Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #54 · 6:31pm Mar 20th, 2023
Paddy’s Day came and went. Given I don’t drink alcohol at all and am not the most social phantom except in moderately-sized groups with close friends, acquaintances and colleagues, I naturally stayed in, even if large chunks of this emerald isle celebrated or got themselves wasted. Not that I minded, the national holiday gave me a three-day weekend, and those are always nice. Especially as, while I did rather sleep in on all three days, I did do something semi-productive, and didn’t just use my spare time to stockpile more Ponyfic reviews, watch some tv/film or check more Mario Kart 8 Deluxe Expert Staff 200cc Time Trials off the beaten checklist (yes, this is my current video game task, and a pretty happy one for my tastes).
After what felt like ages – and nearly was, being frank – I finally returned to script writing for my Ponyfic adventure novel (yes, in hindsight, not the best way to craft a beat sheet to transcribe into prose format, but this ain’t sunk-cost fallacy, it is close enough to completion that it is best to finish), after making only incremental progress at the margins of largely completed scenes/sequences for the better part of a year. And this wasn’t just a page or two; over the weekend, I wrote very nearly a whole sequence, and thus very nearly all the content for one full chapter (granted, one of the shorter chapters, but we’re still talking around 3K when it becomes a Ponyfic here).
Now, there is a catch – I accomplished this by jumping ahead and writing the sequence most fully fleshed out in the outline and in my mind, one I’d been saving for its chronological point in the process. So my actual inventing was largely on the connective tissue and flow between the moments. I did this because I was so blocked on the parts I was at, and I’d sapped myself of the motivation and drive to power through them; I’m hoping this will unblock me, or at least mentally convince myself to be okay with not having the perfect or ideal solutions for other sections. Considering I first started brainstorming this back in… November 2020… I’m determined to absolutely at least finish this stage this year, if not start publishing it this year altogether.
Unlike most folks, I’m not feeling pressured to do writing constantly as a permanent fixture for a side hobby; I do it for a story I want to write, and otherwise, I’m happy just to read fiction. To have one stick with me for nearly two-and-a-half years as I work through it is a good sign, even if I evidently need to find better ways to tackle the next novel. 
I’ll almost certainly wait until the script is done before formally announcing it here (maybe If I’m bullish, I’ll do so when I’ve only got a chapter’s worth to go), but I’m feeling good enough about it right now to say it’s a Season 2-era adventure story featuring the Mane 7 largely set in an undiscovered land beyond Equestria, born out of my desire for a better FiM movie. Though obviously unbeholden to the content and length restrictions such a thing would face in reality (still E-rated, to clarify)! Turns out melding character arcs and adventure plots with new and old lore in a way that has them all speak to each other, as opposed to simply sharing page space as atypically happens for the end result when you’ve got marketing requirements to plug in your multi million dollar production, is really satisfying as you solve it. Who knew? 
Presumably you’re here for other folks’ Ponyfics, not the rare cryptic update on mine. As promised last week, I’ll be alternating between regular weeks and Author Spotlights for a short while, long enough to catch up on the missed one for October last year through to January. Regular menagerie this week, and while there are no novellas, two novelettes keep the word count healthy. While we’re in this limbo of getting close to featuring novel-length fics but not quite there, keeping the word count in the 30K+ range weekly will do. So we’re all happy! One fic this week really surprised me and worked against my usual expectations of its characters too, that’s always nice to see. Read on to see which one I’m talking about. 
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
I Can't Stay For Long by naturalbornderpy
Obsolete by Taialin
Applejack's Hobby by TheLegendaryBillCipher
The Destiny Trap by AndrewRogue
Pinkie Pegasus by Lets Do This
Weekly Word Count: 38,310 Words
I Can't Stay For Long by naturalbornderpy
Genre: Sad/Slice of Life
Rarity, Sweetie Belle
1,782 Words
September 2015Reread
What started as a very productive day for Rarity, one where everything was going right, soon turns differently when Sweetie Belle shows up, long before school has let out, to tell Rarity some important things. Yet she’s keeping her distance, and claiming she has to be quick, as she can’t stay.
Once past a pretty routine opening and with Sweetie Belle in the picture, this story starts hitting hard. It really gets at how people actually act when they have limited time to say so much, and can’t get their words together, and the other is perplexed yet steadily unnerved by it all.
It’s a very simple concept done without any bells or whistles, with some rough prose for the more normal parts that aren’t all about the layers between the dialogue, and not likely to stick in the mind, but while reading this, it’s impactful enough. Worth checking out, long as one’s in the appropriate mood.
