Fic recs, May 6th: Argembarger edition! · 12:48pm May 6th, 2017
Hey it's tomorrow. :B
If you know Argembarger, it's likely for one story: The Spiderses. I mean, it's got a Rainbow Dash Presents made out of it! That means it's important!
Yes, Argembarger is widely credited with introducing the storied artform known as trollfics to MLP fanfiction.[citation needed] He has written stories great and small, often with an aim of criticizing things he didn't appreciate, in the fandom, the show, and around this site. He never failed to find a way to pull the rug out from under the reader; he was a master of outlandish typos.
I speak of him in the past tense, but Argembarger is still around! He showed up at a Trotcon not long ago, blitzed out of his mind, where we summarily unleashed him on an unsuspecting populace. (There were no survivors.) He pokes his head into this site every once in a while, giving the occasional update about his for-real job, like, geez, who has one of those, weirdo. :B Last time he was here, I'm pretty sure he threatened us with Spiderses 2; I hope you are all still trembling.
The point is, Argembarger is a really, really, really weird person, and his fics, old though they are, reflect this. So here's to you, oh argest of bargens. Let us take a trip down memory lane with thee. First, a list of my other argyle reviews:
Meta
dinosaur
Shippin' Pones and Speedfic Delights
The Spiderses
dumb pinkie what have a statue romance
I fear I have already covered his best works. :B Ah well, let's begin!
H: 0 R: 2 C: 6 V: 0 N: 0
The Day of No More Eyes
Genre: Random Comedy
One day, everypony in Equestria wakes up to find they no longer have eyes.
The meta-joke might take some explaining, here. In fact, I'm not sure I remember what it was. It definitely has to do with there being over 50 chapters, none of which are more than 500 words long, and many of which are under 100 words. It might have had something to do with when the thousand-word minimum for stories to publish was established. As for the story itself, it's marvelously goofy, with Agembarger's patented blend of snide fourth-wall asides and a whole host of ponies who aren't too put out by the sudden widespread loss of their sight. Plus, y'know, lots of chapters titled "Pinkie Pie"; I mean, just look down the list of chapter titles, you'll know what you're in for. There's never an opportunity missed to poke fun at something, and usually, it's the story itself. This is quite the trip!
Recommended
Firstval of Fernship
Genre: Trollfic
I mean, if you want to know why I love Arg's stories, this is the place to find out. The typos! The misspellings! The completely illogical turns of phrase! Half the time, you can't even tell what's going on. This is what I was channelling when I wrote Hot Shot and Hugh Jelly. :B And of course, it's excellent trollfic because it's been marked on hiatus for years. :V
Troll Recommended
Twilight’s (b)List(er)
Genre: Random Comedy
She's been kind of ignoring it.
Believe it or not, Argembarger was never much into shipping. Crazy, I know! But yeah, when someone writes something big like Twilight's List, Arg makes fun of it, and… Geez, wow, it's hilarious, but be warned the ending is super-duper gross.
Recommended If You Are Not Faint of Heart
Sometimes Is Sometimes
Genre: Parody
So yes, this is a parody of Forever Is Forever, if you couldn't tell, and it's the sort that more or less copies the text of the story, then starts changing it to make fun of it. There's goofing around (a large portion of the early jokes are just based on how old Applejack is), there's some lampooning going on, and you definitely get the sense that Argembarger was not a fan of FIF. Or at least found it ripe for mockery. (He obviously definitely did not approve of the random shipping!) Admittedly, this feels mean-spirited in places, but it's hilarious in just as many others.
Recommended for Laughs
Scootaloo’s Big Meal
Mature: Sex
Genre: Not What It Seems
Scootaloo and Big Mac do things.
Like the previous story, this is also a parody of something, but unlike the previous story, I have thankfully forgotten the original (all I remember is the description was rather notorious; see the description of this story for an example of why!) Suffice to say, this didn't need to be marked mature, because everything happening here is totally and completely nonsexual. :V Go ahead, just try reading it and you'll see.
