Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Anyone seen Zootopia yet?

Deadpool came out of another from his adventure with a certain individual, sporting a wig, wearing a bra, and bikini.

"♫I kissed a dog and I liked it!♫" He sang "♫Hope my girlfriends won't mind it. It felt so wrong, it felt so right, I won't be in love tonight! I kissed a dog and I liked it! I liked it!♫"

That... That's just wrong.

Hey, why weren't we in that chapter!?

Perhaps it's because both authors didn't feel we were necessary.

UNNECESSARY!?!?!? Why those little pieces of sh-!

Deadpool was suddenly tackled from behind. Rather than feeling more pain afterwards, he felt himself being slobbered by something, which only made him laugh.

"Winona! Get off 'im!" Applejack's voice hollered from a distance.

"Bark!" The barking of a dog replied, getting off Deadpool.

"Really? You have to add dialogue for animals now?" Deadpool asked. He turned to see Applejack with her brown & white Collie, Winona, licking the mare's face.

Aw! A puppy!

Don't sing that song around those two.

Applejack turned to Deadpool.

"Sorry about that," she spoke "Winona ain't meet you yet, and she gets super excited around strangers."

"Eh, no worries." Deadpool replied "So, where are you and your pooch off to?"

"Our Pony-pet playdates."

"Ooh! Can I join!?"

"...You ain't got a pet."

"I beg to differ." He pulled out a cellphone and dialed a number. "Bring 'im!" A portal opened and Dogpool entered, tackling Deadpool, slobbering all over his face. "HAHAHA!!! Wilson! Stop that! That tickles!!!" Wilson got off and sat on it's hindquarters, panting hard. Deadpool stood up, wiping the slobber off his face. "Bam! I have a pet! Can I join now?"

"...Uh... well... you ain't... a pony." Deadpool stared. A.J. backed off a bit and walked away.

"...Fine. Come on, Wilson! We'll show them... first thing in the morning!"

Morning.

Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all gathered together in Sugarcube Corner, having themselves some cupcakes. Everyone was silent, especially Pinkie

"...So~," Twilight spoke, breaking the silence. "Anypony seen Owlicious?"

"...Nope." Rianbow Dash replied "What about Tank? Anypony saw Tank fly around early? Rarity?"

"I may wake up early," Rarity replied "but no, I haven't. I do wonder where's Opal? Fluttershy?"

"Oh! Opal wasn't around this morning," Fluttershy spoke "and neither was Angel Bunny. A.J.?"

"I ain't seen Angel around mah farm." Applejack "If he was, Winona would've found 'im already! ... And she's gone too. Pinkie-" The door opened wide and both Celestia and Luna stood there, looking worried.

"Where's Philomena!?" Celestia asked "Fluttershy! You took care of my bird, where is she!?"

"And where's Tiberius!?" Luna added "I can't let Tiby be hurt!"

"Something tells me this is Deadpool's work." Pinkie spoke. Everyone froze, then sighed in annoyance.

"Deadpool." Everyone but Pinkie spoke in unison.

"Hey! I just said that!"

"GET-EM-OFF!!! GET EM OFF!!! GET EM OFF!!!" Deadpool screamed. Last night, Deadpool petnapped all of the pets of the Mane 6 and the princesses themselves. Being the idiot he is, he should've known that these animals had some brains, and weren't afraid to hurt someone that kidnapped them, and that would be Deadpool himself. On his head, Opal the cat was clawing at it; having his right hand in it's mouth was Gummy the Alligator; Pecking at his ears on both of his shoulders was the owl, Owlicious, & the Phoenix, Philomena; biting onto his legs was Tiberious, the possum, Winona the dog, Angel Bunny, and Tank the Turtle.

Tortoise.

Same difference!

"GET THEM OFF!!!" Deadpool continued to scream.

That is why we packed the laser pointer, remember?.

"LASER POINTER!!!" With his left hand, Deadpool pulled a laser pointer out and aimed it at a wall. All the pets stopped and ran to the wall, trying to capture the red dot. Deadpool healed quickly, sighed in relief, and chuckled. "Heh... animals are stupid."

Now what are we gonna do?

Probably going to do the same chapter with Tom & Boulder.

Really? How?

"Like this!" Deadpool, in a blink of an eye, had a fancy table set up with all the animals sitting down in their own table, all wearing suits, top hats, and monocles over their right eye. Tea was set up in the middle, as well as fancy cakes, along with an ice sculpture of Deadpool b***h slapping an unconscious Wolverine "Aw... good times. So, allow me to introduce myself; Deadpool, Merc with the mouth, Mercenary for hire! We all have you, the pets of the Mane 6 and royal princess sisters. So~, Winona, how's life at the farm?"

"Ruff!" Winona barked

"Ah, I can tell. Applejack yell at you a lot?"

"Who?" Owlicious hooted.

"...Applejack."

"Who?"

