Becoming myself · 4:36am February 1st
It's a bit strange that I've spent days trying to figure out how to write this. It's such a big thing and I want to get that across to y'all, but I never will. So I'm just going to rip off the bandaid and get this out there. Because something amazing happened to me.
I typed this up multiple times and deleted it, because it was too much to the point, boring, didn't convey my feelings at all. That's a problem for me sometimes, but not usually with written words. Spoken words are hard. I am charismatic and outgoing in text and in text alone. It's the autism.
Being autistic is weird. Like many people, I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood, and then only because I asked my mental health provider. No one ever said to me, Hey I think you might want to look into this. I figured it out on my own, and it was hard. And it still is a lot of time.
I'd be a somewhat stoic person if we met offline. That's just because I don't know how to act, and "Just be yourself" doesn't work on my brain. There aren't many people I can, say, start randomly giggling and jumping up and down with. Or make weird noises with little to no prompting. There are not many people who understand why I need to meticulously do things the specific way that I do them.
The thing with "not many" means that there must be some though. And of those, I want to talk about bats. I thought I'd want to tell you the story of us, but I don't. It's not that I don't want people to know, it's that it's boring to listen to if you don't know us personally.
Instead, I want to talk about the person I can jump around and make weird autistic noises with. I want to talk about the person who has somehow made me able to "just be myself". The person who does not just inspire me to be better, but who shows me how to do it. The person that, on Monday evening, I proposed to.
That's what this is about. As of the past two days, bats and I are engaged. And I don't know how to talk about that. On Discord, I've mostly talked about it by making jokes. I described it as "being based and engagepilled together" in my official announcement. Because it's easier.
Because if I did anything else, I'd have to look into this thing and figure out how to talk about it. And it's not that it scares me or whatever, it's that I don't know how to be myself. I know how to talk about myself, especially my struggles. But how do I share my happiness? Usually I just talk about my struggles and cap it off with an optimistic tone, but I don't want to do that here, nor is it applicable anyway.
So what options do I have? I can figure out how to talk about being engaged, I can bore people with a story of to internet weirdos who just met by chance and hit it off, or I can make jokes. Maybe if I could be myself it would be easier. I don't know how, but I've found someone to be myself with, and that's something.
I am engaged with a wonderful woman who makes me so very happy to be here. I am continuing to build my future, which is now our future as well. And when I stop stumbling over words here and hit that submit button, I can take off the mask of the storyteller who can figure out how to convey feelings without needing to know how to talk through things, go cuddle up with my fiancée, and be myself again.
That's so amazing!! Congrats y'all, I'm so happy for you 💖💖💖
Sharing this for posterity:
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/622251174770376727/1202053116800008212/Screenshot_20240130_114632_Discord.jpg?ex=65cc0e34&is=65b99934&hm=62911a9d21ab5d0657437d4a255de148f923babe474ce0ecb4762500b73a76ca&
I have found you to be myself with, too, and I'm so looking forward to what our future holds, together for always. I love you, mi conejita.
5765716
Thank you so much! I'm so very happy with everything going on in our lives, and can't wait to see what the future holds
5765717
So what I'm getting from that image is I need to try harder
I want to congratulate both you and bats on how your investigation into ways of being happy is going.
Congratulations!
While I already said it in your Discord servers congrats my friend. And on that austic mention, it can be very hard to deal with as I've had it since I was 3. But now I've learned to accept it as a part of me and just face the fact people will still like me even if I'm austic. I may not be perfect, but what matters is I'm not alone with this and that there are others who understand my problems and is something you've managed to solve with bats. Once again, congratulations on the engagement. You both deserve it.
5765717
You are both monsters and were clearly made for one another.
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Congratulations to the both of you!
congratspilled am i doing it right
AHHHHHHHHHHH OHMYGOSH CONGRATULATIONS! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!
Oh, wow, huge congratulations! I'm so happy for you two :D
What exciting news! Being engaged is a process of submitting oneself to another and giving trust. There's a lot of responsibility involved, and that's a bumpy road you're trekking upon.
However, with the way you two stay with each other, I can say with one hundred and ten percent that you'll defeat all obstacles in the way.
Congratulations! May your days be brighter than ever before!
AAAAAAHHHH That's so cool! Congrats to both of you, and I wish you the best.
Many thanks for all the well wishes in this thread! I'm not the best at this part, so I'll just say that your support is deeply appreciated
Congrats !!
5765717
<3 "mi conejita", que adorable
Congratulations
congratspilled and matrimonymaxxing to the both of you