Satyrs are Disgusting (new fic, Obs contest related) · 10:19pm Jun 27th, 2014
As I type this, my last-minute entry for Obselescence's Most Dangerous Game contest is awaiting approval. You might want to read it before you read this journal, because it explains my rationale for writing the story.
Also, it ain't gonna be pretty.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
So.
Satyrs.
They're a thing.
They're kinda cute.
They come in all shapes and sizes.
They can even be kinda sexy.
Dingaling is the best one you shut up I will fight you
But they all have one very disturbing trait in common: They're the offspring of a pony character from the show and a human, typically the classic viewer self-insert "Anon".
This means they're all the product of human/pony (or griffon, or whatever) sex.
This is disgusting. It disgusts me on a base level that I am actually uncomfortable speaking about, because if I talk for too long on the subject, I'm going to start sounding like a zealot.
It's even worse when you consider that a lot of the sexual artwork of these creatures exists pretty much to have human upper parts and pony lower parts together without "being too furry". (Because that's a concern when you're getting off to bestiality porn.)
I'm actually uncomfortable talking about this topic at all because of the art I linked above, two are done by someone I consider a friend, and any time I work up the nerve to speak out against satyrs as a Thing, I feel like I'm maligning him personally. That's not my intention. If there's anyone I want to read Faun, it's the people who consume the art and make it a popular and desirable thing for artists to draw.
Even if we step back from the origins a little bit, there's still something fundamental about satyrs that bothers me. If you mix two species together, you're not going to end up with a creature that's literally, measurably, half one and half the other. Ligers don't have lion fronts and tiger backs, is what I'm saying. The two are going to blend together. How much depends on the machinations of nature or, in this case, the author's imagination.
Humans like having sex with sheep, did you know that? It tends to happen, from what I hear, in rural areas where there aren't a lot of people and there are a lot of sheep. You probably can think of a few places like that yourself. Well, little known fact, sometimes a human/sheep coupling will actually result in a fetus. I've seen pictures, and I won't link them here, but they're pretty terrible. And because God loves us, or at least doesn't hate us that much, they're never viable. But it got me thinking. Well, this is actually false, from what I've been told, and I'm willing to believe that, so basically this story is built on lies. D: I'm sorry.
What if a human and a pony had a horrible, malformed horse-man, affront-in-the-eyes-of-Celestia mutant baby and it lived?
So I drew up a little bit of headcanon and a lot of spite, and here we are.
The low birthrates thing is actually a long-standing headcanon of mine. What ponies do decide to have children don't have them very often, and certainly not in huge numbers, so things stay fairly nominal in Equestria. (There's some interesting gender politics in there too, but that's beyond the scope of this post.) So it stands to reason that if anything could be done to shore up the pony population, to make the most of that low fertility and lackadaisical attitude of most towards foal-rearing, then it would come in the form of ensuring that birth defects and other issues leading to miscarriage were nil. It's just Lyra's bad luck that, had she been on earth, that fetus never would have formed, let alone lived.
So, yeah. I wrote a dark story because I hate a certain type of art that some people in the fandom like. Am I proud of myself? Not really. It's hardly a noble crusade. One of these days, maybe I'll stop being disgusted with the people around me long enough to not write out of spite anymore. Until that time comes, however, I hope someone's jimmies were rustled by this story. Honestly, I hope it makes them think twice about looking at pictures of horse-legged women, but that's a fairly vain hope. Mine is a stupid lot.
Also I swear to anything, I am not obsessed with pony pregnancy. Really, I'm not. :(
Casual alert
I bet you hate interracial marriage too
I hate to be that guy (actually I don't: I love it) but they aren't satyrs. Everyone gets that wrong.
They're called Sileni. A lesser-known Greek invention, companions of Dionysius with the body of a human and the legs (and oversized, overabundant genitals) of a horse, eventually personified into the single character Silenus.
That's all, really.
I'm going to go and read your fic now.
