Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

I hate Doctors. Ponies #111- 116: Redheart, sweetheart, Dr. Stable, that kid & that other nurse, and Screwy.

The sound of heart monitors beeped around Deadpool. He opened his eyes to see that he was, indeed, in Ponyville's hospital.

Great! You just officially scarred those kids for life!

We did say it WAS a screamer!

Yeah, but after performing a pretty cool rap with those two idiots, we shoudl've just took our seats and let the class end like that.

We don't play like that! Besides, when Granny Smith passes away, this will help applebloom be strong!

...You are an idiot.

The doors opened and an angered Applejack, Rainbow Dash, & Rarity entered with a concerned looking cheerilee.

"Ladies!" Deadpool yelled in bliss "It's so good to see you! Didn't I make that day at school 20% cooler!?"

"...NO!!!" The three of the elements yelled. Applejack pulled her rope out and hogtied Deadpool up!

"Whoa! You're really into some kinky stuff, ain't you?"

That's not what's happening.

Whew! I thought it was going to be like Brokeback mountain!

"I hope not!" Deadpool yelled "I don;t want cowboy butt-"

"GET 'IM!!!" Rainbow Dash yelled. Rarity levitated a baseball bat and all three ponies began to beat up Deadpool!

"You ruined my sister's mind!" Rarity yelled

"You made Applebloom afraid of you!" Applejack added.

"You made Scoots too scared to do anything!" Rainbow Dash added.

"And I'm too awesome!" Deadpool yelled, stomping with them. The three stopped and stared at Deadpool.

"What in tarnation!?" Applejack yelled, looking down: instead of Deadpool, they were beating up Justin Beiber. They looked up to Deadpool and growled. Deadpool, on the other hand-

"MEEP MEEP!!!" He stuck his tongue out while floating in the air for a bit, turned around, and ran away in a puff of clouds!

"How does he do that!?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Deadpool ran across the hospital floor, leaving behind a trail of fallen ponies in their wheel chairs (or... back leg wheels) & a mess, but stopped as he saw the newborn fillies & colts. He watched the newborns turning in their sleep, others barely opening their eyes while other just almsot stared at Deadpool, then smiled at him. He may not know a lot of thing, but he could tell that they thought of Deadpool as a father in their own eyes.

It's... too... cute!

Diabeetus!

Deadpool stared at the cute sight for a while.

"HNNG!!!" He fell to the floor. Were it not for his rapid healing, he may have actually died from cuteness, but quickly opened his eyes, seeing eye-to-eye with a white earth pony with a pink mane in a bun, wearing a nurse hat.

"...Are you Deadpool?" Deadpool teleported & stood with his back at the newborns, though he now sat like a dog on a chair.

"HELLO NURSE!!!" Deadpool and his voices spoke at the same time.

So Dreamy!

So Smart!

"So Sexy." Deadpool spoke to himself, drooling a bit.

"...Sir," Redheart spoke "You're drooling."

"I ain't drooling. I'm just thirsty."

"Really? You're way of thirst is interesting. Please, follow me and I'll show you to our nearest water fountain." Deadpool drooled even more as Redheart turned around & walked away, nearly shaking her hips & swinging her tail with each step. Only one thing came to Deadpool's mind.

"That Booty!" Deadpool charged and carried Redheart into his room, slamming the door on the role models for the CMC's face! Deadpool leapt into his bed, now noticing a weird picture of... something, breaking both of his legs in the process!

"Are you alright, Deadpool?" Redheart asked.

"No! I just... broke a leg!"

"...That's not really funny."

"To me it is! Now please, my legs need help!"

"Alright, calm down! Nurse Redheart's here!" She walked over to Deadpool's legs and did her best to pop them back in, but noticed- DEADPOOL!!!

She's gonna do it!!!

Oh no she isn't!!!

"...Deadpool?" She asked (oh god, Why!?) "Is that... a horn?"

"You can it that." Deadpool replied

"...How long have you had it?"

"All of my life!" Deadpool watched in anticipation as Redheart came to his... THAT'S IT!!! I'M OUTTA HERE!!! YOU'RE SO F**KED UP, DEADPOOL!!!

Alright, now this is better! Now where were we? Oh! Yes. Shall we?

"Hell yeah!" Deadpool replied "And back so quick?"

Yeah. might as well suck it up. Anyways, Redheart went to Deadpool's... horn.

"What do you do with it?" she asked

"Multiple things."

"Including magic?"

"You can say it. Now, it deserves a kiss, since it has a boo-boo."

