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Wait,wait,wait! Stop! 39.681 words? Holy fuckitty-fuck!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/list/000/526/539/c1b.jpg
Well, this chapter was, um, er...
39.681 words, and I think that 2/3 of that is Twilight and Rarity making sex like rabbits.
That said, who else thinks is a good idea to burn the damn book once this is over?
3150347 Don't spoil the fan for ones who didn't read it yet. Like me. Don't have time for such many words to consume them in one sitting : P
So when the whole cutie mark switch thing is resolved, what are the odds that Twilight will find sex with Rainbow Dash far less enjoyable? I imagine she's kind of subdued in the sack, whereas Rarity seems like Lero; she always wants to go the extra mile for her partner.
Awesome beyond words. And so very well put together.
Just one tiny thing.....
The little green dragon
green dragon
<-- not very green
3151396
Fixed! (And I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter!)
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Ohhhh, the THINGS that I wish I could spoil for you, Cunning...
3151474
You could always private message me said spoilers. I promise to keep them to myself.
Being almost done with chapter 16, I am beginning to worry a bit.
-Spoilerific-
If Lero helps the swapped 5 too much, might that not undermine the manner in which Twilight sorted the issue in Canon? They might not be miserable enough to require 'help' as much as they should.
Also, if they get too comfortable with Rarity with a dash of dash, it might accidentally break the awesomeness that is the Lero-herd in some way.
Most clop stories are never this long. Dang man, this is impressive. I can only imagine if Lero and Rarity worked together on Twilight. They put her in a coma.
That....was.....AMAZING....
Good lord, that was incredible. Bravissimo!
It's fun how in the middle of all the action, you'll drop in a little more back story. It was fun seeing how Rarity and Twilight got their start. I got the feeling that Twilight's reticence in Rarity's memories was a clever cover by the spell for Rainbow's reticence in reality; might just be fridge logic on my part but I like it. I agree with Twilight that it's amazing how much backstory the spell came up with. Seems like a spell that had to do that much "work" would take a lot of energy to cast, which makes it surprising that it could be cast by accident. Or maybe it did copy the backstory from a parallel universe, and that's why Twilight is different from how Rarity remembers. So fun to speculate! Speaking of the AU hypothesis, have you read "Memories We Never Had"? Excellent AU short, I recommend it if you haven't read it and and don't mind getting someone else's story ideas in your head.
Regardless, we (the protagonists and I) are really going to miss New Rarity when this is over. I don't know how this can end in any way but tears. I can see herd Lero going after unswapped Rarity and having as much luck as Lero did with swapped Rainbow Dash -- Rarity waking up with vague memories and a hangover, thinking, "Let us never speak of this again." :) Of course, we won't miss the terrible self destructive compulsions so we'll have to press forward.
As for where this chapter should go, I'm not sure. It is a rather long digression from Lero's viewpoint. I wouldn't put it in until after Lero himself has come to grips with loving Rarity, since it would take away some of the tension there. (I admit, that scene is my favorite, I've reread it a few times.) It's not bad placed here, as Lyra, the last of the unswapped, has finally met Rarity (assuming there aren't any more 'Lyra meets Rarity' scenes) and this kind of brings us back full circle to the beginning and closes the loop. Plus, it extends the cliffhanger. :)
Far too long and an unnecessary addition. Almost 40K words to simply say "they fucked, a lot"; that's a huge amount of the story's word count to devote to something which doesn't move it along in the slightest. At least, if you want to tell a story rather than degenerating into a clop fic.
If you're going to have a sex scene in a work, it needs to have a purpose, and on this front this chapter fails completely. On the plus side, you seem to have recognised this yourself, hence why you didn't write it and included it as a bonus chapter, and at least it can be safely ignored.
I'm sure it will get eaten up though....
Oh, wow. The clop was nice, but the best part was getting into their heads.
When we first read that chapter, I was all "dammit, Twi!", but now that weather!Rarity has grown on me, I found her adorable in this. She and Twi really are close. I'm going to miss her if/when it comes to that point, and barring any remedial mind-wipes, it's going to have serious repercussions.
As for where this should live, I'd say right here. Putting it right after the original chapter wouldn't really work, both from character development and from a new reader's attachment to the characters.
3150347
I can totally see that.
Twilight: Now that that's dealt with, we need to put this book where it belongs, before it can do any more damage.
Lero: My thoughts exactly. Spike, would you care to do the honors?
Spike: My pleasure. *incinerates book while Celestia (and Twi?) look on in horror*
On the whole I really enjoyed this chapter. The sex scene was just wayyyyyyyy too long. There we a couple plot holes too. Like that Twilight could break silk ropes that could hold even Rainbow Dash and that unicorn horns are sharp and pointed in this verse giving horn play the risk of impaling as well. I would put this chapter behind the ch. 9 so that the audience still gets the reveal of Lero walking in on them. Maybe add a preluge that leads into the chapter better from that point.
