• Member Since 12th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen January 4th

Aussie Hard-Dick


Good Luck to all you Non-Australians who think you can go camping in Australia · 2:56am Mar 9th, 2014

Yes I am an Aussie, Yes Australia is bad-ass and Yes most things are out to kill you.... But that is exactly the way I like it. To those who do want to come to Australia I warn you now Drop Bears are NOT a myth, they will tear your face off, so if anyone does want to come to Australia and want to visit the 'THE GREAT OUTBACK' I'll warn you now, Keep Your Eyes up for those nasty Drop Bears. They WILL get you when you least expect it. GOOD LUCK :)

Report Aussie Hard-Dick · 228 views ·

Just a few silly questions tourists ask about Australia and some humourous replies to them

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which doesn’t … oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is… oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Please comment which one of these you found the funniest. :rainbowlaugh:

Comments ( 27 )
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Any word on Zaibatsu?

1084871 Okay it's all good. Thanks for notifying me

It was never a permanent position dude. I never rely on anyone for too long because they eventually have too much to do and editing takes a good chunk of time.
Consider yourself free to enjoy the chapters as they come without any work on your part. :pinkiehappy:

Hey there! :pinkiehappy:

Thanks for making a favourite of The Heavenfall! If there's anything at any point during the story you'd like to point out or have a question about, be sure to leave me a comment. :twilightsmile:

Once again, thanks! :scootangel:

965951 Sorry mate, I forgot that that I didn't fav it till now :derpytongue2::trollestia:

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