A review of The One Who Got Away, some horrible plays on fic titles, and a sneak peak inside Buggy and the Beast · 11:52pm Oct 2nd, 2015
First, I'd like to thank Chris and his site, One Man's Pony Ramblings for a nice review of The One Who Got Away. I like to think it's one of my better stories to date, even if you don't adore cute little unicorn-seapony fillies with big eyes. There will eventually be a Huck Fin/Tom Sawyer type sequel which will feature a young colt named Turpentine, who runs away from his foster home on a raft and floats down the river to Baltimare, where he will seek his fortune as a painter. Unless, of course, he gets sidetracked.
Also I would like to spotlight a terrible/wonderful bit called Unlikely Fandom Crossovers, which Chris also featured in which two fan classics are mashed together to form a completely different and weird story. Example (one of mine):
Project: Sunflower's Dressing Room
An interview with a young woman who has been turned into a teenaged unicorn to play Twilight Sparkle in a children's television program.
The Originals (From Benman):
Unlikely Crossovers
Unlikelier Crossovers
Unlikely Crossovers with a Vengeance
Unlikely Crossovers - Royal Canterlot Library Edition
Since I haven't posted much over the last two weeks, I'm including a sneak peek at Buggy and the Beast after the break. Read and enjoy!
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful earth pony princess. This is not her story.
Once upon a time, there was a handsome pegasus prince. This is not his story either.
Once upon a time, there was an incredibly ugly and disagreeable unicorn stallion named Beet Salad, who worked as a night watchpony at an airship port until he discovered a dying monster. This is their story. It proves that True Love can overcome any obstacle, break any barrier, and melt the hardest heart of stone, or at least that even the ugliest pony can be rather pretty on the inside, if you look very hard.
Very, very hard. And if your standards for ‘pretty’ are really warped.
Buggy and the Beast
Inquisition
“You don’t have to do this, Missus Spitonoikokýris. Beets is probably just getting out of the shower. You wouldn't want to catch him naked, would you?”
There was a rattling of keys in his apartment door locks, bringing Beets out of his drowsy slumber and into a moderated panic. True, he probably could kill the old hen and hide the body, but unlikely as it seemed, somepony would probably miss her, and as much as the thought had crossed his mind several times during his time as a lessor, it really was not his style. Besides, Nectarine would be upset.
"Apartment 2B complained that they smelled something coming up through the floor last night," snapped a sharp voice that could only be his landgriffon. "I had somepony come asking for a room yesterday, and I had to turn them away. If your ugly friend is cooking up drugs, I'm sending him out the door right now and getting an honest burro in here who won't stink up the place."
Beets looked in a panic at the bed, which was still occupied by the battered bug. Even through two coats of purple Rock Royalty hoof shellac, it was still quite obviously a bug, and in just a few minutes, it would also be Missus Spitonoikokýris' excuse to not only kick him out of his room but probably hold back the damage deposit and last month's rent.
The changeling caught his panicked eye, and jerked its head in the direction of the bathroom just a few moments before Beets scooped her up in his magic and carried her over to the empty bathtub as the changeling seemed to want. It was a horrible place to hide a fractured fugitive, but it was the best he could think of before the front door popped open to the end of the security chain.
"Beet Salad," ordered the old griffoness through the resulting gap, "you open this door right now, or I'll get the cops! If I have to break it, I'll take it out of your deposit!"
"All right, all right!" he called out, making his hoofsteps from the bathroom as loud as possible. "I was taking a shit! What do you want?"
"Apartment inspection," she snapped. "You open up right now and let me in or you're in violation of your lease."
"Can I at least wipe my ass first?" he grumbled. "All right, all right," he added as the door rattled again. "Don't lay an egg out there."
The elderly griffoness swept into the apartment beak-first and promptly began to sniff. "Smells like shit in here. Did you get a pet? You know pets aren't in your lease without a rider. Are those holes in the ceiling?" She flapped up next to the four sealed holes and squinted one eye at them.
"Was like that when I moved in," said Beets.