Otherwise well done! If there is anymore love making in the herd during the swap I hope it will get written in like this was. I also hope after the swapped is all over that the story touches on how everyone deals with this in the aftermath. Rainbow feeling slightly betrayed, Rarity being shy over it all, Twilight might feel guilty for enjoying it so much.
I don't mind sex scenes but there was so many of them here that there was plenty for few chapters as well! I liked view of what was happening in their heads though.
They sure rutted a lot like a rabbits there. Too many times for me to look at Twi here in this chapter with a..hmm..respect? No matter what I can roll with one encounter or something but this was.....
Holy shit 39k words?!? Heck, I haven't even read chap 17 yet. I can't wait to read this some other time. I'mma save this.
Yikes, holy block of sext, Batman!
3151474
Speaking of spoiler like things, I really am curious to know if you are able as of yet, to divulge a ballpark estimate of how many chapters you think Divided Rainbow might go?
3168446
Ballpark guesstimate?
I have enough material planned for Divided Rainbow to go on for about thirty-something chapters, depending on how I end up dividing the chapters.
To some of you, at this point in the story, this might seem excessive. But I assure you, when I reveal the major plot twists I have in store, I'm confident this length will feel more justified, and that you will enjoy it.
I know exactly where I plan to take Divided Rainbow. It has a very solid outline in place, (although I do appreciate my readers' suggestions.)
I consider Divided Rainbow to be a three-act storyline.
Act One focused on the Swap, itself, and went on from the Prologue until Chapter Ten.
Act Two is focused on Equilibrium, and will go on from Chapter Eleven until Chapter [NOT TELLING.]
Act Three will focus on [GO AHEAD AND GUESS, I LOVE HEARING MY READERS' SPECULATION] and will go on from Chapter [REDACTED] until the Epilogue.
Hope this helps!
I wanted to step in and say thank you very much – for both myself and for Mike – to everyone who read this chapter and especially to those of you who took the time to comment. It means a lot to me as a relatively new author! And despite the fact that it took a LOT of time and effort and I probably frustrated the hell out of Mike with my slowness, we had a great time bringing this to you all.
And of course, it needs to be said that I am grateful to Mike for the opportunity, and I'm honored for his posting this chapter here with his excellent story. Without his unending trust, support, and constant enthusiasm in the face of my difficulties getting this written, I might have given up on it long ago.
3150329 3150347 Well, if it helps any, I was definitely surprised at the word count...
3151260 Twilight was definitely not subdued in this chapter!
3151396 Thank you so much for the compliment! I am very happy that you enjoyed the chapter. And I sincerely apologize for being colorblind with Spike; that one kinda slipped through the cracks. Don't know why I always see him as green...
3152442 Thank you!
3153812
Thanks so much for the massive compliment! I actually tried very hard to do just that, and I really enjoyed that aspect of writing this the most. Your analysis of Rarity's memories of Twilight are all valid as far as my intention was concerned; Mike gave me a lot of leeway in this, and he almost never changed anything I wrote except to make corrections to bring this more in line with the broader story. I deliberately left a lot of questions unanswered (to avoid establishing or contradicting Mike's cannon), but based on the previous chapters, I'd have to speculate (because that is fun!) that it's a mixture of both alternate universe and Starswirl's spell manufacturing a history to fill in the blanks.
Thanks very much for taking so much time to comment! I really appreciate that!
3154242 Thanks for commenting, really! I appreciate the negative as well as the positive, though I do hope you found some part of this enjoyable. You have a number of valid points, particularly that the purpose of this chapter/story is not (in my head) to move the story along, but to add to it. Which is of course why this is a bonus chapter. I wrote this knowing (and fretting) that I wouldn't be able to resolve it in the sense of a typical story; the ending to this story has yet to take place, and what I wrote had to fit into a very specific framework that was already well established.
3155315 Thank you! I really enjoyed getting into Twilight & Rarity's heads for this and playing with the possibilities. And I love Mike's Rarity! She's an awesome pony, and I while I can imagine a few outcomes, I can only hope like everyone else for a happy outcome if/when the swap-back happens (I don't know).
3155369
The sex scenes were long and, er, prolific, and I do feel like apologizing for that. I kind of went beyond the scope of what Mike wanted (a tad) and didn't really have the time or energy to edit out some bits of it that I probably should have. Plus I am a seriously wordy writer. I'll have to work on that.
As for the plot holes, they can be easily explained; Twilight's silk was thinner, the experience was overwhelming and uncontrolled compared to Dash's experience (which it was). As for the horns, plenty of stories have unicorns getting 'hornicure' or filing and smoothing just as they would with hooves, so it's not overboard to think Twi and Rarity might do this as well. It would definitely be a dangerous thing in any case, but then Rarity is very experienced.