"The farm pony? Twilight's friend?"

"Who."

"...Never mind. Philomena? Have a favorite artist?"

"Sqwuaw!" The phoenix squawked.

"Fetty Wap? Huh... Never saw you as someone that'd enjoy rap like that. Do you even know what he's saying?" Tank the Tortoise coughed. "Oof! Sounds like you need some medicine there, Tank. That, or you need to stop hanging around rats!" Tiberius chattered at him. "Oh, I didn't mean you, Tiberius. You're an Opossum, not a rat; you're much cooler than one! Speaking of rats! Opal, I'm not quite sure if you do or don't, but what do you think of Rarity?"

"Raow." Opal meowed.

"Ooh! Dirty kitty! All because she's still technically naked? Prefer her in the nude rather than wearing clothes?" Angel tapped his foot impatiently. "Oh, and what do you want, spawn of Satan?" Angel pointed at Fluttershy's house. "Oh! Wanna go home and be a total a**hole to Fluttershy? That it? You know, you're the worst bunny ever! Really! I swear, were it not, SPOILERS, for that sheep in Zootopia, you could be the villain! And I mean it! Judy Hopps is the bunny I wanna hang out with more, and she's a cop! You are the epiphany of all that is evil!"

"You said it, Mermaid man! In fact, here's a gift!" He pulled out the Holy Hand Grenade "I should pull the pin and blow you into smithereens! Gummy! Have any words of wisdom before blowing the devil up!?"

Certainly the most destructive vice if you like, that a person can have. More than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins - is self pity. Self pity is the worst possible emotion anyone can have. And the most destructive. It is, to slightly paraphrase what Wilde said about hatred, and I think actually hatred's a subset of self pity and not the other way around - ' It destroys everything around it, except itself '. Self pity will destroy relationships, it'll destroy anything that's good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it's so simple to imagine that one is hard done by, and that things are unfair, and that one is underappreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier if only this, that one is unlucky. All those things. And some of them may well even be true. But, to pity oneself as a result of them is to do oneself an enormous disservice. I think it's one of things we find unattractive about the american culture, a culture which I find mostly, extremely attractive, and I like americans and I love being in america. But, just occasionally there will be some example of the absolutely ravening self pity that they are capable of, and you see it in their talk shows. It's an appalling spectacle, and it's so self destructive. I almost once wanted to publish a self help book saying 'How To Be Happy by Stephen Fry : Guaranteed success'. And people buy this huge book and it's all blank pages, and the first page would just say - ' Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself - And you will be happy '. Use the rest of the book to write down your interesting thoughts and drawings, and that's what the book would be, and it would be true. And it sounds like 'Oh that's so simple', because it's not simple to stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's bloody hard. Because we do feel sorry for ourselves, it's what Genesis is all about.

Deadpool stared.

"...Wow... that's... something." Deadpool "I think I'll get around that much faster than the Architect's monologue in the Matrix Reloaded. Fine, Angel, you get to live another day, but don't-"

"There he is!!!" Applejack yelled.

"TIME TO GO!!!" He ran away, letting out various 'whoops' before teleporting away. He landed near an open field, where another portal opened and- "Hey! Another Crossover, already!?"

...Yes.

"Alright, who's it for?"

I don't want to say.

"Can I at least get a hint?"

...Fine. It's a Sci-Fi thing that was popular with the kids in the early 2000's-

"TOY STORY!!!"

...What? Deadpool, where did you get that?

"What? This fully functional Buzz Lightyear suit that I got from NASA? Let's just say that I had to get the money from a certain Rapper that wanted to run for President in 2020, and-"

You stole if from Kanyew West!?!?!?

"Hey, can't let him have all that power. THROUGH THE PORTAL!!!" He walked through the portal and landed in the other world. It looked like Ponyville in every single way. He activated his wrist command "Deadpool: Mission Log 4072, I have a path past sector 12 and am in a new Dimension. Terrain seems a bit stable, though I'm not sure if the air is breathable; and there seems to be no sign of intelligent life anywhere."

"Sahsa, that you?" A voice asked.

"Oh! Showtime!"

Author's Note:

To be continued in For the Emperor and the UNSC

Comments

[DarkSpider]

Yay, I was hoping you would do this chapter. I can't wait to see the rest in the future.
-Dark

[MrAquino]

7039394 I am an Adult.

[DarkSpider]

I have another request, might be weird, I don't even know if you know who the second character is, but can Deadpool meet Pinkamena and Surprise?
-Dark

[Amusementist]

My brain is confused.

Your telling me! How dose this idiot even exist!

MetaWolf!

What?! It's true!

Says the sentient talking wolf from an alien planet.

[Radioactive Dragon]

7039472 and i got the bleach

[The Corset]

7039472 Who needs adults if you have Deadpool.

[MrAquino]

7077881 *JB Clones*

[redsopine]

Seen the film is awsome