Buttering Up
"Twilight can die?" Spike asked innocently, staring at his foster mother.
"That depends on how strong her will is." Delta responded. "Her mind is exceptionally strong, so I have no worries about her ending her life before she goes crazy.
"Have you noticed that ever since the guys came here our lives became at stake a lot more often?" Rainbow Dash asked flatly.
"Really? It's been the opposite for us." Tucker muttered.
"Very funny." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
"I wasn't joking."
"So what are we going to do?" Twilight asked, still staring at the mirror, worried about the future that she may no longer have a hope of seeing.
"I'm not going to let you die, and I'm certainly not going to let you go insane. It's either we find them some new bodies, or we make them go into someone else."
"Giving them to somepony else wouldn't be fair, Church." Twilight argued. "You know that."
"So then find them a new body. Can't be so difficult, right?"
"I suppose not, but do we really need two more of our brothers running around, threatening to wreak havoc?" Delta asked.
"No, but what we really don't need are the other three outcomes."
"Why can't one of you fragments take them into your head?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Because it would drive us more mad than it would to Twilight." Delta explained. "Fragments were not meant to be paired, so adding a third to the pair just complicates matters. You see, unlike freelancers where fragments reside in their armor, fragments in this world reside in a certain part of your mind. And just like freelancer armor, once the area assigned to fragments is taken, adding another damages them, and in turn damages the mind that they're inhabiting. Since the ponies in this world don't use armor for the fragments to inhabit, they go into a certain part of your mind instead, thus making even one fragment dangerous if given prolonged exposure to a brain."
"So it would be like trying to squeeze three of you into one brain." Twilight sighed.
"Precisely."
"How did you know they came back though?" Church asked curiously. "Did you hear me scream?"
"The other fragments and I are more connected to you than ever, Epsilon. Almost as much as we were to the Alpha back then. Whenever you relive certain memories involving us, we recall them as well. With Eta and Iota in your brain, they were recalling their first training session with Carolina, at which most of us were present. At that training session..." Delta trailed off and stared at Twilight, not saying precisely what happened due to wanting to keep Twilight's brain intact. "Well, you know. All freelancers with fragments, as well as the fragments themselves, experienced incredible migraines during that moment. Since they were residing in Epsilon, not only did they remember what happened, they fully re-experienced it, feeling all that they felt during that moment. At that time, we fragments remembered dozens of memories involving the trigger that caused the migraines as well."
"So those memories that surrounded Church weren't just his own, but were also the memories of the other fragments?" Twilight gasped.
"Yes, Twilight."
"Wow, no wonder he had a headache." Tex said.
"Wait a second, if all the fragments experienced the headaches, then why didn't Tex? She's probably the most deserving of it." Tucker said, then winked at Tex. "No offense."
"None taken." Tex grunted.
"That is a complicating matter, one that we should deliberate on during a later occasion." Delta said. "Epsilon, since you wish to find a pair of bodies for Eta and Iota, I recommend you go speak with the Necronomicon. He is most likely the knowledgeable one in this situation, even if I feel it is impossible."
"Why would it be impossible?" Rainbow Dash asked. "He did it before, so he can do it again to those two."
"Not exactly. Eta and Iota were essentially paired since the beginning. They have more or less become a single entity, so I am not entirely sure splitting them up is possible."
Church nodded instantly and walked out the door into his room and promptly headed down the stairs. The Necronomicon was sitting on the table, basking in the silence of the library.
"Hey, Ol' Necky, ol' pal." Church greeted merrily as he walked up to the ancient book. "How are you doing on this fine day?"
"Why, I'm doing just fine, thank you for asking." The Necronomicon said happily.
"How's Daring Do? Relationship still running smoothly I hope."
"As smooth as a freshly laminated page." The Necronomicon chuckled. "I hope you don't find this rude, but what's with your sudden change of personality? Did somepony mess with your head?"
"No, no, no... well, yes, Twilight did, but that's besides the point." Church coughed. "I just realized how rude I was to you for the past while, so I wanted to make amends."
"That's very commendable." The Necronomicon noted thoughtfully. "I suppose I have to apologize to you now, don't I?"
"Don't worry about it, I'm not going to ask for an apology from you, I'd rather you decided when you felt the time was right."