No, equine/human hybrids are Centaurs. Just like bovine/human hybrids are minotaurs and goat/human hybrids are satyrs/fauns. This is bastardization of mythology.
That said...
Funny, I dislike clop, shipping, and R34 in general, but I have no problem with the idea of xenophilia as long as all species involved are of comparable sapience and intelligence. I have no problem with the idea of pony-human offspring regardless of form.
Anyway, keep your stinkin reality outa my fantasy.
Needless to say I won't be reading this one either.
Also, theworstwriter already has a story where Pinkie is a slut and dumps all her horrific mutant children down a pit to live like the kids in Lord of the Flies.
Yay, another!
I have still a pages or two left to write (or, rather, to turn from script-like draft #3, which includes things like "bunch of magic tossed around", into actually readable text) before I can do a last proofreading and basic editing pass. Not going to be pretty, but with some 6 hours left for finishing and polish, it should at least be readable.
Going to take some time until I can read the stories from my fellow contestants, though. I have some RL work left to finish, and a few thousand words to rewrite for my entry in the Body Swap contest. I really shouldn't have picked something that asks for over 10K words to be properly done in both contests, specially because those will be the very first two fics I'm writing above that threshold...
But Satyrs are a melding of goat and man...
Ain't it interesting how you never see anthro that's the bottom half of a human and the top half of a horse...
I'll read it, but man do you have me a tiny bit nervous going in.
Also, it might be a day or two before I get to it for unrelated reasons.
2239747
Moshimoshi.
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100426155435/fairytail/images/a/a8/Sagittarius.jpg
2239761 is... he wearing that horse?
2239568
Unfortunately, the fandom calls them satyrs, so that's what we're stuck with. :B
2239695
NOT IN THIS FANDOM
2239761
Mother of god D:
2239805 This is just more grist to my "this fandom is made up of stupid and fuckwittery" mill.
I work that mill pretty damn hard.
Er, no. Humans and sheep are thoroughly genetically incompatible. Human sperm won't even crack a sheep's egg.The only human-sheep hybrids are the ones artificially produced in labs.
DISTURBING PICTURE ALERT
This and this are deformations and mutations, likely due to food and environment.
2239872
You know, I just now realized that the information I was working off of was quite a few years old. And the pictures likely photoshopped. <.< Anyway, not clicking those links.
As I mentioned in IRC the other night (come by more often, it's full of fuck) I once read a fantasy novel which literally opened on a satyr with his arm up a mare's vajayjay.
...
Of course, the mare was giving birth and the satyr was a wizzard. So if that doesn't explain shit, I don't gotta.
2239964
Haha :D Wait, what IRC c.c
2239997
The site's.
I prefer centaurs to satyrs, and full anthros to either of them. Anyone who tries to avoid the furry label like this really isn't fooling anyone.
As someone who's planning a story with a pony/griffon romance (between two males which will not result in natural-born children because of magic or whatever), I've always been bemused by the hardcore anti-xenophilia stance you've displayed in your blogs.
also
nigga PLEASE
2240028
I am not sure of the technicalities but aren't furry anthros animals with human anthropomorphization? If it is a human gaining animal traits I believe it is transformation, not anthropomorphization. And I believe that offspring between a "feral" and a human are hybrids, not anthros. So it's not really avoiding "furry" it's just a different, if similar, thing?
mainstream actors have intimate relationship with aliens on daytime television
get it together man it's not bestiality if they can do calculus this is basic shit
2239565
Um. Are you for real and seriously comparing pony and person whoopi to interralcial marriage.
2240000
There are generally too many people in it for my tastes. :B
2240028
I'm somewhat amused by it myself.
And I tell you, if the satyrs were just another permutation of the ponies, I'd be fine with it. "Here's Rainbow Dash with a lady top half a pony bottom half." I can dig that, it's like half a centaur and MLP centaurs have always been inexplicably creepy to me. (I normally like them.)