3155400
Thanks! That's REALLY what this chapter was about - getting into their heads to explain not just Twilight's actions, but also Rarity's psyche. And I enjoyed writing it a lot. I am happy you liked reading it.
3175280
Yeah, were a few interesting pieces in there so it wasn't like it was a waste of my time.
I would like to clarify that my comments should be taken in the context of someone interested in the overarching story being told, rather than a judgement on the inherent quality of the writing itself. Even the best writing can detract from a story if it's in the wrong place, as I'm sure anyone who's left anything on the cutting room floor will tell you.
3175280
I liked this as well(like Flink said), this reminded me heavily of original Xenophilia story were such bits and pieces of information and backstory wre mixed up during the whole action. Actually this was the only thing that keeped me from scolling down through your sex scenes when I found out how freaking logn they are
Oh hey, the picture changed. Nice.
Liking that new cover art. Captures the mood of the story really well.
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Yeah. And that doll of him that Rarity has is hilarious!
Is it bad to say that I just skimmed through this chapter? I'm not really into f/f clop and seeing it's 39k words doesn't help. No offense, judging from a few paragraphs I read, I could tell this was written/planned well... but I just couldn't bring myself time to read 39k words of clop. Especially if it doesn't help the story move forward.
Sorry...
3193581
[Shrugs] If that's not your cup of tea, then that's not your cup of tea.
Don't worry, though: we'll be picking up where Chapter 17 left off soon enough!
3202881
Again, no.
The amount of actual wormwood in absinthe, according to the lab work, is infinitesimal, when it's there at all.
3194289
You don't understand what's happening here?
when they return to normal
I think that complicate the relationship since apparently this Twilight is falling for rarities
maybe she wants to leave the herd to follow rarity
an impressive turn serious and sad
I'll wait with excitement the next chapter
My congrats to Wolfetrax.
Now it would be nice if they had more than zero stories in their own profile.
This was very well done!! It went on a little too long, but overall it was great. Nice use with the unicorn empathy link to help Twilight realize that there was a bit of Rainbow in Rarity. I also enjoyed the little story that showed how Twilight joined the herd in the swapped version. That was always nagging me a little.
3220882 Thank you very much for the compliments!
Writing Rarity's memories was a fun inclusion, and honestly the things that came out of the writing process came as a real surprise for me when I tackled subjects Mike wanted included. I really enjoyed coming up with new ideas during writing of this, and Mike kept 99.999% of them, for which I am grateful.
3217967 Heh, thank you very much! Sorry about the delay.
I feel the same way - it would be great to have some stories in my actual profile! I seem to have a common disease of "Ooh, this story is so cool— Wait! That other idea looks SHINY!". Actually as soon as I get done writing bits here and there for Mike, I'll concentrate on a few things I am working on.
I did actually write this short Flarity story called Savior (which was the writing prompt) in a few spare frantic hours, but of course it's not in my own profile (I'll have a short fic compilation eventually). I plan to write others for that group and other short fics, too, as time allows. They're a great challenge and an excellent learning experience.
3193581 While I'm sorry you didn't read through this, I understand. It is a long one, far longer than I ever expected it to be, and I completely understand your point of view. I actually did put a lot of effort into making sure that this was NOT 100% clop, though, and in fact there are large sections of this (like the first 25% of it) that are actual non-clop story elements that do enhance elements of the overall story a bit. Much of the actual clop scenes also have other story elements drawn into them, as well.
This wasn't really intended to move the story forward, but to enhance it for those who are interested. Anyway, thanks for giving it a shot, even if it didn't work out for you in the end!
I really enjoyed this extra chapter so very well done to WolfeTrax
btw I hope somepony didn't get hit by the glowing blue sphere that Rarity threw out the skylight which had their er... scents in it
As someone just recently finding this story, I REALLY wish this chapter had been directly after Ch 9.
I feel like I got some pretty bad "reader's whiplash" -if that makes sense- with this being so far into the progression of the story.
Also, can you color the text of the entire "Forward" part so that we have a clearer indicator of where the forward ends, and the story begins?
Thanks for the consideration!
Edit:
After taking a break from my binge reading, and having finished the "bonus chapter", I at this point feel the reader's equivalent of "jet lag".
Horrible, horrible jet lag.
Because this chapter is so far removed from when it happened in the story (and because of its length) I almost skipped it. Which would have been a terrible shame! This was an amazingly written, awesomely thought out, stupendous chapter. And, damn was it sexy!
Wolfe you glorious bastard. Wow. Just wow.
10/10.
Now to find enough ice for a respectable lake and have a long soak.
Great job here, super well written.
The complexity of emotions at work was well crafted. Twilight has to betray the one she loves to save her.