Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Call of Doodyfield 21: Propaganda day

After Deadpool's encounter with Kat (hope you looked at her link, folks), Deadpool... wait... Deadpool? Deadpool? Where are you?

"Over here!"

Oh! There you are! Why are you hiding inside a barrel?

"Because he's coming!"

Who's coming? Are you talking about the other superhero I'm adding?

"What do you think, dumba**?"

Hey! No need to get rude here! Plus, I'm an American myself, and I'm not as bad as Michael Bay.

"...Touche."

Plus, this is the Marvel Cinematic universe Captain America, the one with the kicka** "Winter Soldier" movie that you and I actually enjoyed more than both "The First Avenger" and his role in "The Avengers".

"Really!? Why didn't you say so!? Bring him in!"

Alright, just get out. Ahem, Deadpool got out of his hiding spot, and right above him was a portal with the colors Red, White, and Blue.

"Really?"

Just work with me. Anyways, the portal opened up, and Captain F**king America landed right on the floor in front of Deadpool in a pose that the Terminator did!

"Hey! I came down face first and broke my ribs!"

You're Deadpool, you can live with it. Captain America rose up and looked around, seeing Deadpool.

"Deadpool!?" He asked "Is that really you?"

"I don't know," Deadpool replied like a sassy black woman "Are you Captain America or Captain Puerto Rico?"

"Puerto Rico? No! I'm from the God given United States of America! There's no way I'm from Puerto Rico." Deadpool pulled out his phone.

The Cap stared at it, then looked at his chest.

"So you want me to have all fifty stars on my chest?" Captain America asked

"And all thirteen stripes!" Deadpool added

"You still haven't answered me if you're Deadpool or not." Deadpool removed his mask, showing off his tumor looking face!

"♫How 'bout now? 'Cause I'm up right now! And you suck right now♫!" Cap stared at Deadpool's face.

"Well... I guess you really are Deadpool. Where are we?"

"The place that's 20% cooler and better than America, EQUESTRIA!!!"

"Equestria!? How's a small African country better than America!?"

"This ain't an African country! This is a whole different land altogether! Just look around us!"

"What do you mean? It looks like-" Cap froze as all around both of them, ponies ran everywhere, all enjoying their daily lives. Steve's eye began to twitch

Is he gonna talk about how gay and 'unamerican' this is!?

Considering he didn't commit suicide knowing that the President of the U.S & Head of S.H.I.E.L.D. is black, nearly all but whites have equal rights in actions & speech, and all his friends are dead... he's going to be alright.

"...Deadpool?" Cap asked. Deadpool cartoonishly rose his head towards Cap.

"Yeees?" He replied

"...You've been gone for months... and you've been in a land with small... talking... ponies?"

"Eeyup!"

"...Where do I begin?"

"Well, if you need to know, the land is ruled by two god horses that rule everything with an iron fist... or hoof, because they control the sun & the moon, as well as they can infiltrate your dreams as you sleep and can sentence you to live on the moon for 1000 years!" Cap stared at Deadpool as Wade smiled with a squee sound. Cap's eyes turned serious.

"Sounds like a job for Captain America!"

"WHAT!?!?!? NO!!! They love it here! I love it here!!!"

"You've been brainwashed, Deadpool! You, and the rest of these ponies here are blindly following two tyrants that are abusing their power! They sound just as bad as Doctor Doom and the country of Latveria!!! I doubt they don't have technology, but I'm going to save them and show them true Democracy!!!" Deadpool pulled his swords out.

"You can't attack them! For Starters, despite all of our efforts, Doctor Doom ruling the world is the only way humanity CAN SURVIVE, and second, the princess aren't tyrants! Well... I guess Celestia is, since she banished her sister to the moon for 1000 years, and is a bit of a Lazy a** for anything... trolls everyone... and I guess-"

"We don't have much time! FOR FREEDOM!!!" Cap charged, but raised his shield as Deadpool sliced at him! "Deadpool! We need to stop them! We need-"

"Shut up with you 'Freedom' this and 'Democracy' that! That's bulls**t!!! Plus, we have to let them rule! If Celestia and Luna dies, then not only will the world fall into chaos with a lack of order, but the sun & moon won't be raised at all! You'd literally have one side forever in light & burning forever and the other trapped in darkness and freezing to death!"

"That's a lie! If they do control the Sun & Moon, then how was life even made to begin with!?" Deadpool froze and thought to himself

That's... actually a good question.

UNICORNS!!!

We know unicorns did it, but how were THEY made if the sun & moon can't be raised or lowered?

MAGIC!!!

Magic was made AFTER life was made. There has to be some explanation for this!

Deadpool was shoved out of the way and Captain America ran to the Canterlot Castle.

"S**T!!!" Deadpool yelled getting up. "Quickly! To canterlot!!!"

Both Celestia and Luna sat together on a table together, Celestia enjoying yet another piece of cake while Luna played on Nintendo 3DS, trying to capture all of the pokemon.