Recommended If You Enjoy Copious Innuendo
Pepsi® Twist
Genre: Absurdist Comedy
Twist is thirsty.
Man, is anyone even gonna get that title joke? Is that even a thing anymore? Anyway, this is a very strange story, the kind that blows mundane events up into epic, life-changing struggles. It's kind of amazing that way. It's a madcap comedy of soft drink advertising and brand loyalty, and if the trollier fics are not to your liking, do give this one a try, because it's just so out there.
Recommended
custom story staring ‘you’
Mature: Sex
Genre: 2P Clop(?)fic
Long story short, if the idea of trollclop sounds hilarious to you, do yourself a favor and read this. And remember, like the description says, someone paid money for this. (There's lots of poop.) God, it's so funny!
Recommended If You Like Clop(???)
King Gradients and the Crazy Crystal Crew
Genre: What
Who knows what this story is about. I sure don't. Do you? That's what I thought, smart guy.
I think Argembarger was upset about King Sombra once. Then this happened. You have wonder how many of his fics were written out of spite. I don't even think this qualifies as fanfiction, but hell, what do I know?
Recommended Especially If You Are High Right Now
...this doesn’t look like bagels until
brb
Okay I’m back am I’m not sure what I read.
4522209
Why do you want bagels so much?
Have you been high all this time?
4522227 I don’t even know when I’m high or not anymore, man.
This is why we need historians like you, PP! Works of clever deconstruction would lose a lot of their impact without knowledge of what stories were aroudn at the time!
4522271
Yes, back in the long-ago of 2011. :B
Oh god I remember those fics...I don't want to remember those fics! I am so fucking triggered right now! I am going to get a bagel and calm down.
4522520 Yes, enjoy yourself a soothing bagel in response to the argembarger onslaught.
4522589
I had a bagel with salsa and I feel like the end of those Snicker commercial where the whiny bitch is a normal person again.
4522595 yeah, I should probably eat something too before my stomach tries to cannibalize me
<3
Well, I must say that I
was not disappointedwas greatly disappointeddon't know what I am after reading a few of those. I might be a hamburger. I might wear hats on my feet and eat people and live in Rand McNally.4523067
Only through the mighty power of ARGEMBARGER® can you truly live as you were meant to be!
4522618 4522595
What do?
You're making me hungry and the bagel place is closed.
4526597 toast bread and poke a hole in it
4526597
4526616
With your penis.
4526616
I have no bread in my inventory. Can I just put the hole in the oven and eat it when it's done?
4526623 I mean
I guess there’s nothing stopping you
It wouldn’t be very filling though
It’s just a hole
4526626 4526621
Update: Poked penis into oven to follow hole-making suggestion. Turned on oven. Dangly bits now feeling uncomfortably toasty.
Ate hole. Hunger meter unaffected
4526652
I think you're eating the wrong hole.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/7/4/1192943__safe_screencap_applejack_if+you+know+what+i+mean_lidded+eyes_meme_ponified+meme_reaction+image_solo_text.png
4526652 …
derpicdn.net/img/view/2017/5/9/1432788__safe_screencap_cherry+crash_thunderbass_equestria+girls_rainbow+rocks_background+human_belt_boots_cherry_clothes_cropped_ear+piercing_earring_.png
kind of what I expected, honestly
4526657
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw11483_small.png
4526662
If you're so smart why don't you have a bagel? :V
4526672 I ate mine already. :3
4526676
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1663-1317230003.jpg
You mean you had a bagel, and you didn't save it on the off chance that I would show up and completely fail at life skills?
Well! That's the last time I rely on you for basic survival.
Also, just to relate this thread back to the post topic:
Something like three different reviews mentioned food. I blame you for all this, PP.
4526689
what the fuck
> Twilight’s (b)List(er)
I remember reading this and I think I remember helping. Did I help? I dunno. Probably ?
Wow i was angry back then :V dont read the comments
4712863
Probably. :B