"Likely story. What's this?" She swept through the living room over to the pull-down Murphy bed, still covered in the threadbare towels that Beets had found at a second-hoof store. "Smells like lacquer. Still some spots of it here. Are you gay?"
Beets stiffened his back and looked down his nose at her. "Lots of stallions paint their hooves without being gay. It helps me get in touch with my inner mare."
The derisive snort that followed came from both the griffon and the seemingly-relaxed nocturnal pegasus leaning against the front door.
"Ah-HA! The bathroom door's closed. What are you hiding in here?" Before Beets could stop the old griffoness, she had swept past him and darted into the bathroom with a triumphant cry.
There was a brief and somewhat weak green flash of light.
A stunned moment of speechlessness on behalf of both stallions standing in the living room.
An exchange of glances between them.
And a long silence.
Beets cautiously moved up to the bathroom doorway where Missus Spitonoikokýris was standing somewhat splay-legged, staring off into space. Her pupils were small pinpoints of darkness in her large blue eyes, and there was a certain swaying to her neck and head that indicated she was listening to a particularly interesting musical tune that Beets could not hear.
"Missus Spitonoikokýris?" Beets reached out with his magic and guided the stunned griffoness back out into the kitchen. "Are you feeling all right? Would you like a glass of water?"
"No, thank you," said the griffoness. "What was I doing again?"
"You had just gotten done checking my apartment, and you were going to tell me how much those holes in the living room ceiling were going to cost."
"Twenty bits," she responded as her normal sharp expression replaced the glazed eyes of a few moments ago. "Each."
To his credit, Nectarine remained without comment until Beets had seen the griffoness out the front door with a promise to include the damages in the next rent check. Then he paused a little longer in order to allow Beets to speak first, which did not really matter, as the ugly unicorn had already vanished into the bathroom and emerged carrying the unconscious changeling in his magic.
"I told you she was dangerous," said Nectarine as his friend arranged the sleeping bug on the bed.
"Would you rather be talking to a Royal Guard right now about how I'm harboring a changeling in my apartment?" whispered Beets in return. "Besides, I think that little trick is all she could do. She's out cold and needs to sleep."
Nectarine watched silently as Beets got a glass of water and several pills to set on the nightstand beside the bed, and even withheld comment when he tucked her under the blanket, but he could not help but add his opinion as the two of them strode off into the evening gloom to the docks.
"I thought you were going to kiss her goodnight there for a minute," groused Nectarine.
"I thought about it," admitted Beets. "I just didn't want her to wake up screaming."
Well, I'm certainly looking forward to this one. You do good work with both misfits and fugitive changelings.
Looks fun.
Wait, does Project: Sunflower's Dressing Room exist? Because I want to read that.
3438126 No, but Hoopy wrote a wonderful chapter called Sunflower on a Budget that tells how it might go, if done on the cheap.
Can I try my hand at one of those terrible crossovers?
The Destruction of the Soufflé - Pinkie Pie tries to bake a soufflé in a town inhabited by 200 of her clones from the mirror pool
which is a mash-up of the two stories I nominated for the RCL second anniversary special. If you've not voted yet, please do check out the nominees and vote for them.
I kinda want to write this...
3438424 You could always do it as a dream sequence (tempt, tempt)
Star: Wake up, Erin. You need to get into Makeup for the interview.
Erin: Wha? Sorry, Twilight. I must have fallen asleep. Who are we doing an interview with? (looks around at the studio and the library set) That's odd?
Star: (giggles) You're really getting into character, Sunflower. Rapid Sequence moved the interviews for all of the background actresses up an hour, so you've still got a little time. Little Apple Turnover, Cutie Pie and Windsheer are in there now, and I think you're going to need to hurry to make sure there's still a studio left by the time they're done. The DVD for the second season is going to have interviews from everypony who has been on camera. Won't that be great?
Erin: (Looks around the tv production studio with a growing sense of alarm) Second season?
Oh yeah, I'm really looking forward to this!
3438424 Please Do! If nobody else does, I WILL. And she shall be a horrible Lindsay Lohan / Miley Cyrus type gone-nuts-from fame over the top caricature character, and it shall be ugly.