aggressively slice of life. But it's also a pretty darned good peek into Pinkie's psyche. She's just waiting for something to come in the mail, and waiting is not something she's good at, so she goes through a few rounds of self-deprecation and just being Pinkie. I am pleased to have read this, and that's all I really ask for.
Recommended
Trixie's Errand by YourBronyGod
Reading by Scribbler
Genre: Sad
Trixie returns to Ponyville, without her usual bluster.
The emotional core of this story is strong, but it's overall just okay. I mean, it's mostly just "Trixie is sad because she's doing a sad thing", but the Sad Trixie label still applies. The narrative is also let down somewhat by head-hopping and telliness. Still, for all that I knew exactly where this was going… I didn't know exactly where it was going, and the last line, which recasts at least the scene before it, is pretty damned clever. If you can handle a little telling, this is worth it.
Recommended If You Don't Mind Telling
Vinyl's Early Morning Birthday Surprise by The Abyss
Reading by Scarlett Blade
Reading by Sky Pegasus Readings
Juuust so happened to see this second reading linked in the story description. He's obviously holding himself back, and it sounds like he's artificially making his voice lower, likely to set the mood. I suspect that's also the reason behind some of the odd inflections at the end of sentences. (Seriously, just listen to how he says "vibrating dildo".) That said, I can hear him and his pacing is pretty much perfect, and that's about all I ask. Still, it seems like he mostly, if not exclusively, reads clopfics, so we'll see.
Reading by Dr. Renegade
Mature: Sex
Genre: Sleep Sex
Octavia decides to give her marefriend a special birthday present.
When writing erotica, diction is everything; when your reader is laughing over your use of "plot hole", you've failed to get them into the appropriate mood. This story definitely ain't high art, not that I was expecting that, but if we're being moralistic — and golly, why wouldn't we be? — it's also technically rape. <.< Whether or not you care about that will decide whether or not you want to read this.
Recommended Only If You Like Clop
Trixie's Perfect Show by CategoricalGrant
Paid Review for CategoricalGrant
Genre: Comedy
Once again taking her show on the road, the Great and Powerful Trixie is going to make sure her show in Fillydelphia is perfect.
Not all the jokes in this story fire off equally well, but I laughed at quite a lot of them, and that's all I ask from a comedy. Seriously, Trixie threatening a shopkeeper with teacups is an inspired gag. :D And this ends up being surprisingly heartwarming, as Trixie gets a much-needed boost of confidence from Starlight's friendship. I think we can all relate to having a bad day, and what Trixie goes through… well, only some of it is her fault.
Recommended
Fluttershonk by MythrilMoth
Reading by Dr. Wolf
Genre: Comedy
Fluttershy's speech is rudely interrupted.
When I read the description for this story, I thought to myself, this is just gonna be two thousand words of Fluttershy being interrupted by a goose, isn't it? Well, I had hope from the outset there would be more: it's nice to see someone writing Fluttershy as taking to heart all the lessons she keeps relearning in the show, and the name of the bird she talks about is genuinely funny. But yeah, the rest is just goose honks. The main joke is "geese are assholes", with only one method chosen to convey it. Look, people, when you go for comedy, you can't just hit the joke button over and over and expect people to keep laughing. Running gags work, but they must by necessity be spread throughout a story, because you risk diminishing returns upon reuse. This ended up just being stupid, not funny in the least.
Not Recommended
The Face I'll Wear by Carapace
Reading by Chaotic
Review #4400/500th Review of 2017!
Genre: Changeling Fic
Thorax gets ready for school.
I realized, listening to this, that I've never before read a story about Thorax set after he was introduced, during season six. I hear his name and immediately think 'clown moose', but he was just a regular old changeling for a while there. I like how he's characterized in this: the author portrayed him essentially as having come out of a controlling, abusive relationship, with little things like the way he reacts to touch. There's some good changeling headcanon as well, such as the concept of age being foreign to him. But the way canon went left this story behind, probably shortly after it was written, and I can't say it'll stick with me.
Recommended for Changeling Fans
The Death of Princess Luna by GigaBowser
Reading (part 1) by lieilengi
Genre: Mystery
Princess Luna should have listened to her sister. Now she's dead, and Equestria is in mourning. But one pony feels something is slightly amiss…
Let's start with a thesis: this is a bad story. Not horrendous, not terrible, not even very bad, just bad. Possessed more of flaw than of merit. Yet I read the whole thing. I will do this, from time to time, usually because I want to see if I'm right about where a story goes, but by all rights, I should have given up after chapter three, chapter four at the very latest.
