Lollipop · 8:42pm Jul 30th, 2014
First One
"Good morning, Luna," Celestia said with a smile when her sister opened the door. "How's your night?"
"Ugh, horrible." Luna shook her head. "I had the worst nightmare ever."
Celestia blinked. "Really?"
"Yes. We need better prostitutes, sister."
Second One
"This has been the best day ever," Twilight said, smiling at Celestia. "I've been coronated, all my family and friends are here... Thank you, Princess."
"It's nothing," Celestia replied. "Although you still have things to learn about being an alicorn, Twilight."
"Really?" Twi arched an eyebrow. "Like what?"
"Well, there's the leg thing."
"Leg?"
"Yes." Celestia pointed at Twilight's front left leg. "You see that one? It will probably fall off in a month or so."
"What?!"
"Oh, but don't worry, it will grow back."
"It will?"
Celestia nodded. "And the leg will grow a new Twilight."
Silence.
"What?!"
"Asexual reprodution," Celestia explained. "I'm pretty sure you know how it works. You'll get a new you!"
"You... you're being serious?!"
"Of course."
"You mean I'm like some sort of... I'm a starfish pony?!"
"What?" Celestia frowned. "Well, not really. You have almost nothing to do with ponies anymore. You're a pony-shaped starfish, rather." She nodded. "It's not the same."
"But...! Do you mean this happens to you too, or...?"
"Hmm?" Celestia smiled. "Yes. Just make sure to drop the leg in a pit of acid or something and it will do the job." She shrugged. "Or, well, you can keep it, it's your choice. Cadance's live in her castle, for example. Luna likes to force hers to fight each other to see who becomes the alpha. It's about choices."
Twilight didn't say anything. She just stood there, staring at Celestia in disbelief.
"You can still reproduce the pony way, of course, but it will take you a lot of tries," Celestia continued. "And only if both you and your partner really want it. Yo know, magic and whatnot."
Silence.
"That's... That's a lot to take in," Twilight said. "And... You said that Cadance has to go through this too? That means Shining Armor..."
"...lives constantly surrounded by an harem made out of multiple clones of his insanely hot wife, and he will never get her pregnant unless he tries a lot and feels like having one," Celestia said.
At that exact moment, somewhere else, Night Light's ears perked up. His wife looked at him in confusion. "What?"
"I don't know why," he replied, squinting, "but I really feel like hoof-bumping our son."
Now and then I feel like I should write down and publish all those non-sequitur, impossible-to-use-in-a-story jokes that come to mind sometimes. Sort of a "vignettes" fic, I guess. Really short chapters built around random jokes.
I'm pretty sure it would never work, tho.
So was Luna's "worst nightmare ever" a prostitute who thought that dressing up like Nightmare Moon would be the perfect way to seduce Princess Luna?
(Yes, I do get the "night mare" joke, but I wanted to add a variant interpretation.)
This... is beautiful.
Luna forcing her clones to fight each other. Wow, if I could see that, I could die a happy man just after.
Why can't you fav blog entries? I am sad, because I know that I will forget about this post, and then.. my life... won't be as it used to.
Also: Lab packed full of Twilights. Just think about the chaos if something goes wrong, like: 40 Twilights freaking out over blowing up part of the castle.
Or Twilight clones sparring with Luna's just outside Ponyville. They could make a full-out battle out of it.
Or someone giving a lecture, he enters the class, and is greeted by rows full of identical, grinning from ear to ear Twilights.
Or snow fights, not a sinlge fort would stand a chance against Purple Army of Terror and Cuteness!
Or Twilight meeting up with Celestia to throw out their legs together. Such a bonding experience!
Regarding the first one: Luna, during intercourse, with a notepad, reverting to old speech, and commenting on their performance, and noting to herself what she should look for in prostitutes next time. Just imagine the "nightmare's" "Are you f*** kidding me" stare.
The possibilities are endless!!!
In a very weird way, the second one almost makes sense. It would explain how Chrysalis was able to initially get close to Shining Armor. He could have just thought she was a clone who didn't quite turn out right.
I can't stop laughing at the second one
I'd actually like to see an epic battle between Luna clones.
Do it.
Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.Do it.
The second one is too good a concept to not be expanded upon further in a proper, full-length story...
2329727
It sure looks like it, but believe me: I need something more for an actual story. Like a plot. This is merely a prompt.
I tried merging this with more absurd jokes and creating some kind of surrealist fic, but I didn't get the rhythm right, so sadly, unless somebody else does it, that is not gonna happen.