Rating: Decent
With a spring in his step, Spike heads over to Rarity’s. All he knows is that she wants to have afternoon tea. That’s new; no help, no need of a favour, just the two of them. It’s enough to get Spike hopeful. Is this the time when she’ll finally make his dreams come true…? It could well be. At least, that was what he thought, until he got there and registered both Rarity’s tone and the other pony present.
Though technically a follow-up to a trilogy of one-shots of Rarity and Fluttershy falling in love and becoming a couple (Listen, Language, and Lust; the Flarity 'L' trilogy, as named by the author), this is basically standalone, as being that it is from the POV of Spike only learning now that his crush is now spoken for, the information is all presented as new, and outside of one or two implications of how the two got together, you wouldn’t even be aware this was a sequel. Good thing too, I probably wouldn’t have read it otherwise (the third story in that first trilogy is an M-rated exploration of sexuality, which looks like the thoughtful variety but still probably not for me). All that leaves us with is this raw depiction of Spike’s discovery of what he’s lost, what it means for all the time he’s been with Rarity having meant nothing, and whether he can even look at her any more. All filtered through the full gauntlet of common issues as regards both Sparity as a ship and her treatment of Spike in the show.
I do mean raw; there is never a moment throughout in which Spike’s pain isn’t felt and present. Both Spike and Rarity’s emotions get away from them, and Taialin isn’t afraid to show the more negative personality traits of both even as they own up to their mistakes. This is a story that doesn’t sweep things under the rug, but acknowledges, if not in dialogue, that hurt like this will take time to heal, yet you can’t just ignore that who is unmistakably a friend in the meantime either. Adding to all that is Fluttershy, perfectly fulfilling the role of meditative partner, with her quiet yet authoritative inner strength coming out to help both parties.
For all that this is an upsetting yet potent look at what would happen in a situation like this, there are areas in which it feels rather lacking. The writing is great at capturing Spike’s perspective and emotions, but can feel not only rather circular and simultaneously focused and meandering. It certainly doesn’t feel like it needed 10K words, even given the space to accentuate Spike’s thoughts and emotions throughout. Moreso, for all I praise it for not freeing Rarity of sin, there are some aspects of her portrayal here that still don’t sit quite right, and her explanation of why she led him on really isn’t much more then “I figured it was a childhood crush you’d grow out of”, despite purporting by the story itself to go beyond that.
Being that this is a story where the journey matters more than the destination, the emotional depths reached here do carry it to a satisfying result, even if the actual material and incident, when reflected on, is a little less so. But any fanfiction that can make you feel is doing something right, and this is doing more than merely ‘something’ right. If you’re interested in a nuanced depiction of the bleaker issues with Spike and Rarity’s relationship, here’s the fic for you.
Rating: Pretty Good
Applejack's Hobby by TheLegendaryBillCipher
Genre: Slice of Life
Applejack, Apple Bloom, OC
3,573 Words
January 2023
Everypony’s got a hobby. Pinkie collects rocks, Twilight experiments with science and so forth. Not Applejack, not really, and during one off-season, it gets to her enough that she browses around town looking for something to scratch an itch. Lo and behold, a new hobby store just opened up with all manner of kits and things to assemble. Including a miniature Friendship Express…
Do you like and/or find the concept of Applejack building trains interesting? That’s the extent of what happens here: AJ convinces herself to try a small set, finds it interesting but also feels something’s missing, expands to a larger set, then to a bigger space than her room, and finally has transitioned to full “it took me weeks to make this” results. It’s all done with a very light, gentle touch, where even the points of comedy – Apple Bloom finding it to be a toy that doesn’t do anything, Granny Smith just being nonplussed – register with less sass than you’d reckon.
To clarify, it’s not a lazy, tossed-off entry; the details of the appeal of the hobby are communicated well enough to make AJ’s captivation in it believable (that cover art helps, of course), and the prose is nice and relaxing. There just isn’t much to say about it, but neither does it make much in the way of errors along the way. Lack of ambition isn’t a sin, after all. More or less, this is a simple, cosy read. If that and this concept sounds appealing, it’s worth it.
Rating: Decent
The Destiny Trap by AndrewRogue
Genre: Adventure
Trixie, Starlight, OC
7,746 Words
July 2017
Trixie only planned to pick up some more tricks at her favourite magician’s shop in Manehattan. She didn’t count on coming across a shop she hadn’t seen before, or a sly pony within, or that she would buy a new magic trick that, when performed for her friend Starlight, would rob her of the most magical thing she has. Thus setting the stage for a return journey to reclaim what was lost, and when that fails, an extension across Equestria.