So what's bad about it? Where can I even begin. This definitely feels like a first fic — I don't know if it's actually GigaBowser's first, but it's the first published in their gallery — with sensibilities that demonstrate understanding of writing ideas like "describing things is good" without any knowledge of how to properly apply them. There is a lot of repeating and explaining, from both the narrative and the characters. Pacing is just not a thing; this always skews too slow. Rare is the scene that doesn't go on too long; this could have been cut down to a fourth of its length and lost nothing important. Given that this deals with the death of a major character, it is perhaps unsurprising that it doesn't know how to handle emotion with any kind of finesse. POV constantly jumps around. I could never tell if we were dealing with S1 or S2 Luna. The only positives I can say, writing-wise, is that it passes both the Zecora and Luna Tests, and the one big fight scene was pretty good. (Though it went on for, you guessed it, too long.)
But I want to get into the plot, in detail, because that's what kept me going for the whole huge-ass audiobook. We start with Luna and Celestia having a fight, because Luna's feeling stifled under her big sister's protection (and also really bad at being a ruler, it would seem). Celestia leaves after yelling at her, because if you're going to have Princess Luna die, you may as well up Celestia's regret quotient while you're at it. Luna goes out and does the thing Celestia specifically told her not, and she fucking dies.
Now, by this point, I have three reasons to think something is up. First, I'm going, "Why is there more story?" A lesser author, for sure, would have basically written the first two to three chapters and called it done: Luna dies, everyone's sad, isn't that sad? But to get fourteen chapters out of a dead Luna requires there to be more going on than just a dead Luna. Second, the way Luna dies is weirdly anticlimactic: she's attacked by a monster in the Everfree Forest. I mean, it was almost unbelievable! An alicorn, taken down by just a random monster? Strange. Third, there's a number of mentions of a certain OC.
That may not seem all that important, but it turns out this OC, Navy Shield, one of the highest-ranking members of the Royal Guard (as the narrative frequently reminds us; and, oh yeah, this isn't a great story, so I'm spoiling everything), is, in fact, the leader of the conspiracy that has faked Luna's death. I knew this almost immediately upon realizing that I'd heard his name more than once. Now, I am chalking this up to me being very well-read, very familiar with tropes of ponyfic, and somewhat cynical. It's possible there was some attempt on the author to foreshadow or bury hints — my suspicions weren't fully confirmed until Navy gives a speech at Luna's funeral in chapter three, and again, I couldn't really tell you why — but the point is, he stood out, and there are only so many reasons an OC is going to get any story focus like that.
In the author's defense, he did try to dilute this focus by introducing a bunch of guard OCs all at once. Notably, Sunbeam and his sister Moonbeam, respectively the personal guards of Celestia and Luna. They're described as being the closest friends of either. Moonbeam in particular could have had a very strong character arc, had any effort been made. I mean, Luna goes out alone and fucking dies; who's going to blame themselves for that more than her own personal guard, the one pony who should have been with her at all times? And she does get a somewhat touching scene with Celestia, where they both just kind of hug and cry it out, but by that point, I didn't really care about Moonbeam as a character. That she and her brother are never mentioned again after that point suggests that they were just there as emotional plot devices and maybe red herrings.
The point stands that, as I was going, "How are there ten more chapters of this?" I came up with a couple of reasons: This is going to be a long, in-depth look at how to deal with loss, and how the death of Luna shapes the lives of those who knew her best. (This is addressed, to some extent, but mostly handled in its entirety in chapters two and three.) Number two, Luna faked her death, perhaps trying to draw out the "fanatics" Celestia warned her about. That Celestia isn't in on it suggests it was either done in haste, or she was kept out of the loop for verisimilitude. Or, number three, and what actually happened, the fanatics got hold of Luna somehow and faked her death. Granted, I couldn't figure out why ahead of time (why not just actually kill her?), but as soon as I heard that speech at the funeral, I was like, yeah, it's number three, and that guy's the ringleader.
So yes, chapter one is death. Chapter two is Twilight and friends hearing the news, and their reactions are actually pretty good. I was impressed that Pinkie was extremely concerned with how Celestia was doing; like, characterization is not a problem in this story, not one bit, and this is a good example of why. Chapter three is the funeral, and here I have to pause and mention: Celestia's hair goes flat and gray. It's a striking visual image that helps convey the true depths of what Luna's loss means to Celestia — not to mention the reversal of it is a decently dramatic, emotional moment in the penultimate chapter — I just thought it was the silliest thing ever when it happened. Full Emolestia; I've never seen the like.
