Long Road to Friendship Abridged · 5:10pm Apr 1st, 2016
It’s like a normal abridged series, only not as funny.
Once upon a time, in a world full of magical talking humans, there was a girl named Sunset Shimmer who was kinda a major bitch. Then she got punched by a rainbow.
Unfortunately, that didn’t cure her. So the rainbow gave her a curse.
Sunset crawled out of the crater, looking up at the pretty purple princess named Twilight Sparkle who had punched her with a rainbow. She began plotting how she was going to murder the princess.
Like I said, the rainbow didn’t cure her.
Off to the side, five girls waved at Sunset. The happy one named Pinkie asked, “Hey, Sunset, do you wanna be friends?”
“F*ck off,” Sunset replied.
“Okay!”
Sunset snuck away to avoid corporal punishment, and so she could write down her revenge scheme before she forgot. As she was walking through the park, she heard a scream tear through the night. Looking across the street, she saw a familiar girl being chased by two ugly men.
“Someone, please help me!” she yelled.
“It is implied that we’re going to rape you,” the two men said.
Losing all control of her body, Sunset chased after them into an alleyway. With her special martial arts called kung-fu ex machina, Sunset beat up the two thugs.
“Where did you learn to do that?” the human version of the purple pony princess Twilight Sparkle asked.
“Internet.” Sunset started walking away, but human Twilight was persistent and clingy.
“Wait, tell me your name.”
“Sunset Shimmer.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No.”
“...Girlfriend?”
“Why do you care?”
“No reason.” Twilight’s face turned red. Get used to it because it does that a lot. “You saved my life. Can we be friends?”
“F*ck off.” Sunset walked home.
Twilight stared after her, feeling very hot. “I’m so in lesbians with her.”
Sunset returned to her home which was a factory that was unclaimed by hobos. Unless you count Sunset as a hobo in which case, it was claimed by her. Just as she was lying down to sleep, she realized the author had left the curse quite vague.
“Dammit, Albinocorn.”
The next day she went to the mall to get a new jacket, since her old one got torn up by the pretty rainbow. Unfortunately, the lunch money she had saved up from bullying freshmen couldn’t pay for both the jacket and groceries.
Sunset weighed the options in her hand. “Food or leather jacket… choices.”
She decided to be ‘responsible’ and chose food. She regretted this decision as she walked out the store and ran into Twilight Sparkle.
“Hi!”
“F*ck off!”
The next next day, Sunset had to help fix the crater she made when she was a raging she-demon. Manual labor made her hungry, so she went to sugarcube corner to get a slice of humble pie. See what I did there? Inside, she found the Canterlot High Five.
There was the shy one, Fluttershy, the country one, Applejack, the happy one, Pinkie Pie, the diva, Rarity, and the egomaniac, Rainbow Dash, stroking her ego like usual.
“Hey, Sunset, why doncha you come and sit with us?” Applejack asked.
“Because I’d rather drive a spike through my skull. Because I’d rather play hopscotch through rush hour traffic in the middle of the freeway. In fact, I’d rather stand on a buoy while covered in raw meat with hungry sharks swimming around me. If I had choice between getting punched with the rainbow again and being your friends, I’d pick the rainbow, Every. Single. Time. In short, I’m saying, f*ck off.”
“Pleeeaaase?” Pinkie asked, her eyes becoming larger than an anime character’s.
Dammit, they used the trigger word. Sunset sat down and glared at them, hoping to gain the ability to blow stuff up with her hate. No such luck.
“So we know you totally hate us after we kicked your butt, but Princess Twilight wanted us to be your friends, so do you want to be friends?” Pinkie asked.
“No.”
“How about now?”
“No.”
“Now?”
“Pinkie, didn’t you hear my spiel ten seconds ago?”
Pinkie shook her head. “If it doesn’t have the words ‘parties, laughter, candy, or polka’ then my mind forgets any sentence said in the last five minutes.”
Sunset turned to the rest of the group. “Okay, so which one of you isn’t a total moron?”
Applejack slowly raised her hand.
“Or a country hick.”
Applejack slowly lowered her hand.
Rainbow stopped stroking her ego for a minute. “If you’re just gonna keep insulting us, then you can leave.”
“Gladly.” Sunset got up to leave, but Pinkie tackled her to the floor.
“Please, be our friend?”
Son of a ****, flying **** monkeys with a side of **** and **** her and her family ******* sideways! “Okay.”
Rarity blinked. “That was suspiciously easy.”
The next next next day, Sunset found herself at the street fair with her new friends.
“You’re not my friends,” Sunset said, “in fact, I hate all of you.”
“Then why are you here?” Rainbow asked.
“The plot needs to move forward eventually.”
So the girls went totes shopping! Rarity put on a necklace and was dumb enough to ask Sunset’s opinion.
“I think you look like cheap hooker… oh you meant with the necklace on?”
They moved onto games where Sunset won a prize. It was a pink unicorn doll.
“I am hilarious and you will quote everything I say,” it said in a squeaky voice.
Sunset looked sideways. “Did anyone else hear that?” But everyone was too busy watching the magic show put on by Artemis Lulamoon… of which Sunset suddenly found herself a part of.
“How did I get in this box?” Sunset asked while Artemis held a saw over her.
“Magic!” Artemis said.
“Is this real or fake?”
“Not even the author knows!”
“Dammit, Alibnocorn…”
After being dismembered and reassembled, Sunset went with the girls to the petting zoo. Fluttershy showed another personality trait other than being shy, while Rainbow stroked her own ego in the corner.
“Rainbow, quit stroking your ego in public!” Applejack said.