"I'll give it more than a kiss." Her voice went sultry.

"Oh baby! Never thought this would happen!" He rested on his back and awaited his kiss on his boo-boo.

"Just don't scream."

"Scream!?" Deadpool looked up and saw Redheart had an ax, ready to chop his little-pool off. Deadpool screamed and dodged the swing of her ax. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? IT'S NORMAL!!!"

"No it isn't! You have lower horn disease! The only cure is to amputate it!"

"It ain't a horn! That's my d**k!!! MRAQUINO!!!"

Sorry, find that so funny! Deadpool ran away from Redheart and stumbled into another room, this one occupied with Doctor Stable, Nurse Sweetheart, that pink nurse, and that one kid. All 4 surrounded Screwy, who was busy barking & giving away Deadpool's spot. Deadpool threw a bone at Screwy, to which the pony caught it in air with her mouth and acted like what a dog would.

"Deadpool!?" Doctor Stable asked in shock "We thought you were dead!"

"Me?" Deadpool replied "Dead? HAHAHAHAHA!!!" The docs backed up a bit.

"Maybe he needs help more than screwy here." Sweetheart whispered.

"Good idea," the other nurse whispered back "think we should get the Tranquilizers now?"

"No thanks." Deadpool whispered back, making both mares jump back a bit. He jumped onto Screwy's back and slapped her on the plot! "RIDE LIKE THE WIND, BULLSEYE!!!" Screwy ran ahead and crashed through the wall, but Deadpool fell easily. The Doc, nurses, and child surrounded him. "...Oh crap."

"Get the sedatives!" Stable said to the child. The child saluted, turned, but stopped and trembled. "What's wrong? Is there-" He stopped and trembled as well. The nurses stared, trembled, and all backed away. Deadpool looked up and saw who it was: Lady Death!

"Bone Cheeks!!!" Deadpool Exclaimed

"Hello, Cancer cheeks." Death replied with a warm smile.

"You two know each other!?" Stable asked, huddled with the nurses.

"Of course we do!" Deadpool replied, getting up and hugging Death "She loves me for being the one that kills the most people!"

"AND the only one who can't die." She added. She took off the bottom part of Deadpool's mask and the two kissed, literally having the kiss of death. Deadpool removed his lips from her.

"Hold on... How can I see you if I'm not having a near death moment?" She giggled at his question.

"Silly Wade! This land is magical in nearly every way, so seeing me shouldn't be a problem. Plus, you shot yourself in the head after being gone for a while. I can't live without my lovely psychopath and regenerating degenerate."

"Oh! How sweet! ... You... uh... did you-"

"I did."

"...And-"

"You've done worse."

"Oh... well... sorry. Want me to make it up? You know I miss you."

"I'm sure you did." She levitated a wheelchair & placed Deadpool in it. Deadpool took out a ukulele and played some music with some doctors in other rooms whistling to the music. As Lady Death pushed Deadpool out of the hospital, many ponies backed away from them & shivered while recently deceased ponies and other creatures rose from the dead & followed them.

"♫You know I can't smile without you. I can't smile without you. I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel sad when you're sad, I feel glad when you're glad! If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile without you!♫" They were outside, and the skeletons of ponies & other creatures rose & followed them, singing the song with them.

"I love this song, Deadpool!"

"I figured you did! After all, ♫You came along just like a song and brightened my day! Who would of believed that you were part of a dream, now it all seems light years away! And now you know I can't smile without you, I can't smile without you! I can't laugh and I can't sing, I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel sad when you're sad, I feel glad when you're glad! If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile! Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find! Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me! And you see I can't smile without you, I can't smile without you, I can't laugh and I can't sing; I'm finding it hard to do anything! You see I feel glad when you're glad, I feel sad when you're sad! If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile without you!♫"

The two made it to the house, leaving behind a trail of bones & corpses on the floor.

"Shall we?" Death ask

"I don't know," Deadpool replied "I mean, I have to take a selfie with everypony here, the line of bones, and-"

"But we're home alone." Deadpool stared at her, then to her boobs, and back to her face.

Author's Note:

Don't worry, Death will stay with Deadpool through this story, and perhaps a few other characters as well. Who should Deadpool meet next?

And here's some good ol' Roadrunner cartoons to enjoy.

Comments

[Americanwastelander]

Ponyfied punisher that will be a riot!
O ghost rider ponyfied even better!

[SudokuBrony]

6136382 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZqIgEvMTMk

[The Other Guy]

Nurse Readheart.

[Destiny_Ruins]

Power Puff Girls.