Pleasantries
"I'm sorry, but I've never heard of these Lucky Charms." The waiter said sympathetically. "Is there anything else you'd like?"
"He'll have the same as me!" Pinkie smiled.
"Sounds good, I will be back out with your orders soon." The waiter bowed, before rushing off to the kitchen.
Twilight quickly looked over at Church and took note of his uncomfortable expression.
"Hey Church, calm your shit, everything's going to be fine." Tucker laughed, taking comfort in Church's attitude.
"Fuck you." Church mumbled.
"Is something wrong?" Twilight asked.
"Is something wrong? I don't know if you've noticed yet, but something is always wrong. It's just a matter of not knowing what's wrong that's bugging me..."
"Don't mind him, he always feels as if life is conspiring against him." Tucker chirped.
"I don't think that sounds too far fetched." Tex laughed.
"Very funny."
"Come on Church, you have my word that nothing will go wrong. We're all here, we're all on our best behavior, nothing can go wrong."
"Please stop jinxing it." Church begged.
"My, if it isn't my favorite Ponyvillian, Rarity!" A voice boomed happily from the entrance of the restaurant.
The group turned to see a familiar white unicorn with a blue mane approaching their table, a warm smile on his face.
"Fancypants, what are you doing here?" Rarity asked curiously.
"Decided to have a meal out tonight." Fancypants nodded.
"Without Fleur?" Simmons asked.
"Ah, a shame about that. She and I originally decided to have our dinner out tonight. She recently became a tad sick, so she is recuperating at my mansion." Fancypants said, genuinely disheartened. "But she insisted that I go out and have a good night, and a good night I shall have!"
"F-Fancypants!" The waiter stuttered as she walked past the table, seeing the well known unicorn instantly.
"Charmed." Fancypants smiled, never losing his charming disposition.
"C-can I get you anything?" The waiter continued.
"The usual please." Fancypants said, taking a seat next to Tex. "Tell the cook to try and bring my meal out at the same time as theirs."
"Anything t-to drink?"
"I will partake in what my dear friends Rarity and Simmons are having." Fancypants nodded, and the waiter quickly shuffled off to the kitchen.
"Dining with us tonight?" Rarity asked, surprised.
"I hope you don't mind, but I prefer to dine in the company of others. Especially if the company is as charming as yours. My regular entourage isn't as social as they make themselves out to be, but alas, that is their ways."
"Not at all. In fact, it would be an absolute pleasure for you to dine with us." Rarity smiled, not wanting to reject his offer, thinking it would come off as rude.
"Fantastic then! So what brings you all to Canterlot this evening?"
"We wanted to show our new friend here a good time." Rarity said, motioning towards Tex.
"Ah, a new friend. Can never have too many of those, I will tell you that much."
"I wouldn't go that far." Church muttered, but not loud enough for Fancypants to hear.
As the waiter rushed out with a glass of sparkling cider, Fancypants gave Tex a once over.
"What are you looking at?" Tex asked snappishly, causing Rarity to gasp.
"Just admiring your beautiful skirt." Fancypants said quietly, raising the glass to his lips. "One of Miss Rarity's works, I presume?"
"Yeah..." Tex muttered.
"Not one for idle chat? I can respect that." Fancypants nodded, taking a small sip of his drink. "Will you at least give me the pleasure of knowing your name?"
"Tex."
"Curious name. Short. Exotic." Fancypants said with a light smile, rubbing his chin. "Certainly not a name one would receive in Ponyville."
Tex narrowed her eyes, suspicious of the well kempt unicorn.
"I mean no offense, of course. Merely noting a small observation." Fancypants waved, sensing her unease. "If you have no wish of telling me where you hail from, then that is your business."
"Well... good." Tex muttered.
"That is no way to treat Fancy-" Rarity began.
"It is quite alright, Rarity." Fancypants interrupted lightly, looking at Tex. "Please understand that I by no means am trying to be nosy. I was simply trying to get to know Rarity's colleagues, but if you do not wish to make my acquaintance, I can accept that."
The waiter soon arrived and distributed their meals, and once she had left they began to eat.