StarTrix friendshipping ain’t an easy sell at the best of times, but wowzers, did this story manage it. Perhaps by leaning a little more on Trixie’s humble side, or truly forcing Starlight to confront aspects of herself she thought she’s long since buried, it makes their voices and characterisation so affable, and thus leaving it to be not a burden, but instead thematic reinforcement to what is otherwise a crackerjack adventure episode-like fanfic (seriously, it feels like a Season 7 story with the friendship-focused trappings of a Season 1/2 episode, and it makes that join work). Despite the 7.7K length, this is a really dense fic, one where most of the wheat and the chaff between scenes has been excised, and while the pacing gets a little too fast at times, for the most part it serves as a boost to the events within.
The details of that are pretty delectable too; street magic patter ends up really feeding into the narrative and prose in a complimentary way, and the antagonist is a really delectable figure, atmospherically present even when offpage for most of the fic, and a great thematic foil to these two ponies, both sides forcing the other to confront who they are and make dramatic acts telling of the pony within.
Between a simple tale told with appropriate pizazz, dangers both physical and mental that feel right at home for FiM, and an ending that just sings for the fic and washes away what resistance I still had, this one’s a keeper. Don’t sleep on it as I did!
Rating: Really Good
Pinkie Pegasus by Lets Do This
Genre: Comedy/Drama (Alternate Universe)
Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, Twilight, Rarity, Twilight Velvet (also Applejack & Fluttershy)
14,853 Words
September 2022Sequel to The Two Unicorns (Reviewed here)
Now that Twilight has visited two different worlds, made friends in both, and helped quash a political upheaval, it’s time for them all to meet under one roof, in her home town and world of earth ponies. Yet while most of everypony is happy, not least the always-on pegasus Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash isn’t quite, what with her divided efforts across these worlds having just cost her what she really wanted back home. Something the insensitive Pinkie isn’t helping with. Yet she’s about to discover that voicing your troubles to your friends can lead to unexpected results. Not least accelerating a meeting of the leaders to form an alliance just to rescue Dash’s dreams…
For better or for worse, by this third entry in Let Do This’ Mane 6 G5 ’Verse (G4.5? Mm, that probably risks confusion with Pony Life – *shudder*), the original mysticism, adventure and wonder that made When Ponies Fly such a stellar piece and was one of the main selling points of The Two Unicorns is largely absent, on a scale equivalent to how de-fanged the Everfree Forest became in later seasons of the show, except if that had happened by its third appearance in “Stare Master”.
Now, the way this fic ends does seem to indicate it is only temporary, at least on this scale, and more adventure will return. But the greater point that we’re already at the “dimension-hopping occurs between scenes like they’re the next town over” point of this take on G5 (not an aspect of the actual Generation Five any of us wanted replicated here, I’m sure) is cause for concern, that one of this series’ greatest strengths has been willingly diluted this soon. I’m all for a speedy pace through these stories that cuts out a lot of the fluff, but not one that strips out the fun.
To be clear, that’s only from one angle, for this story otherwise serves largely as a “formally introduce characters that haven’t yet met” piece. On top of this incarnation of the Mane 6 all being together for the first time, we have Twilight’s parents meeting the crowd, the aforementioned meeting between world leaders as arranged by the Mane 6, all sharing space with Rainbow’s aforementioned internal plight. This does very much give this the feeling of an in-between instalment in the series, one that is largely laying groundwork for future story points (even before an ending drops a tonally dissonant thread to the largely pleasant and low-key slice of life vibe here).
Being frank, this story isn’t quite sure what it wants to be, with character threads getting focused on, then deprioritised or dropped altogether, then resolved offscreen. Pinkie being a bit intentionally annoying doesn’t lead to any particularly significant moment of her turning a leaf or helping them; her methods do smooth things over, but this is treated with the same expectedness you’d expect from a normal G4 fic, not one where so many characters are meeting her anew or the ostensible main thread of her warming her way back into Dash’s heart, something that the fic, on top of Dash’s annoyance with her, evidently doesn’t believe in, for how much it’s not present.