But after that, Twilight starts acting weird, and here is where I can get into the other Big Thing Wrong with this story: the plot is driven by coincidence. Well, coincidence and bad world-building. To wit, Twilight's friends haven't seen her in the four days since the funeral because she's been in the basement of the library, what else, watching TV. Bad World-Building Moment Number One: televisions are just shoved into Equestria, because unfortunately, the plot couldn't really get started if there was no way for Twilight to view recorded footage of the funeral. But she's been doing that obsessively, and even she isn't sure what she's seeing.
This begins a long string of drama where they try to get her to come out, then Dash tries to convince her she's crazy, and I dunno, most of what happens isn't really all that important until Twilight decides to go graverobbing. The really exasperating part is that she refuses to tell anyone what she's doing or why, even when roping Dash into the graveyard expedition. Even after coincidence number two — a spell cast on the Canterlot graveyard that creates ghost-like apparitions of ponies buried there, which of course does not include Luna — she doesn't want to get anyone's hopes up by saying she thinks Luna's alive. And it's like, yeah, she can't be sure, and this level of caution is entirely within her character, but it's possible to mitigate others' expectations, and she just doesn't seem to know how to do that. See also the scene after she gets back from the graveyard and lets her friends jump to the expected conclusions as she tells her story as slowly as possible.
Oh yeah, and that spell that made the ghosts? Never explained. I don't have the faintest idea what it was, why it happened, or who did it, save that it was yet another coincidence to move the plot along. And it's not even the most egregious one!
Anyway, in the graveyard, they break into Luna's tomb and Twilight confirms her hunch: the pony in the coffin is not Princess Luna, but an unnamed unicorn mare who was shielded by a disguise spell. Unlike Luna, she is actually dead. (That her death is never addressed in the story is, I feel, one of the greatest oversights I have ever read.) Now, Twilight has more reason than ever to suspect that Luna is alive, though, again, she can't be sure.
Now, earlier, in chapter five, she visits Zecora for the Chekoviest series of coincidences ever. She's bringing Zecora two bottles of Spike's fire: one green, for Celestia, one blue, for Luna. Why is she doing this? Because it's important to the plot later. While there, she just happens to break the blue flame bottle, and the fires consume and 'send' a portion of Zecora's notes that Twilight just happened to have slipped on. (Sidenote: I just now realized Luna never got those notes. Coincidences and oversights.) This all gives Twilight the good idea to track down where Luna's gone by having Spike send scrolls via blue flame, with Rainbow Dash as their tracker. I will admit, I was impressed by the plan, and it actually works, something you don't see often.
No surprise, they end up in the Everfree Forest. And, in perhaps the least important — but still really long — scene ever, Fluttershy trips and breaks her wing.
Look at that. Go to Everfree Forest, trip and break wing. Not get attacked by plants. Not get chased by monsters. Just, running, trip, wing. Not even her leg! You really have to fuck up to trip in the Everfree Forest and have a broken wing be all that happens to you.
Anyway, they have to triage her wing right there, and then Twilight's like, "Okay, who's taking you home?" and Fluttershy's all, "No no no do not send me home please please please I must go on it's just a little hurt see I absolutely refuse to stay behind um if that's okay with you." I mean, they make a big deal out of this, and I'm thinking, okay, so Fluttershy's going to do something important before they find Luna.
She never does.
Literally all that happens is they find the house where Navy Shield and his gang are keeping Luna, Rarity does her Face thing — in another piece of excellent characterization; god, it was such a good idea to have her be the distraction, and I'm so glad the author wrote it well — Twilight looks through the wall and teleports herself, AJ and Rainbow Dash inside… and Fluttershy gets caught up in the teleport with them. Then she goes down to the dungeon to help Twilight, except she does nothing but cry a lot. Why was such a big deal made about her wing? Why all the buildup to "Fluttershy is going to have an important role" when that does not happen? Flabbergasting.
Lest I forget, Bad World-Building Moment Number Two happens around here. In the scene that officially reveals Navy Shield as the ringleader of the conspiracy, he gets upset that one of his subordinates (the one who isn't a Royal Guard) isn't showing him enough deference. So he pulls a gun on the guy. Believe it or not, this is actually far worse than the TV thing, because though the gun becomes important toward the end of the story, it could have been replaced with literally any other weapon, from a thrown dagger to unicorn magic. As it stands, it does nothing but stick out like a sore thumb because there are no guns in Equestria.
But the fight scene happens, and again, it's pretty cool. Twilight shows good planning skills by having Spike write out a scroll he can send for help from Celestia if things go bad. They get Luna free just as Celestia shows up after Spike sent the scroll, and it was kind of satisfying seeing her filled with the rage of the sun and all that. Then there's a touching emotional reunion that goes on too long. Then Navy Shield gets up and actually shoots Luna — see, the gun was important! — which was hilarious.
