• Published 9th Nov 2014
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Deadpool in Equestria - MrAquino



What happens when Deadpool, the Merc with the Mouth, lands in the magical land of Equestria? Same thing that happens in every cross story, but with more Deadpool!!!

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Beware the Fox.

As Deadpool laid on the floor, wasted AF on the bed in his house, he suddenly awoke when, in the real life, thousands of people groaned. He woke up with Sonata and Pinkie on his lap, but under his mask, he was flipping out.

"Oh s**t!" He yelled, trying his best be be quick & gentle to remove the pony & siren. "Oh s**t! S**tS**tS**tS**tS**tS**t!!!" He ran to the front door and opened it, seeing another portal opening up and dropping four people: a white guy, a white chick, a black dude, and a rock. "F**K ME!!!"

What is it!?

It's the Fantastic 4.

Really? Well... with Jessica Alba, we can have naked and hope she doesn't-

This is the reboot.

OH HELL NAH!!!

Exactly.

There's only 1 thing we have to do now!

If it involves murder... then I'll allow it.

Deadpool pulled out his swords, readied his pistols, cocked his sniper rifle, and took a bite out a fried chicken leg.

"Let's be the bad guys for this moment." Deadpool said to himself. A representative of Fox walked next to him.

Deadpool walked into the everfree forest, seeing the Fant4stic just walking around aimlessly as they do, waiting for the money to roll in and make a sequel.

"I want a sequel!" Deadpool yelled.

Same thing here, but Ryan Reynolds won't be doing any superhero stuff for a while.

"Ugh... fine. Now, how shall we get ride of them?"

Oh! Let's lure the black one with stuff he likes!!!

That's Racist!

With him being the human torch and the movie being a piece of s**t, I don't give a F**K!

The Fant4stic walked around, not doing anything superhero related like, well, DOING ANYTHING!!!

"How'd we get here?" Not-Groot asked

"We were pulled in through a portal." The Not-Smart Reed Richards replied.

"How are we going to get out of here?" Adopted Storm asked.

"We'll find a way. Johnny, I need you to-"

"WATERM-E-LONE!!!" The black stereotype yelled, running away.

Okay!!! THAT is racist as f**k!

Wait until he gets to the end!

Light Skin Johnny into the wood, following the rolling Watermelon, going into an opening as he saw, on a stool, was a bucket of fried chicken, a pitcher filled with Kool-aid, grape soda, a pair of fresh J's, and a hot white woman with a big butt.

"Oh yeah!" Johnny said, oblivious to the super racist scene that Deadpool made and not me, walking into middle. As soon as he got to the middle, and ground broke, and he fell into a small pond. "Help! I can't swim!!!" Dogs surrounded the hole he fell in & barked at him and Deadpool walked to the hole, wearing... no! Don't!

"What!?" he asked "I'm a ghost! Black people freak out at supernatural activities better than white people, right?"

You're dressed up as a member of the KKK!

"...So? It works!"

We're gonna get an M rating, aren't we?

"I hope so!"

...No. Wear this; it's less racist and you fit the roll.

"...Fine! I'll put on your stupid cowboy outfit."

Deadpool in his cowboy outfit looked down the hole, where Johnny kept squirming on how he can't swim.

"Lookey what we got here!" Deadpool announced in a cowboy accent "If it ain't Johnny storm of the Fant4stic."

"It's the Fantastic 4!" Johnny replied, still splashing. "And who are you!?"

"Who am I? I'm the guy that's gonna make more money than your piece of s**t movie! I'm the one who's going to have billions of people screaming for a sequel than your film! I'm the guy who's going to prove Comic Book movies can be fun and can do anything they want as long as they're loyal to source material! The name's Deadpool, and now, Rest in peace."

"What!!! No!!!"

"Enjoy the music as you drown in there." Deadpool pulled the top part of the hole and covered it, as a remix of the saw theme, obviously hoping the beat would make Johnny turn up to make himself drown.

"One down," Deadpool siad to himself "Three to go!"

Wait. Can't Johnny fly out of there?

Deadpool froze.

"...You're right." Deadpool said. "But just to be safe!" Deadpool pulled out the Holy Hand grenade. "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." He pulled the clip, opened the hole a bit to hear Johnny still screaming, and dropped the grenade in the hole with the man of fire. In a few seconds, an explosion was heard. "...To the Fant3stic!"

A small explosion was heard as the rest of the three heroes STILL DID NOTHING!!!

"What was that?" Orange rock asked.

"An explosion?" Not Jessica Alba asked

"We better not get involved with it." Lazy leader said.

"I beg to differ!" Deadpool announced himself. He teleported into the middle with two rocks in his hand.

"What the-!?" The nude man yelled "Who are you!"

"...I'm your second worst nightmare!" He began to tap the rocks together, repeating Martin Garrix's Animals like how Agnes did in Despicable Me. In a few short seconds, the floor rumbled, and out of the forest, Maud leaped out and landed near Deadpool. It didn't even take her a second to see the CGI abomination.

"THE THING!!!" She screamed, smiling like how Pinkie did with the Grand Galloping Gala tickets. She tackled the Not-Thing, and both rolled away, as the Grimm guy screamed. Both Mrs. Not-So-Fantastic and the see through woman readied themselves for a fight.

"Johnny!" Stretch Armstrong yelled

"Johnny's dead." Deadpool simply said.

"What!?" The woman yelled "Y-you-"

"Yes. I killed your brother from another mother."

"Y-You B*****D!!!" She charged at him, summoning a Force field around her. Deadpool teleported into her force field, held her by the back of her air, removed his mask, and kissed her! She struggled to get out, but, for some weird reason, she stopped and began to moan. They stopped their kiss and looked at each other. "What was that?"

"Kiss of Death, baby."

"What do you-?" She looked down to see a knife deep into her stomach. "You... stabbed me?"

"NOPE!!!" Deadpool teleported a few feet away and pressed a detonator. Her entire top half (minus the legs) exploded!!! "That was a knife with C4 in it!"

"Susan!" Long arm man yelled. "You'll pay for this!" Deadpool teleported to him, but did the splits.

And, just like that, he was dead. Deadpool stood, seeing what he did.

You murdered all of them in cold blood.

What do we do?

"...Celebrate!" Deadpool yelled. He started to dance to the song Celebration from Kool & the Gang, celebrating the fact that he murdered these superheroes in their latest piece of s**t that had little fun and too much exposition for a sequel.

Author's Note:

Fant4stic REALLY sucks.

Apologies for that part with Johnny. Deadpool insisted after we watched one too many vines.

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