It's really the "biology doesn't work that way" part that gets me the most. Well, and ponies fucking humans. It's just wrong. :(
2240069
No I'm serious it's gross like ponies fucking humans but I keep writing about it. :((((
2240583
It's all about body types. Shepard can fuck Garrus all she wants because, head ridges and silly clothes aside, he's basically the same thing as her.
But something that walks on four legs? Nuh-uh. It's more complicated than that, but that is what I go on. :B
Cannot get behind this fervent anti cross species thing you have going. Yeah the sayters/pregnancy thing is dumb/weird but as far as I am concerned MLP ponies pass the harkness test (google it) so its all systems go.
Also,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHjfC780Mm4
2240695
I remember one Spider Robinson novel, one of the Callahan ones, where there was a human/alien couple. The woman was human. The male was humanoid and very similar to human in appearance, just skinny and green. There was no detail given but his species' mating act was compared to the octopus mating act where the male sticks his mating arm up the female's "nose". They were said to have found a compatable work-around.
In another book in the same series, the character Ralph von Wau Wau who I believe is a sapient and fully intelligent with a human-like mind, but is also a dog, regularly visited the brothel where a couple books took place. You see, he had to fuck humans, because fucking other dogs would be bestiality.
2240809
And the funny part is, it really would be.
Rustle the damn jimmies! The core of the idea is an exploration of what should be the natural progression of things, and at the very least it has that to justify itself.
2240695
Oh, so the romance that I mentioned wouldn't automatically bother you, then? That's good to know.
2240645 I see no difference
2240695 CASUAL
2240977
Pony/griffon is still pretty ehhh. I think I'm just getting used to it at this point. Would rather see that than pony/diamond dog, anyway.
2241044
Then you're kinda dense, aren't you?
2241852 I'd say the same about you for not catching on to an obvious joke, sweetheart
2241895
Well now you're just being a dick. Besides, it's difficult to tell things like that on the Internet sometimes, especially in this fandom, where a man once applied for a marriage certificate for his custom-made Twilight Sparkle doll and firmly refers to her as his wife.
2242023 see, now that's just hilarious
You called me dense, I returned fire.
and how am I the dick when you fired (serious) shots first?
in the end, we've all got a little dick in us~
wait, that didn't come out right at all
That is not how genetics works, PP
2239568
Huh. Odd, I remember learning that the horse-legged men were called Ipotane.
(Just looked it up. Ipotane refers to a race of two-legged centaurs basically, and Sileni refers more to that one example you brought up.)
2242767
I have been informed of this. :B
2242788
As has been said many times before, this fandom is kinda dumb. :B
2242023
2242039
Okay, break it up, you two.
2242893
Meh. Less of a fandom thing, more of a humanity thing. Humanity is dumb in many ways. Humans in general are dumb. Myself included.
Present, how did I miss this incredibly entertaining and bizarre post from you? The things this fandom gets up to...
2252355
My guess is "you're silly". :B
Also how is it bizarre?
2252428 It's bizarre to me because lots of people are really into humans having sex with cartoon ponies to the degree that they need to think it out this far.
I'm not saying your post is bizarre because of what you've written. It's about something bizarre. It's like if I ran into the sheep fucker and he had this whole fantasy about his half-sheep kids and the antics they got up to. It ratchets up the bizarre even more for me. Fucking the sheep just wasn't enough. We have to move on to the next level.
But then, I'm not really one for clop, so it's lost on me. I still haven't really made the leap to shipping, let alone hybrid babies.
2252485
I getcha. :B
So, about this. Why is this not possible?
Well, as it turns out, living organisms evolve a sort of... well, interlocking mechanism might be the best way of putting this. More or less, egg and sperm cells have chemical identifiers on their surface, and these drift over time. When these drift sufficiently far apart, interbreeding is no longer possible.
The more distantly related two species are, the less likely they are to be able to interbreed. So I sorely doubt that any human could mate with almost any animal and produce viable offspring. I dunno how much human/chimp and human/gorllia and human/bonobo experimentation there has been, and I doubt that it would work...
