Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Unicorns are horny. Ponies # 143 & 144: Fancy Pants and Fleur De Lis

Author's Note:

In the streets of Canterlot, two of the higher class citizens walked along the streets, not minding a lot. The stallion in the suit with the fancy mustache, Fancy Pants, walked next to his wife, Fleur De Lis, another unicorn with equal white fur with a light pink mane & tail. They both heard moaning coming from an alleyway. Turning, they saw the back of Deadpool, his right arm moving fast.

"Oh yeah!" Deadpool yelled "Get it! GET IT!!! OH GOD!!! I'M ALMOST THERE!!!"

"Sir?" Fancy pants asked. Deadpool screamed and turned around, showing that he was cleaning his boot.

HAHAHA!!! You thought we were making love to ourselves!!!

And not the Justin Beiber type.

"Are you... cleaning your boot?" Fleur asked

"Of course!" Deadpool replied, holding a rag and rubbing the boot clean. "With my time here, I need my boots clean. See? Clea~n!"

"Excuse me, but aren't you the lad, Deadpool?" Fancy Pants asked

"I am indeed, good sir!" Deadpool put on a top hat, mustache, and monocle "Sir Deadpool of Earth Number Whatever and Mercenary for hire, at your service."

"A mercenary with a sense of taste? Quite odd, wouldn't you agree?"

"Indeed." Fleur added "And you're not here to-"

"Oh, I am not, my good madam." Deadpool interrupted. "Fancy Pants is already one of the only good stallions that I'd hang out with and you... eh, F**k it, you're sexy as F**K!!!" Both were reeled back.

"I beg your pardon!" Deadpool teleported around Fleur, pointing all the things about her.

"Just look at how skinny you are! Them hooves! That Mascara! The way your mane looks so elegant! Dat ass! And you're rich!!!"

"Is that... a horn below your waist?" Fancy pants asked

"Oh no! This is something else!" He teleported away with Fleur, both now in the park. Deadpool had Fleur in his gasp, both looking like they were tango dancing. "So~? Want to know my real superpower? It just requires you pulling down my zipper." Fleur gave Deadpool a disgusted look. "Oh don't worry... I'll be gentle." He was followed by a knife stabbing into the side of his head. "...Ow." He dropped Fleur, though she did a backflip. Deadpool looked up to see her holding a sword in her magic. "What? What the hell? Am I-?"

"You know, it's not easy living amongst the elites." She spoke "Sure, you get to attend expensive parties, eat exotic foods, and get your hooves on the luxuries that the common ponies cannot even imagine. But all of these come with a price, A price I'd rather not have. So why-" Deadpool ripped the knife from his head.

"Oh! I read that comic! I f**king knew it! You're a member of the royal guard!"

"Yes! And if there's one thing I hate more than anyone hurting my Fancy Pants, it's brutes like you that... go wild for me!"

"Baby, I'm even more turned on than before."

"I am going to ignore that and, instead, I'm going to make sure that you're unconscious in this conflict!"

"Ooh! And I'll be sure to have fun when you're not knocked out! Don't worry, people reading this. I ain't Bill Cosby; I allow them to fight first, along with no drugging them at all."

The supposed fancy mare charged at Deadpool with a standard Canterlot sword, and Deadpool back with his twin Katanas. Their swords clashed, and the two jumped back before clashing their swords together! Despite being a unicorn and not having hands, Fleur stood up to Deadpool's attacks, showing a great knowledge of sword combat in defense, offense, and parrying. Fancy Pants came to see them fighting.

"Darling!?" He asked in shock "Are you... fighting again!?" Deadpool teleported away and landed on the fancy stallion's back.

"Back off!" Deadpool yelled "I'm gonna do it!"

"Kill my Fancy pants and I'll rip your head off!!!" Fleur yelled

"Kill him!? No! I'm crazy, but I'm not a psychopath!"

Yes, you are.

Ooh! Ooh! Are we going to do it!

"What are you going to do with the me!?" Fancy Pants asked nervously.

"THIS!!!" Deadpool began to... oh God... Really!? "Yes!!! Stroke the horn!!! Stroke it like a-"

"Oh~! That feels... go~od!" Fleur gave a curious look.

"What are you even doing?" she asked

"Taming Unicorns 101!" Deadpool replied "Horns are a unicorn's greatest weapon, but also their worst defense!" He teleported him and Fancypants next to Fluer. While stroking one horn, he grabbed the other and... stroked both. "What!? Jealous I can use both hands, if you get what I mean?"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

This is so stupid.