"I see..." The Necronomicon murmured dubiously. "What do you really want?"
"What? Nothing!" Church said, shocked. "I feel hurt that you would put such an accusation on me."
"Right, sorry." The Necronomicon said sincerely.
"Though, now that you mention it-"
"I knew it!" The Necronomicon huffed.
"Listen, the fireball Spike hit me with a few days ago did a number on my head. And by did a little number on my head, I mean that it sort of freed up two of the other fragments. And by freed up two other fragments, I mean that I somehow dragged Twilight into my head and now the fragments reside in her and will make her go crazy if we don't do anything about it. So... do you know any other places where there are statues for them to take control of?"
"Not off the top of my header."
"Clever." Church grunted.
"Thank you." The Necronomicon laughed. "I'm being honest. I really do not know anywhere we could go, but that is because no ordinary statue will do. There has to be a magical presence in the area around the statue. Like there was in the catacombs."
"What if I go near a pair of statues and started shooting off random spells?"
"That would not work. The magic in that area was built up for decades, a few measly spells wouldn't provide anywhere near enough power to make a spell of that degree to work."
"But it's not like last time where they were brought back from the dead. Don't you know any spells to put someone's spirit into something else?"
"No, do you?" The Necronomicon asked sarcastically.
"Listen, if you aren't going to take this seriously, I will take all the Daring Do books outside and light them on fire."
"You wouldn't..."
"Don't test me." Church growled. "Now try to at least put some thought into it. Are you sure there is no place else we could go?"
"Not unless you want to go to Canterlot and risk the Princesses finding out about me."
"Dammit." Church sighed, slumping into the chair. "There's nothing else we can do them. It's either she's damned, or some other innocent becomes damned."
"I'm sorry. Would ice cream cheer you up?" The Necronomicon asked.
"I don't think so."
"What if I give you words of encouragement?"
"No."
"What if I took the fragments into my own conscious?"
"You can do that?" Church asked hopefully.
"No, but it's the thought that counts." The Necronomicon said quietly. "Though what if it wasn't an innocent the fragments went inside?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean what if you give them to the Princesses?"
"No, I may not like Celestia, but I'm not going to do that to her." Church mumbled, slamming his head onto the table. "Why is life such an asshole to me?"
"Karma?"
"That would probably make more sense. Are you sure that there are no other statues near the catacombs? Maybe deeper inside?"
"No. There are ornamental statues, but none that represent anything other than art or magic." The Necronomicon said roughly.
"And the only other place with enough magic is in Canterlot, right?" Church said with an annoyed sigh.
"Only place that's within a close enough distance, yeah."
"Damn." Church hissed. "Guess I know what my plans are for tonight..."
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#WritingPuns
yay! new chapter!
1316664 clever
1316666
Dude, can you stop posting as soon as a chapter is up just to get first.
At least READ the chapter before posting...
Along with comments that say "first", I'll now be deleting any comments that just say "lol", "new chapter", "asd" or any other simple comments like that.
1316703 I did read it, what did you want me to say?
Wait a sec....statues....Canterlot....
..Oh, no.... Whatever you do Church, for the love of all that's holy, don't go near THAT statue!
1316703
its a trick blackwing use
BLUE SHELL!!!
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080417092440/mario/images/7/70/MKwii_Blueshell.jpg
1316711
At least something that isn't just "yay! new chapter!" since it's pretty much a fact that I upload nearly every day, so that's nothing special.
Very clever.
And inb4 Discord or Valor will get possessed. Just sayin'.
Giving them to Celestia... Dick move.
1316731 CURSE YOU AND YOUR ABILITY TO OUT THINK MY HASTILY CREATED LIES!
1316733 Valor?
Welll shitstorms as usual
oh god discord!!!! thats all they need .
HOLY COW! Do you ever stop writing? Seriously, I have over 200 updates from this story alone. I'm still on Chapter 30-ish. Out of curiosity, why didn't you break it up into different stories, instead of making one massive one?
I don't really care where they get the statues, but make sure it isn't in the gardens. I'm scheduled to crash land their as soon as this fic is done and Dark starts working on the sequel.
There gonna go somewhere to fidn new bodies huh?
