Dec
3rd
2016
A pubic service announcement · 12:56am Dec 3rd, 2016
I need to write something lewd...
But what?
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kudzuhaiku · 916 views
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- Member Since 26th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen January 5th
kudzuhaiku
She's looking at you. Yes you. And she is judging you with her eyes. There is no escape.
kudzuhaiku
Joined 26th Feb, 2014 ·
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... I got nothing.
Rainbow Dash always teases in style.
pre00.deviantart.net/65a8/th/pre/f/2012/039/6/e/mlp__pie_by_scobionicle99-d4p3hee.jpg
Pinkie has all the game, yes?
Is it 'nasty, rough, public sex' lewd or is it 'caving into steamy lust and fuck everywhere at anyplace regardless of' lewd?
Observe my avatar for inspiration! ;D
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It might be rub your teats with grape jelly lewd...
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When cooking your Applejack, insert apples into both ends for best results.
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I was about to write a mundane scenario with the punchline of "too lewd?"
Then I remembered this is the internet.
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Ever notice that the letter E is just the letter C standing up straight with a very proud erection?
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Case in point
So are we talking Celestia watching you pee lewd?
or
Bucky siring another foal lewd?
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Bucky watching you pee lewd.
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*sigh*
You have my attention.
*unzip*
Why do you want to write something Lewd?
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I was about to say the world needs more LunaDash, but now I'm a little afraid to see if it would either be hilarious... or utterly horrifying.
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Hey, hey, Luna, I bought a cookbook, and there's this great recipe!
What is it, Dash?
It's called 'Cunny Coleslaw' and to make it, you stuff a whole cabbage into--
NO DASHIE, NO! DON'T SAY IT!
But it has a pleasant, salty twang!
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Why not horrifyingly hilarious?
Like a scene where Dashie needs to wee and she goes to the toilet and decided to do it standing up becoase the floor is cold on her hooves. Luna catches her and decides to wee at the same time and she comments about how "crossing the streams" can be bad.
Proceeds to cross the streams.
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derpicdn.net/img/2014/8/9/695757/medium.jpg
What about writing about the C/L/G wedding night? We might even get to see if Luna makes good on her 'threat' to Gosling....
The threat/comment about regrowing her... well... you know.
So I have this idea that with dragons, it's the males that go all hormonal during season.
Story: Spike starts molting. Twilight isn't worried at first. She's nursed him through a few by this point. Only this one goes kinda bad. Spike is in pain and mostly comotose. Not sure what to do, Twilight writes Ember. Ember shows up, and in about 5 seconds figures Spike is about to go into rut. Soon as he sheds, he's going to be a little dangerous for a few days. Owing him one for handing her the scepter, she says she take him to that mountain cave, and keep him busy till he gets it out of his system.
Rarity isn't too happy about this idea, and tells Ember she can handle Spike, but Ember explains the no she can't. Dragons are as hot as their fire "down there". He'd literally cook her from the inside out.
This leads Rarity on a race to figure out a way to fire-proof herself before Spike wakes up. This could really be as simple as a potion, but my original idea was a quick hero's journey into Tartarus to find the first dragon who, after a bit of negotiation, mcguffins her into a half-blood dragon.
End story with lava love.
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Something Lewd you say? How about a timeskip a few years in the future of the Students of Twilight's School being given Sex Ed class? It could be both lewd AND Hilarious.
Sumac finds The Book of Innuendo for Casual Conversations left on a reading table in the castle library and recklessly employs its wisdom on an unprepared Ponyville.
how bout a cake twins x flurry heart? or a spike x CMC? applejack and big mac teach Applebloom teach Applebloom about sex by showing her how its done? twi cadence and shining three way? sparity. Applebloom x tender taps. rarity x sweetie x spike. sunset x human main 5 including sci-twi. fluttershy x discord(pony form)
You Can Lead a Nerd To Water
Description: All of Twilight Sparkle's friends agree that she really needs to get laid. There's only one problem: Twilight Sparkle.
"Look, Twi." Rainbow Dash held a hoof up in front of Twilight's eyes. "It's undeniable. You've been out-nerding yourself for the last few weeks. You reorganized all of the bookshelves in our houses! Twice! Starlight's off in the Crystal Empire getting some, and Spike's with Cadence until she gets back, so we've got a week to get you some action so you don't drive us all crazy!."
"It's not that bad," protested Twilight. "Besides, Applejack only had one book in her library." Her eyes tracked the nearby shelf and she gave a minor twitch. "There's a book out of place over there, so if you would untie me for just a minute."