“Don’t tell me how to live my life!”
Meanwhile, Pinkie fed sugarcubes to a horse and said, “Hey, Sunset, since you’re a pony, I bet you’d love to f—”
“You finish that joke and I’ll snap your neck.”
And then a goat ate part of her jacket.
“F****** **** nipples! This ******* goat **** ate my jacket! I mean yeah, it’s already messed up and probably beyond salvageable, but still! **** this noise, I’m going home! Oh, and f*ck you, Fluttershy.”
Rarity stared at Sunset as she left. “That girl needs to get laid.”
On the way home, Sunset stopped at the park to throw the plushie into the stream.
“I’ll be baaaaaaack!” It screamed.
“There, one less Twilight to think about.”
And then Twilight Sparkle materialized behind her. “Hi, Senpai—Sunset!”
Sunset flicked off the universe.
“Can’t we just talk for a little bit?”
“Okay, sure. I’m a pony from another dimension that’s full of magic and other sentient animals that can control the weather and the celestial bodies. Oh and there’s another you and she’s a princess.”
Twilight screamed. “No! That can’t be! That’s impossible!”
“Search your feelings, you know it’s true.” Sunset shrugged. “Or, I could be crazy. Either way, f*ck off!”
The next next… school day, Twilight transferred to Canterlot High. It wasn’t so she could be close to Sunset or anything. That would just be crazy.
She found Sunset at her locker. “Hi, Sunset!”
“Holy **** and **** on a ******* swiss cheese **** nuggets! Why does this ****** **** happen to me? What ****** sadistic **** thought it would be ******* funny to **** my ******* life this ******* hard in the ***! And what part of f*ck off do you not get?”
“I want to know more about the magic world.” And you. Mostly you.
Sunset thought about it. Then she shoved Twilight in a locker. “Cafeteria at lunch.”
“Yaaaaay!”
So at lunch, Twilight sat down with the rest of Equestria Girls. See what I did there? They then proceeded to shatter Twilight’s world view.
“You have shattered my world view,” Twilight said. “I must now process this information.” She got up and ate lunch by herself, like the socially awkward nerd she is.
Flash poked his head over. “Can I be in the story yet?”
“No!”
The following day, while Sunset was doing manual labor, she found Twilight crying in the bathroom.
“Nerd, why are you crying? I haven’t bullied you yet.”
“The girls don’t want to be my friend!” Twilight sobbed.
“Yeah, I’m calling BS on that. You’re imagining it. Now stop blubbering and go home.”
Twilight stopped crying. “Will you walk home with me?”
“Only because I get out of detention.”
Twilight rubbed her hands together. Yes, my plan worked perfectly.
So, the two girls walked home together, and Sunset’s meanness meter went down a little bit. They got to Twilight’s house, and she gave Sunset the plushie.
“Where did you get this?” Sunset asked.
“I didn’t dive into the stream if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Whatever, I’m going home.” Sunset walked away, taking the plushie with her.
“Bye, Sunset!”
“F*ck off.”
Twilight smiled to herself. “Senpai noticed me!”
The doll smiled to itself. “Everything according to plan.”
Moondancer stared at her computer screen. “Why does this have 2000 likes?”
more shorter ==> " F*ck x 1000 "
Everyone loves abridged series! Have you seen DBZ and Hellsing abridged?
So, it's a story about a purple alicorn plushie? Cool.
Yup, sums it up nicely.
Agreed.
Nice work.
Oh my god.
haaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wanna see more moondancers >.<
"Fuck off." - Shimmer, Sunset, 2016.
Sincerely, I laughed too much at every time Sunset said 'fuck off'.
And then a copyright claim takes down your Fimfiction account. Somehow.
Oh god, what have I done? I knew getting you to watch all those shows would bite me in the ass some day.
Perfect summation. :D
I laughed.
You kiss your mother with that mouth?!
Hell if I know.
(This is funnier than most abridged series. It's not TeamFourStar levels, but it's good.)
I started laughing right there and I didn't stop until the end.
Sure seems as funny as a regular Abridged series.
So now we just need more Sci-Twi yandere moments to lower through Sunset's meaness meter. Yeah, I wonder about the Internet too sometimes, Moondancer. Well, at least this didn't turn into a Sunset harem fic. Not yet at least.
"Flipped off."
Sunset flipped off the universe. That means she gave it the middle finger, as in "flipped the bird."
"Flipped off" is a rude gesture.
"Flicked off" is masturbation.
3841531 Then the story gets re uploaded to every other fanfic site ensuring that the copyright claim meant jack all
I laughed far too much to be healthy
...
Now I want to read Long Road to Friendship again
Dang I wish you could upvote blog posts...
3841365 Yes, they're two of my favorites. In fact, you can blame
3841533 for introducing them to me. You only have yourself to blame, Zomg!
That's AH-MAZING!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!
*shrieks*
Man, Sunset really wanted everyone to fuck off.
Best part, of all time...
Succinct! I love it
I wish this was a chapter or it's own piece so I could thumbs-up it and put it on a bookshelf
That was fucking great.
fuck off Rainbow!
So this idea was in my mind like a lot of time ago and i'm really glad that you did it. It was fun to read but is that a one-shot or you're going to do it for other fanfics?
And Sunset has so the voice of Vegeta( in the abriged serie) in my head, especially with that "F*ck off!"
3847147 I might do the rest of the story. After that, we'll see. Only if I can really make them funny (at least to me).
This is awesome. wish you could finish the whole abridged version and upload it as a story. I would so favourite it.
We need more of this
Hahahahahah (dying from laughter)