Both unicorns moaned as Deadpool stroked their horns; gentle, yet firm, he speed up.

"Come on!" He spoke "Hit the climax! You can both do it!!!" Their moaning became louder, and everypony else stood and stared at what was happening. Some unicorns looked at their horn and tried to stroke it, but without hands, they didn't get the same experience. The couple's horns glowed as they moaned much louder and Deadpool stroked harder and faster! "Yes! Come on!!! We're almost there!!!"

We should've bought some Lube!

We should've bought a room.

The couple were pretty much screaming as their horns were glowing bright enough for some ponies nearby to wear sunglasses, and Deadpool's hands, going so fast, they were on fire!

"YES!!! FIRE AWAY!!!" The two fired large beams of magic from their horns, both heading into space! The firing lasted for a good 10 seconds, but when it ended, both Fancy Pants and Fleur fell to the floor, panting hard, feeling tired.

I wonder where those beams of magic will go?

Perhaps on someone we hate. Or they may like it!

... Why did I even ask?

Thanos stood proudly at the two statues of Death he made, both made out of the bones of his enemies.

"Yes! After many years, they're completed! Now Death will truly love me!!!" Both beams of Magic landed on the statues and blew it up, turning the bones into a mix of white & clear paste. Thanos stood there, smiling, but his left eye twitched. Some music was heard behind him, which he turned around to see one of his followers playing on the violin. "STOP THAT!!!" He jumped back and put away the instrument.

"Uh, sir?" one of them asked "Is this what I think it is?"

"No. It's liquified bones."

"...Are you sure? It kinda smells like-"

"IT ISN'T!!!"

Both Fancy Pants and Fleur slept on the floor together.

Aw! They're sleeping together!

After what just happened, they deserved it.

"Hey! Once you start, you can't stop!" He picked the two up with his new Anchor arms and teleported away, placing them in bed together, taking a quick selfie, then returned to the park. "10 bits for what they experienced!!!" All the unicorns held up their bags of bits, wanting the same experience!

This is so wrong.

But it feels so ri~ght!!!

"18 plus only!!! And, to the audience at home, if you're wondering, this is a minor spoiler for my movie, so watch it and see what I'm referencing! And, if you must know, yes, that just happened, and I'm going to give Arnold Schwarzenegger a run for his money!"

But what about the others?

Others?

We're suppose to take selfies with everyone else.

"Oh S**T!!! Give me a moment, everypony! MONTAGE!!!"

Comments

[MrAquino]

6934095 #Hashtagsareactuallycyberwaffles, #Deadpool, #Drive-by

[God of insanity]

Hhilarious !!!!!!!

[Radioactive Dragon]

Both unicorns moaned as Deadpool stroked their horns; gentle, yet firm, he speed up.
"Come on!" He spoke "Hit the climax! You can both do it!!!" Their moaning became louder, and everypony else stood and stared at what was happening. Some unicorns looked at their horn and tried to stroke it, but without hands, they didn't get the same experience. The couple's horns glowed as they moaned much louder and Deadpool stroked harder and faster! "Yes! Come on!!! We're almost there!!!"

im guessing the credits of the deadpool movie? if im right give me a radioactive cookie please

[MrAquino]

6948768 HERE!!! *Throws cookie* Now, I need to make the next chapter.

[Radioactive Dragon]

6948772 and for deadpool *throws a nuke into the world* now thinking of it i think i left the radioactive stove on.. DUN DUN DUN! in the nukes... DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN! "dfauq?"

[MrAquino]

6948777 ...What?
I don't get it.
No one does.

[Radioactive Dragon]

6950327 some how i confused the merc with a mouth.... *puts on crown thats from burger king* IM THE KING OF DANK MEMES!

[MrAquino]

6951415 THE F**K'S A DANK MEME!?!?!?
Dank Memes is an ironic expression used to mock online viral media and in-jokes that have exhausted their comedic value to the point of being trite or cliché. In this context, the word “dank,” originally coined as a term for high quality marijuana, is satirically used as a synonym for “cool.”
In English, please!?
... Hipsters being Mainstream.
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2aegP8j5al0]

[Radioactive Dragon]

6951535 welp im going to take a bath *gotos a nuclerplant *

[Spettro138]

I need an adult......and some brain bleach