Sadly, she doesn't actually die, but it does lead to Bad World-Building Moment Number Three. Luna wakes up in a hospital, but of course at first all she sees is a blinding light. She thinks, "I'm dead and this is Heaven," and I was just like, really? Not nearly as bad as the other examples, but still, a missed opportunity to name the pony afterlife something interesting. Heck, I wouldn't even have mentioned it if not for the line it sets up. Luna looks over, sees Celestia sleeping beside her bed, and thinks, "This couldn't be Heaven if Celestia were here."
AND I JUST COULDN'T
I don't know if this story had any editors. It needed better ones, if it did, and things like this are exactly why.
Maybe I should've done this as a vs. post, because this is the point where I read back through my notes to see if I've forgotten anything...
I forget what it was, but the poet pony who also gives a speech at the funeral has about the worst name I've ever seen. There is a long scene with Rainbow Dash at the spa, where Dove soap is name-dropped probably a dozen times, and I cannot figure out why. One of the coincidences is Rainbow Dash just happening to mention a 'nut' in Canterlot who ran up to Celestia shouting, "She's alive! She's alive!" And no one could figure out what he meant. Oh yeah, and I almost forgot what might actually be the worst coincidence of the whole story: Twilight's research into Luna's death is given a major boost by Dr. Who — no, not Whooves, Who — just happening to show up sometime outside of the scene in which he is mentioned. It's the most transparently bullshit plot hole cover I have ever had the misfortune to experience. Oh yeah, and I totally forgot to mention why the fuck those ponies kidnapped Luna and didn't just kill her: They thought she was still Nightmare Moon and had an ancient tome that told them if they killed her on the night of the full moon, the Nightmare would no longer be able to find another host. I mean, it's not the dumbest idea ever, but they were very zealous about it. Though I also have to add, there was never any motivation given for them beyond "refuse to accept that maybe Princess Celestia actually knows what the fuck she's doing", and this despite Navy Shield hinting very strongly that he might have lost someone important to him in conjunction with Nightmare Moon's return. Oversights.
The Death of Princess Luna is a story that is not good, but nor is it bad in any particularly original way. (Though I got a five-page fucking review out of it, so it was kind of worth reading!) It is also five years old, like almost exactly, and I can only imagine that it's a poor introduction to GigaBowser's work, and that they have had time to grow and improve as a writer. Because, y'know, mystery that was interesting when the story actually deigned to focus on it. It just takes a lot less than this kind of execution to kill a good story idea, though.
Vaguely Recommended
Season 6.
Green is pretty good, but not worth rushing to read. So you can relax about it. Probably put up my thoughts about it tomorrow.
'Recommended'
*100 emoji* Alright!
4624031
They're all the same by this point. c.c
You should review Austraeoh.
And don't say it's too long; you read Project Horizons for fucks sake.
Haha, I knew your review for Death started looking familiar. I read it a while back on fanfiction.net when i was clearing out my bookmark bar. It really is a trainwreck you can't look away from. Once Twilight was obsessing over the tv like she was trying to find out who was on the grassy knoll, it was like a car crash where you couldn't look away. I don't remember the middle of the story too much, but holy shit, when they scream something like "omg he's got a gun!" I could not stop laughing for days. Who writes that in earnest? It seemed like the author watched the whole, show, but in the background, and then wrote some of the scenes while in the background while primarily watching TV. All said, it was an enjoyable experience.
4624202
I should.
But I'd also like to get paid for it...
Spoilers: I will offer a discount for Austraeoh...
4624033
And while I bristle just a little at the 'not worth' comment (However self-conscious I am of my flaws as a writer and human in general I am at least a little proud of anything I put out there, although I think you mean that it's not something he needs to read yesterday or the world will end, to which I wholeheartedly agree), the last thing I want anyone to do is try to force themselves to read anything I wrote, it defeats the purpose. I've had a few people tell me they went through it over the span of a few days and missed some sleep, but that was out of actual enjoyment.
I already told him not to stress over it.
Thank you for reading it, btw.
4624320
How about I write a copraphilic twilestia story if you don't?
4624202
DO WHAT TRAMPOLINE SAYS!
There's a reference to the Sparkill mountains in there. I'm very honoured for that.
4624352
Right! I didn't mean it wasn't good. I just meant it was not 'you gotta read it right now!' good. It should be put on the 'read it sometime in the next few weeks' good.
4624416
A story I have two reasons not to read? Sure! :V