"Sister," Celestia spoke "Where in Equestria did you get that device?"

"...This?" Luna replied "Just... found... it... GOT YA!!!" Deadpool appeared in a puff of smoke, landing on the table & splatting Celestia's cake.

"Your Highnessessessess!!!" Deadpool yelled "One of my friends has arrived and they're coming to meet you!!!"

"That sounds splendid, Deadpool." Celestia replied "I'll save this slice of cake for your friend."

"No! I mean, he's out to GET YOU!!!"

"Get us?" Luna asked "How is he going to 'get us'? And why?"

"He's on his way here and he's from my world in a foreign land called "America"! There, a**holes & D**ks rule everything, making all other people stupid as they spend too much money on stuff made from their own rules one day, China, and they'll become a unified empire called Americana. Let's say that he's too blindsided to see it and it too patriotic about it, becoming one of those dumba**es that have no facts about how it's great at all... LIKE CALL OF DUTY!!!" The doors came down, and Captain America stood there with two knocked out guards.

"Celestia and Luna!" He began to monologue "Your reign of Tyranny is over! You may have blinded your local population to bow to your every word, saying your'e both powerful enough to move both the sun & the moon, but I know you've done multiple things to get to your power! I, Steve Rodgers, A.K.A., Captain America, am here to bring freedom, justice, and Democracy among these ponies, for you choose to rule everything with an Iron fist. Like Hitler, the Soviet Union, and Osama Bin Laden, you can get away with it for years, but history will remember you as a threat that-"

"Thank you!" Luna exclaimed "He was... *yawn* very boring."

"...You're not intimidated by me?" Cap asked

"Not really." Celestia replied "I don't sense any powerful or dark magic in you."

"But... your guards!"

"This isn't the first time they've been knocked down. Why, my sister has fun knocking them out, right?"

"'Tis was a fun game of bowling!" Luna replied. Cap stared as the two went back to their usual thing, Celestia levitating a piece of cake over to him.

"Cake?" Celestia asked. Cap stared at the plate, then growled! He swiped the piece of cake and raised his shield.

"FOR FREEDOM!!!" He yelled. Deadpool teleported right in front of him, mimicking a street fighter move.

"SHORYUKEN!!!" Cap fell to the floor, then got up.

"You really want to stop me from saving this world!?"

"What is wrong with you C.O.D. Players these days!? Seriously!!! Seems to me that all America loves are white male protagonists that serve in the army! Really!? Maybe I shouldn't be too mad with Equestria Girls, now that I think about it." Captain America charged with his shield, Deadpool pulled out his twin swords, and the two clashed with each other!

"Stand down, Soldier! They need-"

"Blah Blah! Freedom this and Democracy that! Just skip that patriotic stuff and admit that you wanted to say the N-word to both the President and Nick Fury."

"...The N-word?"

"Yeah! You know! Didn't you freak out about Nick Fury, how things have changed, and, of course, who the president is?"

"...Um.... I... uh-"

"HEAR THAT FOLKS!?!?!? HE'S RACIST!!! RACIST!!! RACIST!!!"

"I'M NOT RACIST!!!"

Captain America stared at Deadpool. Deadpool performed a three stooges move by poking Cap in the eyes with both of his fingers. Cap regained his vision and saw Deadpool running while waving the Canadian flag around in one arm while there was an American flag burning on the floor, written in the flames, "This is how every country views you". Cap began to chase Deadpool!

One Chase scene later:

Both Cap and Deadpool stared down at each other in Sweet apple acres. Twilight Sparkle and Applejack approached.

"Deadpool!?" Twilight yelled "What is going on!?

"And why on Equestria is another human chasing ya'll!?" Applejack asked in her western accent.

"Another one of the tyrants!?!?!?" Cap asked.

"No!" Deadpool replied "She's Twilight Sparkle, The princess of Friendship! And that's applejack: Apple horse."

"HEY!!!" Applejack yelled

"There can't be a ruler over friendship!!!" Captain America yelled "Fist sun, the moon, and now friendship! What's next, love!?"

"...Yes. We have Princess Mia Amor Cadenza, and she's watching over the Crystal Empire while Twi here runs-"

"You really have succumbed to the evils of Tyranny, haven't you!?"

"Hey!!!" Twilight yelled "We run things differently here! The least we can do is respect each other and-"

"QUESADILLA!!!" Deadpool yelled, throwing the Mexican treat at Twilight's face. It landed on her face with a satisfying 'Splat', and she froze for a few moments.

"Que-Que-QUESADILLA!!!" She yelled and ran away, trying to shake the cheesy snack away!

"...She's afraid of Quesadillas?" Cap asked.

"Yeah," Deadpool replied. "they're just... too cheesy for her!" Pinkie appeared Right behind Deadpool with her drums.

"...Really?"

"That's what she said."