In other angles, Twilight’s parents accepting the visitors is brushed through for a comedic punchline that works but short-changes things further, and Applejack has been delegated to an earnest supporting player before she’s even had the chance to have a starring role to really make her a known entity to the rest of the Mane 6. And naturally, the shrunk scope makes any new lore developments here get tossed off with the tone of normal inventions. More than anything, though, the writing style accentuates the pacing and flow that prioritises some moments and breezes by others with little rhyme or reason, not helped by the often detail-light description bordering on talking heads stage-play levels, especially for the bulk of the last chapter. It’s never aggravating, not nearly, but it does contribute to the end result feeling muffled and confused.
On the other hand, Twilight and Rainbow’s friendship built on their differing personalities that started the series out remains as strong as ever, with their one solo scene together being the unquestionable highlight. The reintegration of G4 characters and lore into this setting remains largely successful (with none of the terrible knowing meta references that mildly soured the endgame of the prior story!). And above all, Lets Do This continues to do a grand job at keeping things interesting and engaging without resorting to conflict poisoning and makes all the Mane 6 endearing.
If I don’t have much else to say on the positives, well, it’s because they’re simple but effective. However negative this review might read, rest assured it’s gripping and enjoyable. I just cannot deny this fic disappointed me somewhat, or at least came in deflated, what with the choice to do a bridging story stripping out much of the fantasy now and one with its character and thread focus all over the place. Were this the middle chapters of a longer work that it is in everything but name (seriously, Lets Do This – don’t let this become the 20 stories of one-shots and novellas that is your Not Exactly Friends series), it might not be as noticeable.
Regardless, if you enjoyed the prior two entries, you’ll like this one. I still did, make no mistake; this is a very strong Decent. And possibly it might fare better once the next entry is out, and isn’t a bridging story to nowhere. As it is, though, this feels akin to an episode in an overarching tv series that does important setup but isn’t nearly as entertaining to actually watch/read as what came before and after. Enough, with Lets Do This’ habit of always having at least some questionable plot choices alongside the sensible ones, to give me tangible concern for where this series will go next, though I’ll certainly be there.
Rating: Decent
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 1
Decent: 3
Passable: 0
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
G5B? (The B is for Better)
Oh, my dude!
We are of like minds, it seems! I will read the heck out of that when you roll it out!
oh yeah, Destiny Trap was really good :D says something when I can recall a story based on the cover art!
You already know I'm looking forward muchly to your fic, and I will wait as long as it takes.
As far as today's batch is concerned, I'm glad you liked The Destiny Trap. As you may remember from a few years ago, I absolutely adored it and I wasn't expecting you to like it that much, but I will definitely take a Really Good. Seconding your urging of people not to sleep on it! Of the others, Taialin's is one I've considered, but the fact that the author has never written the third fic in that trilogy puts me off a little, even though I liked the L stories. (Of which the last was my favourite, M rating notwithstanding.) The other three look to be "I might give them a look at some point" fics for me, though AJ's model train story could be useful if I want a low-stress short one week. 
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It really does, doesn't it? Usually requires pretty unique and striking cover art (I think the artist here nails Starlight and Trixie in that style from the comics Jay Fogsitt employs, but, like, better and fitting), but it does speak first and foremost to the content of the actual fic itself. Nailing a character relationship, a villain like this, a generous moral compass and an adventure fic all in this short a word span merits being remembered, I say!
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Only reason I even mention it here on occasion at all this far out is because I'm often that parched to have a good opener for these, week after week. Let's just say I understand you carving our a style that permits having only a few sentences to headline yours! In any case, I do feel I'm running the risk of playing my
handmitt even from there few mentions alone, so I do intend to largely abstain going forward until it's in a state worth mentioning again. Which will likely be several months. Until then!Wouldn't have read it at the time, or at least wouldn't remember doing so, I still lurked and floated about quietly back in Spring 2019. But your review, however I did find it, certainly accelerated me having a look at it. Five-star reviews will do that, don't'cha know.
If it helps, this 100% reads like a self-contained story; it feels like a trilogy of one shots only in so far as each one follows up on the prior one, and were referred to as a trilogy in hindsight. Unless such things really concern you even when the fics are that disconnected, I'd go ahead and read this regardless.
I daresay most folks will enjoy Pinkie Pegasus a bit more than I did, and depending on how The Two Unicorns fares for you when you cover it soon, you'll probably be one of them. Given the series' other strengths, being unfocused and cluttered for 15K in-between the bigger works isn't much of a sin. And if the next entry upticks again, as I'm expecting it to, it being softer and muddled will be perfectly acceptable too.
