My Very Sexual Trip To The Dentist · 9:15pm Nov 11th, 2015
So, when you think of going to the dentist, there are probably a few things that come to mind. Sanitized surfaces, large chairs, instruments of torture. You know, the usual.
But sex is usually not one of those things.
I was at the dentist yesterday, and it was a very innuendo filled venture. It started with me getting some x-rays. Normal, right? Wrong! The lady takes me up to this machine where i stand and put face into this thing. All was fine until she said "Stick your face right up in there and bite really softly. It's okay if you drool on it, because i'll clean it up after." And if that wasn't bad enough, she winked afterwards. Totally awkward.
Next, i'm laying on this big chair, watching some HGTV on the flatscreen TV attached to it, I'm pretty chill, and then the hygenist walks in and starts putting her fingers in my mouth. That's also normal, until she started talking about how we were the same age and how she was single. Then she just started rubbing my gums and said stuff like "You've got some nice ones, yeah, these are really nice." I swear, if I didn't know any better, I'd say she had some gum massaging fetish. Weird.
Lastly, I'm just chilling, reading some fanfiction, waiting for the dentist to come when she blindsides me and starts massaging my neck and cheeks. It got really intense. Then, she sticks her fingers in my mouth, starts touching my tongue and says "Ima just put my stuff in your mouth, if you don't mind." If i wasn't currently being gagged by her hands, i would've made it quite clear just how much i minded, but that was not an option. Before I know it, i'm being forced to take on a 5 inch rod and a couple more random things she saw fit to stuff in my mouth. That was unpleasant. Then, she started asking me if i had a girlfriend and whatnot, so i just made some stuff up about having a beautiful girlfriend with a Kentucky accent, so that way I'd be safe from further questioning.
You know what I wanna know? Why do they bother asking me questions while shoving sharp instruments down my throat? And guess what.. After all that torture, I just found out that I'd only have to get my wisdom teeth and a front tooth i broke removed and replaced. Not a big deal. Not worth the 10 foot dick i had to take for that past three hours.
Anyway, discuss. What are some experiences you've all had with dentists? Famous out!
You totally missed an opportunity to have some really good sex in the storage room dude.
Also, I had terrible dentist experiences as a kid, the guy was really rough with everyone even me according to reviews, so I eventually left the dentist for another one.
camo.derpicdn.net/e328086e0de25a1ab77a27187256dcb23fe80742?url=http%3A%2F%2Fs14.postimg.org%2F56zn4m7e9%2F250404_UNOPT_safe_animated_big_macintosh_sourc.gif
3536328 i.imgur.com/N2OgEoQ.png?1
I just love it when the dentist has you keep your mouth open and is jamming it full of sharp metal tools and shit, and you're basically choking on your own saliva, and then she engages you in some Socrates-tier philosophical debate.
Like...how exactly do you want me to respond? Blink once for yes, twice for no?
Wow
That's just crazy!
He wouldn't let me go, even though I tried to push him away!
Most traumatic hug in my life!
I never had any experiences like that at the dentist, but I know the feeling. Today a guy that was 70+ (the husband of one of the patients at my internship) didn't exactly know what personal space or sexual harrasment is
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3536346 Weird. Crazy. Shit.
Clearly, they were just really bored.
3536369 I bet they get a sick kick out of harassing patients.
firstly, just to get this off my chest, this thing made me laugh. laugh pretty hard too. thanks for that. secondly, that seriously sucks man. you could have gotten a few numbers there. why didn't you?
3536375 Perhaps they do. Perhaps they do.
3536325 i can tell if i should dislike or like your comment.
Thus would make some Spike story.
3536379 Because, the last thing i need is someone reminding me to floss every time we're in the sack.
3536388 Lol, Spike x Minuette
3536390 but you would have winter fresh breath if you did man. you'd never be the one with dragonbreath dude.
3536351 That's one way to describe it
hmmmm oh well might as well post this
Would it have been better if they were all dudes?
3536469 If they were dudes, i feel like it'd be more like this:
3536481
3536391 art ideas.... after the spike and vinyl pic.
3536497 https://vine.co/v/ebI9nqOETYm
My dentist is in her 40's or 50's based on appearance (please don't hate me, I didn't ask... but assuming is bad too
) so it would be very very very VERY bad if she did hit on me... plus I think she is married or something. I wish something like this happened to me. I am not popular enough... plus I have emotional issues and would probably freak out should someone hit on me. I mean why would they, I am nothing that special.....
wow that went a place I wasn't prepared for... sorry
will you do a Spike story based on your experience....... that would be amusing to see
Sooooo... did you get laid?
Wow dude. You really blew this out of proportion. You must be super sex-deprived to be finding these innuendos where there were none to be found during a routine checkup.
Hahaha! This is excellent!
Also... Hello
3537000 Brah, you're alive!
I find that hilarious. I never knew someone could be that forward when they have you in a do-or-die situation. I would've gave her a shot, just to see if she was just real forward because of the lab coat, or if its just an act to rile you up.
I never knew a trip to the dentist could be so interesting. Where you interested in her? Try to look past all the shoving in your mouth, maybe it's just an awkward way of flirting.
3536391 I imagine Spike would have perfect teeth. His teeth would have to be damn near indestructible considering the stuff he eats, and as an apex predator his species is probably used to living incredibly long lives without any dental care at all.
3536391 SHIP IT LIKE FEDEX!
On one hand, I want to laugh because of the sheer audacity.
One another, my mind immediately turns to sex. Like, if it were me, would I take that opportunity if it was actually an opportunity?
But the one thought that trumps them is dude, I'm so sorry. That's some serious sexual harassment there. Blame society for the double standard, because I'm sure the dentist would be fired if the genders were reversed.
3537277 If there wasn't already a girl i was pursuing, maybe I would've gotten some hygenist booty, but alas, loyalty in all.
3537278 Oh, you were already in a relationship with someone?
3537288 No and yes. There's a girl i like, she kind of likes me, kind of deciding if i wanna make my move or not. You know, basic stuff.
3537296 Oh, I guess it's just a difference in values, I guess.
Unless the girl has staked a claim on me, dating or no, I personally don't feel any loyalty. If it's one-time booty, it's none of her business?
But then again, I don't have all the details of your situation... so who cares what I think? You probably did better than I would have in this situation.
3537303 I'm no stranger to one night stands. But, this girl is pretty special. It's been a few weeks since my last romp in the sheets, and I figure I may as well stall out until I figure out where i'm going with this girl, you know?
3537306 Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh.
I take that back, makes perfect sense now.
If it were me, I would've just gotten the hell outta there the second she turned around, and try to find another dentist.
I can already see the title for the porno:
"Hot single dentist's ass gets examined by patient"
Da Crap
Don't come across anything like that in Utah...
Goddamn. That... Would be just fucking creepy. And since that I'm almost 18, I'm now getting a feeling that might happen to me. oh lawdy.
3539168 Brah, have you heard this yet?
3539181
I heard "Falling Apart in A Crow(ded) Room," But not this song. I'm listening to it right now, and it sounds kickass! I love ASD! I've been listening to them for years!
3539199 Same here. I've been listening since Wires. Great stuff.
3539200
Hell yeah. I've actually been listening to them since "Identity On Fire". But this is some great shit.