"Yes this will be the greatest road trip ever!" - Caboose
1316780
Well I am breaking it up into three stories. Each one will just be around 300-400k words. Felt that the people of fimfic wouldn't appreciate 20 stories by the same author if I made them 50k word installments.
I don't like where this is going. Things are about to get really awwwwkward!
1316807 3-400K words! Dude, do you have school to do at all? I'm not complaining, I can always use more RvB in my life, but holy shit that's a lot of writing. I feel lucky if I can get 2-3K done in a week or two.
Give them to Celestia! Just to be random pie is yummy and I have a bad feeling about this of how wrong this could go...Hey darkwing I would like some ideas for some parts of my new stories(that are being plained out) since you are such an amazing writer if you deside to help me I will tell you what my stories are about.
Wait, if Necky is dating Daring Do, and there's more than one DD book in the library...
Do the Daring Do books do each other and let Necky watch?
1316753 I don't hate Aeta and Iota and hats them? How do you hats an AI?
Interestiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
Ah, the old fashioned 'sudden change of heart' shtick. Classic
1316832
Yeah, I have school, but at the moment it's not too hectic, what with one class a day except on tuesday/friday when I have two 2 hour classes.
1316846 But how do people hats them?
1316717 even though the joke's pretty messed up in this story...
lolbrary.com/content/661/shit-got-real-15661.jpg
What do you mean? discords already insane lol
if you already know this or not but alpha is always affected by the word 'Allison' which forces the fragments to remember by epsilon because they are all connected. tex was not affected because you know. sh:re Allison
Feeling up to a heist?
1316910 true but you said every one hats them so every one puts hats on them?
Discord would be an interesting character to deal with if you could wright him in correctly, if thats the route your going.
But any statue will do I suppose...
damn you just bout to fall as sleep and I get YOU HAVE MAIL ding on phone. you sir are amazing I'd give u a hug if I wasn't sleep deprived
1316717
Church's an ass, 'course he will.
1316982 I think you mean every one hates them not hats
Need a magical statue for each fragment. The only magical statue in Equestria is Discord.
One: two fragments cannot reside in one mind, so we still lack a home for at least one fragment.
B... No, two: by the Emperor, if any of them can even consider waking up Discord, then they should search the local lost-and-found for their brains. Although the most likely reasoning would be that it is better for Discord to run amok than for Twilight to die.
And three... or C: waking up Discord ranks up there with tickling tiger bollocks as a bad idea... meaning it is very likely to occur.
Oh, well. They can just use the Elements of Harmony on him. Again.
1317123 Well I am like gamma I love deciving people and as with that I just thought This is either a deciving trick or a spelling error (I am sorry about my spelling fails if I made any)
1317123>>1317112 I WANT EVERYONE TO HAT ME!
1316944 Gah! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE AND BULLETS AND FIRE!
1317201 I wanted to fall for it lol 1317206 NO HATS FOR YOU
1317215>>1317262 Dont make me bring Jeffery Dahmer back to life and set him loose in an orphanage with a knife!
1317302 I thought you were Doc? I don't live in an orphanage so go ahead....
1317317 I'm going to record the screams of the dying children and hide thousands of tiny devices that will play it 24/7. Have fun sleeping to the screams of a dying 3-year old!
1317348 I'll block it out with my dogs barking beside how are you going to find and get in my house? It has dogs that will bark, me that will hear you breaking into my house and I will most likely pick up the bat on the floor by my bed and beat you up with it or scream at the top of my lungs waking every one up and I think you know what might happen because my family owns a gun
1317405 My footprints, fingerprints, body, and breathing are all the same as a ninja's. I was already there. Twice. I'm breathing down your neck. Your neighbors suck.
1317432 STALKER!
lol besides no ones behind me and my big bro and my dad and I are awake and besides I would be able to hear you and I have secret talents that makes it easyer to see hiden things.
Well, this should be interesting.
1317446 I'm in your computer now. It's very cramped.
1317517 ok then what am i doing?
1317521 How should I know? What dont you understand about "In your computer"?
1316944 awww!! Feed it to the smooze. That spawn of satan should be in the words of the daleks EXTERMINATED!!!!!!!!