Sep
24th
2014
Ten things to possibly not put in your story description · 6:39pm Sep 24th, 2014
* Self-insert
* ...the deep, dark secrets which lie beneath the sugar-coated skin...
* I wrote this to fix (insert name here's) story, as (she/he) so clearly got everything wrong
* Contains pony/boulder sex
* ...is about a human-pony war where (pick side) obviously wins...
* Trigger warning: licorice
* ...was at a convention wearing (character name's) costume when...
* ...previously-unrevealed sibling of...
* This is about my OC
* Please post positive comments only
Thank you kind sir. I will treasure this advice always.
You forgot: "Edit: Featured on [date]"
Will post sequel if gets X likes.
my sides.
2480040
I've actually done that to my Featured stories. Once I post future chapters, people will see that it's been Featured before and thus they think it's good enough for them to read. Subliminal mind tricks, young Jedi.
That's my trigger though
Should you put it in your description if your story actually contains the indicated elements, however?
2480043 I may be conflating it with the tagged blog post that says "Oh my god you guys, how did I get featured! I'm just your classic Cinderella story coming from behind to lead the pack! I'd like to thank the Academy, my parents, and everyone else..." <imagine music playing and someone dragging the author off stage. >
In contrast, I actually like it when authors write "I will continue this story/write a sequel if I get likes/comments/etc." I feel like the author is offering a bargain that we as readers can collectively accept or decline, and they're being straightforward about it.
Yes, only the show is allowed to deploy previously unrevealed siblings.
Also, how do you feel about sugar-coated secrets lying beneath deep, dark skin?
Hmm, just yesterday I've seen fic with, like, half of those. Including "this story is about my OC, but it isn't overpowered, that's just how I am" variant.
I smell a certain TCB author...
Also, probably the most hardcore trigger warning I put in a story was "warning: contains things they don't teach in medical schools".
2480053
Yes, Especially for the licorice.
I was just thinking about things which aren't so much trigger warnings for a good part of FIMFic's readership as they are 'I think I'll walk into this bear convention while wearing a salmon suit'. There's a story on the front page right now which basically used one of the ten and... well, the filleting is well under way.
I recognize that there's a chance for getting a good story out of the first nine. (Admittedly, #3 can be a little rude and #4 is a specialty audience.) However, a little rephrasing so as not to push the Flood Automatic Downvotes Here crowd's buttons might not hurt.
There's an argument to be made that #10 is just begging for it.
So I shouldn't publish Maud having sexy time with Tom? Awww
Hey, I have a cosplay fic. Granted, I describe it as a deconstruction (and I haven't updated in five months), but it still counts.
What is this, the season 2 finale?
Wait, black or red licorice?
2480140
Australian.
Seriously. I can't stand the texture.
Pick any three (except 3 or 10) and I dare anyone to create a story...
Really though, 3 is just rude. And 10 is inviting disaster.
2480153
But isn't its flavor just divine?
Trigger warning: licorice?
How many of these could someone fit into one story?
"I was at a convention dressed as Jar-Jar Binks when my licorice binge induced fart ripped open a portal to Equestria. Once there I met my true love, Rainbow Dash's sister: Dark Secret. Together, we..."
2480155
The dare might be to use #1-9 inclusive and see if you get to add Howard035's #11 and follow up on Daedelean's #12. (I still think #10 is pushing your luck over the edge of a cliff.)
2480106
Go ahead, but you might be better off wording it just like that.
2480115
And I have an OC fic. I would just be somewhat skittish about describing it as 'This is my OC fic.'
2480120
...upvoted.
2480071
Would this be the one about the red-and-black alicorn OC named "Demon Bash"?
That one's actually nailed three out of ten; "this is about my OC", and "positive comments only", and arguably the "deep dark secrets" since the desc explicitly mentions the Mane 6 discovering that Celestia lied to them about something.
Wading through the wasteland of deleted comments and blind insistence that his story is the greatest idea ever, I get a strong sense of deja vu; seems to me there was another fanfic author with a red-and-black alicorn OC, on a mission to uncover some deep dark secret, who demanded that people stop criticizing his story... he eventually got himself banhammered when he decided to carry the fight over into the user pages of anyone who criticized him, and even into some of their stories' comment pages if memory serves...
On the other hand, this guy hasn't pulled out the "Justin Biber Lover!"(*) card yet, so it's probably not the same guy. It'll be interesting to see how long he can keep deleting comments and telling everyone who criticizes his story to shut up before he finally self-destructs.
(* Apparently, accusing someone of liking Justin Bieber was the most grievous insult imaginable. Needless to say, the already-rather-negligible impact of this insult was reduced to feather-like proportions by his inability to even spell his insult correctly.)
Lets see, how many of these I've done.
1) Yep, there is a Dream Volt in some of my stories, but his most notable appearance is getting run over by a magical tank. But I never mention it in the description
2) I'd have to write something Dark, so no.
