Read It Now Reviews #57 – What If I… I Mean, Somepony… Were?; What Did You Call Me?; Two Plus Two Equals Five; The Thinkin’ Spot; Do You Want Nightmare Moons · 10:59pm Oct 1st, 2015
I’ve been re-reading Scott McCloud’s Understanding Comics, and I have at least one blog post planned based on that book. If you’ve never read it, it is an interesting read, and at some point, I’ll likely write a review of the book, but I can tell you that if you’re interested in comics as a medium, it is well worth your time.
Today’s stories:
What If I… I Mean, Somepony… Were? by Eruantalon
What Did You Call Me? by bookplayer
Two Plus Two Equals Five by Estee
The Thinkin’ Spot by bats
Do You Want Nightmare Moons? by Rinnual
What If I… I Mean, Somepony… Were?
by Eruantalon
Slice of Life, Would It Matter If I Was?
2,764 wordsJust after the changeling invasion, there's something Fluttershy needs to tell Twilight... and Twilight has a lot of questions that need answers.
Including questions she doesn't realize. Like what it means to be a friend. And Rainbow Dash has her own answer to that one.
Why I added it: Apparently I am obligated to read all of these stories.
Review
Fluttershy tries asking Twilight if it would matter if she was a changeling.
Twilight isn’t sure that Fluttershy really is Fluttershy, but if she was, it would mostly just matter because she could tell them a lot about changelings.
Rainbow Dash, for her part, doesn’t care, and trusts Fluttershy, even being a little offended by the idea that Fluttershy isn’t Fluttershy.
Then Twilight gets an idea of how to test it…
Frankly, this story kind of highlights why the original story was written in the way that it was – characters behaving too reasonably is actually rather corrosive to the plot, as this story was kind of boring, as nothing really that exciting or surprising happened, especially given our general familiarity with stories like this at this point. It doesn’t really add anything to the original, and just kind of felt a bit tepid.
My advice to anyone else who wants to write a story like this: write something original. If you want to raise the question of someone being a changeling, fine. But do it in a different way. There are many possible ways to do it; simply copying the same one is boring, especially if you don’t put a particularly novel twist on it. And given that everyone and their dog has read GaPJaxie’s story, when you retread old ground, you can’t expect your audience to be unfamiliar with it.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
What Did You Call Me?
by bookplayer
Romance, Slice of Life
1,570 wordsMac and Dash end up having drinks with a couple they meet in Manehattan. The couple makes some assumptions they shouldn't have about Dash, and she gets her feathers ruffled.
Why I added it: bookplayer is a good writer.
Review
Rainbow Dash drags Big Mac off to see a play in Bridleway in Manehattan. They meet a stallion named Day Trader, who invites them out to have drinks with him and his boyfriend Lancet Arch after the show at a gay bar, where they have a brief conversation.
Frankly… I wasn’t a big fan of this story, as it felt very light on actual content. Slice of Life is sometimes used to mean “stories about ponies doing things that don’t fit into the other site categories”, and sometimes is used to mean “actual slice of life stories”, and this story falls into the latter category – this is an actual Slice of Life piece, in the sense that it is:
The use of mundane realism depicting everyday experiences.
That is precisely what this is. The story doesn’t really have much of a plot; it is just four people talking to each other, and having a mildly humorous conversation in a gay bar, and that’s really all there is to it.
An exercise in straight shipping by bookplayer, and more of a scene than a story, I just wasn’t very excited by this.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Two Plus Two Equals Five
by Estee
Slice of Life
5,134 wordsDiscord feels Fluttershy needs to be a little more assertive when it comes to expressing her own views and maintaining her beliefs against the weight of other arguments, especially when those counter-debates turn... well, personal. Fluttershy doesn't want to risk it.
So Discord mentions a simple fact: two plus two equals five.
Fluttershy naturally disagrees.
It gets worse from there.
Why I added it: Estee is a good writer.
Review
A very unpleasant pony who has trained his dog to bite continues to refuse to pay Fluttershy for the veterinary services she rendered for his pet. He lies about it constantly, demeans Fluttershy, rants about how the world is conspiring against him, and is generally an awful person… and Fluttershy never calls him on his nonsense.
But Discord doesn’t like this idea. Doesn’t like how much of a pushover Fluttershy is. And so, he taunts her every day, mocking her idea of reality, of how to deal with someone lying in the way he considers appropriate.
And, naturally, chooses “two plus two equals five” as his lie, and won’t be happy until Fluttershy responds in the way he wants her to respond.
It was pretty long for what it was, and the overall thing felt a little bit telegraphed. Estee has written another story about Fluttershy standing up for herself, The Hypocrisy of Tolerance, which I felt was a much more interesting examination of this issue. This story had a very repetitive structure, which was somewhat necessary for the point Discord was trying to make, but I’m not sure that the story really agreed with Discord’s point or not, or if it was just a thing that happened, because what Discord wanted was not a particularly good solution.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
The Thinkin’ Spot
by bats
Slice of Life
5,282 wordsTwilight's first Winter Wrap Up in Ponyville had a rocky start. Things took a turn for the better when she assumed control over the planning and organization, but after a stressful morning and with an all-nighter in front of her, she was afraid it might all be for naught. Luckily Applejack was there and knew Twilight needed a chance to take a break and recharge.