"Oh! Look! Hydra agents!!!" Deadpool pointed out and, sure enough, some hydra agents were there, taking a strange device around the corner of Sweet Apple Acres.

"Hydra!?" Cap asked "What are they doing here?"

"Why else would they be here?"

"...I... have no idea." Deadpool turned to Cap

"YOU STUPID MOTHA F***A!!! They're here to take over Equestria!!!"

"But... why?"

"Why? WHY!?!?!? THEY'RE EVIL!!! E-V-I-L!!! EVIL!!! Need more help? How about this: Every Villain Is Lemons!!! They want to take over the world, use it's magic on earth, and ultimately, destroy the 'American Dream' and-"

"We don't have much time!!!" Cap ran ahead. Deadpool with his jaw dropped.

So... we can Control him with 'American' stuff?

If that's the case, then we can easily point out that all of the Alicorns are Americans and easily save Equestria.

Jeez, he's really stupid now that we think about it!

Not as bad as Wolverine when he was Captain Canada.

Deadpool snickered to himself.

"That was funny." He commented to himself. He teleported onto Applejack's back "RIDE APPLE HORSE!!!"

"Ma Name's Applejack!!!" A.J. yelled. Deadpool slapped her plot and A.J. ran

"YEE HAW!!! We'll show Captain what being an American is really like!!! We need everypony!!!"

Captain America was knocked out easily, as one of the Hydra Agents knocked him out with news of Gay Marriage being legal.

"...That was easy." One of the Hydra agents spoke

"Think we can kill him now?" Another asked. They stopped and heard music.

"♫Equestria, Equestria.♫" A chorus was heard. Over a hill, Deadpool was on top of a giant pile of ponies that he had met, all driven on Vinyl & Octavia's speaker car thing from "Slice of Life"!

"♫EQUESTRIA!!!♫" Deadpool simply sang, jumping off the pile with an electric guitar.

"Buck Yeah!♫" The crowd sang!

"♫Comin' again to save the motherbuckin' day, Yeah! America!!!♫"

"♫Buck Yeah! Freedom is the only way, Yeah!!!♫"

"♫Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have ta answer to America!!!♫"

"Buck yeah!"

"♫So lick my butt and suck on my balls! America!!!♫"

"Buck Yeah!"

"♫Whatcha' gonna do when we come for you now!?♫"

"♫It's the dream that we all share; It's the hope for tomorrow!♫"

"Buck Yeah... McDonald's

"Wal-Mart!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"The Gap!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Baseball!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"The NFL!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Rock N' Roll!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"The Internet!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Slavery !!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Buck Yeah!... Starbucks!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Disneyworld!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Porno!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Valium!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Reeboks!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Fake Boobs!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Sushi!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Taco Bell!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Rodeos!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Bed, Bath and Beyond!!!" The crowd went silent."...Liberty!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Wax Lips!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"The Alamo!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Band-aids!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Las Vegas!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Christmas!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Immigrants!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Popeyes!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

"Democrats!!!"

"BUCK YEAH!!!"

Republicans!!!" The crowd really went silent "... Sportsmanship!!! ... Books!!!"

"Buck yeah!" A lone Twilight yelled in the crowd. The music ended, and all of the Hydra agents fell to floor, twitching uncontrollably and foaming at the mouth. The epicness of Equetria's newest anthem was too much for the weak and non-brony people. Captain America got up, confused.

"Wha-what happened?" He asked "Deadpool? Why are there a bunch of cute ponies around you?"

"No time to explain!" Deadpool yelled, rushing to Captain America as a portal opened behind him. "America needs you to wake up, find Michael Bay, and give him the most patriotic punch that d**k in his d**k!!!"

"But... why? I love his films."

"I know you do, but... Obama found that there's been messages on how China is much better than America!!!"

"WHAT!?!?!? WHERE!?!?!?"

"Transformers 4! Now go and beat the s**t out of him!!!"

"FOR FREEDOM!!!" He turned around and entered the portal, back to earth, and the portal closed. Deadpool took a deep breath.

"Whew! Glad he's gone."

Take that Michael Bay for ruining our childhood!!!

This must be better than any other American thing out there.

"Happy 4th of July readers!!! Don't tug your American junk & splatter it all over our childhood! Believe me, it's better to have red, white, and blue balls rather than have a patriotic mess! PLAY THE MUSIC!!!"

Author's Note:

Happy Early 4th of July, folks! And if you're Canadian, Happy late Canada day!

Comments

[Rathorc Lemenger]

You should have DeadPool meet up with Bucky from The Chase.

[SolarEclipse912]

6152549 She's an OC character created by Pen Stroke in his fanfic Past Sins. AMAZING story, I HIGHLY recommend reading it.

[Vinylshadow]

6160150 What's to say he's not wearing a book?

[HellBreaker]

you hold onto Deadpool's character so well, and your so random and funny it's cute, and Im'a dude