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I can't help but feel like apologizing for this blog
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I love how you commented, went away, and then came back to expand your comment because your brain was flooding with pictures of purple armies.
2329739 Yay, for purplesness!!!
More please
I really like the second one for its short story, but can't help but feel that any story stemming from it can't go far.
Fillies and Gentlecolts! The Internet!
I've got a plot for you. One of Celestia's clones manages to escape from the vat of acid and escapes. She goes to the Long Story Short crew for sanctuary while being hunted by Celestia prime. So it's the six jerks and Celestia clone trying to escape/fight Celestia prime and the royal guard.
oh my god
Assuming the Alpha Clone isn't Luna herself, does this mean that Luna prefers to keep just one clone at all times, chosen for their superior fighting skill by means of having all new clones fight for their right to continue existing?
2330083
In my headcanon, Luna is the alpha one. Makes the whole thing darker, and thus, funnier.
But yeah, open to interpretation. The idea of Luna just keeping a Lunalpha under her bed just in case she wants water while sleeping or something is also pretty hilarious.
People have published far less than this on this site, you know...
I like the second one. I can see it as Celestia tolling Twilight. Twilight buys the story, hook, line, and sinker. Her scientific curiosity gets the better of her and she thinks to herself, "If it is just going to grow back anyway, I might as well cut it off." So she does and tourniquets the stump to stop the bleeding and waits for the clone to grow.
Twilight hurries to Celestia to apologize for initially being skeptical and to show Celestia her clone.
"I must admit I was skeptical at first, but I cut my leg off to see if it would work, and it did! And. It. DID!"
Celestia cannot believe what she is seeing and for the first time in a millennium, she is dumbstruck. Unable to find the words Celestia lights her horn and suddenly pops Luna in. Luna, however, was in the middle of something. She was busy eating one of Celestia's private cakes. Luna, and the cake fall, unceremoniously, onto the floor, Luna's face landing in the cake.
Luna does not see the clone at first and says, "Fine, you caught me, this time. But next time I- what in Tartarus it that?!"
"You know that starfish joke I told Twilight?"
"WHAT?!" Twilight shouts.
"Well, it turns out it's true! Although to make it work, you apparently have to cut the leg off."
Luna is surprised and Twilight is livid.
"I cut my leg off because of a joke?! What if it didn't grow back?"
"But it did! It wasn't supposed to, but it did! You weren't supposed to cut your leg off, it was a joke. I just wanted to see your reaction. Never mind that, this is a scientific miracle!"
"We must try this for ourselves." Luna interjects.
"Yes, let's get Cadance in on this as well." Celestia replies as she lights her horn.
Wait, what? Twilight thinks.
Cadance pops in. She was in the middle of something as well. She was on her back, her face was flushed, and she was mid moan. "Yes, Shiny!"
Silence.
"A-Auntie Celestia? Auntie L-Luna? T-Twilight?! And Twilight? NO! I was so close! I-I mean why are there two Twilights?"
"Watch, we shall show you." Luna said as she magicked in a sword and used it to cut off her front left leg and then Celestia's.
"Wait-" Twilight called out as Luna approached Cadance with the sword. But it was too late, Luna had already cut off Cadance's leg.
"It was a joke, damn it! I cut off my leg to see if it was true, but it wasn't. I had to go to the doctor to get my leg magically sewn back on."
"But, the extra Twilight?" Celestia asked while Cadance was sobbing and cradling her severed leg.
"It's a Mirror Pool clone! I wanted to get you back. I did not mean to get Luna involved. And I especially did not mean to get Cadance involved. I am sooo sorry, by the way."
"F-F-F-Fuck you, Twilight." Cadance sobbed.
"Friendship!" shouted Clone Twilight.
"Ooh, that was a good burn, Twilight," Celestia said, impressed at her young protege's ingenuity.
"It'll be okay, I know a very capable and very discreet doctor."
Twilight looks around and begins to laugh. Then Celestia joins in. Luna cannot help but join in seeing as she was the one who cut off everypony's legs. Cadance, however, angry and crying, was still cradling her severed leg. However, she was mostly angry that she was left teetering at the precipice then violently pulled away from it.
I say you should publish the second one along with the Neks's part 2330209.
It could be like one of those stories towards which others can contribute.
--Sollace
These are really funny! A collection of short random funny segments like these would work out great.
that second one.if I ever find the time, I'd like to write someting (that will be either extremelly supid or estremelly brillinat). may I?
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Eh, as long as you credit me for the idea? Sure, why not.