She needed a visit to the Thinkin' Spot.
Why I added it: bats is a good writer.
Review
Twilight is working to get her first Winter Wrap-Up wrapped up by dawn, and helps to organize the plants team’s night shift of work, setting up a rotation to make sure that everything got done while ponies still got the sleep they desperately need.
But there is no rest for Twilight, and so Applejack takes her away to her Thinkin’ Spot, a quiet place under an oak tree by the stream, where you can look out at the world without your troubles clinging to you.
Bats hadn’t written any pony words in over a year now, so it was nice seeing him return – and he returned with not a shipfic, but a quiet slice of life piece which was very much focused on the evocativeness of the scene.
I liked this piece, and yet at the same time was bothered by it; while the lead up to the Thinkin’ Spot was okay, and the actual time spent there was quite good, the conclusion of the piece felt scattered by comparison, spread thin across many weeks, and a bit telly as a result, as the feelings that the rest of the story had relied on to build up weren’t given enough time to really bloom there as we skipped ahead week by week, a sharp contrast to the relaxed nature of the Thinkin’ Spot. This tonal dissonance made the ending not really work as well for me emotionally as the rest of the piece did, and consequently, Twilight’s emotional revelations there had much less impact.
Recommendation: Worth Reading.
Do You Want Nightmare Moons?
by Rinnaul
Comedy, Random, Slice of Life
3,142 wordsRoyal Guard Silver Birch knows Princess Luna's history, and her... extreme reactions to being neglected in the past. When it seems Luna has been snubbed yet again, he and his partner Winter Garden take action to shield their Princess from this slight, and spare Equestria her terrible wrath.
Why I added it: It was featured.
Review
Princess Luna was left out of a children’s coloring book by accident, resulting in a recall of the books. Unfortunately, Luna caught wind of the misprinting, and, while she doesn’t know the cause of the recall, is interested in seeing a misprinted copy.
Silver Birch fears the end of all Equestria if she finds out. And so, he has a CUNNING PLAN.
Which, as it turns out, is neither cunning, nor very good as a plan.
Unfortunately, this story seemed like it was going to be a lot funnier than it was. Silver Birch’s plan never really had much time to serially escalate, meaning that the intrinsic humor in such a ridiculously mundane task being difficult was largely lost, and the story itself ended with something of an anticlimax. The strongest pieces ended up being the very start of the piece – where he frets over the end of Equestria over something so ridiculous – and the end of the piece, when Luna writes her polite, measured response to the publisher, but the parts in between just never really rose to the occasion for me, other than one bit of dark musing about one place they knew they could find a book.
Recommendation: Not Recommended.
Summary
What If I… I Mean, Somepony… Were? by Eruantalon
Not Recommended
What Did You Call Me? by bookplayer
Not Recommended
Two Plus Two Equals Five by Estee
Not Recommended
The Thinkin’ Spot by bats
Worth Reading
Do You Want Nightmare Moons? by Rinnual
Not Recommended
Now, off to work on other things. And possibly read some of the stories nominated for the second anniversary of the Royal Canterlot Library. Right now, voting is going on, open to the general public, as to which story written by someone who has previously been nominated by the Royal Canterlot Library to have a second story featured there, and I plan to make a post in the next day or so about some of the nominees that I've read. If you're interested, though, you can browse through that list now, and even make your own nominations; of the three I've read, two (The Destruction of the Self and A Canterlot Carol) are both excellent pieces that I highly recommend, while most of the others reside on my high priority reading list.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Sooner: 89
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later: 345
Number of stories listed as Read It Eventually: 1689
I am obligated to read all of those, too. Curse you for finding another. D:
3435342
The Fluttershy-is-a-changeling fics?
You're welcome~
I blame GaPJaxie, personally. Though it does mean I get to put off writing my own X-is-a-changeling story for a while. Again.
I remember reading a story similar to that first one.
3435352
Did you review KitsuneRisu's parody? I can't recall.
Yeah. I did the original blog after I noticed Luna being left out of the merch (again), and decided it was a funny enough concept if it were to actually happen to her as a character (I may have been drinking at the time), so I started writing it, and...
...I admit I didn't really have any grand designs for it, and I pretty much wrote it up in an afternoon. I was surprised it was even able to hit the feature box, much less reach the top and stay there.
3435418
I read it, but Kitsune was going through a bit of a rough patch at the time and I didn't want to, you know, add to it (though I actually would have given it a WR).
I also read Reality Check's piece, but I didn't review that, either, because I didn't want to have to deal with the war surrounding that piece.
You obviously haven't read enough straight Rainbow Dash shipping if you don't recognize the note worthiness of a single scene of it where she's in character.
But yeah, that was the only reason for the fic. I can't expect it to impress anyone I don't normally bother with links to fics that make me cringe.
3435434
Well, you should, I'm sure he'll appreciate it now.
Also, his newest fic promises to be about as funny. :D At least the cover art's cracking me up again!
