Test Drive
"How's everyone doing?" Pinkie asked as she walked up to Delta.
"Gamma and Spike appear to be done preparing the souffles." Delta said, feeling out of place. "Though I'm almost certain that those fall in less than half an hour..."
"Don't worry, I know how to fix them up." Pinkie shook her head at him then looked at Simmons. "The others?"
"Caboose is pulling the cake out of the oven and Church is surprisingly still here, so everything appears to be going pretty well" Simmons said, glancing to the small ponies. "Except for maybe them."
"Hm?" Pinkie asked, whipping her head around to look at the small treat station.
"We're done making the icing and the cookies are just about ready for eating." Sweetie Belle said, lumps of cookie dough on her muzzle. "Also there may be three or four cookies unaccounted for..."
"Why?" Pinkie asked, leaning in to inspect her.
"Dough shortage." Applebloom coughed innocently.
"Noted." Pinkie nodded, pulling a small plastic bag of cookies out of the bag of flour. "That's why I baked a few extra early, just in case any got lost in the process."
"Nice." Scootaloo smirked.
"So let's see; souffles, present and accounted for. Cake, being put together. Cookies, cooling down. Icing..." Pinkie trailed off and squirted some green icing onto her hoof to examine it. "Hmm, yup. Looks like it's holding well." Pinkie said quietly then licked it off her hoof. "Job well done, ponies. Looks like our picnic is just about ready. Church?"
"Yeah?"
"You go and get Tex- oh no, I forgot Tex too!" Pinkie gasped sadly.
"Doesn't matter, you wouldn't have had all of us here anyways." Church reminded her.
"Oh yeah, whoopsies!" Pinkie giggled, then hopped towards the door. "I'm going to go and get AJ, Sargarooni, Dashie and Tuck-Tuck."
"Sargarooni and Tuck-Tuck?" Church asked with a small fit of laughter. "Nice nicknames you gave them."
"Thanks! You go get Twi, Tex, Rarity and the other two fellows."
"And Grif?" Church inquired passively, wanting to hear her nickname for him.
"He'll just smell the food and know to come here." Pinkie said, then watched as her nose twitched and her tail shot straight up. "Time to go! Nopony wants stale and non-warmified food! Gary, O'Malley, don't let me catch you running off with any of the food, okay?"
"I wouldn't dream of it." Gary said, smiling thinly at her as O'Malley merely grunted nervously at her.
"Good. C'mon, Church!" Pinkie exclaimed as she rolled out the door.
Church looked from the door and then to Caboose, who was already putting a thick layer of icing onto the cake. He then looked at the nervous pair of fragments. He raised his brow at Spike, asking if he was going to go with him, but Spike smiled and shook his head. With a shrug, Church walked out the door to see Pinkie hopping in circles in front of the shop.
"Need a lift?" Pinkie asked.
"No, I'm-" Church started, but found himself already being lifted by the cotton candy colored crony. "Jesus, you're strong."
"Thanks." Pinkie said just before pushing Church deep into a cannon that he could have sworn was not there before.
"Wait, I don't need a ride!" Church yelped as he tried climbing out of the launcher. "I can walk there just fine!"
"Yeah, but this is more fun." Pinkie giggled, pushing the tip of the cannon to be pointing in the right direction.
"For who?"
Instead of answering Church, Pinkie decided to slam her hoof onto the button that was on the back of the cannon, sending him soaring through the sky. Church threw his hooves over his eyes and began yelling, back legs flailing helplessly as he soared through the air. He slipped his hoof off of his right eye to see where he was going, and as he expected all he saw was a window with Rarity, Twilight and Tex on the other side. He smashed through the window and crashed into the ground, causing the mares around him to gasp.
"Herk. Bleah." Church choked, left foreleg twitching every few seconds.
"Church, you okay?" Tex asked, rushing to pick him up.
"You heard what I said. I'm dead, leave me alone." Church said shakily.
"You and I both know death is too good for you." Tex smirked, throwing his foreleg over her neck for support as she lifted him off the ground.
"A guy can dream, Tex. A guy can dream." Church sighed as he shook shards of glass loose from his mane.
"Why did you break my window?" Rarity tutted, quickly running into the next room to grab a broom.
"It was Pinkie's idea." Church muttered when she came back and began sweeping the area around him. "She wanted me to give you a message."
"I should have guessed as much. We really should speak to her about her means of transportation later." Rarity sighed, dumping the glass into a waste bucket. "You'd think her common sense would occasionally get the better of her."
"Answer me honestly, since I'm still not quite sure on it myself. Do you think Pinkie has any common sense?"
"Well, maybe uncommon sense would fit her better." Twilight smiled. "But it's best just to let her do her own thing."
"Yeah, you guys can keep saying that all you want, just don't come crying to me when she launches you somewhere."
"We're not crybabies like you, so we won't." Tex chuckled. "So what's her message?"
"A picnic." Church said simply, then looked at Rarity. "Have you given them their clothing yet?"
"They're fitting themselves into their last ensemble." Rarity said as she stepped next to him. "They look positively darling in most of what I gave them, but I believe I truly saved the best for last in this case. It is something I cooked up a while back when I was having a little phase."