Interestingly, this was the first time I've covered a sequel in a separate review week then when I covered the original, and not by a short distance either; I reviewed When Ponies Fly and The Two Unicorns for my spotlight on Lets Do This (#39) in late September last year, almost six months ago. So, how it normally is for fanfic reviewers! It did mean I didn't have to be as cryptic about the precursor's events as if they were covered in the same blog, so it has it advantages. I don't doubt we'll be seeing this a bit more going forward.
Another case where it might inch a tier higher for you than for me. Or if not, one you're still very glad to have read. You do like yourself some trains, after all.
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Don't worry, buddy; I haven't forgotten how you've given similar "that's right up my alley! Count me in!" reactions whenever I've mentioned it anywhere (to the point I started thinking you forgot it in-between each occurrence, which would be totally understandable of course).
I do anticipate you having, at the bare minimum, a good time with this. The question lies on whether I can deliver a great one, as I want to for the story itself, plus myself and the readers. I think I can, and am on track to do, even if it might not be in the ways we usually think of for adventure Ponyfic novels. We'll see.
Worth noting that one way this will feel like a FiM movie is the intensity of the content. It will go to places Hasbro would have second thoughts about, naturally, but only really up to the level of a (great) Disney Animation film – intense and scary in the best way for the really young, you know. Maybe inching marginally beyond that. This is a conscious choice on my part. Otherwise, I've jettisoned every other "hm, an actual movie wouldn't do this" concern, while still trying to make it not feel too reflexively "fanfic-y", even if the heavy, heavy focus on lore and worldbuilding will still mark it as such.
Hopefully all that makes sense. It'll have to do for now! As mentioned to Logan below (or above, depending on your comments orientation), next time I bring it up, it'll be ready enough to bring up. I'll have a title that isn't a placeholder, for a start.
That's a good step!
Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it.
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It was the mention of the movie that really tickled me, because that's what I'm working on right now; an Adventureverse take on the fallout of the movie's inciting events, given what Twi has gone through and learned in the first three books of the series. Needless to say, things work out differently in my AU.
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Doth my eyes deceive me? Did iisaw confirm that he’s… working on another Ponyfic novel in his AU? 
I’d long figured no new Ponyfic was coming from you since the migration to A03 and Offprint, so to say this is a surprise (unless I’m interpreting it worng) is an understatement. I guess I’ll have to not prolong rereading and reviewing that quadriliogy too long, if I want to read that when it does drop!
Though… AdventureVerse?
I thought it was the Alicorn Adventures series. Or is that just a loose shortening you use to include the various side-stories alongside the four core novels? Probably, now I think about it!
To clarify, my fic has nothing to do with the 2017 movie, even if it was a fixfic for it for maybe a week at the start of the process, before I decided it was too hard and gave too limited an interested viewership. I figured I was giving myself and the story the best possible chance to just go full clean slate, and while on principle the result will be rather standalone as though the viewer hadn’t seen the show (except where such a choice would negatively affect the story, then I utilize the fandom’s knowledge
), mostly it’s just trying to do a one-off adventure from a time when Twilight and co had just gotten used to their new normal in Season 2. Characters are easier to shape when they’re still finding themselves, after all. No exaggeration to say the end result will feel like a fic that could have come out in 2012 (in a good way). Plus, I get an out to plot armour like Discord as an ally and Twilight’s alicorn power levels. That’s helped. 
But, yeah: I can absolutely see a totally different (and less passive, putting it mildly) set of reactions and events to both the movie’s backstory (where it exists) and early incident in a verse where Twilight has been as badass awesome as you’ve done her! Especially with the sky pirates adventure behind them (I had to remind myself that the fourth one won’t have happened yet at that point, given it needs Flurry to age up first). However you tackle it, I’m sure it’ll be wonderful.
Applejack's Hobby is so cozy and I love it. Just a mare learning the joy of making her own little works of art.
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Yes, a dumb foreshortening/nickname of The Alicorn Adveture series.
Doesn't every AU series have to have the suffix -verse nowadays? (Like every American political scandal has to have -gate appended to it, no matter how stupid it sounds.)
I've gotten 14 chapters written of The Cadenza Prophesy and 10 edited to my satisfaction so far. I too, am hoping to start publishing this year, given that I've decided not to start releasing chapters until I finish it. It's certainly fun to write, and starts right off with the attack on Canterlot going substantially differently than in the movie. I hope to get a lot of work done this summer when I'm taking off work for a few months.
I'm actually very glad that yours will be a solidly Season 2 fic, because I really think my enjoyment of the show peaked about then, and I love the general feeling of a wider and more magical world that it had at the time.