"Ain't doin' it," said Applejack with a huff. "That there's my best rope, and you're staying in it until you agree to peg some poor stallion and calm down. Heck, do a mare for all I care. And leave my copy of Apples, Apples, Apples alone," she added with a huff.
“I can provide you with a list of potential romantic pairings if you’re shy, darling.” Rarity produced a sheaf of paper and placed it on the desk with a thud. “You can think of it as a checklist of sorts, complete with their favorite quirks and—” she coughed into one hoof “—preferences.”
"It's only natural," said Fluttershy. "You'll feel a lot better afterwards, and you'll quit trying to alphabetize all of my creature friends while they're sleeping. You just need to.... get some."
“And it will be fun!” said Pinkie Pie, bouncing around her tied-up friend. “You can even keep the rope if you want and take turns.”
Twilight Sparkle ceased her struggles with the rope and hung her head. "Okay, you're my friends, and I should listen to your advice. Just one thing." She lowered her voice. "What is 'getting some'?"
Tarnish is at a Daring Do con. A. K. yearling got him in as an invited guest. He decided to bring his newly-discovered manti-pony daughter. Maud also came along.
They are going through one of the vendor halls, and Maud notices some 18+ fan fiction being sold. She picks it up, reads it, and says "it's all wrong, Special Agent Cocoa wouldn't do that, etc.". She then goes on to describe, in _complete_ detail, and in her monotone, exactly how a romantic liaison between Special Agents Crash & Cocoa would go down.
Derpy crash lands into Luna's bedroom during heat season.
And she has a package with special somethings in it for Twilight.
And things get...
heated
4326787 AJ and RD decide to settle their tie finish from latest winter wrap up race by jelly wrestling at spring fair. Luna is referee.
What about the Royal Sisters (and Consort) playing chess with the mane 6 ala History of the World: Part 1?
I for one want to see Celestia and Gosling consummating their marriage... and then the same down the line for him and Luna? Or... all three at the same time.
Perhaps some *Cough cough* CHASE CONSUMMATION *Cough cough*
No, but seriously, you can write smut with your characters just for fun, without including many spoilers for chapters already published. At worst, you might give away a minor plot detail for an up-and-coming arc. Also, smutty goodness.
I'd just want some Tarnish/Maud smut
Lots of
Oubliettes and
Ogres in the
Dungeons
(LOOD)
The darker rooms add atmosphere, and Twilight can "get some"...
sweet loot by defeating the boss: Catrina-gar!
The ultimate abomination in dark magic, this bastard hybrid of Catrina and Grogar is the only thing left between you and treasure!
If Sumac plays, Twilight gets +5 to all attack and saving rolls.
If Tarnished plays, Twilight gains immunity to poison, disease, and slow/paralyze effects.
If Gosling plays, all Charm/Persuade checks are automatic successes, with a 50% chance to distract enemies in combat, turning hits into grazes. "My pretty face!"
If Bucky plays, all enemies are afflicted with "Wet Your Pants" due to the Lord of Winter's presence.
All enemies have a 50/50 chance to either flee in terror or swear fealty to his Auntie Celestia.
That last one's a game breaker.
But there's your LOOD, nonetheless.
A depraved idea directly from the darkest /d/epts
derpicdn.net/img/2016/9/23/1256519/small.png
Low impact consensual Hand Holding.
Maud and tarnish are humans for one day (for one reason or the other) and discovers the lewd degeneracy called "hand holding". They even do it in Public!
Edit: alternatively, tarnish turns into a human for a little while and holds Mauds hoof in his hand. Maud precedes to melt from having her hoof lightly caressed by tarnish's reaching, dexterous fingers.
I'm kind of afraid to see what you come up with but I'm also intrigued about the same thing!
Meh, if you just leave Tarnish and Maud in the same room alone for a couple of hours, you'd have your lewd story.
Has anyone done anything with the Shadowbolts? Like, Luna abusing the ability to turn into three ponies, only one of them a mare, for sexytimes.
Heck she doesn't even need to play just with herself; she could invite... The Flower Trio, or Octavia and Vinyl, or the spa twins.
How about between centaurs?
EDIT: What I meant is, a clopfic set in a milleu in which all of the ponies are centaurs instead, not a Tirek/Scorpan fic. Just to be clear.
Evidence suggests I have a thing for interspecies romance, so how about one of these:
- Large dragon Spike x little pony Rarity
- Zephyr Breeze x Gilda (sub/dom)
- Chrysalis captures a pony (either mare or stallion) in order to learn more about equine sex
What do the Lunar Pegasi get up to when they have time off? How do they unwind?