Whisked Away
"How much longer is she going to be?" Church asked as he stared at the clock that hung above the door to the next room.
"She can't be that much longer." Simmons said quietly.
"You said that about three hours ago." Church sighed.
"She is just trying to find the best fit for them, jackass." Tex grunted. "They can't be walking around wearing something you would see at a formal ball."
"Besides, it hasn't been that long." Twilight added.
"It's been four hours…" Church muttered.
"That should just about do it." Rarity said as she burst through the closet door, two piles of clothing following close behind.
"Finally." Church rolled his eyes, walking up to the two pegasi who couldn't see due to how much they had on them.
"Looks like you took everything out of the closet…"
"Nonsense, that was barely a fraction of the clothing in there." Rarity scoffed, opening the door to the dressing room. "Now you two go in here and try something on. Twilight, Tex and I will decide whether or not it suits you."
"What about us?" Spike asked, sitting on a chair.
"Clothing really falls more into the mare category." Rarity smirked. "There is a certain... je ne sais quoi in fashion that boys simply cannot see."
"I can't?" Simmons asked curiously to himself.
"Well, you can, but you aren't like most stallions. You have a more collected mind and an eye for detail." Rarity said, then began to beam. "Why, you're like one of the girls."
"I knew it! I'm the new Donut!" Simmons cried, falling onto the ground with his eyes twitching, covering his ears with his hooves. "Oh god, why?"
"But Tex hates that girly stuff." Church said slowly as Simmons rocked back and forth on the ground, whimpering softly.
"That is why it is great to have her telling them what she believes would look good with them. As she said, they aren't going to be walking around with formal wear. She will be able to judge without bias, saying if she thinks it will stand out in public." Rarity explained, then raised her brow at Church and Spike. "Unless you two wish to sit here and tell us why you think the things they're wearing are either good or bad."
Church and Spike glanced at each other then back to Rarity and shook their heads.
"Good." Rarity said as she turned to the fragments. "Now if you don't mind, we can get started."
The two turned to where they assumed the other was and nodded, then slowly shuffled into the area where they would put on the clothes, trying not to make any of the clothing fall off. Once they were inside, Rarity shut the door behind them to let them get dressed on their own.
"Now, there are roughly three dozen things for them to try on, so-"
"Three dozen things?" Church groaned, instantly walking towards the exit. "I'm going for a walk."
"I'll come too..." Simmons said quietly, getting off the floor.
"Great, how about you, Spike?"
"I think I'll stay." Spike shrugged, laying back into his chair with a smile.
"Suit yourself." Church said as he walked out with Simmons.
"That gives me the most delightful idea!" Rarity cooed in a sing-song voice, smiling sweetly at Spike. "Come here, Spikey Wikey. I think I've got just the-"
"Guys? Guys wait up!" Spike yelped, sprinting after them, eyes filled with fear.
Spike quickly caught up with the pair of male unicorns and felt a tingling sensation go down his spine.
"She took my words literally, didn't she?" Church asked quietly, not turning to show him his smirk.
"Yeah." Spike nodded as he hopped onto Church's back. "So where are we going?"
"Invite yourself on, why don't you." Church muttered, then shook his head and stared ahead. "Not sure. Maybe we'll go to Sugar Cube Corner and see how Caboose is doing. Need to make sure he isn't pregnant."
"Caboose might have gotten pregnant?" Spike asked hesitantly.
"Look, it's a long story." Church sighed. "All I know is that anything can happen at any point in time because life just really seems to like picking on us."
"Yeah." Simmons paused when he looked ahead. "That doesn't look good."
"What?" Church asked as he looked at where Simmons was glaring, instantly seeing a small pillar of smoke shooting up from one of the buildings in the market. "A buck says that it's Caboose."
"I don't know, burning things down sort of seems like O'Malley's style." Simmons said pensively, then shared a worried glare with Church. "Uh-oh..."
The trio darted towards Ponyville's marketplace, minds filled with worry at what was the source of the flame. As they arrived in the marketplace, they saw a group of ponies standing in front of Sugar Cube Corner, trying to look through the windows to see what was going on.
"Thank god." Church said calmly. "It's just Caboo-"
"Yes!" O'Malley snarled from the inside. "Burn like my passion for what I do."