But, well, they're our closest surviving relatives. But seven million years is an awfully long time.
People often talk about chromosomes, but this is actually incorrect; while having an odd number of chromosomes makes YOU reproducing very unlikely (because meiosis - the process which produces egg and sperm cells - gets messed up if you have an odd number of chromosomes, vastly reducing the viability of your eggs and sperm, in addition to various problems with the environment inside your body for the child) as far as the individual is concerned, the number of chromosomes probably isn't that big of a deal so long as they have all the proper genes (which may or may not be the case; differences in mitochondrial lines alone may be problematic at some level, and when you're taking genes from two species, you're very likely to have problems - autoimmune issues alone could potentially be quite nasty).
But things which are closely related enough are compatible; while most obvious with some plants, many animals, too, can crossbreed, though they don't (or only do so very rarely) in nature. Mules are an obvious example, but ligers are another, as are the various dog/species X hybrids (coyote, wolf, fox, ect. though to be fair, dogs are domesticated wolves - they've only had 15kyrs or so separation, and realistically less than that as they do cross back periodically).
I dunno if you could create a straight up human/x hybrid naturally; via the magic of science, you possibly could, but most of those hybrids are done by means other than eggs and sperm (because you want to precisely control things; mostly, you either take some cells and mix them in, or you insert desirable genes and knock out undesirable ones).
If you actually did this, chances are good it wouldn't work. And that's actually probably especially true of human beings; we are very weird organisms, physiologically speaking. Our brains and overall body plan are deeply incompatible with any other animal, and I'd imagine trying to make a human/X hybrid, where X was anything which wasn't a great ape, would almost certainly result in the thing dying very early on, even if you somehow "cheated" past the various biochemical barriers, simply because the genes would give conflicting instructions and it wouldn't develop properly.
2252485
ANYWAY...
I think that finding such mating incredibly squicky is probably incredibly common and indeed is most likely an evolved trait; organisms evolve to mate with those much like themselves because said mating improves the odds of producing healthy, viable offspring. Xenophilia, then, is a defect in this evolutionary mechanism of making with something which is similar to yourself.
This is why, I think, there's multiple "lines" of furries - there's the people who like the whole cat ears/tail thing and find that cute, but find anthros squicky. There are people who find anthros okay, but find quadrapeds creepy. And then there's the people who find quadrapeds okay, but they have to pass the harkness test - to them, boning a dog is creepy.
And then, of course, there are people who fuck dogs, whose mechanism is most likely wholly compromised.
Also, I've noticed that the more abstract a creature is, the less squicky it tends to be for people - excessively animalistic anthros will creep out even the people who are okay with it otherwise. It certainly creeps me out.
Interestingly, I find the squickiness of it much greater when it is a human having sex with something else, rather than two xenos having sex. I have some suspicion that this may be my own built-in biological defense mechanisms - basically, if you're a dogfucker, you're a sick fuck, but if two dogs are having sex with each other, or anything else, whatever, they're not part of my species, so there's no reason why that isn't okay. It is logical enough from the standpoint of squick. Some people might be squicked by sufficiently different species mating; I suspect that the line is drawn in different places for different people.
uh oh casual alert
2293549
get out fgt
Ah, well, this explains why the story was so convenient in more than a few parts.
Personally, if Celestia made that spell I'm pretty sure she would eliminate most of the chances that nature would birth something that bad and even then, I didn't find your description of Lyra's son thatoffensive.
I like the idea of the story, but dislike the story itself because its just too... illogical in a sense.
3294187
Why do people keep digging up my old journals? D:
3294199
Fun and differing opinions :P
Also, be more acceptive of things.
3294708
Sorry I'm not interested in horse sex.
3295177
Not talking about that.
Love & Tolerate or at the very least Love or Tolerate.
3295890
It's 2015, that mantra was debunked as meritless years ago. :/