"So, how is Flint's order coming?" Fancypants asked Rarity as he wiped his muzzle with a white napkin.
"Flint?" Rarity asked curiously.
"Flint Westhoof. Surely you have not forgotten about him."
"Oh no, I remember him fine. But you must be mistaken, I haven't had a word with him as of recent."
"Oh? He didn't tell you that he was the one who ordered the dozen suits and dresses were going to be used in an upcoming show he's going to be working on?"
"Those are for Flint?" Rarity asked, then her eyes widened and she gasped. "They're going to wear them in one of his shows?"
"Indeed." Fancypants smiled at Rarity's excitement. "Speaking of, how far along are you on those?"
"I- I mean we, er-" Rarity stuttered, stuffing one of the rosebuds in her mouth while she thought of what to say.
"We haven't really started on them yet." Simmons said.
"Simmons!" Rarity choked. She quickly swallowed the bud and grinned sickly. "I apologize Fancypants, but we decided to take a short- and I mean very short break from work. We've just been working nonstop and I want to make sure that-"
"Come now, Rarity. You have a long time until that order needs to be fulfilled, so there is no need for you to make excuses. Enjoy yourselves." Fancypants said, taking one of the larger leaves to nibble on. "And I am quite sure that Flint has your best interests in mind, and would surely not argue if you told him you took a week off. After all, had he not been confident in you and Simmons' abilities, he would not have given the order to you."
"That is true." Rarity nodded.
"And Flint never really was one to give one short notice. He is always sure to give ponies over twice as much time as they need. If there is one thing he hates, and he doesn't hate much, is when he sees one stressed out over work. The only reason he did not tell you specifically to take a break was probably just because breaks don't feel like breaks when you're ordered to have them."
"I like this guy's style." Grif remarked as he finished off his food. "Sarge could learn a thing or two about how to give orders from this guy."
"Better watch what you say Grif, Sarge isn't too far away from you." Simmons chuckled.
"Thanks for reminding me." Sarge muttered miserably, munching on the salad.
"Poor Sarge." Grif cooed. "Not only do you have to sit near me, but you also have to eat healthy too."
"I'm not allergic to healthy things like you, so I don't mind the salad." Sarge said icily.
"Quite a volatile bunch, aren't they?" Fancypants noted with a laugh. "They must provide you girls with quite the entertainment."
"Entertainment might not be the right word." Rainbow Dash chuckled.
"Oh? Not many ponies speak as they do, so I thought they must be a regular hit with the residents of Ponyville." Fancypants shrugged. "So how did you meet them? They don't really seem like Ponyville ponies to me."
"Oh, that's easy!" Pinkie smiled. "When they first came by, Celestia told us to watch 'em because-"
"Pinkie!" Twilight said quickly, throwing her hoof over Pinkie's mouth.
"These gentlecolts know the Princess?" Fancypants asked, now fully intrigued. "And not only that, but she asked you to watch them? Curiouser and curiouser."
"Yeah, I liked her hair." Caboose gurgled as he ate one of the banana splits.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I've been so wrapped up in catching up with Rarity and Simmons that I forgot to meet you fine gentlecolts. What would your name be?" Fancypants asked Caboose, feeling ashamed that he had forgotten to acknowledge the others.
"My name is Caboose, but some people call me alright! What is your name?"
"My name is Fancypants, pleasure to meet you Caboose." Fancypants said, holding out his hoof.
"But you aren't even wearing any pants! Are you sure your name isn't Fancybutt?"
"Caboose!" Church snapped, feeling this was where it all went downhill. Turning to Fancypants he bowed his head apologetically. "Sorry about him, he doesn't always think before he speaks. In fact, I'm almost sure he never thinks."
"Nonsense. It's not often one meets a pony who speaks his mind." Fancypants smirked.
"Sometimes I speak with my mouth too."
"Indeed." Fancypants chuckled, before turning his attention back to the others. "Now, if you don't mind me asking, how do you know Celestia?"
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Tucker better not try and tell his version of how they met the princess.