"Do I still get the dollar?" Simmons asked, but Church ignored him.
Church pushed through them to get to the door with Simmons following close behind. Once he got to the door, he pushed it open and sprinted into the kitchen where he saw five small ponies and five large ponies standing in the kitchen. There was the Crusaders, Pinkie, Caboose, and the five other fragments. O'Malley, who he believed to be the one who caused the fire, was now whisking egg whites in a bowl.
"I am vanquishing this dish with my cold-hearted hooves of hatred. Muahahaha!" O'Malley boomed. "Your eggs will be eviscerated, just like in my dreams. Except replace eggs with everybody, and replace eviscerated with double eviscerated!"
"What the... fuck?" Church asked, starting with anger, but quickly changed to confusion.
"Oh! Church! Hi! Now you're all here!" Pinkie giggled as she pulled a cake out of the oven, one which was completely on fire.
"Bwuh?"
"Yeah, when we got Sigma and Theta and Scootaloo and Applebloom and Sweetie Belle I decided we would make a lot of treats and have a really big picnic, and then I decided that I should get Gary and O'Malley and Delta too!" Pinkie explained, answering Church's question that he hadn't directly said.
"Why is that cake on fire?" Church asked stupidly.
"O'Malley said he wanted oven duty, and I said okay." Pinkie said slowly, eyeing O'Malley. "But what he didn't say was that he wasn't going to watch the oven when he realized the fire was enclosed."
"You promised that there would be a blaze of glory!" O'Malley pouted, continuing with the egg whites.
"No, I said there wouldn't a blaze of glory." Pinkie rolled her eyes.
"I didn't listen that far. Once you said blaze my mind instantly became happy."
"I thought I said blaze after wouldn't." Pinkie tilted her head.
"Well... I didn't care for the first part of your sentence, I only listened at the end."
"And that's why you're funny, and that's why I forgive you." Pinkie said as she patted his head. "So how are the egg whites?"
"As scattered as your brains."
"Great!" Pinkie said, grabbing the bowl from him. "Girls, how is the cookie batter going?"
"Well it isn't on fire." Scootaloo said quietly.
"I believe that it not being on fire means you are doing your job admirably." Delta nodded.
"Delta, are you cooking too?" Simmons asked.
"No, I volunteered to be a supervisor of sorts." Delta said quietly.
"But you're probably the only one here who has any idea on how to cook things. Next to Pinkie." Church added, then glanced at her. "Actually, I'm still not sure on that one."
"You would be surprised." Delta said, nodding behind Church.
Church whipped around to see Gary standing next to a souffle, making sure it was staying upright.
"You're good at cooking?" Church asked, dumbfounded.
"Souffles are the liars of the cooking world." Gary mused as he pulled a souffle out of one of the other ovens. "As such my skills with them are rather adept."
"I should have stayed with the girls." Church muttered, walking out of the kitchen, not wanting to see more. "At least there I knew what the fuck to expect."
"Wait, we need you to help too!" Pinkie said, slamming a chef's hat on him.
"Lord help me."
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You just can't expect sanity when Pinkie is involved!
Here I am Rereading this story and you keep adding More!
Oh yeah by the way, you said a while back you'd do a version of Shining's Bachelor party with the Reds and the Blues if they weren't Interrupted, Any chance of that Showing up?
Nope. No help for you, Churchy boy.
That last sentence by pinkie was a little wierd, like she said her part twice. Like she said her part twice
The lord don't help the weak
1398161
Wait, RE-reading? How the fuck?! This monster's over 200 chapters long!
When Pinkie is the cause, not even god can save you from her.
The AI all at a picnic with the reds, blues, and mane 6? Incoming shit storm.
1398216 That's what Long weekends with not allot to do are for.
Church your on your own ( walks out of Sugarcube) il send you a post card... when's the next tucker goof up? I really need some vulgar humorous and someone getting nailed in the nuts!
wow, you certainly update often. It took several hours to read through the first time. If you keep this up, it may end up taking a whole day to finish this fic.
1398216
Depends on how fast you read. I know a few people that could read about half of this or more within a few un-interrupted hours. It scares me sometimes.
Holy Chief that's alot of chapters!