Thanks for the review. It's weird how this story that I knocked together in a couple hours, with "nothing exciting or surprising," is the hottest of my stories yet. I hope some of my new fans will stick around for my next fic, at least.
I was writing it mainly as a response to GaPJaxie's, after RealityCheck's attempted response (a) only covered half the flaws, (b) introduced one or two more of his own, and (c) didn't get approved anyway. ( 3435390 , I think that fic might be the one you're thinking of?) I think I put in enough to make it a decent story in its own right, but it's definitely nowhere near my best.
3435434
I actually thought you didn't want to review it BECAUSE of the drama, lol.
Feel free to review Do it Mattered, brah. That'd make my day. I've always said that I appreciate feedback regardless of positive or negative, and I do stick by that. Thanks for actually giving me concern, though! Much appreciated.
Although I do have to say your love of slice-of-life is showing again.
I'm glad you distinguish between true slice of life (which is absolutely what bookplayer writes in good form) and what the FimFic perception is. It's an important distinction to make!
3435676
It isn't particularly surprising; a lot of the time, stories which are conceived and written quickly are very "tight" by comparison to other stories, which helps them - they're very condensed ideas which you could clearly and cleanly execute on.
Also, there's some interest in the various stories related to that particular unnecessary drama factory.
Good luck with your future stuff!
3436518
I don't find that particularly true. I just finished a story for the EqD writer's training grounds, and while I have to give the contest credit for inspiring the idea in the first place, neither the deadline nor the wordcount did it any favors. I think there might be some spotty logic in the second half, but I spent all last evening churning out the finale in a haze, and am way too close to see it clearly.
3435342
Ready for one more?
3441520
I'm not talking about things you have to finish quickly, I'm talking about things you do finish quickly. There's a big difference between "I need to get this done within X words by Y time" and "I just wrote this thing really fast."
Basically, if you write a story inside of two hours because you just sat down and got it done, it is likely to be tight. If you write a story inside of two hours because you HAD to, it is likely to have all sorts of problems.
3441527
I guess that's just a difference between me and other writers, then. My first drafts usually have similar problems, no matter what conditions I write them in.
*pads into Titty D's cave, attached bell on cat collar jingling, tail swishing with frisk and jet black coat with a sheen of deviousness*
Mreow :3
Been awhile since I've been to one of the bonfires of Titty D. And I see not much has changed. I find a review write up where the fic sounds awfully interesting to read and find out it's ultimate rating is a Not Recommend. Then I go and read that fic and find it's quite excellent.
Like, I know I ain't the smartest guy out there, not by a long shot. But it's been how hard for me to gauge how high your standards are exactly. Perhaps it's cuz my standards are much lower, and I tend to highlight in my mind the positives in a fic and look past any negatives in favour of those positives. Like, I'm like Foamy in that I'm a fan of most everything, too. It takes an awful lot for a fic to get me to dislike it.
So yeah, I am wondering what precisely is going through your head. It couldn't be just that you think the best of the best is the only thing truly worth reading. I think there's more at work here.
Or maybe I'm overthinking it and this is actually the case?
*picks up a coin in a nearby pile of treasure and bites into it, metal teeth easily piercing through*
I think this one might be fake. Imma eat it, kay? :3
*noms on coin like a mouse*
Tastes like a chocolate coin minus the chocolate. Yum!
Anyways, it's been awhile since I've been in the comments section of one of these things. What brought me in was that review of Two Plus Two Equals Five. Heh, strangely, I do agree with parts you mentioned about it, namely the repetition. It didn't seem written well in my book. I think it's still worth a read. But that story isn't why I'm here.
Because of your mention of The Hypocrisy of Tolerance, I was intrigued and looked at Estee's other works involving it and it led me to Five Hundred Little Murders. That story reminds me an awful lot of [http://www.fimfiction.net/story/203257/we-live-in-a-kind-world]We Live In A Kind World, which they share a crapton of similar plot. Like, jerk pony is a jerk and everybody in Ponyville hates them and it would be good if they left. But why the hell is jerk pony a jerk? Is there more to why they are like this? Is it worth it to give them any amount of kindness, these horrible people?
I dunno. I like stories with lessons on empathy. They're deep and resonate with me. Heh... I was under the impression that We Live In A Kind World was the only one dealing with the subject of a pony everyone loathes. It's prolly one of my top fave fanfics. I guess I'm thanking you for inadvertently leading me to Five Hundred Little Murders?
It'll be interesting to see if there's anymore out there, eh?
*transforms into a gigantic, dusty moth and flutters away*
3443153
Well the idea behind writing stuff about stories is that if it is interesting to the audience, maybe they'll see something in it that I did not; I don't just give things a thumbs up or a thumbs down.
As far as Five Hundred Little Murders goes: I'm glad you found it! I need to actually do a review of The Hypocrisy of Tolerance, but Five Hundred LIttle Murders is an excellent story that made me want to read everything Estee writes.
As far as stuff like that goes... not quite sure, really, in terms of jerks and kindness. Which is kind of ironic, really, given everyone seems to think I like making Fluttershy cry.