"What sort of phase?" Church asked semi-nervously.
"A sports phase, so to speak. Have you heard about the Wonderbolts yet?"
"Uh, those are the guys Tucker flew against or whatever, right?"
"That is them. You see, I figured that I was only making clothing for a few select groups of ponies. You know, the fashionistas, the upper crust, the nobility. Then I remembered that there was an untapped market that not many ponies have went into in regards to fashion." Rarity said, voice growing louder with excitement as she stopped next to the dressing room.
"And that would be?"
"Sporting apparel!" Rarity curtsied just as the door to the dressing room opened.
Church stared passively as Eta and Iota walked out of the dressing room, both of them wearing skin tight, bright yellow, full-body flight suits.
"Pfffthahahaha!" Church laughed, holding onto his stomach as he laughed. "They look ridiculous!"
"Pardon?" Rarity asked, smile not wavering.
"They look like they're wearing spandex! They're not going to fight crime, they're going to be trying to blend in!"
"And what better way to blend in than to try and set yourself apart?" Rarity asked, making Church listen intently. "You see, there is a certain effect ponies have when they act as if they are well-known. It is one that I have had firsthoof experience with."
"And that would be?"
"Ponies act like they know things just to not seem out of the loop." Rarity smiled. "While, yes, I admit that what they're wearing may seem outlandish, ponies will not bat an eye at them, just under the belief that if they did they might make fools of themselves. We act like they are a travelling flight duo and ponies will simply accept it, possibly even go as far to say as they recognize them which will convince others that they are who we say they are."
"Wow, that... that actually makes sense to me." Church nodded slowly.
"Thank you." Rarity smirked, now walking towards the door. "Now, how about we go out and test my theory?"
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*Checks for comments* FUCK
Rarity knows fashion. Every kind of fashion. Is it any wonder she's portrayed as a spy alot?
1410372 Well considering that all I have ever seen freelancers have used to kill someone range from MAC canons to street cones
celestia dammed i just finished reading ch. 232 and stared on another story when i got the e-mail notifier (also known as derpy-tron)
church is truly screwed
1410355 I think we need a pony freelancer to that job like maybe Maine
are the emails working again because i'm not getting updates
A picnic with the gang, that will either end in laughs or in tears.
1410397 lol you mean THIS: PROTECT ME CONE! lol
If you're going to the woods, you better go in disguise...
Cuz' if you're going to the woods, you're in for a big surprise...
1410507 or both.
1410578 I mean more like when tex made griff land on that cement road block, but ya that works
Who is this met character you speak of? He sounds like one mean son of a bitch.
Rarity was actually pretty smart here. You do not see that particular aspect of her too often.
By the way, that latest episode of Red vs Blue was just.... I do not even know how to put it into words at this point.
1410857 I knew that was going to happen, church was going to turn into a major ass and hurt caboose and his friends
and Washington was going to face Carolina and save someone 
1410470 no wash. wash needs to come first
1410857
And here I was hoping that Carolina had decided to be slightly more friendly.
Let me just say that I fully sympathize with the Reds and Blues (minus Church). They have been dragged across almost every Halo map in existence, and it is about time that they finally put their feet down.
Grif may be lazy, but he will fight to the death to avoid work.
1411086
Maybe, but Church does have a point, they didn't make his life easy.
On a completely unrelated note, why do I have a sudden feeling that Church is gonna snap at the picnic?
After watching episode 18, I cant wait for the next couple chapters
. But not too excited about raging church 
still waiting for meta to show up and fuck up all the fragments happy little lives
1410383
Hm...
Maybe that is the reason Rainbow Dash asked Twilight "Are you a spy?" since she is a Unicorn too. If she knows that Rarity is spy if she is a spy.
Yellow Spandex? is this a reference to naruto where Rock Lee and Might Guy wears green spandex?
1411191
Because every time an episode comes out it somehow plays into a new chapter?
What's funny is Church is still Epsilon, yet I know that by the end of this story, he will be the Alpha. that would make for an interesting last chapter.
On a now related note,
1413818 who said there will be a end there are now 233 chapters and counting, I think that this fic is just starting
1411715 why would he?
Doesn't the name ring a bell? Flint Westhoof, Clint Eastwood... Pretty sure Clint doesn't have a French accent. But I suppose you always could give his that accent anyways, as it's the readers choice of voice for characters.
1415049
Because I remember a mention that this would be a three story thing, each one being about 300k words each. Or so.
1410834 Ah my mistake, then you mean THIS:
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/216/d/2/Grif__s_Pain_by_Aznkid671.jpg
LOL poor Grif.
I just love Grif's pain. His pain our and Tex's fun.
well, while getting shot out of a cannon and crashing through a window seems fun i would rather have a portal gun to travel with.
any one else?
2623440 Yes
...
2830668 ditto. only i want mine to shoot green and cyan portals.
Sportswear? made by RARITY!? All things considered (which is saying a lot), I think that is pushing things a bit.
1415754 Tuck-Tuck is better!
Sargarooni is what Sarge will name his Spaghetti!
"Bleah" God I love that dying sound