Omally and Gary....making cupcakes....may they never meet Pinkamena
Epic Cupcake Time!
And on a random note, we should all be happy that Pinkie doesn't act like Gordon Ramsey when it comes to cooking.
1398274 i started reading this back when theren were around 150 chapters took me 3 or 4 hours
makin' cupcakes with omega and pinkamena
that should be a tv show
1398154 Soooo true
oh celestia...
all men are cooking
Simmons no your safe...i think...that pinkie is secretly donut
Couod you perhaps condense the chapters as to make the list shorter and easier to navigate?
1399084
i389.photobucket.com/albums/oo333/nationalcoholic/Like%20a%20boss%20gifs/LikeABoss-41-nope.gif
Nope.
1399138
static3.fjcdn.com/comments/Nope.+Chuck+Testa+_3e6d9d5f7240274f268d7359b559da6b.jpg
And so, I have only one word to explain my actions at this point in time...
LOL
I woke up my whole street
1399093 LIKE A BOSS
is the meta gonna show up at all cos that would be bad ass
1399658 Look at the FAQ but I for one want maine who in pony form who would beable to talk either being very queit because he hasn't been able to talk for years or be so happy that he can talk you wouldn't beable to shut him up he probably would bring donut and doc because he thinks they know where the Reds and Blues are. Even haveing a story for while they are looking for the Reds and Blues would be funny.
1399882 IF he were to show up, he would be in a new body too, but I'm not sure. I mean, last we saw of him was him falling off a cliff with the Puma following him.
Personally, if anybody else were to show up it would have to be Doc and Donut. But that would take care of having an inept medic and an interior decorator in the crowd too.
You know, for some time now I've been meaning to ask: when are reds and blues gonna mention to the girls that Tucker was pregnant? I'm curious their reaction, especially Rainbow Dash's.
Gary can make souffles. Why in the world am I not surprised.
LOL lord help me.....
church is fuckedstatic1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/HOW+DO+YOU+EDIT+.GIFS+LIKE+THAT+_afe41effcd3a9c86adf9763f1d4b6bc4.jpg
1400297
You mean je ne sais pas?
1400315
In my mind the reason she picks on him more than the others is because of how he taunted her when they imprisoned her.
1401179
"Je ne sais pas" means "I don't know", while "je ne sais quoi" means "I don't know what" and is used to describe something with an intangible quality and is used to mean "a certain something" therefor Rarity was saying: there is a certain something that boys can't see.
--Source, me being half French as well as having lived on an island that spoke only French for four and a half years.
Donut: Let me blow you awaaaaaay, there is nothing that I will not do or say!
1401646
I loved that moment.
"Allons-y, Alonso!"
You know what I admire about this so much?
It somehow Mixes PERFECTLY the feeling of RvB, with MLP. At times it feels like i'm watching an episode of Red Vs Blue, other times, I swear it was an episode of My Little Pony (Albiet with colorful language coming from the guys)
I love this fic so much <3
1398216 it takes me about 5 minutes to read one chapter
231 chapters x 5= 1155 minutes \ 60 = 19.25 (19 hours and 15 minutes)
Glad I'm not re-reading
O'Malley, who he believed to be the one who caused the fire, was now whisking egg whites in a bowl.
"I am vanquishing this dish with my cold-hearted hooves of hatred. Muahahaha!" O'Malley boomed. "Your eggs will be eviscerated, just like in my dreams. Except replace eggs with everybody, and replace eviscerated with double eviscerated!"
"What the... fuck?" Church asked, starting with anger, but quickly changed to confusion.
Im having one hell of a laughing fit!
GENIOUS!!!
oh god my sides...
It is now completed how I am reading it and it is a FUCKING 256 CHAPTERS LONG!!!!!!!!!!!
2073274 257 chapters long, now
Church is the lord
wait i thought that caboose was god?
Actually since their all in the epsilon unit ,which in turn is Epsilon Church, that means that Church would be god technically
2718738 does that mean he's the next discord?
This story caused me to have more love for the AIs than I would in the actual series
4994830 Its enough to make you wish Roosterteeth would revive them all somehow. They do love reusing the "I thought he was dead" gimmick.
welp his next paycheck's going to therapy