From the top of the building across from the restaurant, Wolf stared down the barrel of his sniper rifle, keeping Fancy Pants in his sights. Caboose, if you give away any information that is remotely close to the truth, I will fire. Wolf thought to himself as he stared through the window, listening to the conversation while flexing his trigger finger.
I think i can see where this will end up. I am expecting lols.
Wow, This one came out quick. Good chapter! Keep it up!!
Also, GET THAT PONY SOME LUCKY CHARMS!!!!
nice chapter man, keep up the good work
" Nonsense. It's not often one meets a pony who speaks his mind." Fancypants smirked.
"Sometimes I speak with my mouth too."
That was the best line ever. Of all time.
995372
Who dafaq is wolf?, also, GET OUT OF THIS STORY!
no comment so have this
I really like this story for it's interesting story lines and unpredictable nature! Maybe you should do a chapter where everyone(pony) is dragged into Caboose's mind! That would be fun seeing how he sees the Mane6!
I FUCKING LOVE CABOOSE HES SO FUCKING FUNNY
This will not end well.
995391 He and Pinkie can use them as a ice cream topping!!
I was going to read the chapter after I was finished with the song I was listening to. ...Then my song stopped. (I was on youtube.)
Gah, you made the very last sentence into a statement! I usually don't say anything, but I've noticed recently (I don't think it's just in your story) that it's way too common. It's supposed to be a question.
Sorry to freak out on you, but I'm the type to bottle it up until the breaking point. It's bittersweet.
hmm....caboose's version or church's version? XD both would be hillarious
Dear Gods,
Prepare for the shitstorm of the milleneum.
Caboose... What have you done...
995483 diddo
Why am i addicted to this series.
Fancypants is just so... classy.
FancyPants has the patience of a saint.
995372 lololololololololollool
Quickly! Deploy "Good Guy Fancy Pants" Memes!
995447 One simply cannot not know about Wolf.
But instead i'd put Snake Solid.
And so it begins, the great shitstorm story of our time...
fave princesess: luna
fav mane 6: AJ/RD (tie)
fave canterlot pony: fancypants (epitome of classy and polite)
fave non mane 6 pony: lyra heartstrings
(cant choose between vinyl and octy for fave musician pony)
fave brony musician: living tombstone mic the microphone (tie)
dont question my logic!! xDDD
996191>>996000>>995957>>995942
Fancypants is now my fav pony to write. He talks formally without coming off as condescending.
I WANT SOME LUCKY CHARMS
This chapter has something wonderful.
Caboose in all his nonsensical babbling glory.
Worthy of being on the real show I believe.
God damn it Nappa- I mean Caboose!
996225
HEY!
Being formal and condescending is a freaking art!
Don't diss it bro
996225 one of the reasons i myself favor him so much :D you got the mannerisms and personality pretty spot on :D hope we get to see a few chapters with him in the future :3
xxx 2 you guys did it bwahahahahh
995369
995902
Didn't Pinkie give it away?
But yeah, anyways.
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw5302_small.jpg
"Fancybutt" this is what all bronies are thinking about Fancypants, BECAUSE HE DOESNT WEAR ANY PANTS
995369 One time, at band camp...
soon...
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/136/232/incoming%20shitstorm.jpg?1308359945
Incoming shitstorm!!!!
but great job on the chapter anyway!!!
995369 nice i totally got that reference right there
996191 Delta will fuck your logic
Lol Caboose
996225 just like a certain Ponyville pony
"Did someone mention Moi?" 
995447
I am, dipshit. It's only in my fucking username! And I have been in this story for quite some time. So I will not leave any time soon.
Tex narrowed her eyes, suspicious of the well kempt unicorn.
Well kempt indeed
Hahaha Caboose you silly pony
"I will partake in what my dear friends Rarity and Simmons are having." Fancypants nodded
But Simmons just got water
995372 I got Caboose covered. ( red dot appears on Cabboses forehead).
Fancypants is Baws
1106635 And i got the waitor *sitting on a rooftop, five blocks down, holding a Barrett .50, checking the mag* if anything goes down, her head is going *whistles*