3) Hmm, almost, though it's more inspired by rather than a true rewrite.
4) not even close
5)I thought about writing a story in response to all the ponies in a crossover do nothing nonsense where the ponies beatdown every fictional alien race I could think of at once, but I never wrote it.
6)Not yet
7)I think I have an old Xanadu fic around somewhere this could apply to but it's unfinished and not pony.
8)My first story actually stars Fluttershy's sister, but that isn't in the description.
9)Not in those words, but the story above does start with saying the OC's name.
10) do people not get how the internet works? Seriously, you are literally asking for trouble.
Have I told you about my latest story, Estee? It's about my Self-Insert OC who was wearing a Dante Costume from Devil May Cry when he was sucked into Equestria and meets Rainbow Dash's long lost older sister and they accidentally spawn a pony/human war when their forbidden sexcapades are revealed. I think it really will delve into the deep dark secrets of Equestria and fix what's wrong with the show's unnatural direction because it's clearly going terrible places. Trigger Warning: Toilet Humor. Be sure to only post positive comments!
...
...We are so far beyond Poe's Law at this point, it's not even funny...
2480195
Given that I normally get cautioned about mentioning an author's work (unless it's to praise them) because of the supposed damage my 0.0000000000000000000001 of influence can do in this community, I am choosing to respond to your query as follows:
I like blueberry pie.
#10 kind of overrides everything else.
2480269
Oh, trust me, he's doing enough damage to himself as it is; he doesn't need help.
2480071 most of these are a clear signal for me not to read a story, and I don't down vote stories I haven't read. But I do get scared off quite a bit by terrible, cliche, or hacky descriptions even if I might like the content, so people should really be aware of these things if they want their story widely read. (Or I guess just read by me.)
Other description deal breakers for me include:
-Poor grammar and spelling. I'm not overly picky, but if you can't be bothered to proofread the fifty words that advertise your story to the world why should I assume you have paid any level of care to the next fifty thousand?
-The words "hilarity ensues." I forget whose blog post turned me on to this but now it's "cannot be unseen" material. Telling me to laugh and making me laugh ain't the same thing, broseph.
-Any use of the words "heart-warming" or "feel-good." What is this, the trailer for a terrible family movie starring a sadly declining Al Pacino? Describe your story, not the feeling it's supposed to evoke!
2480274
*sigh*
Put it this way: if it's bait, it's masterful and if it's not deliberate trolling, I think we found hir authorial niche.
To me, the main question mark for Category #1 comes from the comment deletions. If you're trying to get people to react, wouldn't you leave all of those backlashes visible? Or is this the advanced technique, where getting rid of a few just inspires more down the line? 'cause I'm having trouble seeing that. If I'm sure anything I say is going to be deleted, the main incentive for writing out a comment becomes trauma therapy.
The Writer's So-Called Brain In Action
1. Briefly consider putting a request to 'Post Negative Comments Only' on next story.
2. Wonder if anyone would be able to tell the difference.
3. Huh. Is that actually a story title? Post Negative Comments Only?
4. No. It is not. Stop being stupid.
5. Settle on characters, setting, and Plot.
6. Oh, megacrap.
Clearly someone must now write something with all of those in the description.
2480516
2480546
The @#$$ of it: I'm not joking.
It's a Cadance story.
Basic concept: the Empire loves their new ruler. In fact, they love her a little too much for her personal comfort. Everypony praises her, all the time, no matter what she actually does. Admittedly, when you're being compared to Sombra, the odds are you're going to come off pretty well and the honeymoon period may stretch on a while longer than usual -- but Cadance, who's new at rulership and has her own uncertainties about what she's capable of there, honestly doesn't know if she's doing a good job. She's never approved a real budget, or signed a law which would have force, or... anything: just play-acting during her training. She's feeling shaky about whether she's actually managing the Empire, or if a crash is coming which nopony will tell her about because at least she's not Sombra.
So she issues her first Royal Decree: for one day, nopony in the Empire may speak to her with anything other than criticism. That's how she'll get a honest reaction out of them. Can't possibly fail.
I can sort of see the Comedy tag looming ahead.
2480591
Do it. Do it now.
Immediate thoughts:
Shining Armor cobbles together a disguise and makes a run for the first train to Ponyville, only to be caught by his own guards on his wife's orders and dragged back to the palace. On the way there, he seriously considers biting off his own tongue.
Thinking that the crystal ponies may need some help speaking their most critical thoughts openly, Cadance appoints Iron Will to be the Crystal Empire's official public speaking coach.
The news travels across Equestria unreasonably quickly, and by lunchtime every licensed escort on the continent is busy bringing in large amounts of ponies who have just been waiting for an opportunity to tell... well, anyone, exactly what they think about... well, everything.
2480278
It also makes me wonder if the situation is really "hilarious," or quite the opposite.
"Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon get caught in a threshing machine. Hilarity ensues.
Trigger warning: extreme gore."
2480638
#1. Quite possibly.
#2. Oh dear sweet pony gawds. With a little advance warning, maybe... I have this as the sort of thing which a novice ruler pushes through immediately after thinking of it, providing just about no warning to anypony. On the other hand, he could just coincidentally be trying to open up a new market in the area...
3. Can't do it under the rules of teleportation as I've got them: a jump to the Empire is something very few ponies can manage, and most have other things to do. Like moving Sun and Moon.
2480331
If he's trolling, then the comment deletions are a tactic in themselves, yes. Once word gets around certain groups that there's a thin-skinned newbie author who's deleting all the negative comments on their self-insert-Mary-Sue-Alicorn story, there's a certain segment of
trollsusers who will make it a point to engage in comment warfare just to bait the proverbial bear and see if they can drive said author into Seething Rage-Shift Mode and get him to self-destruct.2480546
and spends the whole story going to increasingly-desperate and absurd lengths to try to hide the fact that he's been turned into a walking fanfic cliche. 
The eventual punchline would be that he still ends up conforming to (or having imposed upon him) several of the red-and-black-alicorn tropes (everypony he meets is fascinated by him, Celestia and/or Luna nattering on about his special destiny, the Mane Six all trying to land him as their coltfriend, etc.), no matter how hard he tries to avoid it -- but when he's finally outed, it turns out that the only reason everypony was so interested in him was because he was so obviously trying to make himself as uninteresting as possible. But now that they know he's really just a red-and-black alicorn who used to be a human from Earth... nopony cares. 
I have, occasionally, toyed with the notion of a Brony-in-Equestria story where the brony in question is utterly horrified to wake up and discover that he's been transformed into a red-and-black alicorn,
Haven't quite figured out how to pull it off, though.
2480278
I feel the same way. I don't know why, but it just feels so lazy.
2480665
Well of course Iron Will was already there to scope out the freshly opened Crystal Empire's self-improvement market potential. They used to live in terror as slaves under an evil king, clearly they need to
pay money to be yelled atlearn to stand up for themselves, and there's only one minotaur for the job.(These ideas are of course yours to alter or ignore as you see fit.)
2480591
I am fully aware that I have a good deal less influence over what anyone writes than you seem to believe you have over the community, but please? If you can?images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/25100000/Puss-so-adorable-puss-in-boots-25129941-1024-768.jpg
It's kind of interesting to see the differences between fandoms. The OC self-insert has recently enjoyed a revival in Naruto fanfiction--due probably to the success of Dreaming of Sunshine--but it remains stigmatized everywhere else. Maybe the gigantic Naruto universe provides more opportunities for a distinctive and well-written original character than does the less-deeply-explained background of Equestria...
Contains: TOM
2480331 By page five of the comments, the author is pretty much admitting they're a troll.
Things not to put in your story description:
The word 'Description'
The phrase 'This story is about'
Typos.
The words Foalcon, Dismemberment, Evisceration, Disemboweling, or Exsanguation while still tagging it 'Everyone'
2480591 The poor first pony to greet her once the sun rises. "Good morning, Princess Cadence. My, you're looking... um... (panics)
Cadence: I'm looking what, now? (waits in anticipation)
Servant: (sweat rolling down his cheeks) Pink! I don't like pink. You're too pink. That's it.
2481337
+1 if the servant himself is pink.
2480591 That would be awesome, especially whatever Shining Armor does.
2480591 Bonus points if Twilight just happens to be visiting.
2480638 Poor Shining Armor... Yes, this must happen.
I think they should keep putting those things in the descriptions so that we don't waste time reading them.
Yes! this cuts like %70 of the bad stories out there.
Maybe as a joke/challenge I'll try writing a story with all of these in the description.
I don't know if I'd be able to live with myself after that.
2480591 Now that it's posted...
How are you going to tell the difference between "joke" comments and actual criticism?
2480842
Hey, I had something like that too!
(Mine self-inserted with sparkles and a couple transformers, but I didn't get as far along the 'planning' as you. It's happily abandoned and never touched the internet.)
That almost feels like it wants to be a compendium. "Trash We Wrote So We Wouldn't Have To Think About It Anymore". Most certainly a bad idea.
(... open writeordie.com ...)
2481337
Worst spelling bee ever!
3980287 The bad part: This is an 87 week old thread.
The worst part: Just today at Midwest Brony Fest, I took up a challenge to write something with a title of 'FEATUREAD MULTIPL TIMES - PRINCE FLASH SENTRY IN EQUESTRIA' (or similar title of awesome repulsiveness). You people are evil, you know it. I aslo have to inklude a bunch of speeling errors and 'FIRST FIC as well as ORIGINA CHARACTER DO NOT STEEL in the description, with several corrections.